A friend of mine with admittedly poor judgment recently told me about
a law, that makes it a DUI or roughly equivalent to have the keys in
the ignition of a car when you are drunk even if you are not moving.
At first I didn't believe that such a thing could be true, but
apparently it is.
Any advice I give him I doubt he will listen to anyway, but this
subject captured my interest.

Further research has uncovered quotes from long ago of people who said
the following:
"In CT, If you are drunk in a car and you own the car and you are not
near
home you can get a DUI."
Also, apparently some people have had trouble without the keys in the
ignition, by just having them on their person.
and someone said that something or other depends on "present ability."
Don't know what that means.

So here is my question.
This is the setup for the situation: you are walking out of a bar
after closing, you are drunk, your car is parked in the lot, it is a
cold night, you are in CT or NY. You have no money for a cab and know
nobody in town and are unwilling to spend any money. Your town does
not offer a SafeRide program or similar, at least not for adults (but
even if they did, how would you get your car back? you'd have to take
a cab to get to it, which the premises state you don't have money
for.) You do not want to drive drunk because it is immoral and
dangerous. At this point, you want to go to sleep in a relatively
safe place like your car, until the next afternoon when you will be
sober and safe to drive. You are aware of whatever law says you may
not have the keys in the ignition or have whatever "physical control"
or "present ability" is.

These are the goals of a solution to the problem:
A. You desire to sleep in your car until the next afternoon.
B. You desire to put yourself at as little legal risk as possible.

Is there a way that you achieve this? Here are my two theories, or
you may suggest an alternate.
Possibility 1: Use the remote on the key to unlock the door. Set
down the keys 50 feet or so away from the car, pop the hood where you
have waiting a hide-a-key magnet. Close the car doors, retrieve the
keys, put them in the hide-a-key, put it back under the hood, close
the hood. Enter the back seat of the car, lock the doors with the
power locks, go to sleep.
Advantages: shows good intentions. Disadvantages: An officer could
argue that it is possible for you to retrieve the keys and drive, so
you may still technically have physical control or present ability
whatever those are.

Possibility 2: Before the bar actually closes, or while there is
still an employee around, use your remote to unlock your doors, then
give them your keys, tell them your name and request that they not
return the keys to you for 8 hours even if you ask. Then, enter the
back seat of your car, lock the doors with the power locks, go to
sleep.
Advantages: shows good intentions. Employee is a witness so it is
not just your word vs. the officer's. Disadvantages: It may be
embarrassing to say this to a bartender. They may refuse. Even if
there might not have had been any cops around, they may call the cops
to report you loitering or parking illegally, or behaving
suspiciously. An officer might still argue that if you asked for the
keys back, the employee would give them back and so therefore you
still have present ability. These disadvantages seem perhaps less
likely than the first case, not sure though.

What are your thoughts on solving this problem?
Thanks!