hello everyone, heres my situation. I am a 27 yr old father of a 7 year old girl who i get roughly every other weekend. her mother and i split up around the time she was born we came to an agreement to never go to court. we made an agreement that i would pay her half of whatever expenses our daughter covered, and as her expenses went up (daycare, school clothes, etc) i would pay half of the difference.. whatever was fair.

well like a moron i paid cash for the first 5-6 years thinking we woundt ever have a reason to go to court. i never got reciepts like i should have.

now shes gong a little nuts and trying to keep me away from her. i'm thinking about going to court to get my weekend custody back.. if she tells the court that ive never made a payment am i screwed like i think i will be? i live in FL and ive been getting reciepts for about a year now. any help would be great thanks...

If I am not mistaken she cant go back any farther that 2 years for child support! But I'm not 100%

This exact same thing happened to my husband except it was 2 yrs instead of 5 to 6 yrs like yours. And he ended up having to pay that 2 yrs worth of child support twice, once to her in cash, then she told the court that he didn't pay and he had to pay her again, except he had to send it through the state disbursement unit the 2nd time. My husband even had some reciepts that she wrote up and those don't hold up in court. Cancelled checks don't work either. One thing I would do if I were in your situation is check with your local courthouse about setting up an account to pay your cs through them, most courthouses have a child support dept., if not they can tell you were you can do it. Do it soon though before you rack up anymore back cs, it can add up fast! In IL if a father is ordered to pay cs, they make him pay 20% of his gross income to the mother. So, more than likely you will have to pay back a similiar amount for the 5-6yrs you paid her cash. What they did to my husband is make him pay his normal amount and then added on like 25-30 extra a week to pay back for when he paid her cash, so he didn't have to pay in one lump sum. Hope this helps, sorry I had to be the bearer of bad news though!

I just wanted to specify that it was never court ordered that I pay child support to begin with. I was told that because it was never court ordered I should not be responsible for any back child support. Thanks.

hello everyone, heres my situation. I am a 27 yr old father of a 7 year old girl who i get roughly every other weekend. her mother and i split up around the time she was born we came to an agreement to never go to court. we made an agreement that i would pay her half of whatever expenses our daughter covered, and as her expenses went up (daycare, school clothes, etc) i would pay half of the difference.. whatever was fair.

well like a moron i paid cash for the first 5-6 years thinking we woundt ever have a reason to go to court. i never got reciepts like i should have.

now shes gong a little nuts and trying to keep me away from her. i'm thinking about going to court to get my weekend custody back.. if she tells the court that ive never made a payment am i screwed like i think i will be? i live in FL and ive been getting reciepts for about a year now. any help would be great thanks...

If you mean that she may tell the court you didn't pay for the extra things, but did pay the child support, mom will have to PROVE that SHE actually paid for them. What are the chances that she will have receipts for things like this?

The daycare would be easy enough to prove, but the other items could be hard for her to prove.

I'm sorry my husband was court ordered, hopefully what you heard is true.
:)

If I am not mistaken she cant go back any farther that 2 years for child support! But I'm not 100%

The judge has the discretion to go back as far as he wants to in most cases. However, the support order only goes back to the date the motion for child support is first filed. That is why it is ALWAYS a good idea to start setting aside 20-30% of your check each pay period if you are served with child support papers so you will have the money to pay for the arrears the day the order is issued.

She's right. Start putting money to the side. Because he might order for you to pay "back child support". It will be more than 20-30% until it is paid in full.

MAKE SURE you have reciepts. Get a money order. Thats a good one.

-Justin
-Central Illinois

If someones been paying and has the check stubs to show it , how can that not count?

If someones been paying and has the check stubs to show it , how can that not count?

Because until the court ORDERS a person to pay, it is considered a gift even though you can prove the money changed hands.

Once the order is in place, it very clearly states that in order for the payments to count as child support, they MUST be paid in the manner descibed in the order.

This is one of the reasons that courts RARELY order support to be retroactive to anytime BEFORE the motion was filed with the court.

Because until the court ORDERS a person to pay, it is considered a gift even though you can prove the money changed hands.

Once the order is in place, it very clearly states that in order for the payments to count as child support, they MUST be paid in the manner descibed in the order.

This is one of the reasons that courts RARELY order support to be retroactive to anytime BEFORE the motion was filed with the court.

Unless you happen to be married, eh Ceara? Then they can order the support retroactive to the CP kicking you out? Even though you paid what the CP asked for in writing? Or maybe if the CP is unreasonable, and says "Yes, I WOULD like back child support"? Then where is the support retroactive to?

Or maybe that's just here in backward-'ol Oklahoma...

Unless you happen to be married, eh Ceara? Then they can order the support retroactive to the CP kicking you out? Even though you paid what the CP asked for in writing? Or maybe if the CP is unreasonable, and says "Yes, I WOULD like back child support"? Then where is the support retroactive to?

Or maybe that's just here in backward-'ol Oklahoma...

That's right. The reason that married parents have different rules is because paternity is not a question. It is automatically presumed that a child born during a marriage is the product of that marriage and therefore both parents are responsible for the care of the child.

However, it is easier to have money paid prior to the issuance of a court order counted as child support as opposed to a gift.

That said, no matter what the circumstance, having the money declared child support instead of a gift would not be a problem if parents would all start acting like the PARENTS instead of children.

When the case goes in front of a judge and the NCP shows proof (or is just HONEST) of money given to the CP for the purpose of supporting the child and the CP would tell the TRUTH about whatever arrangement they had at the time, it wouldn't be an issue.

No matter what the court decides, the CP has the option of issuing a receipt for the payments made before the order that would count as a credit against any arrears.

Parents need to grow the hell up and decide to love their children more then they hate their ex.

Parents need to grow the hell up and decide to love their children more then they hate their ex.

Agreed. Another point to Ceara...

Of course...going back to the OPs topic...we never were told or asked if he was married to his little girl's mother. If she decides to be difficult, I wonder if the agreement he made with his ex would mean any more than the one I made with mine (read...it meant nothing in the eyes of the court).

Ceara, you said in post #7 with conviction that the support order only goes back to the date the motion for child support is first filed. Is that assuming that the OP was not married to his child's mother? Because in my case, it was made retroactive to the seperation...even though I was fulfilling the agreement my wife printed and we both signed. The state just apparently didn't think what I paid was enough.

Cheers!

Of course...going back to the OPs topic...we never were told or asked if he was married to his little girl's mother. If she decides to be difficult, I wonder if the agreement he made with his ex would mean any more than the one I made with mine (read...it meant nothing in the eyes of the court).

Ceara, you said in post #7 with conviction that the support order only goes back to the date the motion for child support is first filed. Is that assuming that the OP was not married to his child's mother? Because in my case, it was made retroactive to the seperation...even though I was fulfilling the agreement my wife printed and we both signed. The state just apparently didn't think what I paid was enough.

Cheers!

I am assuming they were not married because he said:
her mother and i split up
Normally when the parents are married they say "When the mother and I DIVORCED".

With your case, mom could have told the judge that an agreement had already been reached and that was what you both wanted to be ordered and the judge SHOULD have approved it. The only reasons not to would be if the children were on government assistance or the agreement was against public policy.

When both parties can't agree or one party changes their mind the agreement is void and the court will use the state guidelines to set support.

With your case, mom could have told the judge that an agreement had already been reached and that was what you both wanted to be ordered and the judge SHOULD have approved it. The only reasons not to would be if the children were on government assistance or the agreement was against public policy.

When both parties can't agree or one party changes their mind the agreement is void and the court will use the state guidelines to set support.

Ceara, thank you for your clarifications and your patience.

I think what probably happened in my case is that my wife filed very soon after I left, and the documents took almost 2 months to get to me (hence the back support was really only retroactive to the filing date) - hadn't thought of that before.

So the lesson learned is, if you seperate and intend to pay support, it would be best to consult the state guidelines for an estimated monthly amount, rather than agree on an amount which both parties think is fair.

Thanks again for the clarifications, and my apologies to mjmatt1978 for hijacking your thread. Good luck with your visitation with your little girl!

just to clarify.. we were never married, but i signed the birth cert. because i know 99.9% that she is mine. does that change anything?

btw, boobatuba, not a problem.. the forum is for everyone..

With my oldest 2, before we went to court I payed cash some times I got reciepts sometimes not, some times checks. When we went to court she said I never paid, I showed the judge the reciepts and checks, but he said it was all considered a gift until the courts order support. Then they took my tax return because she filed for state help and told them I was not paying support at all. When I got that all cleared up they told me they could not give me the money it was up to me to get it from her. I had to pay 3 times for every payment. Now I half custody of them and do not get a dime from her.... Go figure huh?

But I have the kids!!!

With my oldest 2, before we went to court I payed cash some times I got reciepts sometimes not, some times checks. When we went to court she said I never paid, I showed the judge the reciepts and checks, but he said it was all considered a gift until the courts order support. Then they took my tax return because she filed for state help and told them I was not paying support at all. When I got that all cleared up they told me they could not give me the money it was up to me to get it from her. I had to pay 3 times for every payment. Now I half custody of them and do not get a dime from her.... Go figure huh?

But I have the kids!!!


That is the important part having the kids. Money can be replaced, kids can't. Although the money thing can suck!!!

If the courts terminated the child support order because the CP agree with the NCP on an amount of money outside the court system and had a letter notorized by both, could the CP take the NCP back to court to start the garnishments again? If so, would check reciepts for monies paid count then? Never thought about it before this post came along.

So let me ask this, what do you do in the meantime, until there is a court order for support? Do you just tell the CP that you can't give anything for the kids until there is a CO? That wouldn't be right either, as I heard it can take some time for the support order to go through. I think that if the NCP is willing to pay support in the meantime, it should not be considered a gift, it should be considered as what it really is..child support.

hello everyone, heres my situation. I am a 27 yr old father of a 7 year old girl who i get roughly every other weekend. her mother and i split up around the time she was born we came to an agreement to never go to court. we made an agreement that i would pay her half of whatever expenses our daughter covered, and as her expenses went up (daycare, school clothes, etc) i would pay half of the difference.. whatever was fair.

well like a moron i paid cash for the first 5-6 years thinking we woundt ever have a reason to go to court. i never got reciepts like i should have.

now shes gong a little nuts and trying to keep me away from her. i'm thinking about going to court to get my weekend custody back.. if she tells the court that ive never made a payment am i screwed like i think i will be? i live in FL and ive been getting reciepts for about a year now. any help would be great thanks...







About 6 yrs ago my husband was brought back to court for this reason. The ex claimed that he NEVER paid anything for about 5 yrs. We had to go back that far for proof. She claimed it came out to be about $26,000. We had had old pay stubs and had to pay for copies of old checks (front & back). Our lawyer came right out and told us, no reciept then it was never paid. We found about $17,000 worth of old paystubs and old check registors. Thank heavens my husband is a pack rat. I never would have kept 5 yrs worth of that kind of stuff.

So let me ask this, what do you do in the meantime, until there is a court order for support? Do you just tell the CP that you can't give anything for the kids until there is a CO? That wouldn't be right either, as I heard it can take some time for the support order to go through. I think that if the NCP is willing to pay support in the meantime, it should not be considered a gift, it should be considered as what it really is..child support.
Well, the court often times has nothing to do with common sense and decency. Of course, if the parent recieving the money before the order was established would be honest, then there would be no need for this discussion. Sad, isn't it?

Well, the court often times has nothing to do with common sense and decency. Of course, if the parent recieving the money before the order was established would be honest, then there would be no need for this discussion. Sad, isn't it?
Yes, it is sad, but go back and read Ceara's post #10. Even if you can prove the money changed hands, it still would not be counted as support, and the person who has paid will have to pay all over again. That is not right. This is definitely one aspect of the child support system that needs to be changed.

One of so...so...so...so...so...many!!!!

Yes, it is sad, but go back and read Ceara's post #10. Even if you can prove the money changed hands, it still would not be counted as support, and the person who has paid will have to pay all over again. That is not right. This is definitely one aspect of the child support system that needs to be changed.
If you read it more clearly, you will see that she stated that courts RARELY order back support beyond the filing date of a support order.

So the lesson learned is, if you seperate and intend to pay support, it would be best to consult the state guidelines for an estimated monthly amount, rather than agree on an amount which both parties think is fair.

Consult the guidelines and then start setting aside that amount each month until a support order is issued. ;)

So let me ask this, what do you do in the meantime, until there is a court order for support? Do you just tell the CP that you can't give anything for the kids until there is a CO? That wouldn't be right either, as I heard it can take some time for the support order to go through. I think that if the NCP is willing to pay support in the meantime, it should not be considered a gift, it should be considered as what it really is..child support.
You shouldn't pay anything unless you don't care that the money will not be considered support and don't mind paying it twice.

It can take months before a FINAL order is issued. However, it doesn't take long to get a temporary order so that the support can start ASAP. It took me almost 2 years to get a final order, but it was only 10 days after I filed to get a temporary custody and support order.

When I Took My Son Dad To Court Since We Were Not Married I Was Not Eligible For Back Child Support Just Til The Day I Filed A Court Petition! Good Luck!!!!!!!1

A father pays child support every month and is never late and finds out because it wasnt court ordered its considered a gift? The court just figures that us guys have a extra 400 to 500 bucks to give to a ex girlfriend or wife . Is there any common sense in this world? Oh yeah i forgot we are in the world that the courts reward someone a million bucks for spilling coffe on themselves, go figure