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this is all new and scary- Minnesota

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  • this is all new and scary- Minnesota

    Hi. I've been married 7 years, and we have two kids. I was enrolled in grad school when we found out we were pregnant the first time, so I made the sacrifice to hold off on my schooling to stay home and raise our child. For me, it was a sacrifice, but I knew it was best for our son, and I was raised to believe it was the RIGHT thing for a mom to do. We then got pregnant again (yeah, twice on accident...I realize this), and I worked from home when possible, still home with our kids. I honestly couldn't wait until they were in school so I could pursue further education and enter a career! I love them with all my being, but I also feel unfulfilled staying home any longer, and it was difficult for me to do it for 6 years.

    Our youngest has one year left before he's in school.

    Now we're talking about separating/divorce, and I'm scared. As a stay-at-home mom with almost no income, I definitely rely on my husband for the finances. My "job" didn't offer a paycheck. Now I'm in a position of STILL not having further education or career experience, and he is talking about quitting his job to do something he likes better, instead of just bringing home a paycheck. If I have the kids the bulk of the time after we separate, when will I have time to earn money to help support them??? If he quits his job and makes half the amount he makes now, how will we afford two households??

    How does this work? I've never looked into it or been close to a divorce situation to know the details, especially in the case of a mom who has stayed home raising the kids.

    It scares me that after staying home for 6 years and putting my career plans on hold, I may now have to just take any old job to make ends meet, and I might never have the chance to go back to school to do what I want to do.

    I tried to figure out child support based on his current income, and I think it would be around $800 a month. I don't even know how much money it costs to live...I haven't had a part in our finances at all, shamefully.

    Any tips or warnings or hints as to what I'm in for? Is this going to be a very hard road financially?

    I guess I'm fairly clueless and very scared. And scared for the kids, of course...how to make their lives as chaos-free as possible, as secure as possible, as loved as possible. He's a good dad, thankfully. I just hope he doesn't quit his job out of spite or manipulation, because it already seems impossible to make ends meet as is.

    update: I was just schooled. this is more about alimony. I didn't realize there was such a thing that applied to a homemaker. still scared, but it gives me hope that I would be given a chance to get on my feet without finding myself homeless and unable to support my kids.
    Last edited by stayathomemom; 06-05-2006, 08:04 AM. Reason: oops...I believe this is more about alimony.

  • #2
    How do you two get along???

    If the two of you actually get along and can stand living under one roof to care for your children that both of you love very much.... you could end up doing what lots of poeple have done in the past and some still do today.....

    If you two can stand being in the same house even if it means seperate bedrooms that is ok. Your kids will be less dirupted if you are still in the same house.

    Maybe talking to your husband would be good. Maybe you two could work out some sort of arrangement... If you two getting divorced isn't being forced by either side then maybe you could put it off long enough to allow you to go to school and at least get a 2-year degree.....

    My neighbors are only married because of their children..... at first it didnt make much sense to the rest of us but now we all understand it..... THEY BOTH loved their kids so much that NEITHER one of them wanted to give up custody and neither wanted to go through weekend visits so they just moved into a bigger house and now sleep in seperate rooms and the kids have their own rooms and they only plan on living in the same home until the youngest one gets out of high school... he is 10 years old now.... He is active duty military and she was a stay at homemom too she has went back to school since the little one started school and by next May2007 she will have a degree and be able to use it to take care of herself when they finally do get divorced......

    ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE

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