http://www.illinoisleader.com/letters/lettersview.asp?c=12295

Four anti-adoption letters

Thursday, February 19, 2004

Adoption involves solicitation


I noticed that a letter recently printed in the Illinois Leader states: "In our
country today the word choice has become as American as apple pie. This
adoption aid effort has expanded the choice mothers will have at this difficult
time to benefit the mother, the child, the adoptive parents, and the state of
Illinois" ["Help Choose Life Adoption Aid Specialty Plates effort," February
18].


It's difficult for me to see how adoption could be considered a mother's and
father's "choice" as it is being implemented today in the United States.


One only need read The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier or adoptee Betty Jean
Lifton's Journey of the Adopted Self to see what pain and suffering results
from the separation of mothers and their newborns.


Yet, while other mothers are counseled carefully about the importance of a
mother spending time with and breastfeeding her infant on the child's
well-being, a pregnant mother vulnerable to "giving up" her baby is still being
led to believe her child will be better off without his mother. She is told
"everyone benefits" from adoption and not a single disadvantage is mentioned.




I have noticed on the internet that American Adoptions is now offering to pay
mothers "expenses" for their babies, which include car payments, scholarships,
personal loan payments, entertainment expenses, home maintenance, credit card
payments and more. Those are not expenses! They are buying babies!



They should not be allowed to pay for babies. No one should be allowed to
solicit mothers and families for their babies. No one should be allowed to lie
to people or to hide information to get babies.


For adoption to be a "choice," the child's parents must be fully aware of the
long-term consequences of that choice on themselves and their child. To be a
choice, they should not be vulnerable to solicitation for their child. To be a
choice, parents should understand that a person's circumstances (financial,
marital state, etc) change over time.


When a father gets laid off from work, a family should not immediately be
thinking of ridding itself of the "burden" of their "adoptable" children, and
likewise a mother whose resources are slim today should not immediately think
it is wrong to obtain help to make it past this temporary situation.


To be a choice, fathers should at least be aware of the presence of the
Putative Fathers Registries so their rights may be upheld and their children
not unnecessarily separated from them.


It used to be that adoption was an attempt to provide a home for a true orphan.
Unfortunately, now adoption has become about providing an infant for a needy
adult or adults. I hope someone wises up and recognizes that these adults (and
the agencies/lawyers representing them) should not be given tax credits or
bonuses or any help with adopting. For one thing, the children who really need
homes need someone who is willing to sacrifice for them, not someone who views
them as a source of income.


Laurie Frisch
Marion, Iowa


Even Moses stayed with Mom


I enjoy reading your publication. I especially enjoyed the discussion on your
home schooling column. As a reunited adoptee and natural mother, however, I was
dismayed to see the article promoting the adoption license plates.


While choosing life is, in and of itself, a good thing for all of us to do,
promoting separation of families that God and nature placed together is not
good for our society. The "five year wait to adopt" illustrates how adoption is
a business of supply and demand.


My research into the adoption industry, a $1.5 billion business, has shown me
that adoption is no longer about providing homes for orphans. I have two
perfectly good parents who, despite their youth, were perfectly capable of
raising me.


And yet I was given to strangers who, wonderful as they were, could never
replace my parents. Many children separated from their families today via
adoption have parents who, with help and encouragement, would raise them well.


The article's statement that it is sad that "so few" mothers give their
children away does not take into account how happy it is that so many of these
mothers are choosing to raise their children, allowing the children to
experience growing up with their families.


Also, I wonder who is the "we" that can do better? Wouldn't Jesus say that
doing better would be helping keep mother and child together?


Although the article claims that the money for the license plates could be used
to help a mom keep her child, giving "the adopting family the child they have
so hoped for" devalues the natural mother and child relationship. In this
article, the bias seems to be toward the adopters.



So many of us separated from our families hope and pray that the adoption aid
effort will become the preserving natural families effort.


Even Moses was able to be nursed by his natural mother and was able to return
to his family as an adult. Please promote efforts to keep natural families
together, not tear them apart via adoption.


Sincerely,


Tricia Shore, M.A.
Natural mother and reunited adoptee
Founder, Adoption Truth
Van Nuys, California


Adoption begat abortion


The opposite of abortion is not adoption. It is helping mothers and babies to
stay together.


I am a mother who had her baby taken in the 60s for nothing more than being
young and unwed. I was told that I had nothing of value that my daughter
needed. I was told wrong. She needed me her mommy and I needed her. My daughter
did not have the adopters or the life I was led to believe she would have. She
would have been better off with me.


I am a volunteer mentor to moms keeping their babies, and I am helping them to
have something that millions of us mothers never had - support they need for
keeping our babies.


There is a mistaken belief that because of abortion there are less adoptions.
In truth it is the other way around. Because of adoption there is now abortion.



I have talked with many women that after having their babies taken for adoption
when they became pregnant again they had an abortion. I have talked with many
adoptees who hated being adopted so badly they had an abortion instead of
choosing adoption. I am in contact with many moms and adoptees who are not
happy they lost their babies or moms.



The government with the help of The National Council for Adoption, including
many brokering adoption agencies, pushed the Infant Adoption Awareness Act
through because of a lack of supply for wealthy clients who want healthy
Infants.


The industry stated in their documents they are having a problem with parents
supporting their daughters and grandchildren, and so what's the answer for the
adoption industry? Yep, here comes HR7 to provide monies for "group homes" for
pregnant women.


We all know that thought control works best in a closed environment without a
true support system. Parents and grandparents be warned as to the intent of our
government, because they are in collusion with adoption agencies and would save
tax monies if they went along with the passage of these bills. Services for
women and children have already been cut to the bone while adoption tax credits
have increased.

To those parents and grandparents who are helping to keep their family together
I say, "You are true heroes for showing the world what true family values are
all about. In 18 years you will never need to meet the young man or woman at
the door with the question of, 'Why didn't you help my mom to keep me in the
family?'"


Also, please don't fall for the ploy of open adoption, because in most states
open adoption agreements are not legally binding, and many moms are coming
forth saying they were never told this could happen.


In truth,


Linda Webber
Fairfield, CA


Adoption agencies lie


I am writing in response to your letter, "Help Choose Life Adoption Aid
Specialty Plates Effort."


This article leaves out important facts about adoption. Typically adoption
agencies procure babies for adoption by lying to mothers - telling them that
their babies will be grateful; that the adopting couple will provide a happy,
stable home; that the mother has nothing to give her child; and leaving out
vital information about the harm that being torn from his mothers' arms can
cause her baby.


In reality, these are often not the cases. They also lie to couples who want to
adopt by telling them that they mother freely chose adoption and that the child
will be "just like" their own.


In fighting abortion, we must be careful not to support adoption agencies that
engage in the sin of lying.


Bernadette Wright
Fairfax, Virginia



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A good friend will come and bail you out of jail . . . but, a true friend will
be sitting next to you saying, "Damn . . . that was fun!"
-----Unknown