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  • Is having kids worth it?

    Hi,
    I am a Mum to an 8 yr old only. She is the light of my life and I wouldn't
    be without her for the world. For a LONG time I never wanted another as I
    found the toddler stage particularly difficult and I did not want to have to
    do that again, having to watch them every second of the day, the tantrums,
    the potty training.

    DD is in full time school now and I am a SAHM. DH works shifts, so it's
    great on his days off as we can go for lunch alone a lot and things. Things
    are getting so much easier, in fact my life is quite calm and peaceful.
    Apart from a few money worries (who ever has enough money) things are great.

    However lately I have been seeing all these Mums with their grown up kids
    and thinking "hey wouldn't it be fun to have all those ready made friends
    when I am older" I see Moms with their adult kids laughing and joking and
    get jealous that I will only ever have one relationship of that type.

    I really have no desire to have another baby, but I DO want adult children,
    does that made sense??? My question is do you think giving up another 20
    years of my life to get to the stage where I have adult kids is worth it? I
    really hate the lack of freedom having kids brings BUT I do not want to get
    to 50 and regret not having more adult kids.

    Although I found the baby toddler stage a strain I would not be without my
    DD for a minute and would go through it 100 rimes over just to have her in
    my life. My friend says you NEVER regret having your kids..is she right?

    All of my friends with babies and toddlers say have another BUT some of my
    friends who have teens or adult kids say if they had to do it over they
    wouldn't have any or just one. Any advice from those of you who have been
    there and done that???




  • #2
    Is having kids worth it?


    "Sue" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]
    Hi, I am a Mum to an 8 yr old only. She is the light of my life and I wouldn't be without her for the world. For a LONG time I never wanted another as I found the toddler stage particularly difficult and I did not want to have to do that again, having to watch them every second of the day, the tantrums, the potty training. DD is in full time school now and I am a SAHM. DH works shifts, so it's great on his days off as we can go for lunch alone a lot and things. Things are getting so much easier, in fact my life is quite calm and peaceful. Apart from a few money worries (who ever has enough money) things are great. However lately I have been seeing all these Mums with their grown up kids and thinking "hey wouldn't it be fun to have all those ready made friends when I am older" I see Moms with their adult kids laughing and joking and get jealous that I will only ever have one relationship of that type. I really have no desire to have another baby, but I DO want adult children, does that made sense??? My question is do you think giving up another 20 years of my life to get to the stage where I have adult kids is worth it?
    No. You don't have to make friends in the literal sense that you *make* friends
    LOL. Other people have happy satisfying friendships too. What a slow, painful,
    way to make friends.

    I
    really hate the lack of freedom having kids brings BUT I do not want to get to 50 and regret not having more adult kids. Although I found the baby toddler stage a strain I would not be without my DD for a minute and would go through it 100 rimes over just to have her in my life. My friend says you NEVER regret having your kids..is she right? All of my friends with babies and toddlers say have another BUT some of my friends who have teens or adult kids say if they had to do it over they wouldn't have any or just one. Any advice from those of you who have been there and done that???

    Comment


    • #3
      Is having kids worth it?

      Sue wrote:
      Hi, I am a Mum to an 8 yr old only. She is the light of my life and I wouldn't be without her for the world. For a LONG time I never
      wanted
      another as I found the toddler stage particularly difficult and I
      did
      not want to have to do that again, having to watch them every
      second
      of the day, the tantrums, the potty training. DD is in full time school now and I am a SAHM. DH works shifts, so it's great on his days off as we can go for lunch alone a lot and things. Things are getting so much easier, in fact my life is
      quite
      calm and peaceful. Apart from a few money worries (who ever has enough money) things are great. However lately I have been seeing all these Mums with their grown
      up
      kids and thinking "hey wouldn't it be fun to have all those ready made friends when I am older" I see Moms with their adult kids laughing and joking and get jealous that I will only ever have one relationship of that type. I really have no desire to have another baby, but I DO want adult children, does that made sense??? My question is do you think
      giving
      up another 20 years of my life to get to the stage where I have
      adult
      kids is worth it? I really hate the lack of freedom having kids brings BUT I do not want to get to 50 and regret not having more adult kids. Although I found the baby toddler stage a strain I would not be without my DD for a minute and would go through it 100 rimes over just to have her in my life. My friend says you NEVER regret
      having
      your kids..is she right?
      No, I don't think so. I know some people DO regret having children.
      I don't and it sounds like you and your friend don't, but there are
      some kids that are just hell on wheels and some parents that just
      weren't cut out for parenting, but didn't realize that until it was
      too late.
      All of my friends with babies and toddlers say have another BUT
      some
      of my friends who have teens or adult kids say if they had to do
      it
      over they wouldn't have any or just one. Any advice from those of
      you
      who have been there and done that???
      IMO, wanting to produce friends when you're older is a very bad
      reason to have children. Particularly since there is no guarantee
      that you're kids will want to be friends with you, and no guarantee
      that your children will stay near enough to you to make the kind of
      relationship I think you're talking about feasible.

      Also note that even though your first child was a handful at the
      toddler age, there's no guarantee that a different child might be
      more placid at that age, but make you want to tear your hair out at
      say, five or six.

      There *is* nearly a 100% guarantee that you'll want to tear your
      hair out at fifteen though so you're not out of the woods with that
      8 year old just yet

      How do you see having another child would affect the family and your
      marriage? What does your DH think about it?

      Would a better idea possibly be getting a job, if you're finding you
      have too much free time on your hands, particularly since you
      mention a few money issues.. If you really would like more
      children, but don't want to go through the toddler age, from what I
      understand, older children needing adoption abound. Perhaps you
      could go that route.

      Cal~


      Comment


      • #4
        Is having kids worth it?


        "Sue" <[email protected]> wrote in message
        news:[email protected]
        Hi, I am a Mum to an 8 yr old only. She is the light of my life and I wouldn't be without her for the world. For a LONG time I never wanted another as I found the toddler stage particularly difficult and I did not want to have
        to
        do that again, having to watch them every second of the day, the tantrums, the potty training. DD is in full time school now and I am a SAHM. DH works shifts, so it's great on his days off as we can go for lunch alone a lot and things.
        Things
        are getting so much easier, in fact my life is quite calm and peaceful. Apart from a few money worries (who ever has enough money) things are
        great.
        However lately I have been seeing all these Mums with their grown up kids and thinking "hey wouldn't it be fun to have all those ready made friends when I am older" I see Moms with their adult kids laughing and joking and get jealous that I will only ever have one relationship of that type. I really have no desire to have another baby, but I DO want adult
        children,
        does that made sense??? My question is do you think giving up another 20 years of my life to get to the stage where I have adult kids is worth it?
        I
        really hate the lack of freedom having kids brings BUT I do not want to
        get
        to 50 and regret not having more adult kids. Although I found the baby toddler stage a strain I would not be without my DD for a minute and would go through it 100 rimes over just to have her in my life. My friend says you NEVER regret having your kids..is she right?
        Some people do. I suspect you wouldn't be one of them because if you have
        another it will be your choice *and* you already know what you'd be getting
        yourself into.

        All of my friends with babies and toddlers say have another BUT some of my friends who have teens or adult kids say if they had to do it over they wouldn't have any or just one. Any advice from those of you who have been there and done that???
        I think that if you are having to ask other people because you are so
        ambivalent about the benefits then it probably isn't the right thing for you
        to do. I really, really, really believe children should be 100% planned and
        wanted.

        We have a 9 year gap between our second and third children and my husband
        and I thought very carefully about all the pros and cons before we planned
        our bonus baby. The only other person I asked advice of was my OB and that
        was just for the medical aspects of the decision. Some things that you are
        enjoying now because you have an 8 year old, we enjoyed too. We are also
        aware that our older children are having a slightly different life then if
        we hadn't had their brother but they don't really know what they are missing
        or what steps we go to minimise the drawbacks for them. Also, they love him
        to exhausted giggly shreds and vice versa.

        On balance the positives have far exceeded our expectations and hopes and
        we're glad we threw ourselves back into the baby years. They've been going
        faster this time around, too.

        Tai



        Comment


        • #5
          Is having kids worth it?

          On Tue, 13 Jul 2004 10:55:47 +0100, Sue
          <[email protected]> wrote:

          <Snip>
          I really have no desire to have another baby, but I DO want adult children, does that made sense??? My question is do you think giving up another 20 years of my life to get to the stage where I have adult kids is worth it? I really hate the lack of freedom having kids brings BUT I do not want to get to 50 and regret not having more adult kids.
          You can adopt children who are past the toddler stage

          -Tony

          --
          "If the grass appears to be greener on the other side of the fence, it's time
          to fertilize your lawn!"
          Want to jump start your marriage? Consider a Marriage Encounter weekend.
          Check out http://www.wwme.org for more information.

          Comment


          • #6
            Is having kids worth it?

            In article <[email protected]>, Sue wrote:
            Hi, I am a Mum to an 8 yr old only. She is the light of my life and I wouldn't be without her for the world. For a LONG time I never wanted another as I found the toddler stage particularly difficult and I did not want to have to do that again, having to watch them every second of the day, the tantrums, the potty training.
            I am the opposite, I like toddler years (my son is 3), but I am
            concerned that 10-15 would not be fun.
            DD is in full time school now and I am a SAHM. DH works shifts, so it's great on his days off as we can go for lunch alone a lot and things. Things are getting so much easier, in fact my life is quite calm and peaceful. Apart from a few money worries (who ever has enough money)
            I have enough money.
            However lately I have been seeing all these Mums with their grown up kids and thinking "hey wouldn't it be fun to have all those ready made friends when I am older" I see Moms with their adult kids laughing and joking and get jealous that I will only ever have one relationship of that type. I really have no desire to have another baby, but I DO want adult children, does that made sense??? My question is do you think giving up another 20 years of my life to get to the stage where I have adult kids is worth it? I really hate the lack of freedom having kids brings BUT I do not want to get to 50 and regret not having more adult kids.
            I don't think that it is worth it if you do not enjoy the process.
            Although I found the baby toddler stage a strain I would not be without my DD for a minute and would go through it 100 rimes over just to have her in my life. My friend says you NEVER regret having your kids..is she right?
            I don't regret having one, but at this point I also do not want
            another.

            I want to have some measure of life, go boating, etc.

            One is enough for me, at this point.
            All of my friends with babies and toddlers say have another BUT some of my friends who have teens or adult kids say if they had to do it over they wouldn't have any or just one. Any advice from those of you who have been there and done that???

            I am in your shoes, more or less.

            i

            Comment


            • #7
              Is having kids worth it?

              In article <[email protected]>, "Sue" <[email protected]> wrote:
              However lately I have been seeing all these Mums with their grown up kidsand thinking "hey wouldn't it be fun to have all those ready made friendswhen I am older" I see Moms with their adult kids laughing and joking andget jealous that I will only ever have one relationship of that type.I really have no desire to have another baby, but I DO want adult children,does that made sense??? My question is do you think giving up another 20years of my life to get to the stage where I have adult kids is worth it? Ireally hate the lack of freedom having kids brings BUT I do not want to getto 50 and regret not having more adult kids.
              I'll send you some then. :-)

              Although both my own are grown (18 & 21) and moved away (and i do miss them),
              i work with a lot of young people in their 20's. One young man the age of my
              oldest sees me as "mom" now (his mother passed away years ago). Another young
              woman comes to me for "mom" type of advice regarding her baby. I have a 23 yr
              old stepson who still lives with us, and the house is plenty full of
              20-somethings and all the noise, expense and mess that goes along with that.

              Maybe you'd be happier if you got a part-time job while your child is in
              school, where you'd be working around other people of various ages? Just a
              thought.

              Comment


              • #8
                Is having kids worth it?

                "Sue" <[email protected]> writes:
                snip
                I really have no desire to have another baby, but I DO want adult children, does that made sense??? My question is do you think giving up another 20 years of my life to get to the stage where I have adult kids is worth it?
                Absolutely not. First of all, there is no guarantee your adult
                children will be your friends. Especially if you don't have enough
                friends of your own and are relying on them!

                Secondly, it is too much work to be doing it for some risky future
                reward. One shouldn't have kids unless one likes having kids!

                What you should do instead is lead a life that involves having enough
                interests and friends so that you aren't dependent on your kids (who
                will have their own lives) when they are adults.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Is having kids worth it?


                  "Sue" <[email protected]> wrote in message
                  news:[email protected]
                  Hi, I am a Mum to an 8 yr old only. She is the light of my life and I wouldn't be without her for the world. For a LONG time I never wanted another as I found the toddler stage particularly difficult and I did not want to have
                  to
                  do that again, having to watch them every second of the day, the tantrums, the potty training. DD is in full time school now and I am a SAHM. DH works shifts, so it's great on his days off as we can go for lunch alone a lot and things.
                  Things
                  are getting so much easier, in fact my life is quite calm and peaceful. Apart from a few money worries (who ever has enough money) things are
                  great.
                  However lately I have been seeing all these Mums with their grown up kids and thinking "hey wouldn't it be fun to have all those ready made friends when I am older" I see Moms with their adult kids laughing and joking and get jealous that I will only ever have one relationship of that type. I really have no desire to have another baby, but I DO want adult
                  children,
                  does that made sense??? My question is do you think giving up another 20 years of my life to get to the stage where I have adult kids is worth it?
                  I
                  really hate the lack of freedom having kids brings BUT I do not want to
                  get
                  to 50 and regret not having more adult kids. Although I found the baby toddler stage a strain I would not be without my DD for a minute and would go through it 100 rimes over just to have her in my life. My friend says you NEVER regret having your kids..is she right? All of my friends with babies and toddlers say have another BUT some of my friends who have teens or adult kids say if they had to do it over they wouldn't have any or just one. Any advice from those of you who have been there and done that???

                  I have 3 sons, 15, 11, and 6. If I had to do it over again I would have
                  started a little younger (I am 40) so they'd be closer together in age, but
                  this has worked well...I did NOT relish the thought of two kids in diapers!
                  As it is now, they get along well, (mostly!) both with each other and us ,
                  though OS has some head-butting with DH, since they are so much alike in
                  personality. I love children of all ages, each age has it's own pluses and
                  minuses, but I must say that they are so much more interesting as they get
                  older!
                  I have close relationships with my own three brothers (who also have
                  numerous children), and it was very important to me that my children have
                  siblings, and that their children have cousins, etc. etc, and I get lots of
                  grandchildren! I know there's no guarantee of this, but building and
                  fostering a strong family is one of my goals .
                  To the OP: from what I've seen of my family and friends with girls, as they
                  move into adolescence, they make huge efforts to distance themselves from
                  their mothers.
                  She won't want to be your little girl forever! Another child might not be
                  the best remedy for this, maybe a puppy? Or a volunteer or paid job. If
                  you're in any way ambivalent, don't! What does your spouse feel, as well?


                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Is having kids worth it?


                    "Sue" <[email protected]> wrote in message
                    news:[email protected]
                    snip
                    Wait a tick...doesn't this story sound kind of familiar, in another
                    guise...the man whose wife wanted a job... they had a school age child, he
                    worked shiftd, she didn't work....of several months ago?


                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Is having kids worth it?

                      Sue <[email protected]> wrote:
                      I really have no desire to have another baby, but I DO want adult children, does that made sense???
                      No. Just make younger friends when you are that age.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Is having kids worth it?


                        "Ignoramus7328" <[email protected]> wrote in message
                        news:[email protected]
                        In article <[email protected]>, Sue wrote:
                        Hi, I am a Mum to an 8 yr old only. She is the light of my life and I
                        wouldn't
                        be without her for the world. For a LONG time I never wanted another as
                        I
                        found the toddler stage particularly difficult and I did not want to
                        have to
                        do that again, having to watch them every second of the day, the
                        tantrums,
                        the potty training. I am the opposite, I like toddler years (my son is 3), but I am concerned that 10-15 would not be fun.
                        10-15 is fairly fun, IMO, because the kids are old enough to do more things.
                        OTOH, 16 is really stressful - because they are starting to drive, but don't
                        have enough experience yet to be very good at it.




                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Is having kids worth it?

                          Sue wrote:
                          Hi, I am a Mum to an 8 yr old only. She is the light of my life and I wouldn't be without her for the world. For a LONG time I never wanted another as I found the toddler stage particularly difficult and I did not want to have to do that again, having to watch them every second of the day, the tantrums, the potty training. DD is in full time school now and I am a SAHM. DH works shifts, so it's great on his days off as we can go for lunch alone a lot and things. Things are getting so much easier, in fact my life is quite calm and peaceful. Apart from a few money worries (who ever has enough money) things are great. However lately I have been seeing all these Mums with their grown up kids and thinking "hey wouldn't it be fun to have all those ready made friends when I am older" I see Moms with their adult kids laughing and joking and get jealous that I will only ever have one relationship of that type. I really have no desire to have another baby, but I DO want adult children, does that made sense??? My question is do you think giving up another 20 years of my life to get to the stage where I have adult kids is worth it? I really hate the lack of freedom having kids brings BUT I do not want to get to 50 and regret not having more adult kids. Although I found the baby toddler stage a strain I would not be without my DD for a minute and would go through it 100 rimes over just to have her in my life. My friend says you NEVER regret having your kids..is she right? All of my friends with babies and toddlers say have another BUT some of my friends who have teens or adult kids say if they had to do it over they wouldn't have any or just one. Any advice from those of you who have been there and done that???
                          Yes, you have to be considered, but what about your daughter? I was the eldest
                          of 3, but my wife was an only child. She suffered. Now she is in Victoria
                          with me, and her closest relative is her cousin (another only child) on the
                          other side of Australia, south of Perth. Her parents are both dead, and
                          she has no other rellies. She wishes that she could have had at least a
                          sister. Having had a brother would have been a help when she started going
                          out with boys. Although her parents were careful not to pamper her, she
                          still missed valuable life experience. You should have either none or
                          several. Eight years is a bit of a gap. We had 3 girls, separated by 3,3
                          and 6 years. Another couple we know had a child "by accident" when all her
                          brothers and sisters were teenagers or older. And remember, that as you
                          get older, the chances of having a child with Downs' syndrome or other
                          problems, increases. Our eldest had her first at 30. The straight
                          possibilities of her child having Downs' were alarmingly high, but other
                          factors reduced them to insignificance.

                          Doug.
                          --
                          *** Number 178748389. Registered Linux User No. 277548.
                          Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble
                          remembering how to fly.
                          - Anonymous.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Is having kids worth it?

                            Sue" wrote:
                            <snip>
                            However lately I have been seeing all these Mums with their grown up kids and thinking "hey wouldn't it be fun to have all those ready made friends when I am older" I see Moms with their adult kids laughing and joking and get jealous that I will only ever have one relationship of that type.
                            There are NO guarantees that you will have that, even with the one daughter
                            you already have and even then you´ll have to go through the hate phase
                            first. (You know, that cute period in your life where she´ll hate you and
                            everything you represent and can take anywhere from 5-10 years.)
                            I really have no desire to have another baby, but I DO want adult
                            children,
                            does that made sense???
                            Yes. In my case it´s the otherway around. You know all of those worries you
                            have about job security, money, your marriage working out, etc. Now multiply
                            that with X amount of children. (As in will my child be healthy, finish
                            school, find a good job, a good partner...) While this is very rewarding for
                            others and they can cope with that beautifully, it could mean an early heart
                            attack for a worry-wart like me.
                            My question is do you think giving up another 20 years of my life to get to the stage where I have adult kids is worth it?
                            NO.
                            I really hate the lack of freedom having kids brings BUT I do not want to
                            get
                            to 50 and regret not having more adult kids.
                            There are many reasons to have children, and 99.9 % of them are the wrong
                            reasons. The only good reason to have children is because you really really
                            want them (all of them, potty-training, teen angst et all.) Because you're
                            going to resent every sacrifice, bit of work, effort, expenditure, and
                            requirement of having kids - if you do not want them. There is no "joy" in
                            raising children - unless you want to do it.

                            What I hear you saying is, you´d like to have a child in order to reap some
                            uncertain reward in the very far future. A very shaky reason and if I may
                            dare say so, a little selfish.
                            Although I found the baby toddler stage a strain I would not be without my DD for a minute and would go through it 100 rimes over just to have her in my life. My friend says you NEVER regret having your kids..is she right?
                            No. Some people mean it, others say that because they would feel too guilty
                            saying otherwise.
                            All of my friends with babies and toddlers say have another BUT some of my friends who have teens or adult kids say if they had to do it over they wouldn't have any or just one. Any advice from those of you who have been there and done that???
                            I had a child for selfish reasons and have lived to regret it.

                            S


                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Is having kids worth it?

                              "Doug Laidlaw"wrote:
                              Yes, you have to be considered, but what about your daughter? I was the
                              eldest
                              of 3, but my wife was an only child. She suffered. Now she is in
                              Victoria
                              with me, and her closest relative is her cousin (another only child) on
                              the
                              other side of Australia, south of Perth. Her parents are both dead, and she has no other rellies. She wishes that she could have had at least a sister.
                              I can just see it now, me having a conversation with a second child:

                              It: "So why did you have me if you find it stressful to raise kids."

                              Me: "So that your older brother won´t be alone in the world."

                              It: "Huh?!"

                              By the way, having a brother/sister is no guarantee that they will help each
                              other out and cherish each other´s company later on. I know several people
                              who can´t stand their adult siblings and would be perfectly content never to
                              see them again.


                              Comment

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