LilMtnCbn
03-17-2004, 07:40 AM
http://www.theadvertiser.com/news/html/0421265C-CD11-4A78-9482-7ABFCFAE3C8
1.shtml
Adoptee struggles to find truth
Search for birth parents brings tough questions
Beverly Corbell
bcorbell@theadvertiser.com Marsha Sills
msills@theadvertiser.com
March 16, 2004
SCOTT — Like many people who are adopted, now that she has children of her
own, Tiffany Mark of Scott wonders who her birth parents are.
Mark has made a few attempts to find out, but it’s a quandary: The question
nags her every day, and tears come to her eyes when she talks about it — but
she’s also afraid of what she’ll find out.
“I wonder what was going on at the time,” she said. “What was so hard
they had to give up a child? Were they on drugs? In prison? Then, I think I
don’t really want to know — I don’t want my life traumatized.”
The questions and fears are normal for any adoptee, said Valanne MacGyvers, a
UL Lafayette psychology professor.
“When we’re talking about finding someone and the relationship has been
severed at birth, you have to be prepared for the notion that perhaps the birth
parent doesn’t want to know you,” MacGyvers said. “You also need to have
the support of your adoptive parent or your real family, the ones who have been
there for you growing up.”
As more time passes, though, Mark, 32, is gathering strength because just who
her birth parents are — or were — is a nagging question.
She acknowledges that it’s hard to get started. She works at Café Des Amis
in Breaux Bridge, and between work and caring for three children — ages 6, 8,
and 12 — she has little free time. She’s made a few attempts, but with
little luck.
Tips on how to find birth parents
Write down everything you already know about the birth and adoption, i.e. name
of hospital, name of agency that handled adoption.
Ask adoptive parents for any information they remember about the adoption and
birth parents, regardless of how insignificant they may think it may seem.
Gather the documents. Ask adoptive parents for the amended birth certificate,
petition for adoption and the final decree for adoption.
Contact the agency or state office that handled the adoption for the
nonidentifying information, which may include details on the adoptee, adoptive
parents and birth parents about the following: medical history, health status,
ethnic origins, level of education, professional achievement, height, weight,
eye, hair color and religion.
Register with state and national reunion registries.
Join an adoption support group or mailing list to learn more about current
laws, new search techniques and for emotional support during the process.
SOURCE: http://genealogy.about.com/cs/adoption/a/adoption_search.htm
Mark’s husband, Anthony, is supportive, but she doesn’t want to nag the one
person who probably knows the most: the woman who adopted her at age 3.
“I don’t want to hurt her, but I have three kids, and I don’t know my
medical history,” she said.
It can be difficult for adoptive parents to understand why their child wants to
dig into the past, but an open discussion can help ease the hurt they may feel,
MacGyvers said.
“It’s hard for adoptive and biological parents to understand, ‘Why does
this person need to know?’ ‘What benefit is in that?’ ” she said.
“The way to prepare yourself is to have a good, long talk with your family
about what you’re undertaking and why. It’s not like you’re trying to
find your real family, but the other family because you’ve got two.”
Mark knows nothing about where she lived until she was 3, only rumors that she
was passed around to different relatives. She had always thought she was born
in Salisbury, N.C., but when she was 30, her adopted mother let it slip one day
that she was born in Kannapolis, N.C., where she grew up.
She moved to Acadiana a decade ago, met Anthony and married.
She has gotten nowhere with North Carolina’s vital records department and
hasn’t had much encouragement from private detectives that she’s contacted.
She even tried calling syndicated talk show host Maury Povich but winces at
having her life exposed on national television, especially when she doesn’t
know the outcome.
Mark said that her next step will probably be to go to the Internet or the
library. She said that she knows it will be harder to do without the help of
her adopted mother, but it’s something she wants to do on her own.
It may be harder than she thinks. A search on the Internet with the phrase
“birth parents” yielded hundreds of Web sites that would takes weeks to
check out, but some did look promising.
The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Web site includes information
on the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse that includes topics such as
access to vital records and an introduction to searching for birth relatives.
Adoption laws vary in each state. In Louisiana, adoptees or the biological
parent can contact the agency who handled the adoption and obtain
non-identifying background information, which includes medical and genetic
background history. Law also allows an adoptee to petition the court to open a
closed adoption record for compelling reasons, said Susan Bueche, program
manager of Louisiana’s Volunteer Adoption Registry.
“Usually, compelling reasons have to do with medical reasons, inheritance
rights” or other reasons the judge finds compelling, Bueche said.
In Louisiana, birth parents, adoptees over 18 and siblings may register to find
their biological families.
Louisiana law requires that each party undergo an hour of professional
counseling before meeting.
Since the registry began in 1982, about 220 matches have been made, Bueche
said. There are 1,517 adoptees registered; 722 biological parents registered
and 67 siblings registered in hopes of finding a match, she said.
But there’s still the possibility of a not-so-joyous reunion, MacGyvers said.
“It’s hard for the birth family to open up again to something they’ve
closed their life on, because typically when a parent gives a child up for
adoption, they close that emotional door,” she said. “(They) don’t want
others to know that there’s a child that preceded a part of their life.”
-------------------------
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail . . . but, a true friend will
be sitting next to you saying, "Damn . . . that was fun!"
-----Unknown
1.shtml
Adoptee struggles to find truth
Search for birth parents brings tough questions
Beverly Corbell
bcorbell@theadvertiser.com Marsha Sills
msills@theadvertiser.com
March 16, 2004
SCOTT — Like many people who are adopted, now that she has children of her
own, Tiffany Mark of Scott wonders who her birth parents are.
Mark has made a few attempts to find out, but it’s a quandary: The question
nags her every day, and tears come to her eyes when she talks about it — but
she’s also afraid of what she’ll find out.
“I wonder what was going on at the time,” she said. “What was so hard
they had to give up a child? Were they on drugs? In prison? Then, I think I
don’t really want to know — I don’t want my life traumatized.”
The questions and fears are normal for any adoptee, said Valanne MacGyvers, a
UL Lafayette psychology professor.
“When we’re talking about finding someone and the relationship has been
severed at birth, you have to be prepared for the notion that perhaps the birth
parent doesn’t want to know you,” MacGyvers said. “You also need to have
the support of your adoptive parent or your real family, the ones who have been
there for you growing up.”
As more time passes, though, Mark, 32, is gathering strength because just who
her birth parents are — or were — is a nagging question.
She acknowledges that it’s hard to get started. She works at Café Des Amis
in Breaux Bridge, and between work and caring for three children — ages 6, 8,
and 12 — she has little free time. She’s made a few attempts, but with
little luck.
Tips on how to find birth parents
Write down everything you already know about the birth and adoption, i.e. name
of hospital, name of agency that handled adoption.
Ask adoptive parents for any information they remember about the adoption and
birth parents, regardless of how insignificant they may think it may seem.
Gather the documents. Ask adoptive parents for the amended birth certificate,
petition for adoption and the final decree for adoption.
Contact the agency or state office that handled the adoption for the
nonidentifying information, which may include details on the adoptee, adoptive
parents and birth parents about the following: medical history, health status,
ethnic origins, level of education, professional achievement, height, weight,
eye, hair color and religion.
Register with state and national reunion registries.
Join an adoption support group or mailing list to learn more about current
laws, new search techniques and for emotional support during the process.
SOURCE: http://genealogy.about.com/cs/adoption/a/adoption_search.htm
Mark’s husband, Anthony, is supportive, but she doesn’t want to nag the one
person who probably knows the most: the woman who adopted her at age 3.
“I don’t want to hurt her, but I have three kids, and I don’t know my
medical history,” she said.
It can be difficult for adoptive parents to understand why their child wants to
dig into the past, but an open discussion can help ease the hurt they may feel,
MacGyvers said.
“It’s hard for adoptive and biological parents to understand, ‘Why does
this person need to know?’ ‘What benefit is in that?’ ” she said.
“The way to prepare yourself is to have a good, long talk with your family
about what you’re undertaking and why. It’s not like you’re trying to
find your real family, but the other family because you’ve got two.”
Mark knows nothing about where she lived until she was 3, only rumors that she
was passed around to different relatives. She had always thought she was born
in Salisbury, N.C., but when she was 30, her adopted mother let it slip one day
that she was born in Kannapolis, N.C., where she grew up.
She moved to Acadiana a decade ago, met Anthony and married.
She has gotten nowhere with North Carolina’s vital records department and
hasn’t had much encouragement from private detectives that she’s contacted.
She even tried calling syndicated talk show host Maury Povich but winces at
having her life exposed on national television, especially when she doesn’t
know the outcome.
Mark said that her next step will probably be to go to the Internet or the
library. She said that she knows it will be harder to do without the help of
her adopted mother, but it’s something she wants to do on her own.
It may be harder than she thinks. A search on the Internet with the phrase
“birth parents” yielded hundreds of Web sites that would takes weeks to
check out, but some did look promising.
The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Web site includes information
on the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse that includes topics such as
access to vital records and an introduction to searching for birth relatives.
Adoption laws vary in each state. In Louisiana, adoptees or the biological
parent can contact the agency who handled the adoption and obtain
non-identifying background information, which includes medical and genetic
background history. Law also allows an adoptee to petition the court to open a
closed adoption record for compelling reasons, said Susan Bueche, program
manager of Louisiana’s Volunteer Adoption Registry.
“Usually, compelling reasons have to do with medical reasons, inheritance
rights” or other reasons the judge finds compelling, Bueche said.
In Louisiana, birth parents, adoptees over 18 and siblings may register to find
their biological families.
Louisiana law requires that each party undergo an hour of professional
counseling before meeting.
Since the registry began in 1982, about 220 matches have been made, Bueche
said. There are 1,517 adoptees registered; 722 biological parents registered
and 67 siblings registered in hopes of finding a match, she said.
But there’s still the possibility of a not-so-joyous reunion, MacGyvers said.
“It’s hard for the birth family to open up again to something they’ve
closed their life on, because typically when a parent gives a child up for
adoption, they close that emotional door,” she said. “(They) don’t want
others to know that there’s a child that preceded a part of their life.”
-------------------------
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail . . . but, a true friend will
be sitting next to you saying, "Damn . . . that was fun!"
-----Unknown
