Hey everyone:

Well, I'm back from my lunch date with my bmom and half-sis (actually got home
about an hour and a half ago). It was great, but kind of surreal. She walked
into the inn and we immediately exchanged hugs and flowers. Was this a big mush
"fall over each other in tears" kinda thing? Not at all. My half-sis and I also
exchanged hugs. I must say that one of the things that amazed me is how little
I resembled them. I remember from the one picture I have of my bmom thinking
that we looked so much alike - Turns out we really don't. I also don't look
anything like my half-sis. So that was kind of "weird". And at the risk of
sounding catty, I was surprised at how much older she looked than me even though
she's younger.

Anyway, lunch was great and we all had a wonderful time talking together. I
would also like to give a huge thank you to my husband for accompanying me. I
was more than a bit tongue-tied and he was fantastic at breaking the ice and
keeping the conversation going. My bmom gave me a calendar that her sis puts
together for the family every Xmas that was full of pictures of family members -
I don't look like any of them, but what the hey (BTW, my half-bro is a cutie).
I gave her the photo album I'd put together of childhood photos, pictures of my
husband's family and pictures of my daughter. Of course, nothing "serious" was
discussed, but it was a great time. When we parted, there was no discussion of
anything going any further or the possibility of a future meeting. I just said
"I'll keep in touch". I plan on writing her a letter in the next couple of days.

So, I must admit that I'm feeling sort of down now. Sad, but I'm not sure why.
I'm thrilled that I have pictures of all these family members, but it sort of
saddens me to look at them too - Like here's this great family that I'm not
really a part of.

But, knowing me, I'll be feeling just fine tomorrow ;)

Well, that's basically it - Don't really feel like saying much more right now.

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

>Well, that's basically it - Don't really feel like saying much more rightnow.Robyn


You said plenty, Robyn. Thank you for letting us share the details of the lunch
meeting. I can understand the feelings of being let down. I would think reunion
could be anticlimactic just as so many experiences and events that are long
anticipated are. I wonder if on some level you might have expected the earth to
move (at least a little) due to the meeting. Regardless, I hope you are feeling
100% soon and it sounds as if you will.


P2P

>Robibnikoff nospam@newsranger.comDate: 2/4/2004 5:39 PM Eastern Standard TimeMessage-id: <wweUb.1922$_4.189@www.newsranger.com>Hey everyone:Well, I'm back from my lunch date with my bmom and half-sis (actually gothomeabout an hour and a half ago). It was great, but kind of surreal. Shewalkedinto the inn and we immediately exchanged hugs and flowers. Was this a bigmush"fall over each other in tears" kinda thing? Not at all. My half-sis and Ialsoexchanged hugs. I must say that one of the things that amazed me is howlittleI resembled them. I remember from the one picture I have of my bmom thinkingthat we looked so much alike - Turns out we really don't. I also don't lookanything like my half-sis. So that was kind of "weird". And at the risk ofsounding catty, I was surprised at how much older she looked than me eventhoughshe's younger.


I think that we adoptees tend to be youthful in attitude and appearance simply
because we're not allowed access to our own information.

Anyway, lunch was great and we all had a wonderful time talking together. Iwould also like to give a huge thank you to my husband for accompanying me.Iwas more than a bit tongue-tied and he was fantastic at breaking the ice andkeeping the conversation going. My bmom gave me a calendar that her sis putstogether for the family every Xmas that was full of pictures of familymembers -I don't look like any of them, but what the hey (BTW, my half-bro is acutie).I gave her the photo album I'd put together of childhood photos, pictures ofmyhusband's family and pictures of my daughter. Of course, nothing "serious"wasdiscussed, but it was a great time. When we parted, there was no discussionofanything going any further or the possibility of a future meeting. I justsaid"I'll keep in touch". I plan on writing her a letter in the next couple ofdays.

Are you disappointed that she didn't offer another meeting?
So, I must admit that I'm feeling sort of down now. Sad, but I'm not surewhy.

Because you've been freaking out about this for months. It's probably somewhat
of a let-down, regardless of the fact that you probably did not assume your
meeting would be the most beautiful, spiritually fulfilling experience in the
world.
I'm thrilled that I have pictures of all these family members, but it sort ofsaddens me to look at them too - Like here's this great family that I'm notreally a part of.

Maybe that'll change someday. In the meantime, you're part of our family.

But, knowing me, I'll be feeling just fine tomorrow ;)Well, that's basically it - Don't really feel like saying much more rightnow.

Well, you need to vent, we're here for you.
RobynResident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster#1557


kj

Top Post: Sounds like a pretty decent beginning considering where the two
of you were last year! Hope things only get better from here on in. I
think Palms was right on about it being a typical letdown from any highly
anticipated event.

Kathy 1


"Robibnikoff" <nospam@newsranger.com> wrote in message
news:wweUb.1922$_4.189@www.newsranger.com... Hey everyone: Well, I'm back from my lunch date with my bmom and half-sis (actually got
home about an hour and a half ago). It was great, but kind of surreal. She
walked into the inn and we immediately exchanged hugs and flowers. Was this a
big mush "fall over each other in tears" kinda thing? Not at all. My half-sis and
I also exchanged hugs. I must say that one of the things that amazed me is how
little I resembled them. I remember from the one picture I have of my bmom
thinking that we looked so much alike - Turns out we really don't. I also don't
look anything like my half-sis. So that was kind of "weird". And at the risk
of sounding catty, I was surprised at how much older she looked than me even
though she's younger. Anyway, lunch was great and we all had a wonderful time talking together.
I would also like to give a huge thank you to my husband for accompanying
me. I was more than a bit tongue-tied and he was fantastic at breaking the ice
and keeping the conversation going. My bmom gave me a calendar that her sis
puts together for the family every Xmas that was full of pictures of family
members - I don't look like any of them, but what the hey (BTW, my half-bro is a
cutie). I gave her the photo album I'd put together of childhood photos, pictures
of my husband's family and pictures of my daughter. Of course, nothing "serious"
was discussed, but it was a great time. When we parted, there was no
discussion of anything going any further or the possibility of a future meeting. I just
said "I'll keep in touch". I plan on writing her a letter in the next couple of
days. So, I must admit that I'm feeling sort of down now. Sad, but I'm not sure
why. I'm thrilled that I have pictures of all these family members, but it sort
of saddens me to look at them too - Like here's this great family that I'm
not really a part of. But, knowing me, I'll be feeling just fine tomorrow ;) Well, that's basically it - Don't really feel like saying much more right
now. Robyn Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster #1557

>Subject: Well, I'm back from meeting the bmomFrom: Robibnikoff nospam@newsranger.comDate: 2/4/04 5:39 PM Eastern Standard TimeMessage-id: <wweUb.1922$_4.189@www.newsranger.com>

Thanks for sharing your reunion experience, Robyn. I can only imagine what
it must be like.

Forgive me if you've already covered this ground, but I know very little
about your adoptive family. Can you count on them for any support and
encouragement? What suggestions would you have for adoptive parents when it
comes to reunions?

My kid will go through this someday. I could use the advice.

Dad

"kj" <kjs668@aol.comeek> wrote in message
news:20040204180135.13026.00001511@mb-m02.aol.com...Robibnikoff nospam@newsranger.comDate: 2/4/2004 5:39 PM Eastern Standard Time

So, I must admit that I'm feeling sort of down now. Sad, but I'm not
surewhy. Because you've been freaking out about this for months. It's probably
somewhat of a let-down, regardless of the fact that you probably did not assume
your meeting would be the most beautiful, spiritually fulfilling experience in
the world.I'm thrilled that I have pictures of all these family members, but it
sort ofsaddens me to look at them too - Like here's this great family that I'm
notreally a part of. Maybe that'll change someday. In the meantime, you're part of our family.


That's supposed to make her feel better? lol ;)

Kathy 1

In article <20040204180135.13026.00001511@mb-m02.aol.com>, kjs668@aol.comeek
(kj) wrote:
I think that we adoptees tend to be youthful in attitude and appearancesimply because we're not allowed access to our own information.

You mean, while we're lying on the ground kicking and screaming "I want my
papers! I want my papers!" while wetting ourselves? Couldn't agree with you
more.

whoever
---------------------------------------
I want my coffee! I want my coffee!
(Enough coffee, and the rest will follow)

In article <20040204175136.21890.00001186@mb-m06.aol.com>,
palms2pines@aol.comh8spam (Palms2pines) wrote:
I would think reunion could be anticlimactic

Maybe anticlimactic, maybe something else too. For anyone who cares enough
about the relationships formed by birth to seek reunion, every "find" is a
reminder of loss. People in reunion shouldn't be surprised to find a certain
amount of grief mixed in with the pleasanter emotions.

Not that this is necessarily the case with Robyn. But it'd be fairly typical.

whoever
----------------------------------
coffeeclimactic and coffeetypical

In article <20040204185408.23171.00003911@mb-m05.aol.com>, fiend says...In article <20040204180135.13026.00001511@mb-m02.aol.com>, kjs668@aol.comeek(kj) wrote:I think that we adoptees tend to be youthful in attitude and appearancesimply because we're not allowed access to our own information.You mean, while we're lying on the ground kicking and screaming "I want mypapers! I want my papers!" while wetting ourselves? Couldn't agree with youmore.

LOL - Good one :)

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

In article <bvrvj5$1051gf$1@ID-203097.news.uni-berlin.de>, kat says..."kj" <kjs668@aol.comeek> wrote in messagenews:20040204180135.13026.00001511@mb-m02.aol.com...Robibnikoff nospam@newsranger.comDate: 2/4/2004 5:39 PM Eastern Standard TimeSo, I must admit that I'm feeling sort of down now. Sad, but I'm notsurewhy. Because you've been freaking out about this for months. It's probablysomewhat of a let-down, regardless of the fact that you probably did not assumeyour meeting would be the most beautiful, spiritually fulfilling experience inthe world.I'm thrilled that I have pictures of all these family members, but itsort ofsaddens me to look at them too - Like here's this great family that I'mnotreally a part of. Maybe that'll change someday. In the meantime, you're part of our family.That's supposed to make her feel better? lol ;)

LOL - Believe me, it does :)

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

In article <20040204182742.19027.00001522@mb-m28.aol.com>, AdoptaDad says...Subject: Well, I'm back from meeting the bmomFrom: Robibnikoff nospam@newsranger.comDate: 2/4/04 5:39 PM Eastern Standard TimeMessage-id: <wweUb.1922$_4.189@www.newsranger.com> Thanks for sharing your reunion experience, Robyn. I can only imagine whatit must be like. Forgive me if you've already covered this ground, but I know very littleabout your adoptive family. Can you count on them for any support andencouragement?

Oh goodness no - In fact, I got the completelopposite. While they did assist in
getting me information crucial to my search (documents from the adoption agency
which had my original birthname on it), when my reunion initially went sour, my
amom's reaction to my saying that I didn't think my bmom wanted anything to do
with me was "Well, of course not! What did you expect? I don't understand why
you would want to bother the poor woman in the first place". OUCH!
Consequently, I haven't told them a thing since. They have absolutely NO idea
that I got back in communication with my bmom, much less was going to meet her
today.

What suggestions would you have for adoptive parents when itcomes to reunions?

Arrgh, I'm probably not the person to ask. Give me a couple of days. I'm still
processing today :)
My kid will go through this someday. I could use the advice.

Off the top of my head? Be supportive and try to keep any insecurities you may
be feeling to yourself.

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

In article <20040204180135.13026.00001511@mb-m02.aol.com>, kj says...Robibnikoff nospam@newsranger.comDate: 2/4/2004 5:39 PM Eastern Standard TimeMessage-id: <wweUb.1922$_4.189@www.newsranger.com>Hey everyone:Well, I'm back from my lunch date with my bmom and half-sis (actually gothomeabout an hour and a half ago). It was great, but kind of surreal. Shewalkedinto the inn and we immediately exchanged hugs and flowers. Was this a bigmush"fall over each other in tears" kinda thing? Not at all. My half-sis and Ialsoexchanged hugs. I must say that one of the things that amazed me is howlittleI resembled them. I remember from the one picture I have of my bmom thinkingthat we looked so much alike - Turns out we really don't. I also don't lookanything like my half-sis. So that was kind of "weird". And at the risk ofsounding catty, I was surprised at how much older she looked than me eventhoughshe's younger.I think that we adoptees tend to be youthful in attitude and appearance simplybecause we're not allowed access to our own information.

Bwahaha! And here I thought it was because she didn't use enough sunscreen ;)
Anyway, lunch was great and we all had a wonderful time talking together. Iwould also like to give a huge thank you to my husband for accompanying me.Iwas more than a bit tongue-tied and he was fantastic at breaking the ice andkeeping the conversation going. My bmom gave me a calendar that her sis putstogether for the family every Xmas that was full of pictures of familymembers -I don't look like any of them, but what the hey (BTW, my half-bro is acutie).I gave her the photo album I'd put together of childhood photos, pictures ofmyhusband's family and pictures of my daughter. Of course, nothing "serious"wasdiscussed, but it was a great time. When we parted, there was no discussionofanything going any further or the possibility of a future meeting. I justsaid"I'll keep in touch". I plan on writing her a letter in the next couple ofdays.Are you disappointed that she didn't offer another meeting?

I'm not sure yet. Yes and no. When we were first driving away, I said to my
husband, "Thank goodness that's over. Now, I can get on with my life". But, as
we drove further, I started feeling a bit sad that our lunch could have been
"it".
So, I must admit that I'm feeling sort of down now. Sad, but I'm not surewhy.Because you've been freaking out about this for months. It's probably somewhatof a let-down, regardless of the fact that you probably did not assume yourmeeting would be the most beautiful, spiritually fulfilling experience in theworld.

LOL, well, I don't know if that's what I was expecting. I had been forwarned by
another reunited adoptee that I know that I might not feel any "connection" with
my bmom and, well, I didn't. She's a cool lady though and the moment when she
and my husband threatened to arm wrestle over the lunch bill was priceless ;)
I'm thrilled that I have pictures of all these family members, but it sort ofsaddens me to look at them too - Like here's this great family that I'm notreally a part of.
Maybe that'll change someday. In the meantime, you're part of our family.

Aw, thanks.

Dang, my eyes are starting to water for some reason.
But, knowing me, I'll be feeling just fine tomorrow ;)Well, that's basically it - Don't really feel like saying much more rightnow.
Well, you need to vent, we're here for you.

Thank you - I appreciate that more than you know.

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

In article <20040204175136.21890.00001186@mb-m06.aol.com>, Palms2pines says...Well, that's basically it - Don't really feel like saying much more rightnow.RobynYou said plenty, Robyn. Thank you for letting us share the details of the lunchmeeting. I can understand the feelings of being let down. I would think reunioncould be anticlimactic just as so many experiences and events that are longanticipated are. I wonder if on some level you might have expected the earth tomove (at least a little) due to the meeting. Regardless, I hope you are feeling100% soon and it sounds as if you will.

Thanks, sweetie. I don't know if I really feel "let down" as to me that implies
that my bmom and half-sis "failed" me somehow. And they didn't. We did have a
wonderful time, but it was a bit awkward and while it sounds so superficial, I
was disappointed that I didn't resemble them that much. However, one thing I did
note was that my bmom and I had very similar gestures. I was leaning my chin on
my hands listening to my half-sis talk and looked over at my bmom doing the
exact same thing. That was pretty cool :)

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

>"kat" katlat24@hotmail.comDate: 2/4/2004 6:35 PM Eastern Standard TimeMessage-id: <bvrvj5$1051gf$1@ID-203097.news.uni-berlin.de>"kj" <kjs668@aol.comeek> wrote in messagenews:20040204180135.13026.00001511@mb-m02.aol.com...Robibnikoff nospam@newsranger.comDate: 2/4/2004 5:39 PM Eastern Standard TimeSo, I must admit that I'm feeling sort of down now. Sad, but I'm notsurewhy. Because you've been freaking out about this for months. It's probablysomewhat of a let-down, regardless of the fact that you probably did not assumeyour meeting would be the most beautiful, spiritually fulfilling experience inthe world.I'm thrilled that I have pictures of all these family members, but itsort ofsaddens me to look at them too - Like here's this great family that I'mnotreally a part of. Maybe that'll change someday. In the meantime, you're part of our family.That's supposed to make her feel better? lol ;)

Hell, yes! Doesn't it make you feel better?

Kathy 1


kj

>reveohw@aol.compromise (fiend)Date: 2/4/2004 6:54 PM Eastern Standard TimeMessage-id: <20040204185408.23171.00003911@mb-m05.aol.com>In article <20040204180135.13026.00001511@mb-m02.aol.com>, kjs668@aol.comeek(kj) wrote:I think that we adoptees tend to be youthful in attitude and appearancesimply because we're not allowed access to our own information.You mean, while we're lying on the ground kicking and screaming "I want mypapers! I want my papers!" while wetting ourselves? Couldn't agree with youmore.

Sure--it keeps the skin soft. We can just dye the hair.
whoever---------------------------------------I want my coffee! I want my coffee!(Enough coffee, and the rest will follow)


kj

In article <20040204192144.11652.00001202@mb-m12.aol.com>, kj says...reveohw@aol.compromise (fiend)Date: 2/4/2004 6:54 PM Eastern Standard TimeMessage-id: <20040204185408.23171.00003911@mb-m05.aol.com>In article <20040204180135.13026.00001511@mb-m02.aol.com>, kjs668@aol.comeek(kj) wrote:I think that we adoptees tend to be youthful in attitude and appearancesimply because we're not allowed access to our own information.You mean, while we're lying on the ground kicking and screaming "I want mypapers! I want my papers!" while wetting ourselves? Couldn't agree with youmore.Sure--it keeps the skin soft. We can just dye the hair.

Ooops! That reminds me.......... ;)

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

In article <HVfUb.1937$_4.209@www.newsranger.com>, Robibnikoff
<nospam@newsranger.com> wrote:
while it sounds so superficial, Iwas disappointed that I didn't resemble them that much.

I don't find that particularly superficial. I think we're hard-wired to use
physical resemblance as a way of identifying "kin." And from the reunions I've
witnessed, those who find a resemblance are deeply satisfied by it. Those of us
who don't find one, or much of one, are nearly always disappointed.

There may be others whom you resemble more. I tell you what, next time you talk
to your birthmother, ask her if you look like your father. (Just kidding.)

whoever
------------------------------
coffee kid

In article <20040204194232.23307.00006460@mb-m29.aol.com>, fiend says...In article <HVfUb.1937$_4.209@www.newsranger.com>, Robibnikoff<nospam@newsranger.com> wrote:while it sounds so superficial, Iwas disappointed that I didn't resemble them that much.I don't find that particularly superficial. I think we're hard-wired to usephysical resemblance as a way of identifying "kin." And from the reunions I'vewitnessed, those who find a resemblance are deeply satisfied by it. Those of uswho don't find one, or much of one, are nearly always disappointed.There may be others whom you resemble more. I tell you what, next time you talkto your birthmother, ask her if you look like your father. (Just kidding.)

D'oh! Umm...don't think that would go over that well ;)

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

>Subject: Well, I'm back from meeting the bmomFrom: Robibnikoff nospam@newsranger.comDate: 2/4/2004
So, I must admit that I'm feeling sort of down now. Sad, but I'm not surewhy.I'm thrilled that I have pictures of all these family members, but it sort ofsaddens me to look at them too - Like here's this great family that I'm notreally a part of.

Yep, the ups and downs.
But, knowing me, I'll be feeling just fine tomorrow ;)

Yes you will.
Well, that's basically it - Don't really feel like saying much more rightnow.

Thanks for writing Robyn, I've been thinking of you.
Robyn

Kathy J

In article <wweUb.1922$_4.189@www.newsranger.com>, Robibnikoff
<nospam@newsranger.com> writes:
Hey everyone:

Oh I just had to jump to this subject first! I am so eager to hear how it all
went!
Well, I'm back from my lunch date with my bmom and half-sis (actually gothomeabout an hour and a half ago). It was great, but kind of surreal. Shewalkedinto the inn and we immediately exchanged hugs and flowers. Was this a bigmush"fall over each other in tears" kinda thing? Not at all. My half-sis and Ialsoexchanged hugs. I must say that one of the things that amazed me is howlittleI resembled them. I remember from the one picture I have of my bmom thinkingthat we looked so much alike - Turns out we really don't. I also don't lookanything like my half-sis. So that was kind of "weird". And at the risk ofsounding catty, I was surprised at how much older she looked than me eventhoughshe's younger.

I hear ya. I have never been able to do that whole they look like----I can't
see family resemblances unless they are exceptionally strong. I didn't think
Iooked like either of my birthparents, but I am a poor judge of that. Yet I
think I expected to see a mirror reflection.
Anyway, lunch was great and we all had a wonderful time talking together. Iwould also like to give a huge thank you to my husband for accompanying me.Iwas more than a bit tongue-tied and he was fantastic at breaking the ice andkeeping the conversation going. My bmom gave me a calendar that her sis putstogether for the family every Xmas that was full of pictures of familymembers -I don't look like any of them, but what the hey (BTW, my half-bro is acutie).I gave her the photo album I'd put together of childhood photos, pictures ofmyhusband's family and pictures of my daughter. Of course, nothing "serious"wasdiscussed, but it was a great time. When we parted, there was no discussionofanything going any further or the possibility of a future meeting. I justsaid"I'll keep in touch". I plan on writing her a letter in the next couple ofdays.

I think writing a letter is a good idea. Not quite the "welcome to the family"
that seems to be expected in all reunions.
So, I must admit that I'm feeling sort of down now. Sad, but I'm not surewhy.I'm thrilled that I have pictures of all these family members, but it sort ofsaddens me to look at them too - Like here's this great family that I'm notreally a part of.

Maybe you can think of it in terms of "not really a part of YET"?
But, knowing me, I'll be feeling just fine tomorrow ;)Well, that's basically it - Don't really feel like saying much more rightnow.

I think the hype and excitement leading up to something like this makes it seem
smaller once it happens, but I think in a few days it will even out. You take
care, and remember we are all here for you.

KL
RobynResident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster#1557

>Well, I'm back from my lunch date with my bmom and half-sis (actually gothomeabout an hour and a half ago). It was great, but kind of surreal.

Thanks for sharing your reunion. what an emotionally charged event. I'm sure
after your b'mother and sis take it all in, you'll hear more from them.

DMC

In article <20040204204618.15185.00000432@mb-m06.aol.com>, Dmc10709 says...Well, I'm back from my lunch date with my bmom and half-sis (actually gothomeabout an hour and a half ago). It was great, but kind of surreal.Thanks for sharing your reunion. what an emotionally charged event. I'm sureafter your b'mother and sis take it all in, you'll hear more from them.

I hope so, but we'll just have to wait and see. When we said goodbye in the
parking lot, my half-sis was holding onto the photo album I had given them and
said "Thanks so much for this" and looked a bit teary-eyed.

We'll just have to see what happens :)

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

In article <20040204201557.11576.00001294@mb-m12.aol.com>, Tm n Kat says...Subject: Well, I'm back from meeting the bmomFrom: Robibnikoff nospam@newsranger.comDate: 2/4/2004So, I must admit that I'm feeling sort of down now. Sad, but I'm not surewhy.I'm thrilled that I have pictures of all these family members, but it sort ofsaddens me to look at them too - Like here's this great family that I'm notreally a part of.Yep, the ups and downs.But, knowing me, I'll be feeling just fine tomorrow ;)Yes you will.Well, that's basically it - Don't really feel like saying much more rightnow.Thanks for writing Robyn, I've been thinking of you.

You are more than welcome. I'm feeling better (thanks to some vino) :)

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

"Robibnikoff" <nospam@newsranger.com> wrote in message
news:wweUb.1922$_4.189@www.newsranger.com... Hey everyone: Well, I'm back from my lunch date with my bmom and half-sis (actually got
home about an hour and a half ago). It was great, but kind of surreal. She
walked into the inn and we immediately exchanged hugs and flowers. Was this a
big mush "fall over each other in tears" kinda thing? Not at all. My half-sis and
I also exchanged hugs. I must say that one of the things that amazed me is how
little I resembled them.

There's more to resemblances than meets the eye, if you get my drift! The
biggest one must be your shared artistic talent.

I remember from the one picture I have of my bmom thinking that we looked so much alike - Turns out we really don't. I also don't
look anything like my half-sis. So that was kind of "weird". And at the risk
of sounding catty, I was surprised at how much older she looked than me even
though she's younger.

That's the witch in you!
Anyway, lunch was great and we all had a wonderful time talking together.
I would also like to give a huge thank you to my husband for accompanying
me. I was more than a bit tongue-tied and he was fantastic at breaking the ice
and keeping the conversation going.

He'll be great in the coming days, reminding you of bits and pieces that you
might have forgotten. (He sounds like a gorgeous guy, anyway!)


My bmom gave me a calendar that her sis puts together for the family every Xmas that was full of pictures of family
members - I don't look like any of them, but what the hey (BTW, my half-bro is a
cutie). I gave her the photo album I'd put together of childhood photos, pictures
of my husband's family and pictures of my daughter. Of course, nothing "serious"
was discussed, but it was a great time.

"Serious" is for the future, this was the handshake. <s>

When we parted, there was no discussion of anything going any further or the possibility of a future meeting. I just
said "I'll keep in touch". I plan on writing her a letter in the next couple of
days.

Good idea. Less pressure, and so nice that now you can 'put a face to the
name'.
So, I must admit that I'm feeling sort of down now. Sad, but I'm not sure
why.

'La tristesse' - the anticlimax that is often experienced after emotional
encounters of one sort or another. <BG>

Jokes apart, it really IS a common experience. You have had years' of
building up to this day, and then it's all over, done and dusted in
jig-time! Don't worry - you are bound to have another 'go' at it. Many of
them, I hope.
I'm thrilled that I have pictures of all these family members, but it sort
of saddens me to look at them too - Like here's this great family that I'm
not really a part of. But, knowing me, I'll be feeling just fine tomorrow ;) Well, that's basically it - Don't really feel like saying much more right
now.

Just let it settle, mull over it now and then, with a little help from your
dh. You will probably have crazy dreams for a while, too. <g>

I am *so* glad for you Robyn, that it went well. I drove myself nuts umpteen
times today. "What time would it be there" - "are they still in the
restaurant?" - "did they 'click'"? - etc!

Helen
Robyn Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster #1557

"fiend" <reveohw@aol.compromise> wrote in message
news:20040204185408.23171.00003910@mb-m05.aol.com... In article <20040204175136.21890.00001186@mb-m06.aol.com>, palms2pines@aol.comh8spam (Palms2pines) wrote:I would think reunion could be anticlimactic Maybe anticlimactic, maybe something else too. For anyone who cares enough about the relationships formed by birth to seek reunion, every "find" is a reminder of loss. People in reunion shouldn't be surprised to find a
certain amount of grief mixed in with the pleasanter emotions.

Particularly afterwards, during the initial 'mulling over' - sometimes
critical - stage.
Not that this is necessarily the case with Robyn. But it'd be fairly
typical.

I agree.

Helen
whoever ---------------------------------- coffeeclimactic and coffeetypical

"fiend" <reveohw@aol.compromise> wrote in message
news:20040204194232.23307.00006460@mb-m29.aol.com... In article <HVfUb.1937$_4.209@www.newsranger.com>, Robibnikoff <nospam@newsranger.com> wrote:while it sounds so superficial, Iwas disappointed that I didn't resemble them that much. I don't find that particularly superficial. I think we're hard-wired to
use physical resemblance as a way of identifying "kin." And from the reunions
I've witnessed, those who find a resemblance are deeply satisfied by it. Those
of us who don't find one, or much of one, are nearly always disappointed.

Often people we fall in love with remind us of someone we already know,
physically, or their sense of humour, or something. I think we DO seem to
need that sense of familiarity to make the first connection in a new
relationship. We will always find *something*, if the attraction is strong
enough. Or is it the other way around? <g>
There may be others whom you resemble more. I tell you what, next time you
talk to your birthmother, ask her if you look like your father. (Just kidding.)

She can always ask her how she enjoyed looking at the photo album, and "did
I remind you of anyone?" Better to do it face to face, rather than on the
phone. :-)

Helen
whoever ------------------------------ coffee kid

reveohw@aol.compromise (fiend) wrote in message news:<20040204185408.23171.00003910@mb-m05.aol.com>... In article <20040204175136.21890.00001186@mb-m06.aol.com>, palms2pines@aol.comh8spam (Palms2pines) wrote:I would think reunion could be anticlimactic Maybe anticlimactic, maybe something else too. For anyone who cares enough about the relationships formed by birth to seek reunion, every "find" is a reminder of loss. People in reunion shouldn't be surprised to find a certain amount of grief mixed in with the pleasanter emotions. Not that this is necessarily the case with Robyn. But it'd be fairly typical. whoever ---------------------------------- coffeeclimactic and coffeetypical

Yes, there is saddness mixed in with the good and a sense of loss on
the adoptee's part as well as the bparent. At least, that is how I
felt.

Robibnikoff writes:
Well, that's basically it - Don't really feel like saying much more rightnow.

{{{{{{{Robin}}}}}}}

Jeannette, bmom

Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.
Paul Boese


The Animal Rescue Site - Feed An Animal In Need
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/cgi-bin/WebObjects/CTDSites

In article <0ZhUb.1486$rb.55159@news.indigo.ie>, "helicon" <helicon@eircom.net>
writes:
"Robibnikoff" <nospam@newsranger.com> wrote in messagenews:wweUb.1922$_4.189@www.newsranger.com.. . Hey everyone: Well, I'm back from my lunch date with my bmom and half-sis (actually gothome about an hour and a half ago). It was great, but kind of surreal. Shewalked into the inn and we immediately exchanged hugs and flowers. Was this abig mush "fall over each other in tears" kinda thing? Not at all. My half-sis andI also exchanged hugs. I must say that one of the things that amazed me is howlittle I resembled them.There's more to resemblances than meets the eye, if you get my drift! Thebiggest one must be your shared artistic talent.

OH...yeah...like you both brought albums to the meeting. That was something,
wasn't it?

KL
<snipped the rest>

Robibnikoff <nospam@newsranger.com> wrote in message news:<wweUb.1922$_4.189@www.newsranger.com>... Hey everyone: Well, I'm back from my lunch date with my bmom and half-sis (actually got home about an hour and a half ago). It was great, but kind of surreal. She walked into the inn and we immediately exchanged hugs and flowers. Was this a big mush "fall over each other in tears" kinda thing? Not at all. My half-sis and I also exchanged hugs. I must say that one of the things that amazed me is how little I resembled them. I remember from the one picture I have of my bmom thinking that we looked so much alike - Turns out we really don't. I also don't look anything like my half-sis. So that was kind of "weird". And at the risk of sounding catty, I was surprised at how much older she looked than me even though she's younger. Anyway, lunch was great and we all had a wonderful time talking together. I would also like to give a huge thank you to my husband for accompanying me. I was more than a bit tongue-tied and he was fantastic at breaking the ice and keeping the conversation going. My bmom gave me a calendar that her sis puts together for the family every Xmas that was full of pictures of family members - I don't look like any of them, but what the hey (BTW, my half-bro is a cutie). I gave her the photo album I'd put together of childhood photos, pictures of my husband's family and pictures of my daughter. Of course, nothing "serious" was discussed, but it was a great time. When we parted, there was no discussion of anything going any further or the possibility of a future meeting. I just said "I'll keep in touch". I plan on writing her a letter in the next couple of days. So, I must admit that I'm feeling sort of down now. Sad, but I'm not sure why.

It would be odd if you didn't feel sad.
It's a lot of 'stuff', and takes time to process.
But it gets easier. And better.

I'm thrilled that I have pictures of all these family members, but it sort of saddens me to look at them too - Like here's this great family that I'm not really a part of. But, knowing me, I'll be feeling just fine tomorrow ;) Well, that's basically it - Don't really feel like saying much more right now.


Take care :-)



Rh.

Robyn Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster #1557

>I think that we adoptees tend to be youthful in attitude and appearancesimplybecause we're not allowed access to our own information.


Hey, I'll bet you're right. Be treated as a child, look like a child.


P2P

reveohw:
For anyone who cares enoughabout the relationships formed by birth to seek reunion, every "find" is areminder of loss. People in reunion shouldn't be surprised to find a certainamount of grief mixed in with the pleasanter emotions.Not that this is necessarily the case with Robyn. But it'd be fairly typical.


Would it also be fair to say an adoptee might spend the better part of a
lifetime wondering who he/she resembles physically and if he/she discovers
birth family only to find little physical resemblence some hopes are dashed?

Bad run-on sentence alert.




P2P

On Thu, 05 Feb 2004 00:05:21 GMT, Robibnikoff <nospam@newsranger.com>
wrote:
In article <20040204182742.19027.00001522@mb-m28.aol.com>, AdoptaDad says...Subject: Well, I'm back from meeting the bmomFrom: Robibnikoff nospam@newsranger.comDate: 2/4/04 5:39 PM Eastern Standard TimeMessage-id: <wweUb.1922$_4.189@www.newsranger.com> Thanks for sharing your reunion experience, Robyn. I can only imagine whatit must be like. Forgive me if you've already covered this ground, but I know very littleabout your adoptive family. Can you count on them for any support andencouragement?Oh goodness no - In fact, I got the completelopposite. While they did assist ingetting me information crucial to my search (documents from the adoption agencywhich had my original birthname on it), when my reunion initially went sour, myamom's reaction to my saying that I didn't think my bmom wanted anything to dowith me was "Well, of course not! What did you expect? I don't understand whyyou would want to bother the poor woman in the first place". OUCH!Consequently, I haven't told them a thing since. They have absolutely NO ideathat I got back in communication with my bmom, much less was going to meet hertoday.

Sorry to hear about their reaction Robyn. It would have been nicer if
you had their support, but I'm glad hubby was there for you.

I hope the relationship with your birth family grows into something
precious and rewarding

Julia
What suggestions would you have for adoptive parents when itcomes to reunions?Arrgh, I'm probably not the person to ask. Give me a couple of days. I'm stillprocessing today :)My kid will go through this someday. I could use the advice.Off the top of my head? Be supportive and try to keep any insecurities you maybe feeling to yourself.RobynResident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster#1557

fiend wrote:
In article <HVfUb.1937$_4.209@www.newsranger.com>, Robibnikoff <nospam@newsranger.com> wrote:while it sounds so superficial, Iwas disappointed that I didn't resemble them that much. I don't find that particularly superficial. I think we're hard-wired to use physical resemblance as a way of identifying "kin." And from the reunions I've witnessed, those who find a resemblance are deeply satisfied by it. Those of us who don't find one, or much of one, are nearly always disappointed. There may be others whom you resemble more. I tell you what, next time you talk to your birthmother, ask her if you look like your father. (Just kidding.) whoever ------------------------------ coffee kid

I cannot resist a comment on this one...now, if I could just remember
what it is that I need to say... ;-) Actually, I do have some rather
interesting (opinion of others!) thoughts on the matter, and also a few
ways to help the newly reunited *see* resemblances where they *feel*
none may exist. I just realized I'm gonna have to bounce back here
tomorrow rather than continue tonight... sorry. :-(


pb...

In article <0ZhUb.1486$rb.55159@news.indigo.ie>, helicon says..."Robibnikoff" <nospam@newsranger.com> wrote in messagenews:wweUb.1922$_4.189@www.newsranger.com.. . Hey everyone: Well, I'm back from my lunch date with my bmom and half-sis (actually gothome about an hour and a half ago). It was great, but kind of surreal. Shewalked into the inn and we immediately exchanged hugs and flowers. Was this abig mush "fall over each other in tears" kinda thing? Not at all. My half-sis andI also exchanged hugs. I must say that one of the things that amazed me is howlittle I resembled them.There's more to resemblances than meets the eye, if you get my drift! Thebiggest one must be your shared artistic talent.

True. I meant to ask my half-sis if she also had an artsy streak, but didn't
get a chance.
I remember from the one picture I have of my bmom thinking that we looked so much alike - Turns out we really don't. I also don'tlook anything like my half-sis. So that was kind of "weird". And at the riskof sounding catty, I was surprised at how much older she looked than me eventhough she's younger.That's the witch in you!

LOL, oh dear. What I thought was funny was when my bmom referred to her two
cats as her "familars" (i.e., witch's assistant/pet).
Anyway, lunch was great and we all had a wonderful time talking together.I would also like to give a huge thank you to my husband for accompanyingme. I was more than a bit tongue-tied and he was fantastic at breaking the iceand keeping the conversation going.He'll be great in the coming days, reminding you of bits and pieces that youmight have forgotten. (He sounds like a gorgeous guy, anyway!)

Thanks, he is wonderful. Guess I'll have to overlook the fact that he's a lazy
slob for at least a week ;) Seriously though, he made a somewhat awkward and
scary situation SO much easier.
My bmom gave me a calendar that her sis puts together for the family every Xmas that was full of pictures of familymembers - I don't look like any of them, but what the hey (BTW, my half-bro is acutie). I gave her the photo album I'd put together of childhood photos, picturesof my husband's family and pictures of my daughter. Of course, nothing "serious"was discussed, but it was a great time."Serious" is for the future, this was the handshake. <s>

We'll see - I'm not sure where it's going to go from here.
When we parted, there was no discussion of anything going any further or the possibility of a future meeting. I justsaid "I'll keep in touch". I plan on writing her a letter in the next couple ofdays.Good idea. Less pressure, and so nice that now you can 'put a face to thename'.

<chuckle> That's almost exactly what my bmom said.
So, I must admit that I'm feeling sort of down now. Sad, but I'm not surewhy.'La tristesse' - the anticlimax that is often experienced after emotionalencounters of one sort or another. <BG> Jokes apart, it really IS a common experience. You have had years' ofbuilding up to this day, and then it's all over, done and dusted injig-time! Don't worry - you are bound to have another 'go' at it. Many ofthem, I hope. I'm thrilled that I have pictures of all these family members, but it sortof saddens me to look at them too - Like here's this great family that I'mnot really a part of. But, knowing me, I'll be feeling just fine tomorrow ;) Well, that's basically it - Don't really feel like saying much more rightnow.Just let it settle, mull over it now and then, with a little help from yourdh. You will probably have crazy dreams for a while, too. <g>I am *so* glad for you Robyn, that it went well. I drove myself nuts umpteentimes today. "What time would it be there" - "are they still in therestaurant?" - "did they 'click'"? - etc!

LOL, you're a sweetie. It really was a great experience, but very surreal too.
And while I'm not sure what's going to come in the future, I did have the one
things I've always wanted - to meet my bmom. Of course, now I'm going to have
to think of someone else when I get one of those email surveys from my SILs when
I come to the question "Who's the one person you'd like to meet" ;)

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

In article <20040204234558.21967.00000159@mb-m20.aol.com>, Palms2pines says...reveohw: For anyone who cares enoughabout the relationships formed by birth to seek reunion, every "find" is areminder of loss. People in reunion shouldn't be surprised to find a certainamount of grief mixed in with the pleasanter emotions.Not that this is necessarily the case with Robyn. But it'd be fairly typical.Would it also be fair to say an adoptee might spend the better part of alifetime wondering who he/she resembles physically and if he/she discoversbirth family only to find little physical resemblence some hopes are dashed?

Errk, saying my hopes were "dashed" sounds a bit strong, but I would have liked
to have seem more of a resemblance. However, it's not the end of the world
either.Bad run-on sentence alert.

Thanks for the warning ;)

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

In article <20040204230456.22081.00003895@mb-m17.aol.com>, KL says...In article <0ZhUb.1486$rb.55159@news.indigo.ie>, "helicon" <helicon@eircom.net>writes:"Robibnikoff" <nospam@newsranger.com> wrote in messagenews:wweUb.1922$_4.189@www.newsranger.com.. . Hey everyone: Well, I'm back from my lunch date with my bmom and half-sis (actually gothome about an hour and a half ago). It was great, but kind of surreal. Shewalked into the inn and we immediately exchanged hugs and flowers. Was this abig mush "fall over each other in tears" kinda thing? Not at all. My half-sis andI also exchanged hugs. I must say that one of the things that amazed me is howlittle I resembled them.There's more to resemblances than meets the eye, if you get my drift! Thebiggest one must be your shared artistic talent.OH...yeah...like you both brought albums to the meeting. That was something,wasn't it?

Sure was ;)

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

In article <bvsotp02q6f@enews1.newsguy.com>, pb... says...fiend wrote: In article <HVfUb.1937$_4.209@www.newsranger.com>, Robibnikoff <nospam@newsranger.com> wrote:while it sounds so superficial, Iwas disappointed that I didn't resemble them that much. I don't find that particularly superficial. I think we're hard-wired to use physical resemblance as a way of identifying "kin." And from the reunions I've witnessed, those who find a resemblance are deeply satisfied by it. Those of us who don't find one, or much of one, are nearly always disappointed. There may be others whom you resemble more. I tell you what, next time you talk to your birthmother, ask her if you look like your father. (Just kidding.) whoever ------------------------------ coffee kidI cannot resist a comment on this one...now, if I could just rememberwhat it is that I need to say... ;-) Actually, I do have some ratherinteresting (opinion of others!) thoughts on the matter, and also a fewways to help the newly reunited *see* resemblances where they *feel*none may exist. I just realized I'm gonna have to bounce back heretomorrow rather than continue tonight... sorry. :-(

I await your post with baited breath ;)

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

In article <dafc70.0402042016.75ecdb8a@posting.google.com>, Rhiannon says...Robibnikoff <nospam@newsranger.com> wrote in message news:<wweUb.1922$_4.189@www.newsranger.com>...
snip So, I must admit that I'm feeling sort of down now. Sad, but I'm not sure why.
It would be odd if you didn't feel sad.It's a lot of 'stuff', and takes time to process.But it gets easier. And better.

I guess so - I really had no idea what I would be feeling afterwards.
I'm thrilled that I have pictures of all these family members, but it sort of saddens me to look at them too - Like here's this great family that I'm not really a part of. But, knowing me, I'll be feeling just fine tomorrow ;) Well, that's basically it - Don't really feel like saying much more right now.Take care :-)

Thanks ;)

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

In article <4b23522a.0402041907.65883234@posting.google.com>, Debbie says...reveohw@aol.compromise (fiend) wrote in message news:<20040204185408.23171.00003910@mb-m05.aol.com>... In article <20040204175136.21890.00001186@mb-m06.aol.com>, palms2pines@aol.comh8spam (Palms2pines) wrote:I would think reunion could be anticlimactic Maybe anticlimactic, maybe something else too. For anyone who cares enough about the relationships formed by birth to seek reunion, every "find" is a reminder of loss. People in reunion shouldn't be surprised to find a certain amount of grief mixed in with the pleasanter emotions. Not that this is necessarily the case with Robyn. But it'd be fairly typical. whoever ---------------------------------- coffeeclimactic and coffeetypicalYes, there is saddness mixed in with the good and a sense of loss onthe adoptee's part as well as the bparent. At least, that is how Ifelt.

Ah, I think you hit the nail on the head - that sense of loss. That's exactly
what I was feeling. Perhaps my bmom was also.

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

On Thu, 05 Feb 2004 10:41:44 GMT, Robibnikoff <nospam@newsranger.com>
wrote:
Ah, I think you hit the nail on the head - that sense of loss. That's exactlywhat I was feeling. Perhaps my bmom was also.


Its what I felt..

Thank you for sharing your meeting Robyn..


Jackie

>Yes, there is saddness mixed in with the good and a sense of loss onthe adoptee's part as well as the bparent. At least, that is how Ifelt.

Ah, I think you hit the nail on the head - that sense of loss. That's exactly
what I was feeling. Perhaps my bmom was also.

==========
Robyn, first I want you to know that I'm so glad for you that you met with your
bmom and bsis. And despite some of the things you've expressed here, it does
seem like it was a "good" visit, and may open a door to a long term, more
comfortable relationship with one or both of them.

As to the feeling of "loss"... (the find is a reminder of loss)... I couldn't
agree more. I've been in reunion with my son for almost two years now. Even
with that, I am reminded of what I missed, and I certainly know he feels this
way. He sees a family he didn't grow up with and wonders how different his
life would have been. I see children and moments that I never had with him, I
wonder how different both of our lives would have been if we had stayed
together. It is loss and sadness, mixed in with the joy of contact, and, for
us, the immediate comfort in knowing one another. The on-going relationship is
the challenge.

Good wishes to you Robyn. I think you're feelings are very very normal ; )

Dale
Bmom/Amom

>Subject: Re: Well, I'm back from meeting the bmomFrom: Robibnikoff nospam@newsranger.comDate: 2/4/04 5:14 PM Mountain Standard TimeMessage-id: <HVfUb.1937$_4.209@www.newsranger.com>
Thanks, sweetie. I don't know if I really feel "let down" as to me thatimpliesthat my bmom and half-sis "failed" me somehow. And they didn't. We did haveawonderful time, but it was a bit awkward and while it sounds so superficial,Iwas disappointed that I didn't resemble them that much. However, one thing Ididnote was that my bmom and I had very similar gestures. I was leaning my chinonmy hands listening to my half-sis talk and looked over at my bmom doing theexact same thing. That was pretty cool :)

I remember feeling that way when I saw pictures of my bmom's feet. Hey, those
are MY toes! LOL


-------------------------
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail . . . but, a true friend will
be sitting next to you saying, "Damn . . . that was fun!"
-----Unknown

>Subject: Re: Well, I'm back from meeting the bmomFrom: reveohw@aol.compromise (fiend)Date: 2/4/04 5:42 PM Mountain Standard TimeMessage-id: <20040204194232.23307.00006460@mb-m29.aol.com>In article <HVfUb.1937$_4.209@www.newsranger.com>, Robibnikoff<nospam@newsranger.com> wrote:while it sounds so superficial, Iwas disappointed that I didn't resemble them that much.I don't find that particularly superficial. I think we're hard-wired to usephysical resemblance as a way of identifying "kin." And from the reunionsI'vewitnessed, those who find a resemblance are deeply satisfied by it. Those ofuswho don't find one, or much of one, are nearly always disappointed.

Too bad we aren't dogs. Then we could sniff each other's butts. ;-)


-------------------------
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail . . . but, a true friend will
be sitting next to you saying, "Damn . . . that was fun!"
-----Unknown

>Subject: Well, I'm back from meeting the bmomFrom: Robibnikoff nospam@newsranger.comDate: 2/4/04 2:39 PM Pacific Standard TimeMessage-id: <wweUb.1922$_4.189@www.newsranger.com>Hey everyone:Well, I'm back from my lunch date with my bmom and half-sis (actually gothomeabout an hour and a half ago). It was great, but kind of surreal. Shewalkedinto the inn and we immediately exchanged hugs and flowers. Was this a bigmush"fall over each other in tears" kinda thing? Not at all. My half-sis and Ialsoexchanged hugs. I must say that one of the things that amazed me is howlittleI resembled them. I remember from the one picture I have of my bmom thinkingthat we looked so much alike - Turns out we really don't. I also don't lookanything like my half-sis. So that was kind of "weird". And at the risk ofsounding catty, I was surprised at how much older she looked than me eventhoughshe's younger.Anyway, lunch was great and we all had a wonderful time talking together. Iwould also like to give a huge thank you to my husband for accompanying me.Iwas more than a bit tongue-tied and he was fantastic at breaking the ice andkeeping the conversation going. My bmom gave me a calendar that her sis putstogether for the family every Xmas that was full of pictures of familymembers -I don't look like any of them, but what the hey (BTW, my half-bro is acutie).I gave her the photo album I'd put together of childhood photos, pictures ofmyhusband's family and pictures of my daughter. Of course, nothing "serious"wasdiscussed, but it was a great time. When we parted, there was no discussionofanything going any further or the possibility of a future meeting. I justsaid"I'll keep in touch". I plan on writing her a letter in the next couple ofdays.So, I must admit that I'm feeling sort of down now. Sad, but I'm not surewhy.I'm thrilled that I have pictures of all these family members, but it sort ofsaddens me to look at them too - Like here's this great family that I'm notreally a part of.But, knowing me, I'll be feeling just fine tomorrow ;)Well, that's basically it - Don't really feel like saying much more rightnow.Robyn

Thanks for sharing, kiddo. Sounds about normal to me. I remember seeing my
first grandchild at 5 months old during our reunion. While it certainly was
joyful, it was also a huge reminder of what I had lost. What a kick in the
stomach it was for me to have missed all those years without my son. But life
goes on.

Remember, one day at a time going forward builds a lasting relationship. Just
take it slow.


Diane Welfare, "she describes the US market as a "$US1.4 billion business in
baby trafficking". ~~121603
http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2003/12/15/1071336884771.html

In article <20040205093631.17156.00001454@mb-m03.aol.com>, LilMtnCbn says...Subject: Re: Well, I'm back from meeting the bmomFrom: reveohw@aol.compromise (fiend)Date: 2/4/04 5:42 PM Mountain Standard TimeMessage-id: <20040204194232.23307.00006460@mb-m29.aol.com>In article <HVfUb.1937$_4.209@www.newsranger.com>, Robibnikoff<nospam@newsranger.com> wrote:while it sounds so superficial, Iwas disappointed that I didn't resemble them that much.I don't find that particularly superficial. I think we're hard-wired to usephysical resemblance as a way of identifying "kin." And from the reunionsI'vewitnessed, those who find a resemblance are deeply satisfied by it. Those ofuswho don't find one, or much of one, are nearly always disappointed.Too bad we aren't dogs. Then we could sniff each other's butts. ;-)

:::SPEW!!!::: Don't DO that! ;D

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

Robibnikoff <nospam@newsranger.com> wrote in message news:<I5pUb.1967$_4.199@www.newsranger.com>... In article <4b23522a.0402041907.65883234@posting.google.com>, Debbie says...reveohw@aol.compromise (fiend) wrote in message news:<20040204185408.23171.00003910@mb-m05.aol.com>... In article <20040204175136.21890.00001186@mb-m06.aol.com>, palms2pines@aol.comh8spam (Palms2pines) wrote: >I would think reunion could be anticlimactic Maybe anticlimactic, maybe something else too. For anyone who cares enough about the relationships formed by birth to seek reunion, every "find" is a reminder of loss. People in reunion shouldn't be surprised to find a certain amount of grief mixed in with the pleasanter emotions. Not that this is necessarily the case with Robyn. But it'd be fairly typical. whoever ---------------------------------- coffeeclimactic and coffeetypicalYes, there is saddness mixed in with the good and a sense of loss onthe adoptee's part as well as the bparent. At least, that is how Ifelt. Ah, I think you hit the nail on the head - that sense of loss. That's exactly what I was feeling.Perhaps my bmom was also.



I think you can pretty much count on it (I wish I knew how to make a
rueful emoticon)



Rh. Robyn Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster #1557

In article <20040205093540.17156.00001452@mb-m03.aol.com>, LilMtnCbn says...Subject: Re: Well, I'm back from meeting the bmomFrom: Robibnikoff nospam@newsranger.comDate: 2/4/04 5:14 PM Mountain Standard TimeMessage-id: <HVfUb.1937$_4.209@www.newsranger.com>Thanks, sweetie. I don't know if I really feel "let down" as to me thatimpliesthat my bmom and half-sis "failed" me somehow. And they didn't. We did haveawonderful time, but it was a bit awkward and while it sounds so superficial,Iwas disappointed that I didn't resemble them that much. However, one thing Ididnote was that my bmom and I had very similar gestures. I was leaning my chinonmy hands listening to my half-sis talk and looked over at my bmom doing theexact same thing. That was pretty cool :)I remember feeling that way when I saw pictures of my bmom's feet. Hey, thoseare MY toes! LOL

Dang! I didn't think to ask them to remove their shoes. Blast! ;D

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

In article <20040205093004.21768.00001461@mb-m06.aol.com>, DJanice says...Yes, there is saddness mixed in with the good and a sense of loss onthe adoptee's part as well as the bparent. At least, that is how Ifelt.Ah, I think you hit the nail on the head - that sense of loss. That's exactlywhat I was feeling. Perhaps my bmom was also.==========Robyn, first I want you to know that I'm so glad for you that you met with yourbmom and bsis. And despite some of the things you've expressed here, it doesseem like it was a "good" visit, and may open a door to a long term, morecomfortable relationship with one or both of them.

Yes, it really was a wonderful visit. I was just feeling funky when I wrote my
message last night and didn't mean to make it sound so negative.
As to the feeling of "loss"... (the find is a reminder of loss)... I couldn'tagree more. I've been in reunion with my son for almost two years now. Evenwith that, I am reminded of what I missed, and I certainly know he feels thisway. He sees a family he didn't grow up with and wonders how different hislife would have been. I see children and moments that I never had with him, Iwonder how different both of our lives would have been if we had stayedtogether. It is loss and sadness, mixed in with the joy of contact, and, forus, the immediate comfort in knowing one another. The on-going relationship isthe challenge.

Indeed.
Good wishes to you Robyn. I think you're feelings are very very normal ; )

Thanks, that does seem to be the case. And here I thought I wasn't a typical
adoptee ;D

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

In article <g5i420hmdmc4hb790f19lcecuvnm4bllg7@4ax.com>, Jackie says...On Thu, 05 Feb 2004 10:41:44 GMT, Robibnikoff <nospam@newsranger.com>wrote:Ah, I think you hit the nail on the head - that sense of loss. That's exactlywhat I was feeling. Perhaps my bmom was also.Its what I felt..Thank you for sharing your meeting Robyn..

You're welcome, Jackie. I was happy to do it :)

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

"LilMtnCbn" <lilmtncbn@aol.comnospam> wrote in message
news:20040205093631.17156.00001454@mb-m03.aol.com...Subject: Re: Well, I'm back from meeting the bmomFrom: reveohw@aol.compromise (fiend)Date: 2/4/04 5:42 PM Mountain Standard TimeMessage-id: <20040204194232.23307.00006460@mb-m29.aol.com>In article <HVfUb.1937$_4.209@www.newsranger.com>, Robibnikoff<nospam@newsranger.com> wrote:while it sounds so superficial, Iwas disappointed that I didn't resemble them that much.I don't find that particularly superficial. I think we're hard-wired to
usephysical resemblance as a way of identifying "kin." And from the reunionsI'vewitnessed, those who find a resemblance are deeply satisfied by it. Those
ofuswho don't find one, or much of one, are nearly always disappointed. Too bad we aren't dogs. Then we could sniff each other's butts. ;-)

LOL! Don't DO THAT!

Helen

------------------------- A good friend will come and bail you out of jail . . . but, a true friend
will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn . . . that was fun!" -----Unknown

Robibnikoff <nospam@newsranger.com> wrote in message news:<6IoUb.1959$_4.169@www.newsranger.com>... In article <20040204234558.21967.00000159@mb-m20.aol.com>, Palms2pines says...reveohw: For anyone who cares enoughabout the relationships formed by birth to seek reunion, every "find" is areminder of loss. People in reunion shouldn't be surprised to find a certainamount of grief mixed in with the pleasanter emotions.Not that this is necessarily the case with Robyn. But it'd be fairly typical.Would it also be fair to say an adoptee might spend the better part of alifetime wondering who he/she resembles physically and if he/she discoversbirth family only to find little physical resemblence some hopes are dashed? Errk, saying my hopes were "dashed" sounds a bit strong, but I would have liked to have seem more of a resemblance. However, it's not the end of the world either.


My son looks and sounds like his dad, and apparently even more like
his uncle on the paternal side.
I've been told he has my feet, which I find most consoling ;-)
So you may find someone with whom you have, say, an earlobe (or two)
in common.


Rh.
Bad run-on sentence alert. Thanks for the warning ;) Robyn Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster #1557

In article <dafc70.0402050707.b3dc6a7@posting.google.com>, Rhiannon says...Robibnikoff <nospam@newsranger.com> wrote in message news:<6IoUb.1959$_4.169@www.newsranger.com>... In article <20040204234558.21967.00000159@mb-m20.aol.com>, Palms2pines says...reveohw:> For anyone who cares enough>about the relationships formed by birth to seek reunion, every "find" is a>reminder of loss. People in reunion shouldn't be surprised to find a certain>amount of grief mixed in with the pleasanter emotions.>>Not that this is necessarily the case with Robyn. But it'd be fairly typical.>Would it also be fair to say an adoptee might spend the better part of alifetime wondering who he/she resembles physically and if he/she discoversbirth family only to find little physical resemblence some hopes are dashed? Errk, saying my hopes were "dashed" sounds a bit strong, but I would have liked to have seem more of a resemblance. However, it's not the end of the world either.
My son looks and sounds like his dad, and apparently even more likehis uncle on the paternal side.I've been told he has my feet, which I find most consoling ;-)

LOL, well that is something ;)
So you may find someone with whom you have, say, an earlobe (or two)in common.

I did note that our noses are similar, but mine's a bit more turned-up. I guess
I'm glad that I was spared the overbite ;)

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

In article <20040205095155.22671.00001313@mb-m18.aol.com>, Kathy says...
snipThanks for sharing, kiddo. Sounds about normal to me. I remember seeing myfirst grandchild at 5 months old during our reunion. While it certainly wasjoyful, it was also a huge reminder of what I had lost. What a kick in thestomach it was for me to have missed all those years without my son. But lifegoes on.

Indeed. I'm still feeling a bit funky today, but I know that will get better in
time.
Remember, one day at a time going forward builds a lasting relationship. Justtake it slow.

Don't worry, I definitely will :)

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

Robyn, just wanted to say that I am happy that you have finally met your
bmom. And glad that you had your hubby with you. I hope this leads to
more meetings!!
jmf





Well, I'm back from meeting the bmom

Group: alt.adoption Date: Wed, Feb 4, 2004, 10:39pm (CST+6) From:
nospam@newsranger.com (Robibnikoff)
Hey everyone:
Well, I'm back from my lunch date with my bmom and half-sis (actually
got home about an hour and a half ago). It was great, but kind of
surreal. She walked into the inn and we immediately exchanged hugs and
flowers. Was this a big mush "fall over each other in tears" kinda
thing? Not at all. My half-sis and I also exchanged hugs. I must say
that one of the things that amazed me is how little I resembled them. I
remember from the one picture I have of my bmom thinking that we looked
so much alike - Turns out we really don't. I also don't look anything
like my half-sis. So that was kind of "weird". And at the risk of
sounding catty, I was surprised at how much older she looked than me
even though she's younger.
Anyway, lunch was great and we all had a wonderful time talking
together. I would also like to give a huge thank you to my husband for
accompanying me. I was more than a bit tongue-tied and he was fantastic
at breaking the ice and keeping the conversation going. My bmom gave me
a calendar that her sis puts together for the family every Xmas that was
full of pictures of family members - I don't look like any of them, but
what the hey (BTW, my half-bro is a cutie). I gave her the photo album
I'd put together of childhood photos, pictures of my husband's family
and pictures of my daughter. Of course, nothing "serious" was discussed,
but it was a great time. When we parted, there was no discussion of
anything going any further or the possibility of a future meeting. I
just said "I'll keep in touch". I plan on writing her a letter in the
next couple of days.
So, I must admit that I'm feeling sort of down now. Sad, but I'm not
sure why. I'm thrilled that I have pictures of all these family members,
but it sort of saddens me to look at them too - Like here's this great
family that I'm not really a part of.
But, knowing me, I'll be feeling just fine tomorrow ;)
Well, that's basically it - Don't really feel like saying much more
right now.
Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

In article <20173-402271F3-204@storefull-3334.bay.webtv.net>, Jennie Fuller
says...Robyn, just wanted to say that I am happy that you have finally met yourbmom. And glad that you had your hubby with you. I hope this leads tomore meetings!! jmf

Thanks, Jennie. We'll have to wait and see. Because of the situation (not all
family members know of my existence), future meetings are a bit problematic, but
who knows - anything is possible.

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

>Errk, saying my hopes were "dashed" sounds a bit strong, but I would havelikedto have seem more of a resemblance. However, it's not the end of the worldeither.
Robyn

I've seen photos of my b'mother and family - I cannot see any resemblance.
There is b'mother and her 6 siblings - and nothing. Then I met b'mother's
sister about 4 months ago and she went on and on how I had her mouth, smile,
etc. I sure do not see it. The b'father is European, so I tend to think I
look more like that side.

Thanks again for your reunion 'report,' sure did enjoy it for maybe a possible
reference someday.

DMC

>Subject: Re: Well, I'm back from meeting the bmomFrom: Robibnikoff nospam@newsranger.comDate: 2/5/04 8:10 AM Pacific Standard TimeMessage-id: <VVtUb.1988$_4.202@www.newsranger.com>In article <20040205095155.22671.00001313@mb-m18.aol.com>, Kathy says...snipThanks for sharing, kiddo. Sounds about normal to me. I remember seeing myfirst grandchild at 5 months old during our reunion. While it certainly wasjoyful, it was also a huge reminder of what I had lost. What a kick in thestomach it was for me to have missed all those years without my son. Butlifegoes on.Indeed. I'm still feeling a bit funky today, but I know that will get betterintime.Remember, one day at a time going forward builds a lasting relationship.Justtake it slow.Don't worry, I definitely will :)Robyn

I know that you will, and remember funk ......well, very much, ... 'is
allowed'. ;P


Diane Welfare, "she describes the US market as a "$US1.4 billion business in
baby trafficking". ~~121603
http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2003/12/15/1071336884771.html

In article <20040205151052.22671.00001358@mb-m18.aol.com>, Kathy says...Subject: Re: Well, I'm back from meeting the bmomFrom: Robibnikoff nospam@newsranger.comDate: 2/5/04 8:10 AM Pacific Standard TimeMessage-id: <VVtUb.1988$_4.202@www.newsranger.com>In article <20040205095155.22671.00001313@mb-m18.aol.com>, Kathy says...snipThanks for sharing, kiddo. Sounds about normal to me. I remember seeing myfirst grandchild at 5 months old during our reunion. While it certainly wasjoyful, it was also a huge reminder of what I had lost. What a kick in thestomach it was for me to have missed all those years without my son. Butlifegoes on.Indeed. I'm still feeling a bit funky today, but I know that will get betterintime.Remember, one day at a time going forward builds a lasting relationship.Justtake it slow.Don't worry, I definitely will :)RobynI know that you will, and remember funk ......well, very much, ... 'isallowed'. ;P

Goodness! Perhaps I've coerced myself into a state of funk! Lemme see if I can
relinquish it ;)

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

In article <20040205150152.18989.00001612@mb-m28.aol.com>, Dmc10709 says...Errk, saying my hopes were "dashed" sounds a bit strong, but I would havelikedto have seem more of a resemblance. However, it's not the end of the worldeither.RobynI've seen photos of my b'mother and family - I cannot see any resemblance.There is b'mother and her 6 siblings - and nothing. Then I met b'mother'ssister about 4 months ago and she went on and on how I had her mouth, smile,etc. I sure do not see it. The b'father is European, so I tend to think Ilook more like that side.

I do see a resemblance in my bmom's picture, but that was taken quite some time
ago. I also see a slight resemblance in my half-sis's picture, but didn't
really see any when we were face-to-face. We do all have the same mouth though
which I can now see came from my bgrandfather. So there IS something.
Thanks again for your reunion 'report,' sure did enjoy it for maybe a possiblereference someday.

You are more than welcome :)

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

> Robibnikoff nospam@newsranger.comDate: 2/4/2004 7:10 PM Eastern Standard TimeMessage-id: <CRfUb.1935$_4.177@www.newsranger.com>In article <20040204180135.13026.00001511@mb-m02.aol.com>, kj says...Robibnikoff nospam@newsranger.comDate: 2/4/2004 5:39 PM Eastern Standard TimeMessage-id: <wweUb.1922$_4.189@www.newsranger.com>Hey everyone:Well, I'm back from my lunch date with my bmom and half-sis (actually gothomeabout an hour and a half ago). It was great, but kind of surreal. Shewalkedinto the inn and we immediately exchanged hugs and flowers. Was this a bigmush"fall over each other in tears" kinda thing? Not at all. My half-sis and Ialsoexchanged hugs. I must say that one of the things that amazed me is howlittleI resembled them. I remember from the one picture I have of my bmomthinkingthat we looked so much alike - Turns out we really don't. I also don'tlookanything like my half-sis. So that was kind of "weird". And at the risk ofsounding catty, I was surprised at how much older she looked than me eventhoughshe's younger.I think that we adoptees tend to be youthful in attitude and appearancesimplybecause we're not allowed access to our own information.Bwahaha! And here I thought it was because she didn't use enough sunscreen ;)


And our eyes sparkle from the glorious infernos we set... Seriously
(horrifically), we used to sunbath with effing BABY OIL! It's amazing my skin
looks as good as it does. I can't hold color for much more than a day.Anyway, lunch was great and we all had a wonderful time talking together.Iwould also like to give a huge thank you to my husband for accompanying me.Iwas more than a bit tongue-tied and he was fantastic at breaking the iceandkeeping the conversation going. My bmom gave me a calendar that her sisputstogether for the family every Xmas that was full of pictures of familymembers -I don't look like any of them, but what the hey (BTW, my half-bro is acutie).I gave her the photo album I'd put together of childhood photos, picturesofmyhusband's family and pictures of my daughter. Of course, nothing "serious"wasdiscussed, but it was a great time. When we parted, there was nodiscussionofanything going any further or the possibility of a future meeting. I justsaid"I'll keep in touch". I plan on writing her a letter in the next couple ofdays.Are you disappointed that she didn't offer another meeting?I'm not sure yet. Yes and no. When we were first driving away, I said to myhusband, "Thank goodness that's over. Now, I can get on with my life". But,aswe drove further, I started feeling a bit sad that our lunch could have been"it".So, I must admit that I'm feeling sort of down now. Sad, but I'm not surewhy.Because you've been freaking out about this for months. It's probablysomewhatof a let-down, regardless of the fact that you probably did not assume yourmeeting would be the most beautiful, spiritually fulfilling experience intheworld.LOL, well, I don't know if that's what I was expecting. I had been forwarnedbyanother reunited adoptee that I know that I might not feel any "connection"withmy bmom and, well, I didn't. She's a cool lady though and the moment whensheand my husband threatened to arm wrestle over the lunch bill was priceless ;)

Maybe you'll feel one as you get to know them--regardless of near future
meetings--I feel certain you will get to know them.

My neighbor reunited with his family a few years back. He can't stand his
b-mom, but sees a couple of b-siblings.

I'm thrilled that I have pictures of all these family members, but it sortofsaddens me to look at them too - Like here's this great family that I'm notreally a part of.Maybe that'll change someday. In the meantime, you're part of our family.Aw, thanks.Dang, my eyes are starting to water for some reason.

You're just feeling emotional!
But, knowing me, I'll be feeling just fine tomorrow ;)Well, that's basically it - Don't really feel like saying much more rightnow.Well, you need to vent, we're here for you.Thank you - I appreciate that more than you know.RobynResident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster#1557


kj

> palms2pines@aol.comh8spam (Palms2pines)Date: 2/4/2004 11:36 PM Eastern Standard TimeMessage-id: <20040204233642.21967.00000157@mb-m20.aol.com>I think that we adoptees tend to be youthful in attitude and appearancesimplybecause we're not allowed access to our own information.Hey, I'll bet you're right. Be treated as a child, look like a child.

Now aren't you sorry you're not adopted?
P2P


kj

>palms2pines@aol.comh8spam (Palms2pines)Date: 2/4/2004 11:45 PM Eastern Standard TimeMessage-id: <20040204234558.21967.00000159@mb-m20.aol.com>reveohw: For anyone who cares enoughabout the relationships formed by birth to seek reunion, every "find" is areminder of loss. People in reunion shouldn't be surprised to find a certainamount of grief mixed in with the pleasanter emotions.Not that this is necessarily the case with Robyn. But it'd be fairlytypical.Would it also be fair to say an adoptee might spend the better part of alifetime wondering who he/she resembles physically and if he/she discoversbirth family only to find little physical resemblence some hopes are dashed?Bad run-on sentence alert.

I'm certain of it.
P2P


kj

reveohw@aol.compromise (fiend)Date: 2/4/2004 7:42 PM Eastern Standard TimeMessage-id: <20040204194232.23307.00006460@mb-m29.aol.com>In article <HVfUb.1937$_4.209@www.newsranger.com>, Robibnikoff<nospam@newsranger.com> wrote:while it sounds so superficial, Iwas disappointed that I didn't resemble them that much.I don't find that particularly superficial. I think we're hard-wired to usephysical resemblance as a way of identifying "kin." And from the reunionsI'vewitnessed, those who find a resemblance are deeply satisfied by it.

You're absolutely right, Fiend. In one of my classes last semester
(organizational behavior--easy A), we read about a study that stated that we
tend to prefer those who physically resemble us.

Those ofuswho don't find one, or much of one, are nearly always disappointed.There may be others whom you resemble more. I tell you what, next time youtalkto your birthmother, ask her if you look like your father. (Just kidding.)

Ha! She'd love that.
whoever------------------------------coffee kid


kj

> lilmtncbn@aol.comnospam (LilMtnCbn)Date: 2/5/2004 9:36 AM Eastern Standard TimeMessage-id: <20040205093631.17156.00001454@mb-m03.aol.com>Subject: Re: Well, I'm back from meeting the bmomFrom: reveohw@aol.compromise (fiend)Date: 2/4/04 5:42 PM Mountain Standard TimeMessage-id: <20040204194232.23307.00006460@mb-m29.aol.com>In article <HVfUb.1937$_4.209@www.newsranger.com>, Robibnikoff<nospam@newsranger.com> wrote:while it sounds so superficial, Iwas disappointed that I didn't resemble them that much.I don't find that particularly superficial. I think we're hard-wired to usephysical resemblance as a way of identifying "kin." And from the reunionsI'vewitnessed, those who find a resemblance are deeply satisfied by it. Those ofuswho don't find one, or much of one, are nearly always disappointed.Too bad we aren't dogs. Then we could sniff each other's butts. ;-)

oh. we're not supposed to do that? (walking away embarrassed)

-------------------------A good friend will come and bail you out of jail . . . but, a true friendwillbe sitting next to you saying, "Damn . . . that was fun!"-----Unknown


kj

>Subject: Re: Well, I'm back from meeting the bmomFrom: Robibnikoff nospam@newsranger.comDate: 2/5/04 12:59 PM Pacific Standard TimeMessage-id: <o8yUb.2033$_4.240@www.newsranger.com>In article <20040205151052.22671.00001358@mb-m18.aol.com>, Kathy says...Subject: Re: Well, I'm back from meeting the bmomFrom: Robibnikoff nospam@newsranger.comDate: 2/5/04 8:10 AM Pacific Standard TimeMessage-id: <VVtUb.1988$_4.202@www.newsranger.com>In article <20040205095155.22671.00001313@mb-m18.aol.com>, Kathy says...snip>Thanks for sharing, kiddo. Sounds about normal to me. I remember seeing my>first grandchild at 5 months old during our reunion. While it certainlywas>joyful, it was also a huge reminder of what I had lost. What a kick inthe>stomach it was for me to have missed all those years without my son. Butlife>goes on.Indeed. I'm still feeling a bit funky today, but I know that will getbetterintime.>Remember, one day at a time going forward builds a lasting relationship.Just>take it slow.Don't worry, I definitely will :)RobynI know that you will, and remember funk ......well, very much, ... 'isallowed'. ;PGoodness! Perhaps I've coerced myself into a state of funk! Lemme see if Icanrelinquish it ;)Robyn

Not so soon are you allowed to dump your matches, Robyn.

Let me know if you did not receive my email, and the way that you can do that
is to write me at Meagan787@aol.com.

Back to our regular programming.


Diane Welfare, "she describes the US market as a "$US1.4 billion business in
baby trafficking". ~~121603
http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2003/12/15/1071336884771.html

"AdoptaDad" <adoptadad@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20040204182742.19027.00001522@mb-m28.aol.com...Subject: Well, I'm back from meeting the bmomFrom: Robibnikoff nospam@newsranger.comDate: 2/4/04 5:39 PM Eastern Standard TimeMessage-id: <wweUb.1922$_4.189@www.newsranger.com> Thanks for sharing your reunion experience, Robyn. I can only imagine
what it must be like. Forgive me if you've already covered this ground, but I know very little about your adoptive family. Can you count on them for any support and encouragement? What suggestions would you have for adoptive parents when
it comes to reunions?

I have supportive aparents who were happy for me when I searched and found.
I'm trying to think what they did but they didn't really "do" anything.
When I told them I wanted to search they told me all the info they had and
told me that they'd help me if I wanted. When I phoned a few days later to
tell them I had found her they were really excited for me and were
interested in what I had to tell them. They tended to call them my "Mum"
and "Dad" which I didn't like but every adoptee will have a different
opinion on that one. Basically they just let me get on with things and I
kept them up to date with what was happening. I don't know if they had
fears that I'd go off and leave them but I doubt it. They have now met my
nDad and his wife and in the summer we are going to visit my nMum's family.
Good luck when it comes to your turn!
My kid will go through this someday. I could use the advice. Dad

Top Post

Great to hear things went well! It really is surreal meeting them for the
first time - and even the second and third! When I first met nDad we went
out for something to eat and as we were walking along the street he just
looked at me, shook his head and laughed. It was like he just realised who
he was with lol

I hope you get to meet again soon.

"Robibnikoff" <nospam@newsranger.com> wrote in message
news:wweUb.1922$_4.189@www.newsranger.com... Hey everyone: Well, I'm back from my lunch date with my bmom and half-sis (actually got
home about an hour and a half ago). It was great, but kind of surreal. She
walked into the inn and we immediately exchanged hugs and flowers. Was this a
big mush "fall over each other in tears" kinda thing? Not at all. My half-sis and
I also exchanged hugs. I must say that one of the things that amazed me is how
little I resembled them. I remember from the one picture I have of my bmom
thinking that we looked so much alike - Turns out we really don't. I also don't
look anything like my half-sis. So that was kind of "weird". And at the risk
of sounding catty, I was surprised at how much older she looked than me even
though she's younger. Anyway, lunch was great and we all had a wonderful time talking together.
I would also like to give a huge thank you to my husband for accompanying
me. I was more than a bit tongue-tied and he was fantastic at breaking the ice
and keeping the conversation going. My bmom gave me a calendar that her sis
puts together for the family every Xmas that was full of pictures of family
members - I don't look like any of them, but what the hey (BTW, my half-bro is a
cutie). I gave her the photo album I'd put together of childhood photos, pictures
of my husband's family and pictures of my daughter. Of course, nothing "serious"
was discussed, but it was a great time. When we parted, there was no
discussion of anything going any further or the possibility of a future meeting. I just
said "I'll keep in touch". I plan on writing her a letter in the next couple of
days. So, I must admit that I'm feeling sort of down now. Sad, but I'm not sure
why. I'm thrilled that I have pictures of all these family members, but it sort
of saddens me to look at them too - Like here's this great family that I'm
not really a part of. But, knowing me, I'll be feeling just fine tomorrow ;) Well, that's basically it - Don't really feel like saying much more right
now. Robyn Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster #1557

Robibnikoff <nospam@newsranger.com> wrote Well, I'm back from my lunch date with my bmom and half-sis (actually got home about an hour and a half ago). It was great, but kind of surreal.

I'm so happy that things went well....all the best for the future!

Rupa

"Robibnikoff" <nospam@newsranger.com> wrote in message
news:cSsUb.1975$_4.224@www.newsranger.com... In article <20040205093540.17156.00001452@mb-m03.aol.com>, LilMtnCbn
says...Subject: Re: Well, I'm back from meeting the bmomFrom: Robibnikoff nospam@newsranger.comDate: 2/4/04 5:14 PM Mountain Standard TimeMessage-id: <HVfUb.1937$_4.209@www.newsranger.com>Thanks, sweetie. I don't know if I really feel "let down" as to me thatimpliesthat my bmom and half-sis "failed" me somehow. And they didn't. We did
haveawonderful time, but it was a bit awkward and while it sounds so
superficial,Iwas disappointed that I didn't resemble them that much. However, one
thing Ididnote was that my bmom and I had very similar gestures. I was leaning my
chinonmy hands listening to my half-sis talk and looked over at my bmom doing
theexact same thing. That was pretty cool :)I remember feeling that way when I saw pictures of my bmom's feet. Hey,
thoseare MY toes! LOL Dang! I didn't think to ask them to remove their shoes. Blast! ;D

I have a video of my feet being compared with nsisters and nmum. Just 4
sets of feet and voices "oh look, our toes are the same", "that toe is
longer than that one, same as me" ... lol
Robyn Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster #1557

>>Hey, I'll bet you're right. Be treated as a child, look like a child.Now aren't you sorry you're not adopted?P2Pkj


I feel so inferior.


P2P

>Subject: Re: Well, I'm back from meeting the bmomFrom: Robibnikoff nospam@newsranger.comDate: 2/5/04 7:00 AM Pacific Standard TimeMessage-id: <kUsUb.1976$_4.219@www.newsranger.com>In article <20040205093004.21768.00001461@mb-m06.aol.com>, DJanice says...Yes, there is saddness mixed in with the good and a sense of loss onthe adoptee's part as well as the bparent. At least, that is how Ifelt.Ah, I think you hit the nail on the head - that sense of loss. That'sexactlywhat I was feeling. Perhaps my bmom was also.==========Robyn, first I want you to know that I'm so glad for you that you met withyourbmom and bsis. And despite some of the things you've expressed here, itdoesseem like it was a "good" visit, and may open a door to a long term, morecomfortable relationship with one or both of them.Yes, it really was a wonderful visit. I was just feeling funky when I wrotemymessage last night and didn't mean to make it sound so negative.As to the feeling of "loss"... (the find is a reminder of loss)... Icouldn'tagree more. I've been in reunion with my son for almost two years now.Evenwith that, I am reminded of what I missed, and I certainly know he feelsthisway. He sees a family he didn't grow up with and wonders how different hislife would have been. I see children and moments that I never had with him,Iwonder how different both of our lives would have been if we had stayedtogether. It is loss and sadness, mixed in with the joy of contact, and,forus, the immediate comfort in knowing one another. The on-going relationshipisthe challenge.Indeed.Good wishes to you Robyn. I think you're feelings are very very normal ; )Thanks, that does seem to be the case. And here I thought I wasn't a typicaladoptee ;DRobynResident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster#1557
Robyn,

I'm happy for you, that at least you've had that first meeting. You deserved
it, and it was too long coming.

Not to make a joke of your feelings... but, another reason for your sadness
might be from getting the taste of something, and not knowing when or where to
find more? Like that old Lays potato chip commercial, that you can't eat just
one. You've had a taste, and now you need more. I felt that way after my
reunion.
Kathy, born Renee Karyn Racine

Permanent good can never be the outcome of untruth and violence.
--Mahatma Gandhi
Peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek, but a means by which we arrive
at that goal.
--Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

>Subject: Re: Well, I'm back from meeting the bmomFrom: dmc10709@aol.com (Dmc10709)Date: 2/5/04 12:01 PM Pacific Standard TimeMessage-id: <20040205150152.18989.00001612@mb-m28.aol.com>Errk, saying my hopes were "dashed" sounds a bit strong, but I would havelikedto have seem more of a resemblance. However, it's not the end of the worldeither.RobynI've seen photos of my b'mother and family - I cannot see any resemblance.There is b'mother and her 6 siblings - and nothing. Then I met b'mother'ssister about 4 months ago and she went on and on how I had her mouth, smile,etc. I sure do not see it. The b'father is European, so I tend to think Ilook more like that side.

People tell my bmom and I that we look alike. We do not. Neither of us see
it. However, I am the clone of my bdad. Take my hair, put it on his face,
you'd have me, lol.

Congrats DMC on meeting your b-aunt. I hope it was a good meeting, and
answered some of your questions. I hope it's not the last one.

Thanks again for your reunion 'report,' sure did enjoy it for maybe apossiblereference someday.DMC

Kathy, born Renee Karyn Racine

Permanent good can never be the outcome of untruth and violence.
--Mahatma Gandhi
Peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek, but a means by which we arrive
at that goal.
--Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

>Subject: Re: Well, I'm back from meeting the bmomFrom: Robibnikoff nospam@newsranger.comDate: 2/4/2004
You are more than welcome. I'm feeling better (thanks to some vino) :)Robyn

LOL, lifting my glass, cheers, Robyn. Kathy

"kj" <kjs668@aol.comeek> wrote in message
news:20040204192021.11652.00001201@mb-m12.aol.com..."kat" katlat24@hotmail.comDate: 2/4/2004 6:35 PM Eastern Standard TimeMessage-id: <bvrvj5$1051gf$1@ID-203097.news.uni-berlin.de>"kj" <kjs668@aol.comeek> wrote in messagenews:20040204180135.13026.00001511@mb-m02.aol.com... >Robibnikoff nospam@newsranger.com >Date: 2/4/2004 5:39 PM Eastern Standard Time >So, I must admit that I'm feeling sort of down now. Sad, but I'm notsure >why. Because you've been freaking out about this for months. It's probablysomewhat of a let-down, regardless of the fact that you probably did not assumeyour meeting would be the most beautiful, spiritually fulfilling experience
inthe world. >I'm thrilled that I have pictures of all these family members, but itsort of >saddens me to look at them too - Like here's this great family that
I'mnot >really a part of. > Maybe that'll change someday. In the meantime, you're part of our
family.That's supposed to make her feel better? lol ;) Hell, yes! Doesn't it make you feel better?


Most days :)

Kathy 1

"Kathy T" <reneekarynracine@aol.comhomesafe> wrote in message
news:20040205205148.22756.00001376@mb-m18.aol.com...Subject: Re: Well, I'm back from meeting the bmomFrom: dmc10709@aol.com (Dmc10709)Date: 2/5/04 12:01 PM Pacific Standard TimeMessage-id: <20040205150152.18989.00001612@mb-m28.aol.com>Errk, saying my hopes were "dashed" sounds a bit strong, but I would
havelikedto have seem more of a resemblance. However, it's not the end of the
worldeither.RobynI've seen photos of my b'mother and family - I cannot see any
resemblance.There is b'mother and her 6 siblings - and nothing. Then I met
b'mother'ssister about 4 months ago and she went on and on how I had her mouth,
smile,etc. I sure do not see it. The b'father is European, so I tend to
think Ilook more like that side. People tell my bmom and I that we look alike. We do not. Neither of us
see it. However, I am the clone of my bdad. Take my hair, put it on his
face, you'd have me, lol.

Oh dear. I am SO sorry, Kathy. I didn't know you were, uh, hirsute! Would it
not be easier for him simply to grow his *own* beard? <eg>

Helen
Congrats DMC on meeting your b-aunt. I hope it was a good meeting, and answered some of your questions. I hope it's not the last one.Thanks again for your reunion 'report,' sure did enjoy it for maybe apossiblereference someday.DMC Kathy, born Renee Karyn Racine Permanent good can never be the outcome of untruth and violence. --Mahatma Gandhi Peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek, but a means by which we
arrive at that goal. --Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

"Robibnikoff" <nospam@newsranger.com> wrote in message
news:XihUb.1944$_4.226@www.newsranger.com... In article <20040204204618.15185.00000432@mb-m06.aol.com>, Dmc10709
says...Well, I'm back from my lunch date with my bmom and half-sis (actually
gothomeabout an hour and a half ago). It was great, but kind of surreal.Thanks for sharing your reunion. what an emotionally charged event. I'm
sureafter your b'mother and sis take it all in, you'll hear more from them. I hope so, but we'll just have to wait and see. When we said goodbye in
the parking lot, my half-sis was holding onto the photo album I had given them
and said "Thanks so much for this" and looked a bit teary-eyed.

Are you her only sister?

Kathy 1

>Subject: Re: Well, I'm back from meeting the bmomFrom: palms2pines@aol.comh8spam (Palms2pines)Date: 2/5/04 3:26 PM Pacific Standard TimeMessage-id: <20040205182658.13622.00001113@mb-m24.aol.com>Hey, I'll bet you're right. Be treated as a child, look like a child.Now aren't you sorry you're not adopted?P2PkjI feel so inferior.P2P

Me too. Goldamn, what did I do wrong?




Diane Welfare, "she describes the US market as a "$US1.4 billion business in
baby trafficking". ~~121603
http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2003/12/15/1071336884771.html

In article <wweUb.1922$_4.189@www.newsranger.com>,
Robibnikoff <nospam@newsranger.com> wrote:
Hey everyone: Well, I'm back from my lunch date with my bmom and half-sis (actually got home about an hour and a half ago).



Excellent. Glad it worked out well.





steve

In article <bvui4o$10i0ia$1@ID-137808.news.uni-berlin.de>, Veba says..."Robibnikoff" <nospam@newsranger.com> wrote in messagenews:cSsUb.1975$_4.224@www.newsranger.com.. . In article <20040205093540.17156.00001452@mb-m03.aol.com>, LilMtnCbnsays...
snipI remember feeling that way when I saw pictures of my bmom's feet. Hey,thoseare MY toes! LOL Dang! I didn't think to ask them to remove their shoes. Blast! ;DI have a video of my feet being compared with nsisters and nmum. Just 4sets of feet and voices "oh look, our toes are the same", "that toe islonger than that one, same as me" ... lol

LOL, excellent. Hey, who knows. Perhaps I'll get the same opportunity in the
future ;)

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

In article <bvuhpj$10vfst$1@ID-137808.news.uni-berlin.de>, Veba says...Top PostGreat to hear things went well! It really is surreal meeting them for thefirst time - and even the second and third!

Oy, that's putting it mildly. I was in a bit of a funk today and actually had a
bit of an anxiety attack while in a store on my lunch hour. All I could think
was "But, but, but...this was supposed to happen BEFORE we met!" Guess it was
just an aftershock ;)

When I first met nDad we wentout for something to eat and as we were walking along the street he justlooked at me, shook his head and laughed. It was like he just realised whohe was with lol

How adorable. My bmom is still keeping my bdad's name to herself, but maybe
that will change one day.I hope you get to meet again soon.

Me too :)

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

In article <steve-5492CA.21002105022004@netnews.comcast.net>, Steve White
says...In article <wweUb.1922$_4.189@www.newsranger.com>, Robibnikoff <nospam@newsranger.com> wrote: Hey everyone: Well, I'm back from my lunch date with my bmom and half-sis (actually got home about an hour and a half ago).Excellent. Glad it worked out well.

Thanks - It was both weird and wonderful ;)

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

In article <bvuurk$11g1g0$1@ID-203097.news.uni-berlin.de>, kat says..."Robibnikoff" <nospam@newsranger.com> wrote in messagenews:XihUb.1944$_4.226@www.newsranger.com.. . In article <20040204204618.15185.00000432@mb-m06.aol.com>, Dmc10709says...>Well, I'm back from my lunch date with my bmom and half-sis (actuallygot>home>about an hour and a half ago). It was great, but kind of surreal.Thanks for sharing your reunion. what an emotionally charged event. I'msureafter your b'mother and sis take it all in, you'll hear more from them. I hope so, but we'll just have to wait and see. When we said goodbye inthe parking lot, my half-sis was holding onto the photo album I had given themand said "Thanks so much for this" and looked a bit teary-eyed.Are you her only sister?

Yes, I am. When I write my bmom in the next day or so, I'm going to say that,
if it's okay with her, of course, that my sis should feel free to contact me.
One of my SILs emailed me today saying that she's positive that she will because
"that sister thing is strong". Of course, she's a twin so she's a bit biased :)

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

In article <20040205212236.19027.00001560@mb-m28.aol.com>, Tm n Kat says...Subject: Re: Well, I'm back from meeting the bmomFrom: Robibnikoff nospam@newsranger.comDate: 2/4/2004You are more than welcome. I'm feeling better (thanks to some vino) :)RobynLOL, lifting my glass, cheers, Robyn. Kathy

And cheers to you too <lifts yet another glass> :)

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

In article <20040205204941.22756.00001375@mb-m18.aol.com>, Kathy T says...snip
I'm happy for you, that at least you've had that first meeting. You deservedit, and it was too long coming.

Well, they do say that patience is a virtue ;)Not to make a joke of your feelings... but, another reason for your sadnessmight be from getting the taste of something, and not knowing when or where tofind more? Like that old Lays potato chip commercial, that you can't eat justone. You've had a taste, and now you need more. I felt that way after myreunion.

That could be part of it. I honestly couldn't (and still can't) put a finger on
why I felt almost depressed (almost started crying a couple of times) on the way
home. The worst thing was there were so many people that wanted me to call them
when I got home (friends and SILs), and I honestly didn't want to talk to
anyone. I didn't even email my SILs until much later today telling them about
our meeting, sending pictures, etc.

However, I do feel much better now :)

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

In article <20040205172249.13001.00001755@mb-m02.aol.com>, Kathy says...Subject: Re: Well, I'm back from meeting the bmomFrom: Robibnikoff nospam@newsranger.com snip
Goodness! Perhaps I've coerced myself into a state of funk! Lemme see if Icanrelinquish it ;)RobynNot so soon are you allowed to dump your matches, Robyn.

Dang! I wondered why I found those things in my pocket.Let me know if you did not receive my email, and the way that you can do thatis to write me at Meagan787@aol.com.

Great, I'll check it out :)

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

In article <20040205170517.25802.00001248@mb-m23.aol.com>, kj says... Robibnikoff nospam@newsranger.comDate: 2/4/2004 7:10 PM Eastern Standard TimeMessage-id: <CRfUb.1935$_4.177@www.newsranger.com>In article <20040204180135.13026.00001511@mb-m02.aol.com>, kj says...>Robibnikoff nospam@newsranger.com>Date: 2/4/2004 5:39 PM Eastern Standard Time>Message-id: <wweUb.1922$_4.189@www.newsranger.com>>>Hey everyone:>>Well, I'm back from my lunch date with my bmom and half-sis (actually got>home>about an hour and a half ago). It was great, but kind of surreal. She>walked>into the inn and we immediately exchanged hugs and flowers. Was this a big>mush>"fall over each other in tears" kinda thing? Not at all. My half-sis and I>also>exchanged hugs. I must say that one of the things that amazed me is how>little>I resembled them. I remember from the one picture I have of my bmomthinking>that we looked so much alike - Turns out we really don't. I also don'tlook>anything like my half-sis. So that was kind of "weird". And at the risk of>sounding catty, I was surprised at how much older she looked than me even>though>she's younger.>I think that we adoptees tend to be youthful in attitude and appearancesimplybecause we're not allowed access to our own information.Bwahaha! And here I thought it was because she didn't use enough sunscreen ;)And our eyes sparkle from the glorious infernos we set... Seriously(horrifically), we used to sunbath with effing BABY OIL! It's amazing my skinlooks as good as it does. I can't hold color for much more than a day.

And, believe it or not, I'm the one family member who ended up with skin cancer
(and I've kept myself out of the sun for years!)

snipAre you disappointed that she didn't offer another meeting?I'm not sure yet. Yes and no. When we were first driving away, I said to myhusband, "Thank goodness that's over. Now, I can get on with my life". But,aswe drove further, I started feeling a bit sad that our lunch could have been"it".>So, I must admit that I'm feeling sort of down now. Sad, but I'm not sure>why.Because you've been freaking out about this for months. It's probablysomewhatof a let-down, regardless of the fact that you probably did not assume yourmeeting would be the most beautiful, spiritually fulfilling experience intheworld.LOL, well, I don't know if that's what I was expecting. I had been forwarnedbyanother reunited adoptee that I know that I might not feel any "connection"withmy bmom and, well, I didn't. She's a cool lady though and the moment whensheand my husband threatened to arm wrestle over the lunch bill was priceless ;)
Maybe you'll feel one as you get to know them--regardless of near futuremeetings--I feel certain you will get to know them.

I think so too. My half-sis was looking pretty emotional when we said good bye.
It's just so problematic because I'm still a "secret".
My neighbor reunited with his family a few years back. He can't stand hisb-mom, but sees a couple of b-siblings.

Hopefully, I'll be able to maintain a relationship with both.
>I'm thrilled that I have pictures of all these family members, but it sortof>saddens me to look at them too - Like here's this great family that I'm not>really a part of.Maybe that'll change someday. In the meantime, you're part of our family.Aw, thanks.Dang, my eyes are starting to water for some reason.You're just feeling emotional!

Gee, ya think? :)



Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

In article <V_CUb.1627$rb.55291@news.indigo.ie>, helicon says..."Kathy T" <reneekarynracine@aol.comhomesafe> wrote in messagenews:20040205205148.22756.00001376@mb-m18.aol.com...Subject: Re: Well, I'm back from meeting the bmomFrom: dmc10709@aol.com (Dmc10709)Date: 2/5/04 12:01 PM Pacific Standard TimeMessage-id: <20040205150152.18989.00001612@mb-m28.aol.com>>Errk, saying my hopes were "dashed" sounds a bit strong, but I wouldhave>liked>to have seem more of a resemblance. However, it's not the end of theworld>either.>RobynI've seen photos of my b'mother and family - I cannot see anyresemblance.There is b'mother and her 6 siblings - and nothing. Then I metb'mother'ssister about 4 months ago and she went on and on how I had her mouth,smile,etc. I sure do not see it. The b'father is European, so I tend tothink Ilook more like that side. People tell my bmom and I that we look alike. We do not. Neither of ussee it. However, I am the clone of my bdad. Take my hair, put it on hisface, you'd have me, lol.Oh dear. I am SO sorry, Kathy. I didn't know you were, uh, hirsute! Would itnot be easier for him simply to grow his *own* beard? <eg>

Frankly, I'm not sure how to take that ;)



Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

>Subject: Re: Well, I'm back from meeting the bmomFrom: Robibnikoff nospam@newsranger.comDate: 2/5/04 8:04 PM Pacific Standard TimeMessage-id: <AnEUb.2083$_4.231@www.newsranger.com>In article <20040205204941.22756.00001375@mb-m18.aol.com>, Kathy Tsays...snipI'm happy for you, that at least you've had that first meeting. Youdeservedit, and it was too long coming.Well, they do say that patience is a virtue ;)Not to make a joke of your feelings... but, another reason for your sadnessmight be from getting the taste of something, and not knowing when or wheretofind more? Like that old Lays potato chip commercial, that you can't eatjustone. You've had a taste, and now you need more. I felt that way after myreunion.That could be part of it. I honestly couldn't (and still can't) put a fingeronwhy I felt almost depressed (almost started crying a couple of times) on thewayhome. The worst thing was there were so many people that wanted me to callthemwhen I got home (friends and SILs), and I honestly didn't want to talk toanyone. I didn't even email my SILs until much later today telling them aboutour meeting, sending pictures, etc.However, I do feel much better now :)

That's the important part! Your emotions leading up to your meeting were
probably bottled up. I still get chills when I recall how nervous I was. Who
knows what the fallout of those emotions will be, but we're all here for you
when you need to talk, or vent, or cry, etc.
RobynResident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster#1557

Kathy, born Renee Karyn Racine

Permanent good can never be the outcome of untruth and violence.
--Mahatma Gandhi
Peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek, but a means by which we arrive
at that goal.
--Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

"Robibnikoff" <nospam@newsranger.com> wrote in message
news:YuEUb.2086$_4.216@www.newsranger.com... In article <V_CUb.1627$rb.55291@news.indigo.ie>, helicon says..."Kathy T" <reneekarynracine@aol.comhomesafe> wrote in messagenews:20040205205148.22756.00001376@mb-m18.aol.com... >Subject: Re: Well, I'm back from meeting the bmom >From: dmc10709@aol.com (Dmc10709) >Date: 2/5/04 12:01 PM Pacific Standard Time >Message-id: <20040205150152.18989.00001612@mb-m28.aol.com> > >>Errk, saying my hopes were "dashed" sounds a bit strong, but I wouldhave >>liked >>to have seem more of a resemblance. However, it's not the end of theworld >>either. > >>Robyn > >I've seen photos of my b'mother and family - I cannot see anyresemblance. >There is b'mother and her 6 siblings - and nothing. Then I metb'mother's >sister about 4 months ago and she went on and on how I had her mouth,smile, >etc. I sure do not see it. The b'father is European, so I tend tothink I >look more like that side. People tell my bmom and I that we look alike. We do not. Neither of
ussee it. However, I am the clone of my bdad. Take my hair, put it on hisface, you'd have me, lol.Oh dear. I am SO sorry, Kathy. I didn't know you were, uh, hirsute! Would
itnot be easier for him simply to grow his *own* beard? <eg> Frankly, I'm not sure how to take that ;)

With one of your razor-sharp witty replies? :-)

Helen
Robyn Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster #1557

>meagan787@aol.comsthesun (Kathy)Date: 2/5/2004 9:44 PM Eastern Standard TimeMessage-id: <20040205214416.25867.00000714@mb-m05.aol.com>Subject: Re: Well, I'm back from meeting the bmomFrom: palms2pines@aol.comh8spam (Palms2pines)Date: 2/5/04 3:26 PM Pacific Standard TimeMessage-id: <20040205182658.13622.00001113@mb-m24.aol.com>>Hey, I'll bet you're right. Be treated as a child, look like a child.>Now aren't you sorry you're not adopted?>>P2P>>>>>>kjI feel so inferior.P2PMe too. Goldamn, what did I do wrong?

Well, ladies, it all started when... etc.
Diane Welfare, "she describes the US market as a "$US1.4 billion business inbaby trafficking". ~~121603http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2003/12/15/1071336884771.html


kj

>I think so too. My half-sis was looking pretty emotional when we said goodbye.It's just so problematic because I'm still a "secret".

Who else are you a secret to? I'm a secret to EVERYONE - b'mother's daughters
no nothing about me. B'mother's siblings' spouses and children know nothing
about me. It has to be a horrible burden for her to carry.

Still happy for you, though - at least you got to meet b'mother.

DMC

reveohw@aol.compromise (fiend) wrote in message news:<20040204194232.23307.00006460@mb-m29.aol.com>... In article <HVfUb.1937$_4.209@www.newsranger.com>, Robibnikoff <nospam@newsranger.com> wrote:while it sounds so superficial, Iwas disappointed that I didn't resemble them that much. I don't find that particularly superficial. I think we're hard-wired to use physical resemblance as a way of identifying "kin." And from the reunions I've witnessed, those who find a resemblance are deeply satisfied by it. Those of us who don't find one, or much of one, are nearly always disappointed. There may be others whom you resemble more. I tell you what, next time you talk to your birthmother, ask her if you look like your father. (Just kidding.) whoever ------------------------------ coffee kid


Hey Robyn, I felt the same way you did at meeting my bmom. I was
looking very very hard for any sort of resemblance. There were a few,
but not many. I look like her when she was younger. She has another
daughter that looks a great deal like her. Like you, however, many of
our mannerisms and the way we carried ourselves were similar. On that
note, I look VERY much like her brother and my first cousin. When I
visit, people tease about my little look alike. Like Who said, the
resemblance may not lie with her necessarily, but with someone else in
the family.

Who else are you a secret to? I'm a secret to EVERYONE - b'mother's daughters
no nothing about me. B'mother's siblings' spouses and children know nothing
about me. It has to be a horrible burden for her to carry.

=========

And for you.

Have you ever talked to your aparents about this? If the bfamily is local, I
wonder if somehow your aparents might be able to be a support to you or a
gentle influence with your bfamily.

I'm glad that you at least were able to meet with your baunt.

klbjornme@aol.comjunkhell (KL) wrote in message news:<20040204203730.07155.00000500@mb-m06.aol.com>... In article <wweUb.1922$_4.189@www.newsranger.com>, Robibnikoff <nospam@newsranger.com> writes:Hey everyone: Oh I just had to jump to this subject first! I am so eager to hear how it all went!Well, I'm back from my lunch date with my bmom and half-sis (actually gothomeabout an hour and a half ago). It was great, but kind of surreal. Shewalkedinto the inn and we immediately exchanged hugs and flowers. Was this a bigmush"fall over each other in tears" kinda thing? Not at all. My half-sis and Ialsoexchanged hugs. I must say that one of the things that amazed me is howlittleI resembled them. I remember from the one picture I have of my bmom thinkingthat we looked so much alike - Turns out we really don't. I also don't lookanything like my half-sis. So that was kind of "weird". And at the risk ofsounding catty, I was surprised at how much older she looked than me eventhoughshe's younger. I hear ya. I have never been able to do that whole they look like----I can't see family resemblances unless they are exceptionally strong. I didn't think Iooked like either of my birthparents, but I am a poor judge of that. Yet I think I expected to see a mirror reflection.
I think you have to take into consideration a lot of things in the
looks department like makeup, hairstyles etc. I look a lot like my
aparents, moreso than I looked like bmom. However, I think part of it
is how I was raised to dress, etc. Mine and bmom's stylings were
totally different so who knows if we'd gone for identical makeovers
how much we'd look alike. My bsismonster looks a great deal like her
mother, but there again they dress and act alike.

Like Who said, the
resemblance may not lie with her necessarily, but with someone else in
the family.
=========
My sister has four children. One from her first dh, and that daughter favors
her bio father. The other three with her second husband. The oldest two would
pass for twins as children, and would have been a set of quads if my sis and
late BIL were the same age. The youngest, with dark hair (as opposed to the
light brown or blonde) didn't resemble anyone.

Until he was about 17, and I'd taken a picture of him with my mother. And it's
a perfect resemblence. THAT"s who he looks like, we all exclaimed.

My sis and I look absolutely nothing nothing alike and our personalities,
thoughts, attitudes, everything is different.

But we're sisters just the same.

"helicon" <helicon@eircom.net> wrote in message news:<N9iUb.1488$rb.55024@news.indigo.ie>... "fiend" <reveohw@aol.compromise> wrote in message news:20040204194232.23307.00006460@mb-m29.aol.com... In article <HVfUb.1937$_4.209@www.newsranger.com>, Robibnikoff <nospam@newsranger.com> wrote:while it sounds so superficial, Iwas disappointed that I didn't resemble them that much. I don't find that particularly superficial. I think we're hard-wired to use physical resemblance as a way of identifying "kin." And from the reunions I've witnessed, those who find a resemblance are deeply satisfied by it. Those of us who don't find one, or much of one, are nearly always disappointed. Often people we fall in love with remind us of someone we already know, physically, or their sense of humour, or something. I think we DO seem to need that sense of familiarity to make the first connection in a new relationship. We will always find *something*, if the attraction is strong enough. Or is it the other way around? <g> There may be others whom you resemble more. I tell you what, next time you talk to your birthmother, ask her if you look like your father. (Just kidding.) She can always ask her how she enjoyed looking at the photo album, and "did I remind you of anyone?" Better to do it face to face, rather than on the phone. :-) Helen whoever ------------------------------ coffee kid


I always find it amazing how many husbands/wives end up looking like
each other after time (or even originally).

lilmtncbn@aol.comnospam (LilMtnCbn) wrote in message news:<20040205093631.17156.00001454@mb-m03.aol.com>...Subject: Re: Well, I'm back from meeting the bmomFrom: reveohw@aol.compromise (fiend)Date: 2/4/04 5:42 PM Mountain Standard TimeMessage-id: <20040204194232.23307.00006460@mb-m29.aol.com>In article <HVfUb.1937$_4.209@www.newsranger.com>, Robibnikoff<nospam@newsranger.com> wrote:while it sounds so superficial, Iwas disappointed that I didn't resemble them that much.I don't find that particularly superficial. I think we're hard-wired to usephysical resemblance as a way of identifying "kin." And from the reunionsI'vewitnessed, those who find a resemblance are deeply satisfied by it. Those ofuswho don't find one, or much of one, are nearly always disappointed. Too bad we aren't dogs. Then we could sniff each other's butts. ;-) ------------------------- A good friend will come and bail you out of jail . . . but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn . . . that was fun!" -----Unknown


Thank GOODNESS we aren't dogs, Marla! lol

In article <20040206145222.13174.00001102@mb-m20.aol.com>, Dmc10709 says...I think so too. My half-sis was looking pretty emotional when we said goodbye.It's just so problematic because I'm still a "secret".Who else are you a secret to?

I'm definitely a secret to my bmom's husband. While her parents know that I
exist, what they don't know is that I've come back into their daughter's life.
I'm assuming my bmom has told her younger sister that I have, but I don't know.
I don't know if my half-bro knows either and I'm assuming my half-sis's children
have no idea.

I'm a secret to EVERYONE - b'mother's daughtersno nothing about me. B'mother's siblings' spouses and children know nothingabout me. It has to be a horrible burden for her to carry.

Frankly, I think it's a harder burden for YOU to carry, but that just my opinion
;)
Still happy for you, though - at least you got to meet b'mother.

Thanks, it took almost 3 years, but it was definitely worth the wait ;)

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

In article <4b23522a.0402061204.44cf9a53@posting.google.com>, Debbie says..."helicon" <helicon@eircom.net> wrote in message news:<N9iUb.1488$rb.55024@news.indigo.ie>... "fiend" <reveohw@aol.compromise> wrote in message news:20040204194232.23307.00006460@mb-m29.aol.com... In article <HVfUb.1937$_4.209@www.newsranger.com>, Robibnikoff <nospam@newsranger.com> wrote: >while it sounds so superficial, I >was disappointed that I didn't resemble them that much. I don't find that particularly superficial. I think we're hard-wired to use physical resemblance as a way of identifying "kin." And from the reunions I've witnessed, those who find a resemblance are deeply satisfied by it. Those of us who don't find one, or much of one, are nearly always disappointed. Often people we fall in love with remind us of someone we already know, physically, or their sense of humour, or something. I think we DO seem to need that sense of familiarity to make the first connection in a new relationship. We will always find *something*, if the attraction is strong enough. Or is it the other way around? <g> There may be others whom you resemble more. I tell you what, next time you talk to your birthmother, ask her if you look like your father. (Just kidding.) She can always ask her how she enjoyed looking at the photo album, and "did I remind you of anyone?" Better to do it face to face, rather than on the phone. :-) Helen whoever ------------------------------ coffee kidI always find it amazing how many husbands/wives end up looking likeeach other after time (or even originally).

But, but, but.........I don't want a beard! ;)

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

In article <4b23522a.0402061200.15790ffd@posting.google.com>, Debbie says...reveohw@aol.compromise (fiend) wrote in message news:<20040204194232.23307.00006460@mb-m29.aol.com>... In article <HVfUb.1937$_4.209@www.newsranger.com>, Robibnikoff <nospam@newsranger.com> wrote:while it sounds so superficial, Iwas disappointed that I didn't resemble them that much. I don't find that particularly superficial. I think we're hard-wired to use physical resemblance as a way of identifying "kin." And from the reunions I've witnessed, those who find a resemblance are deeply satisfied by it. Those of us who don't find one, or much of one, are nearly always disappointed. There may be others whom you resemble more. I tell you what, next time you talk to your birthmother, ask her if you look like your father. (Just kidding.) whoever ------------------------------ coffee kidHey Robyn, I felt the same way you did at meeting my bmom. I waslooking very very hard for any sort of resemblance. There were a few,but not many. I look like her when she was younger. She has anotherdaughter that looks a great deal like her. Like you, however, many ofour mannerisms and the way we carried ourselves were similar. On thatnote, I look VERY much like her brother and my first cousin. When Ivisit, people tease about my little look alike. Like Who said, theresemblance may not lie with her necessarily, but with someone else inthe family.

Well, I scanned in and printed out the pictures in the calendar and have been
looking at them (they actually in a row on my cubicle at work). The more I look
at them, the more slight resemblances I see. My bmom, half-sis and I all seem
to have gotten my bio-granddad's mouth and eyes. Noticed my baunt also has the
eyes, though she looks more like her mom. I now think that my daughter ended up
with my bmom's nose. Mine is similar, but more "pug" - and my daughter did end
up with the eyes also. My half-bro doesn't resemble anyone in the family - He
must look like his father (though he did end up with his granddad's ears). All
in all, it's very interesting :)

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

On:2/4/04 2:39 PM Pacific Standard Time
Robibnikoff nospam@newsranger.com wrote:

<snip>
Well, that's basically it - Don't really feel like >saying much more right
now.

Wow! Leave for a few months and this is what happens. Congratulations! RobYn
(with a Y).

I wish you all the best for the future.

Gary

In article <20040206155947.19898.00001487@mb-m17.aol.com>, Qwasimodem says...On:2/4/04 2:39 PM Pacific Standard TimeRobibnikoff nospam@newsranger.com wrote:<snip>Well, that's basically it - Don't really feel like >saying much more rightnow.Wow! Leave for a few months and this is what happens. Congratulations! RobYn(with a Y).

Shocking, isn't it? Then again, no one was more shocked than me. Just when I
was ready to drop the whole thing, looky what happened :)
I wish you all the best for the future. Gary

Thanks! :)

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

>Subject: Re: Well, I'm back from meeting the bmomFrom: Robibnikoff nospam@newsranger.comDate: 2/5/2004
That could be part of it. I honestly couldn't (and still can't) put a fingeronwhy I felt almost depressed (almost started crying a couple of times) on thewayhome.

IMO Reunions like ours bring happiness in that it fills the black hole, what we
have been yearning for and missing our whole lives, but it also brings sadness
because it is a tease, a taste of relationships that can't be. Kathy J

In article <20040206193124.24654.00001513@mb-m16.aol.com>, Tm n Kat says...Subject: Re: Well, I'm back from meeting the bmomFrom: Robibnikoff nospam@newsranger.comDate: 2/5/2004That could be part of it. I honestly couldn't (and still can't) put a fingeronwhy I felt almost depressed (almost started crying a couple of times) on thewayhome.IMO Reunions like ours bring happiness in that it fills the black hole, what wehave been yearning for and missing our whole lives, but it also brings sadnessbecause it is a tease, a taste of relationships that can't be. Kathy J

Ah, yet another nail hit on the proverbial head. That definitely puts more of a
definition to what I've been feeling. However, I was feeling better today -
with the exception of what I can only view as physical post-reunion aftershocks
(i.e., after being so tense for so long, when I finally relaxed, I ended up with
a crick in my neck and a muscle spasm in my back - arrrrgh) ;)

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

Robibnikoff <nospam@newsranger.com> wrote in message news:<wweUb.1922$_4.189@www.newsranger.com>... Hey everyone: Well, I'm back from my lunch date with my bmom and half-sis (actually got home about an hour and a half ago). It was great, but kind of surreal. She walked into the inn and we immediately exchanged hugs and flowers. Was this a big mush "fall over each other in tears" kinda thing? Not at all. My half-sis and I also exchanged hugs. I must say that one of the things that amazed me is how little I resembled them. I remember from the one picture I have of my bmom thinking that we looked so much alike - Turns out we really don't. I also don't look anything like my half-sis. So that was kind of "weird". And at the risk of sounding catty, I was surprised at how much older she looked than me even though she's younger. Anyway, lunch was great and we all had a wonderful time talking together. I would also like to give a huge thank you to my husband for accompanying me. I was more than a bit tongue-tied and he was fantastic at breaking the ice and keeping the conversation going. My bmom gave me a calendar that her sis puts together for the family every Xmas that was full of pictures of family members - I don't look like any of them, but what the hey (BTW, my half-bro is a cutie). I gave her the photo album I'd put together of childhood photos, pictures of my husband's family and pictures of my daughter. Of course, nothing "serious" was discussed, but it was a great time. When we parted, there was no discussion of anything going any further or the possibility of a future meeting. I just said "I'll keep in touch". I plan on writing her a letter in the next couple of days. So, I must admit that I'm feeling sort of down now. Sad, but I'm not sure why. I'm thrilled that I have pictures of all these family members, but it sort of saddens me to look at them too - Like here's this great family that I'm not really a part of. But, knowing me, I'll be feeling just fine tomorrow ;) Well, that's basically it - Don't really feel like saying much more right now. Robyn Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster #1557


Congratulations, Robyn. I'm so glad for you.

Di

In article <9a095db9.0402061751.6404c06c@posting.google.com>, Dian says...Robibnikoff <nospam@newsranger.com> wrote in message news:<wweUb.1922$_4.189@www.newsranger.com>... Hey everyone: Well, I'm back from my lunch date with my bmom and half-sis (actually got home about an hour and a half ago). It was great, but kind of surreal. She walked into the inn and we immediately exchanged hugs and flowers. Was this a big mush "fall over each other in tears" kinda thing? Not at all. My half-sis and I also exchanged hugs. I must say that one of the things that amazed me is how little I resembled them. I remember from the one picture I have of my bmom thinking that we looked so much alike - Turns out we really don't. I also don't look anything like my half-sis. So that was kind of "weird". And at the risk of sounding catty, I was surprised at how much older she looked than me even though she's younger. Anyway, lunch was great and we all had a wonderful time talking together. I would also like to give a huge thank you to my husband for accompanying me. I was more than a bit tongue-tied and he was fantastic at breaking the ice and keeping the conversation going. My bmom gave me a calendar that her sis puts together for the family every Xmas that was full of pictures of family members - I don't look like any of them, but what the hey (BTW, my half-bro is a cutie). I gave her the photo album I'd put together of childhood photos, pictures of my husband's family and pictures of my daughter. Of course, nothing "serious" was discussed, but it was a great time. When we parted, there was no discussion of anything going any further or the possibility of a future meeting. I just said "I'll keep in touch". I plan on writing her a letter in the next couple of days. So, I must admit that I'm feeling sort of down now. Sad, but I'm not sure why. I'm thrilled that I have pictures of all these family members, but it sort of saddens me to look at them too - Like here's this great family that I'm not really a part of. But, knowing me, I'll be feeling just fine tomorrow ;) Well, that's basically it - Don't really feel like saying much more right now. Robyn Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster #1557Congratulations, Robyn. I'm so glad for you.

Thanks, Di. It was a great experience - Hopefully it'll occur again in the
future.

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

>Robibnikoff nospam@newsranger.comDate: 2/6/2004 3:15 PM Eastern Standard TimeMessage-id: <cBSUb.2188$_4.57@www.newsranger.com>In article <4b23522a.0402061204.44cf9a53@posting.google.com>, Debbie says..."helicon" <helicon@eircom.net> wrote in messagenews:<N9iUb.1488$rb.55024@news.indigo.ie>... "fiend" <reveohw@aol.compromise> wrote in message news:20040204194232.23307.00006460@mb-m29.aol.com... > In article <HVfUb.1937$_4.209@www.newsranger.com>, Robibnikoff > <nospam@newsranger.com> wrote: > > >while it sounds so superficial, I > >was disappointed that I didn't resemble them that much. > > I don't find that particularly superficial. I think we're hard-wired to use > physical resemblance as a way of identifying "kin." And from thereunions I've > witnessed, those who find a resemblance are deeply satisfied by it.Those of us > who don't find one, or much of one, are nearly always disappointed. Often people we fall in love with remind us of someone we already know, physically, or their sense of humour, or something. I think we DO seem to need that sense of familiarity to make the first connection in a new relationship. We will always find *something*, if the attraction is strong enough. Or is it the other way around? <g> > > There may be others whom you resemble more. I tell you what, next timeyou talk > to your birthmother, ask her if you look like your father. (Justkidding.) She can always ask her how she enjoyed looking at the photo album, and"did I remind you of anyone?" Better to do it face to face, rather than on the phone. :-) Helen > > whoever > ------------------------------ > coffee kidI always find it amazing how many husbands/wives end up looking likeeach other after time (or even originally).But, but, but.........I don't want a beard! ;)

You've got one... just not on your face. At least, I assume you do.

RobynResident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster#1557


kj

In article <20040207144957.12662.00001741@mb-m29.aol.com>, kj says...Robibnikoff nospam@newsranger.comDate: 2/6/2004 3:15 PM Eastern Standard TimeMessage-id: <cBSUb.2188$_4.57@www.newsranger.com>In article <4b23522a.0402061204.44cf9a53@posting.google.com>, Debbie says..."helicon" <helicon@eircom.net> wrote in messagenews:<N9iUb.1488$rb.55024@news.indigo.ie>...> "fiend" <reveohw@aol.compromise> wrote in message> news:20040204194232.23307.00006460@mb-m29.aol.com...> > In article <HVfUb.1937$_4.209@www.newsranger.com>, Robibnikoff> > <nospam@newsranger.com> wrote:> >> > >while it sounds so superficial, I> > >was disappointed that I didn't resemble them that much.> >> > I don't find that particularly superficial. I think we're hard-wired to> use> > physical resemblance as a way of identifying "kin." And from thereunions> I've> > witnessed, those who find a resemblance are deeply satisfied by it.Those> of us> > who don't find one, or much of one, are nearly always disappointed.>> Often people we fall in love with remind us of someone we already know,> physically, or their sense of humour, or something. I think we DO seem to> need that sense of familiarity to make the first connection in a new> relationship. We will always find *something*, if the attraction is strong> enough. Or is it the other way around? <g>>> >> > There may be others whom you resemble more. I tell you what, next timeyou> talk> > to your birthmother, ask her if you look like your father. (Justkidding.)>> She can always ask her how she enjoyed looking at the photo album, and"did> I remind you of anyone?" Better to do it face to face, rather than on the> phone. :-)>> Helen>> >> > whoever> > ------------------------------> > coffee kidI always find it amazing how many husbands/wives end up looking likeeach other after time (or even originally).But, but, but.........I don't want a beard! ;)You've got one... just not on your face. At least, I assume you do.

Bwahaha! Oh, my stars and garters! :)

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

"kj" <kjs668@aol.comeek> wrote in message
news:20040207144957.12662.00001741@mb-m29.aol.com...Robibnikoff nospam@newsranger.comDate: 2/6/2004 3:15 PM Eastern Standard TimeMessage-id: <cBSUb.2188$_4.57@www.newsranger.com>In article <4b23522a.0402061204.44cf9a53@posting.google.com>, Debbie
says..."helicon" <helicon@eircom.net> wrote in messagenews:<N9iUb.1488$rb.55024@news.indigo.ie>...> "fiend" <reveohw@aol.compromise> wrote in message> news:20040204194232.23307.00006460@mb-m29.aol.com...> > In article <HVfUb.1937$_4.209@www.newsranger.com>, Robibnikoff> > <nospam@newsranger.com> wrote:> >> > >while it sounds so superficial, I> > >was disappointed that I didn't resemble them that much.> >> > I don't find that particularly superficial. I think we're hard-wired
to> use> > physical resemblance as a way of identifying "kin." And from thereunions> I've> > witnessed, those who find a resemblance are deeply satisfied by it.Those> of us> > who don't find one, or much of one, are nearly always disappointed.>> Often people we fall in love with remind us of someone we already
know,> physically, or their sense of humour, or something. I think we DO seem
to> need that sense of familiarity to make the first connection in a new> relationship. We will always find *something*, if the attraction is
strong> enough. Or is it the other way around? <g>>> >> > There may be others whom you resemble more. I tell you what, next
timeyou> talk> > to your birthmother, ask her if you look like your father. (Justkidding.)>> She can always ask her how she enjoyed looking at the photo album, and"did> I remind you of anyone?" Better to do it face to face, rather than on
the> phone. :-)>> Helen>> >> > whoever> > ------------------------------> > coffee kidI always find it amazing how many husbands/wives end up looking likeeach other after time (or even originally).But, but, but.........I don't want a beard! ;) You've got one... just not on your face. At least, I assume you do.

LOL - now *that's* a bit below the belt!

Helen
RobynResident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster#1557 kj

Robibnikoff <nospam@newsranger.com> wrote in message news:<j05Vb.2248$_4.243@www.newsranger.com>... In article <9a095db9.0402061751.6404c06c@posting.google.com>, Dian says...Robibnikoff <nospam@newsranger.com> wrote in message news:<wweUb.1922$_4.189@www.newsranger.com>... Hey everyone: Well, I'm back from my lunch date with my bmom and half-sis (actually got home about an hour and a half ago). It was great, but kind of surreal. She walked into the inn and we immediately exchanged hugs and flowers. Was this a big mush "fall over each other in tears" kinda thing? Not at all. My half-sis and I also exchanged hugs. I must say that one of the things that amazed me is how little I resembled them. I remember from the one picture I have of my bmom thinking that we looked so much alike - Turns out we really don't. I also don't look anything like my half-sis. So that was kind of "weird". And at the risk of sounding catty, I was surprised at how much older she looked than me even though she's younger. Anyway, lunch was great and we all had a wonderful time talking together. I would also like to give a huge thank you to my husband for accompanying me. I was more than a bit tongue-tied and he was fantastic at breaking the ice and keeping the conversation going. My bmom gave me a calendar that her sis puts together for the family every Xmas that was full of pictures of family members - I don't look like any of them, but what the hey (BTW, my half-bro is a cutie). I gave her the photo album I'd put together of childhood photos, pictures of my husband's family and pictures of my daughter. Of course, nothing "serious" was discussed, but it was a great time. When we parted, there was no discussion of anything going any further or the possibility of a future meeting. I just said "I'll keep in touch". I plan on writing her a letter in the next couple of days. So, I must admit that I'm feeling sort of down now. Sad, but I'm not sure why. I'm thrilled that I have pictures of all these family members, but it sort of saddens me to look at them too - Like here's this great family that I'm not really a part of. But, knowing me, I'll be feeling just fine tomorrow ;) Well, that's basically it - Don't really feel like saying much more right now. Robyn Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster #1557Congratulations, Robyn. I'm so glad for you. Thanks, Di. It was a great experience - Hopefully it'll occur again in the future.

It will. People don't walk away from such good beginnings. You've got
a whole lot of positive to build upon by the sound of it.

Di

Robyn Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster #1557

In article <9a095db9.0402072345.21f26567@posting.google.com>, Dian says...Robibnikoff <nospam@newsranger.com> wrote in message news:<j05Vb.2248$_4.243@www.newsranger.com>... In article <9a095db9.0402061751.6404c06c@posting.google.com>, Dian says...
snipCongratulations, Robyn. I'm so glad for you. Thanks, Di. It was a great experience - Hopefully it'll occur again in the future.It will. People don't walk away from such good beginnings. You've gota whole lot of positive to build upon by the sound of it.

We'll have to wait and see. It's a bit problematic as there is secrecy on both
sides, but that doesn't mean this meeting was a one-time thing either.

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

Did your b'sis know about you before you made contact with b'mother or did
b'mother tell her about you when initial contact was made?
My b'mother's brother and sister both stated, without my suggesting it, that
all b'mother's daughters would be thrilled to meet me. I just hate to go 'over
b'mother's head' to make contact with her daughters.

We'll have to wait and see. It's a bit problematic as there is secrecy onbothsides, but that doesn't mean this meeting was a one-time thing either.Robyn

In article <20040208103630.22686.00001293@mb-m19.aol.com>, Dmc10709 says...Did your b'sis know about you before you made contact with b'mother or didb'mother tell her about you when initial contact was made?

I'm assuming my bsis didn't know anything about me until recently, but I
honestly don't know. And as I've said previously, I don't know if my bbro knows
about me.
My b'mother's brother and sister both stated, without my suggesting it, thatall b'mother's daughters would be thrilled to meet me. I just hate to go 'overb'mother's head' to make contact with her daughters.

Have you contacted your aunt again?

Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & EAC Spellcaster
#1557

My b'mother's brother and sister both stated, without my suggesting it, that
all b'mother's daughters would be thrilled to meet me. I just hate to go 'over
b'mother's head' to make contact with her daughters.

========

As a bmom, I find your respect of your bmom's attitude commendable. You've
also given an appropriate time period of backing off courteously and respectful
of her desire to deny you.

IMO (and you know I have plenty of these), I'd move forward with your sisters.
YOU deserve to have that contact, as do THEY. It's not the bmom's place to
approve it or not. Just her decision as to whether she will participate or
not.

PLEASE talk to your baunt and see if you can make this happen. It's scary, but
I think you and your bsisters might find it to be a very good thing.
Dale
Bmom/Amom

>Subject: Re: Well, I'm back from meeting the bmomFrom: djanice@aol.com (DJanice)Date: 2/8/04 6:24 PM Pacific Standard TimeMessage-id: <20040208212432.11576.00001604@mb-m12.aol.com>My b'mother's brother and sister both stated, without my suggesting it, thatall b'mother's daughters would be thrilled to meet me. I just hate to go'overb'mother's head' to make contact with her daughters.========As a bmom, I find your respect of your bmom's attitude commendable. You'vealso given an appropriate time period of backing off courteously andrespectfulof her desire to deny you.IMO (and you know I have plenty of these), I'd move forward with yoursisters.YOU deserve to have that contact, as do THEY. It's not the bmom's place toapprove it or not. Just her decision as to whether she will participate ornot.PLEASE talk to your baunt and see if you can make this happen. It's scary,butI think you and your bsisters might find it to be a very good thing.DaleBmom/Amom

In addition to that Dale, it might even help her bmom to see that her other
children, and perhaps even her hubby (if she has one) will be ok finding out
she had an older child.
Kathy, born Renee Karyn Racine

Permanent good can never be the outcome of untruth and violence.
--Mahatma Gandhi
Peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek, but a means by which we arrive
at that goal.
--Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

In addition to that Dale, it might even help her bmom to see that her other
children, and perhaps even her hubby (if she has one) will be ok finding out
she had an older child.
Kathy, born Renee Karyn Racine
========
Excellent point Kathy. I agree.
Dale
Bmom/Amom