My stepson lives with his controlling mother about 2 1/2 blocks away
from us in Illinois. He will be 16 in July and has asked us if he can
live with us. He is scared to talk to his mother about this because
she
is a very controlling and nasty person. She makes about 3 times more a
year than my husband and I do with her current husband making paying
for
an attorney for this impossible for us. He is miserable living with
her
and would love to come live with us. Is there any help out there for
him?? He wouldn't have to change schools or friends or anything, just
residences. CAN SOMEONE HELP???

I feel really bad for your stepson. However, I have been there and trust me if the exwife is nasty, be CAREFUL! Especially if she has alot more money than you, because she can afford to pay someone to ruin your life. When you try and take away someone's child it tends to make them really mad, so just think everything through. What are his reasons for wanting to move in with you? Are they mistreating him? In my situation it was a 16 yr old step daughter, and the second things didn't go her way here, she went running back to her mom (who by the way is one of the nastiest I have ever seen).
Now she is back and telling lie after lie and ruining our lives! Just be Careful and pick your battles wisely!!

I am not trying to take her child away. Remember one thing when I married my husband I married all 4 of his kids too. I also have 3 children of my own, the oldest being almost 20. They are my kids too now as their stepdad is a part of their lives, so are me and my kids. There is abuse in the home and DCFS has been called on her but never surfaced. I guess the stepdad's family works at DCFS and got them out of it. I won't go into detail because it is second hand information. I am looking out for the best interest of my stepson. He is a good kid, but is miserable living there. Another example is that they are both in track. The oldest daughter gets brand new track shoes every year, but he doesn't. That is what our child support is supposed to pay for. She definitely treats him like he is her stepson!!!!!! I know there is nothing we can do, but trust me the minute that kid turns 18, he will be living in our house. We have already promised him that. She is only in it for the money that she gets for the kids. She spends money on remodeling her house and a brand new vehicle rather than on the kids. It is very sad. So, that is basically the jist of it. I just want my kids (all 7 of them) happy and healthly and unharmed.

I am not trying to take her child away. Remember one thing when I married my husband I married all 4 of his kids too. I also have 3 children of my own, the oldest being almost 20. They are my kids too now as their stepdad is a part of their lives, so are me and my kids. There is abuse in the home and DCFS has been called on her but never surfaced. I guess the stepdad's family works at DCFS and got them out of it. I won't go into detail because it is second hand information. I am looking out for the best interest of my stepson. He is a good kid, but is miserable living there. Another example is that they are both in track. The oldest daughter gets brand new track shoes every year, but he doesn't. That is what our child support is supposed to pay for. She definitely treats him like he is her stepson!!!!!! I know there is nothing we can do, but trust me the minute that kid turns 18, he will be living in our house. We have already promised him that. She is only in it for the money that she gets for the kids. She spends money on remodeling her house and a brand new vehicle rather than on the kids. It is very sad. So, that is basically the jist of it. I just want my kids (all 7 of them) happy and healthly and unharmed.

I applaud you for what you are doing, I also am a loving step mom , just one that got burned really bad and forgive me for being bitter! I like you love my stepdaughter like she is my own, she is 16 and I have been with her father since she was 5. My husbands ex is also in it for the money, so don't feel alone there. Just keep your head up! I hope everthing works out in the end!!

can you not go to the court and petition for custody. and with him being 16, he definitely will have a say in where he wants to live at. and if the money is not an issue to you but your step son is. you can always offer to keep paying the cs and for her to allow him to live with you all. that is what we did with my step daughter. her well being and health were more important then the cs that mom was getting.

can you not go to the court and petition for custody. and with him being 16, he definitely will have a say in where he wants to live at. and if the money is not an issue to you but your step son is. you can always offer to keep paying the cs and for her to allow him to live with you all. that is what we did with my step daughter. her well being and health were more important then the cs that mom was getting.

A child has absolutely no say in where they live. When they are old enough they have the right to express who they WANT to live with, but the judge makes the decision. There are too many other variables that have to be considered to know how much of an impact the child's wishes will have.

Thank you for all your postings. Seems the only answer is to drag everyone back to court. Sad situation. I guess I just don't understand all the hatred between exes. Me and my ex get along great! He even gets along wonderfully with my husband. My feeling is there is absolutely no reason to bicker and fight any longer. That all ended with the divorce and sharing children only seems right to try and get along as well as possible for everyone's sake. It is a pitty that more people can't do that. Especially my husbands ex. She is a definite piece of work. I guess as the kids get older they will realize all this and make their own decisions. Thanks again all!

Thank you for all your postings. Seems the only answer is to drag everyone back to court. Sad situation. I guess I just don't understand all the hatred between exes. Me and my ex get along great! He even gets along wonderfully with my husband. My feeling is there is absolutely no reason to bicker and fight any longer. That all ended with the divorce and sharing children only seems right to try and get along as well as possible for everyone's sake. It is a pitty that more people can't do that. Especially my husbands ex. She is a definite piece of work. I guess as the kids get older they will realize all this and make their own decisions. Thanks again all!

Even when all parties agree on something, it still has to be approved by the judge to make it legal. There a countless people that had a GREAT relationship with the ex and could always agree on everything to the point that when they would do things differently from the court order, they would just work it out between themselves and not bother to have the court order changed. Then out of nowhere one parent will change their mind (usually it is because some outside party interferes like a new spouse or a grandparent)! So many parents have gotten screwed this way.

Even if a person is BEST FRIENDS with the ex, if you agree to do anything differently then what the court order says, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, get the order officially changed through the court. If everone is in agreement, it doesn't cost much to do and it will keep BOTH parties protected in the event someone changes their mind.