doug thomas
02-09-2004, 02:50 PM
I found these bits of humour that should cheer up the group on a warm but
cloudy Monday
Doug Thomas
"Never trust a dog to watch your food."
-- Patrick, age 10
"When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?'
Don't answer."
-- Hannah, age 9
Never tell your Mum her diet's not working."
-- Michael, age 14
"Don't pull Dad's finger when he tells you to."
-- Emily, age 10
"When your Mum is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair."
-- Tanya, age 11
"Never let your three-year old brother in the same room as your school
assignment."
-- Tracy, age 14
"A puppy always has bad breath--even after eating a Tic-Tac."
-- Andrew, age 9
"Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time."
-- Andrea, age 11
"You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk."
-- William, age 9
"If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse."
-- Naomi, age 15
"Felt-tip markers are not good to use as lipstick."
-- Lauren, age 9
"Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat."
-- Joe, age 10
"When you get a bad report from school, show it to your Mum when she's on
the phone."
-- Mike, age 13
"Never try to baptize a cat."
-- Eileen, age 8
And From Roland Croucher a minister in Australia
NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening
when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was
stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout
from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
HONESTY My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me
he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it
in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my
bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a
charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it
fell in the toilet a few days ago.
OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a
note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child
are not necessarily those of his parents."
KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar.
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to
answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother.
Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.
She's hitting the bottle."
cloudy Monday
Doug Thomas
"Never trust a dog to watch your food."
-- Patrick, age 10
"When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?'
Don't answer."
-- Hannah, age 9
Never tell your Mum her diet's not working."
-- Michael, age 14
"Don't pull Dad's finger when he tells you to."
-- Emily, age 10
"When your Mum is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair."
-- Tanya, age 11
"Never let your three-year old brother in the same room as your school
assignment."
-- Tracy, age 14
"A puppy always has bad breath--even after eating a Tic-Tac."
-- Andrew, age 9
"Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time."
-- Andrea, age 11
"You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk."
-- William, age 9
"If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse."
-- Naomi, age 15
"Felt-tip markers are not good to use as lipstick."
-- Lauren, age 9
"Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat."
-- Joe, age 10
"When you get a bad report from school, show it to your Mum when she's on
the phone."
-- Mike, age 13
"Never try to baptize a cat."
-- Eileen, age 8
And From Roland Croucher a minister in Australia
NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening
when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was
stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout
from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
HONESTY My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me
he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it
in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my
bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a
charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it
fell in the toilet a few days ago.
OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a
note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child
are not necessarily those of his parents."
KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar.
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to
answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother.
Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.
She's hitting the bottle."
