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  • Hot buttons, and Psych 101

    I'd like to suggest something here.

    Why is it that certain things said really get to some of us? The answer
    is that it touches or rankles something inside of us, something that hasn't
    been fully resolved, in our own psyches. Otherwise it would really be a
    non issue - there would be no such strong emotions attached to these
    particular issues. But can we be honest with ourselves?

    I'm not expressing this the best way, but maybe someone else can. I think
    you know what I mean though. It's just a truism. A tenet of
    pyschology. And we're ALL guilty of it. Because, down deep inside, we
    ALL have some unresolved issues - some hot buttons - some unresolved issues.
    There are no exceptions that I know of on this planet.

    Anyway, that's my perspective.



  • #2
    Hot buttons, and Psych 101

    In article <xOpYc.1828$w%[email protected] net>, Bill in Co. wrote:
    I'd like to suggest something here. Why is it that certain things said really get to some of us? The answer is that it touches or rankles something inside of us, something that hasn't been fully resolved, in our own psyches. Otherwise it would really be a non issue - there would be no such strong emotions attached to these particular issues. But can we be honest with ourselves? I'm not expressing this the best way, but maybe someone else can. I think you know what I mean though. It's just a truism. A tenet of pyschology. And we're ALL guilty of it. Because, down deep inside, we ALL have some unresolved issues - some hot buttons - some unresolved issues. There are no exceptions that I know of on this planet. Anyway, that's my perspective.
    You are forgetting that to some of us, some issues are simply very
    interesting because of our personal experiences. That's why some of us
    talk about some things. Because we can relate to other people with
    similar experience, we like thinking about those issues and what they
    mean to us.

    i

    Comment


    • #3
      Hot buttons, and Psych 101

      "Bill in Co." <[email protected]> wrote in message
      news:xOpYc.1828$w%[email protected] ink.net...
      I'd like to suggest something here. Why is it that certain things said really get to some of us? The answer is that it touches or rankles something inside of us, something that hasn't been fully resolved, in our own psyches. Otherwise it would really be a non issue - there would be no such strong emotions attached to these particular issues. But can we be honest with ourselves?
      You're forgetting that some of us (like me) just find many topics
      interesting and like to debate / argue them. Because i argue with you about
      "fat" doesn't mean "fat" is a hidden issue with me. Not at all.





      Comment


      • #4
        Hot buttons, and Psych 101

        >Bill in Co." <[email protected]> wrote in message
        news:xOpYc.1828$w%[email protected] ink.net...
        I'd like to suggest something here. Why is it that certain things said really get to some of us? The answer is that it touches or rankles something inside of us, something that hasn't been fully resolved, in our own psyches. Otherwise it would really be a non issue - there would be no such strong emotions attached to these particular issues. But can we be honest with ourselves?
        You're forgetting that some of us (like me) just find many topicsinteresting and like to debate / argue them. Because i argue with you about"fat" doesn't mean "fat" is a hidden issue with me. Not at all.
        Well, I spoke on this topic some time ago... how I don't think that having an
        opinion about a subject -- even a strong emotion about it --- means unresolved
        issues.

        Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Even Freud accepted that.

        Sheila

        Comment


        • #5
          Hot buttons, and Psych 101

          I was thinking about this, and I think I can identify the source of my
          irritation with you about this, Bill.

          I hate being told that I should adhere to some standard that doesn't make sense
          to me, and I don't personally ascribe to, and then being told that, because I
          don't adhere to it, I have some defect.

          I don't accept things just because "that is the way it always is", or because
          the majority of people think it "should" be that way. This is pretty much true
          in all areas of my life, and has become more pronounced as I've gotten older.
          And, as I've gotten older -- and more confident --- I am less willing to accept
          the condescension that usually accompanies the "that's the way it should be"
          folks. Because, it is never just that things are different, they are always
          *worse* in their eyes.

          So, yes, it irritates me when folks --- you included --- look down their noses
          and ascribe characters flaws to folks who aren't within the "normal" range on
          the weight guidelines. It also irritates me when some quilters look down their
          noses on fiber artists who use glue to do fabric collage. Are you suggesting
          that I have unresolved issues around quilting????

          This isn't, for me, about weight. It is about arrogance, and an unwillingness
          to accept that people can hold different views, and choose different paths, and
          that their paths may be every bit as valid as yours. It is about someone
          assuming an air of superiority when I don't think such an air is warranted.

          Sheila

          Comment


          • #6
            Hot buttons, and Psych 101

            On Sun, 29 Aug 2004 19:22:31 GMT, "JWB" <[email protected]
            actually, my e-mail is jwb3333 at excite dot com> wrote:
            "Bill in Co." <[email protected]> wrote in messagenews:xOpYc.1828$w%[email protected] .earthlink.net...
            I'd like to suggest something here. Why is it that certain things said really get to some of us? The answer is that it touches or rankles something inside of us, something that hasn't been fully resolved, in our own psyches. Otherwise it would really be a non issue - there would be no such strong emotions attached to these particular issues. But can we be honest with ourselves?
            You're forgetting that some of us (like me) just find many topicsinteresting and like to debate / argue them. Because i argue with you about"fat" doesn't mean "fat" is a hidden issue with me. Not at all.
            It always comes down to this with Bill....if you disagree with him,
            it's because you're incapable of being honest with yourself. I am
            guessing that's because Bill feels too insecure within himself to
            question his own beliefs.

            It's scary that he's teaching at the college level. I pray to God
            that he's teaching something factual like math, and not ethics.

            Lauri in WA

            I like my email spamless

            Comment


            • #7
              Hot buttons, and Psych 101


              "WhansaMi" <[email protected]> wrote in message
              news:[email protected]
              I was thinking about this, and I think I can identify the source of my irritation with you about this, Bill. I hate being told that I should adhere to some standard that doesn't make
              sense
              to me, and I don't personally ascribe to, and then being told that,
              because I
              don't adhere to it, I have some defect. I don't accept things just because "that is the way it always is", or
              because
              the majority of people think it "should" be that way. This is pretty much
              true
              in all areas of my life, and has become more pronounced as I've gotten
              older.
              And, as I've gotten older -- and more confident --- I am less willing to
              accept
              the condescension that usually accompanies the "that's the way it should
              be"
              folks. Because, it is never just that things are different, they are
              always
              *worse* in their eyes. So, yes, it irritates me when folks --- you included --- look down their
              noses
              and ascribe characters flaws to folks who aren't within the "normal" range
              on
              the weight guidelines. It also irritates me when some quilters look down
              their
              noses on fiber artists who use glue to do fabric collage. Are you
              suggesting
              that I have unresolved issues around quilting???? This isn't, for me, about weight. It is about arrogance, and an
              unwillingness
              to accept that people can hold different views, and choose different
              paths, and
              that their paths may be every bit as valid as yours. It is about someone assuming an air of superiority when I don't think such an air is
              warranted.
              Sheila
              You know, Sheila, I think I like you.


              Comment


              • #8
                Hot buttons, and Psych 101

                >> This isn't, for me, about weight. It is about arrogance, and an
                unwillingness
                to accept that people can hold different views, and choose different
                paths, and
                that their paths may be every bit as valid as yours. It is about someone assuming an air of superiority when I don't think such an air is
                warranted.
                Sheila
                You know, Sheila, I think I like you.
                Why, thank you, ma'am!

                Sheila

                Comment


                • #9
                  Hot buttons, and Psych 101

                  WhansaMi wrote:
                  I was thinking about this, and I think I can identify the source of my irritation with you about this, Bill. I hate being told that I should adhere to some standard that doesn't make sense to me, and I don't personally ascribe to, and then being told that, because I don't adhere to it, I have some defect.
                  I don't think that is all of it, by a long shot. I think you're still
                  deluding yourself a little bit. Are you going to rule that totally out,
                  unequivocably, without any doubt? Are you going to tell me that you have
                  no interest in losing a few pounds (assuming you are overweight)? That
                  you wouldn't feel better doing so?
                  I don't accept things just because "that is the way it always is", or
                  because
                  the majority of people think it "should" be that way. This is pretty much true in all areas of my life, and has become more pronounced as I've
                  gotten
                  older. And, as I've gotten older -- and more confident --- I am less
                  willing
                  to accept the condescension that usually accompanies the "that's the way
                  it
                  should be" folks. Because, it is never just that things are different,
                  they
                  are always *worse* in their eyes.
                  No, you still don't get what I'm saying. For one thing, it's about being
                  in good shape. Would you be happy of not being in good shape (if that is
                  indeed the case), when you know perfectly well you could be? (Yes or no).
                  So, yes, it irritates me when folks --- you included --- look down their
                  noses
                  and ascribe characters flaws to folks who aren't within the "normal" range
                  on
                  the weight guidelines. It also irritates me when some quilters look down their noses on fiber artists who use glue to do fabric collage. Are you suggesting that I have unresolved issues around quilting????
                  Oh give me a break, Sheila. I guess I should drag in the serial killer
                  issue here, it would be just as logical as this. Ahhh, you can be so
                  frustrating (unlike me, of course).
                  This isn't, for me, about weight. It is about arrogance, and an
                  unwillingness
                  to accept that people can hold different views, and choose different
                  paths,
                  and that their paths may be every bit as valid as yours. It is about
                  someone
                  assuming an air of superiority when I don't think such an air is
                  warranted.
                  Sheila
                  When I was a smoker, I could have said the same thing - and probably did.
                  When I was an alcoholic, I could have said the same thing too (except I
                  never was an alcoholic, so I guess that is a moot point).


                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Hot buttons, and Psych 101

                    Lauri wrote:
                    On Sun, 29 Aug 2004 19:22:31 GMT, "JWB" <[email protected] actually, my e-mail is jwb3333 at excite dot com> wrote:
                    "Bill in Co." <[email protected]> wrote in message news:xOpYc.1828$w%[email protected] ink.net...
                    I'd like to suggest something here. Why is it that certain things said really get to some of us? The
                    answer
                    is that it touches or rankles something inside of us, something that
                    hasn't
                    been fully resolved, in our own psyches. Otherwise it would really be
                    a
                    non issue - there would be no such strong emotions attached to these particular issues. But can we be honest with ourselves? You're forgetting that some of us (like me) just find many topics interesting and like to debate / argue them. Because i argue with you
                    about
                    "fat" doesn't mean "fat" is a hidden issue with me. Not at all. It always comes down to this with Bill....if you disagree with him, it's because you're incapable of being honest with yourself. I am guessing that's because Bill feels too insecure within himself to question his own beliefs. It's scary that he's teaching at the college level. I pray to God that he's teaching something factual like math, and not ethics. Lauri in WA I like my email spamless
                    I'm gonna teach you ethics and serenity if it kills me, Lauri. And it
                    just might. Too bad you won't see this, and will forever remain at a loss.
                    I'll send ya my prayers!!


                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Hot buttons, and Psych 101

                      WhansaMi wrote:
                      This isn't, for me, about weight. It is about arrogance, and an unwillingness to accept that people can hold different views, and choose different paths, and that their paths may be every bit as valid as
                      yours.
                      It is about someone assuming an air of superiority when I don't think
                      such
                      an air is warranted. Sheila You know, Sheila, I think I like you. Why, thank you, ma'am! Sheila
                      Two in denial? Classic. :-)


                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Hot buttons, and Psych 101

                        On Mon, 30 Aug 2004 00:37:59 GMT, "Bill in Co."
                        <[email protected]> wrote:
                        WhansaMi wrote:
                        > This isn't, for me, about weight. It is about arrogance, and an> unwillingness to accept that people can hold different views, and choose> different paths, and that their paths may be every bit as valid as
                        yours.
                        > It is about someone assuming an air of superiority when I don't think
                        such
                        > an air is warranted.>> Sheila You know, Sheila, I think I like you. Why, thank you, ma'am! Sheila
                        Two in denial? Classic. :-)
                        Three, if that's the way you want to see it.

                        Tara

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Hot buttons, and Psych 101

                          >WhansaMi wrote:
                          I was thinking about this, and I think I can identify the source of my irritation with you about this, Bill. I hate being told that I should adhere to some standard that doesn't make sense to me, and I don't personally ascribe to, and then being told that, because I don't adhere to it, I have some defect.I don't think that is all of it, by a long shot. I think you're stilldeluding yourself a little bit. Are you going to rule that totally out,unequivocably, without any doubt?
                          Yes. At my age, coming from where I'm coming from, I can rule that out.

                          Are you going to tell me that you have
                          no interest in losing a few pounds (assuming you are overweight)? Thatyou wouldn't feel better doing so?
                          No, I wouldn't feel better doing so. If I did, I would.

                          This has been a process for me. I couldn't have said that even a year ago.
                          Remember, I'm the woman whose husband didn't see her without make-up till she
                          was hospitalized. But, looking at why I had been yo-yoing with my weight,
                          looking at why I was *trying* to lose weight, I realized I was truly **only**
                          losing weight for others. Even the health issues I thought were related to
                          weight turned out not to be related at all.

                          A while back, I was starting to have insulin resistance problems. I started
                          looking for a way AGAIN to lose weight, because that is standard in what they
                          tell you to do. Long story short, I discovered that I can control that with a
                          low carb diet. I don't lose a pound, mind you, but my blood work is GREAT! On
                          a low carb diet, my blood pressure is great. All without losing a pound.

                          So, no. I'm not interested. Thanks anyway. :-)
                          I don't accept things just because "that is the way it always is", orbecause
                          the majority of people think it "should" be that way. This is pretty much true in all areas of my life, and has become more pronounced as I've
                          gotten
                          older. And, as I've gotten older -- and more confident --- I am less
                          willing
                          to accept the condescension that usually accompanies the "that's the way
                          it
                          should be" folks. Because, it is never just that things are different,
                          they
                          are always *worse* in their eyes.
                          No, you still don't get what I'm saying. For one thing, it's about beingin good shape. Would you be happy of not being in good shape (if that isindeed the case), when you know perfectly well you could be? (Yes or no).
                          I'm in perfectly good shape to do the things I want to do. So, no. I don't
                          particularly "want" to be in better shape, **especially** if it is going to
                          have a negative impact on my quality of life (i.e., being focussed on calories,
                          forcing myself to go to the gym more often, having to give up having fun
                          dinners with friends).
                          So, yes, it irritates me when folks --- you included --- look down their
                          noses
                          and ascribe characters flaws to folks who aren't within the "normal" range
                          on
                          the weight guidelines. It also irritates me when some quilters look down their noses on fiber artists who use glue to do fabric collage. Are you suggesting that I have unresolved issues around quilting????
                          Oh give me a break, Sheila. I guess I should drag in the serial killerissue here, it would be just as logical as this. Ahhh, you can be sofrustrating (unlike me, of course).
                          I truly have no idea what you are talking about here.
                          This isn't, for me, about weight. It is about arrogance, and an
                          unwillingness
                          to accept that people can hold different views, and choose different
                          paths,
                          and that their paths may be every bit as valid as yours. It is about
                          someone
                          assuming an air of superiority when I don't think such an air is
                          warranted.
                          Sheila
                          When I was a smoker, I could have said the same thing - and probably did.When I was an alcoholic, I could have said the same thing too (except Inever was an alcoholic, so I guess that is a moot point).
                          Eh. You know, we've both said something similar about other poster here.
                          You'd be surprised how much like him you sound.

                          Sheila

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Hot buttons, and Psych 101

                            WhansaMi wrote:
                            WhansaMi wrote:
                            I was thinking about this, and I think I can identify the source of my irritation with you about this, Bill. I hate being told that I should adhere to some standard that doesn't
                            make
                            sense to me, and I don't personally ascribe to, and then being told
                            that,
                            because I don't adhere to it, I have some defect. I don't think that is all of it, by a long shot. I think you're still deluding yourself a little bit. Are you going to rule that totally out, unequivocably, without any doubt? Yes. At my age, coming from where I'm coming from, I can rule that out. Are you going to tell me that you have
                            no interest in losing a few pounds (assuming you are overweight)? That you wouldn't feel better doing so?
                            No, I wouldn't feel better doing so. If I did, I would. This has been a process for me. I couldn't have said that even a year
                            ago.
                            Remember, I'm the woman whose husband didn't see her without make-up till
                            she
                            was hospitalized. But, looking at why I had been yo-yoing with my weight, looking at why I was *trying* to lose weight, I realized I was truly
                            **only**
                            losing weight for others.
                            Not for others, for yourself. For others is just extra gravy.
                            Even the health issues I thought were related to weight turned out not to be related at all.
                            But diabetes and other things are linked to obesity. You think being in
                            the normal range is all academic and purely visual?
                            A while back, I was starting to have insulin resistance problems. I
                            started
                            looking for a way AGAIN to lose weight, because that is standard in what
                            they
                            tell you to do. Long story short, I discovered that I can control that
                            with a
                            low carb diet. I don't lose a pound, mind you, but my blood work is
                            GREAT!
                            On a low carb diet, my blood pressure is great. All without losing a
                            pound.
                            So, no. I'm not interested. Thanks anyway. :-)
                            I don't accept things just because "that is the way it always is", or because the majority of people think it "should" be that way. This is
                            Do I strike you as being that kind of guy? Boy, you don't know me very
                            well! I should let you talk with my ex. And an officer in the service
                            (but that's another story), and a previous work supervisor, and the list
                            goes on... LOL
                            pretty much true in all areas of my life, and has become more pronounced
                            as
                            I've gotten older. And, as I've gotten older -- and more confident --- I am less
                            willing
                            to accept the condescension that usually accompanies the "that's the way
                            it
                            should be" folks. Because, it is never just that things are different,
                            they
                            are always *worse* in their eyes.
                            Trust me, I'm very different, and understand that viewpoint more than you
                            can possibly know. Although you may have seen some hints of it already.
                            :-)
                            No, you still don't get what I'm saying. For one thing, it's about
                            being
                            in good shape. Would you be happy of not being in good shape (if that
                            is
                            indeed the case), when you know perfectly well you could be? (Yes or
                            no).
                            I'm in perfectly good shape to do the things I want to do. So, no. I
                            don't
                            particularly "want" to be in better shape, **especially** if it is going
                            to
                            have a negative impact on my quality of life (i.e., being focussed on calories, forcing myself to go to the gym more often, having to give up having fun dinners with friends).
                            So, yes, it irritates me when folks --- you included --- look down their noses and ascribe characters flaws to folks who aren't within the
                            "normal"
                            range on the weight guidelines. It also irritates me when some quilters look down their noses on fiber artists who use glue to do fabric
                            collage.
                            Are you suggesting that I have unresolved issues around quilting???? Oh give me a break, Sheila. I guess I should drag in the serial killer issue here, it would be just as logical as this. Ahhh, you can be so frustrating (unlike me, of course). I truly have no idea what you are talking about here.
                            Ummm, it was in reference to one of my earlier posts today with JWB about
                            doing what feels good (eliminating the serial killers and the joy I would
                            get from doing so) -nevermind.
                            This isn't, for me, about weight. It is about arrogance, and an unwillingness to accept that people can hold different views, and choose different paths, and that their paths may be every bit as valid as yours. It is about someone assuming an air of superiority when I don't think such an air is warranted. Sheila
                            Well then, we disagree on this one. Maybe we need to agree to disagree
                            on it.
                            When I was a smoker, I could have said the same thing - and probably did. When I was an alcoholic, I could have said the same thing too (except I never was an alcoholic, so I guess that is a moot point). Eh. You know, we've both said something similar about other poster here. You'd be surprised how much like him you sound.
                            Come again? Err, wait a minute. If you going back in time here, I think
                            I know what you meant. Geeez, am I becoming THAT bad?
                            GRrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
                            Sheila

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Hot buttons, and Psych 101

                              <snip back and forth between Bill and I>
                              But, looking at why I had been yo-yoing with my weight,
                              looking at why I was *trying* to lose weight, I realized I was truly
                              **only**
                              losing weight for others.
                              Not for others, for yourself. For others is just extra gravy.
                              No. That's what I mean. I have always done it for others. It has never been
                              important to me, for me. It was always because the ex wanted me to do it, or I
                              was going back home and the family (all little tiny, petite women) would think
                              badly of me.

                              I hardly notice others' weight. It certainly isn't something that is important
                              to me. For **me**, my weight is a non-issue. That's why I've stopped dieting.
                              I am no longer influenced by the only motivation I ever really had.
                              Even the health issues I thought were related to weight turned out not to be related at all.
                              But diabetes and other things are linked to obesity. You think being inthe normal range is all academic and purely visual?
                              As I said below, my insulin resistance can be resolved without my losing a
                              pound. It wasn't weight related.


                              <snip>

                              > This isn't, for me, about weight. It is about arrogance, and an> unwillingness to accept that people can hold different views, and choose> different paths,> and that their paths may be every bit as valid as yours. It is about> someone assuming an air of superiority when I don't think such an air is> warranted.>> SheilaWell then, we disagree on this one. Maybe we need to agree to disagreeon it.
                              Works for me.
                              When I was a smoker, I could have said the same thing - and probably did. When I was an alcoholic, I could have said the same thing too (except I never was an alcoholic, so I guess that is a moot point). Eh. You know, we've both said something similar about other poster here. You'd be surprised how much like him you sound.
                              Come again? Err, wait a minute. If you going back in time here, I thinkI know what you meant. Geeez, am I becoming THAT bad?GRrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
                              Um, yeah. You do sound that bad.

                              Sheila
                              Sheila

                              Comment

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