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Is it normal:

1. for a man to walk around in his underwear in front of his 16 year old daughter??

2. for her to ask her father be tucked in and he ends up sleeping with her for hours on a small bed (not sick or sad, just a regular thing).

3. for him to sleep on the couch with her and his son 11, the daughter in between, father is in his underwear.

4. For her to change her shirt in front of her father?

The daughter hangs all over the father like he is her boyfriend. She has no friends, no phone calls, doesn't go out.

Is this normal, should I be concerned. Should this be reported?????

Please help.
1.my dad hanged out in his underwear, okay with me
2.never tucked me in, never slept with me in a small *** bed...suspicious
3.never slept anywhere near him in his underwear....skin crawls
4.never ever ever ever changed my shirt in front of my dad...definitely suspicious
answer: not normal, be concerned
are you the wife? is it your daughter together or just his?

Is it normal:

1. for a man to walk around in his underwear in front of his 16 year old daughter??

2. for her to ask her father be tucked in and he ends up sleeping with her for hours on a small bed (not sick or sad, just a regular thing).

3. for him to sleep on the couch with her and his son 11, the daughter in between, father is in his underwear.

4. For her to change her shirt in front of her father?

The daughter hangs all over the father like he is her boyfriend. She has no friends, no phone calls, doesn't go out.

Is this normal, should I be concerned. Should this be reported?????

Please help.

1. It's not NORMAL, but it is not necessarily harmful.

2. It would raise a red flag, but if this were the ONLY strange thing, again, not necessarily harmful.

3. DAMN!!! You've got a big *** couch!

4. Now the alarms are going off! Even if the daughter is comfortable with it, dad is old enough to leave the room.

Put all of these things together, the child should be removed from the home IMMEDIATELY and an investigation opened.

no the father is my ex and wants my son to stay over night. My son does not want to. And knowing what I know I don't want him too either. My son is 4.

So the 16 year old & 11 year old are dad's from an earlier marraige?

I wouldn't want my child alone with someone like that, but you are going to have to convince the JUDGE that there is something seriously wrong with dad.

Where is the mother/s of the older children? Are they aware of what's going on? If not, that should be your FIRST call.

Even if there is nothing physically going on, the amount psychological dysfunction it would take for an adult to believe that this kind of behavior is acceptable is disturbing enough to warrant notifying the authorities.

I think your only recourse is to report abuse to child protective services IF you think abuse is happening. That's the bad thing about situations like this, you can't prevent it from happening, only prosecute it if it does (unless he has prior convictions of abuse, then you could get supervised visitation). But one thing you can request from the court is that he have suitable conditions for the child, like his own bed. If you suspect abuse, you should report it. Good luck to you.

I don't know if anything ever happened. I just have a hard time seeing this as innocent behavior. I don't want to report it then it not be true I would feel so bad for making them go through that, but on the other hand if anything is happening it would be stopped. That's why I'm confused about what to do.

As for suitable conditions he claims our son will have his own bed, but his daughter had her own bed.


I just want to thank everyone for there input, I really appreciate it. any more advice is welcome thank you

Even if nothing is "going on", there are parts of this father/daughter relationship that are highly inappropriate. If it turns out to be pretty much an innocent situation, they still need some SERIOUS family counseling, dad, daughter AND mom.

As for your son's PHYSICAL well-being, I think he would be generally safe. IF a father is having an inappropriate physical relationship with his daughter, it tends to be very gender specific, as is the case with MOST child molesters. However, that doesn't mean you should worry any LESS just because you have a son. Just seeing that kind of relationship is not something ANY child should be exposed to.

The Judge ordered a evaulation, but in the mean time he ordered that my son stay overnight. I don't understand how he can make him stay before the evaluation, it don't make sense. Can someone help? Do I really have reason to get this evaluation done? Sometimes feel like I am loseing my mind. Would anyone else do an evaluation if your child had to stay the night with this man?????
As galling as it is, the evaluation will not only be done to determine how he is, in general, with the children, but specifically with your son. In order to evaluate how he is with your son, there has to be some visitation to base the evaluation on. Sick, I know, but there is no other way to get the information needed to determine if he is a fit parent. You can't deprive somebody of their child on what a person THINKS the other parent MIGHT do. You said yourself, that while the father/daughter relationship skeeves you out, you are not sure exactly what to do.

If the evaluation is by order of the court, yes. If you are initiating the evaluation yourself, then if you want to get the answers you need, yes.

The evaluation was ordered by the court and I have to pay for it. I feel like I am concerned for my child and that is wrong. He gets off with more visitation and overnights. And I get to pay for the evaluation and to explain to my son that he has to stay over even though he does not want to. The judge didn't even listen to what my lawyer had to say and then the judge twisted everything around. I still can't believe it. It was like his mind was made up before he got in the room and just wanted to argue with my lawyer.

Go over his head! Call social services and file an anonymous report about dad and the daughter. They will investigated the matter independantly from the courts. If they confirm your suspicions, they will remove ALL of the children from his house. The judge in your case will have no choice but to suspend visitation.

I think you should report it to someone. He probably tells her she is beautiful and nobody else will appreciate how great she is. He probably tells her its normal to undress or shower together or more. He probably tells her that nobody will understand what kind of "thing" they have together. He probably says he can teach her things about intimate relations because he understands her better than anyone. He probably gets really angry and mean if she wants to hang out with her friends and thats why she doesn't have any. He probably slaps her if she talks back but then tells her how sorry he is and it will never happen again. He probably has been doing weird stuff for a very long time. She probably is afraid of telling someone. Or maybe she thinks its okay until someone tells her it's real weird. You should tell someone.


Very interesting (disturbing) comments, Baby Girl.

1. What kind of underwear? Boxer's... who cares? Not sling... CPS!
2. I've fallen asleep beside my kids to many times to count.
3. Again depends on undies...
4. Something wrong with them both!!!
Is it normal:

1. for a man to walk around in his underwear in front of his 16 year old daughter??

2. for her to ask her father be tucked in and he ends up sleeping with her for hours on a small bed (not sick or sad, just a regular thing).

3. for him to sleep on the couch with her and his son 11, the daughter in between, father is in his underwear.

4. For her to change her shirt in front of her father?

The daughter hangs all over the father like he is her boyfriend. She has no friends, no phone calls, doesn't go out.

Is this normal, should I be concerned. Should this be reported?????

Please help.

Yes to both I have 17 yr old daughter and 15 yr old son

I was only suggesting that some underware is more concealing then others. I've seen people wearing boxers to the store and even to a restuarant. I wouldn't but it is common in Fl.

No no no... I said I have fallen asleep beside my children, I never said nothing about in my underware. While watching TV, I don't just go lay down with her.

Did anyone else get that out of what i said?

You sleep with your 17 year old daughter in your underwear?? what kind of underwear???

Oh and I wear boxer briefs...

just not exposed to children....

Or farm animals....

That live with me I have a 2 year old as well. He lives with his mother.Yes to both I have 17 yr old daughter and 15 yr old son

No no no... I said I have fallen asleep beside my children, I never said nothing about in my underware. While watching TV, I don't just go lay down with her.

Did anyone else get that out of what i said?
Yeah, I kinda' did, but I didn't want to jump to conclusions. :p

Smitherton,

My girls do climb into bed with my husband when he is wearing his boxers. But that never raises red flags with me the way this situation is with you. If you feel that there is something wrong, then it probably is.

Wow!!! this convo got personal! Satmike, watch out for those Serta sheep!

mommyof4,

So you think this is ok???
I think my little girls (10 and under) crawling into bed with my husband is fine. I was just rereading the thread from the beginning. No, I think this situation is very sick, at the least. At the worst? Incestuous.

You know, I was just remembering when I was growing up. When my sister and I were in our teens, we would occasionally see our dad in his underwear. Nobody ever made a big deal out of it, but he would just casually go pull some shorts on. It was just understood that it wasn't anything to freak about, but it wasn't any way to go around the house with two teenage girls. I NEVER changed my shirt in front of my dad (that is soooo sick) and my dad never crawled into bed with me.

So, after all of that rambling, my point is to trust your gut. If you feel it is wrong, then it is wrong for you and your son. Others' sense of propriety has nothing to do with what YOU feel is normal.

mommyof4

I guess I just want to make sure I am not losing my mind.

Thank you
No, you are perfectly sane. I think you have some very valid reasons to be concerned. Did you ever get the evaluation done?

Yeah, but these are not false allegations. They are legitimate concerns. You have no way of knowing what is truly going on, and you deserve to know what type of environment your son is being subjected to. Soooo, relax. Snuggle your son (with clothes on, please :p just kidding) What does your atty think about this?

mommyof4

Thank you

My lawyer agreed something is not right. My son is with his father tonight so it will be hard to relax, but I'll try.

I teach my son good morals he is only 4 and he is not aloud to sleep with me in his undewear, although he does sleep with me most of the time, and yes I have clothes on too :) . He will go to the bathroom and tell me don't see me naked. He is so adorable.

Thank you again you have made me feel a lot better

I still think something is seriously wrong with dad's relationship with his daughter. But, I don't think your son is any immediate danger of being harmed by dad. At least PHYSICALLY. If dad has something strange going on with the daughter, the odds of him doing anything to your son, are slim to none. Pediphiles typically stick to a certain victim profile. But that in no way means that it is healthy for your son to see how dad behaves with his daughter.

Male point of view:

I disagree with with the if you think something is wrong then there probably is theory. Alot of people tend to look for the worst in an ex even if not consiously.
And I would normanly be giving you grief about this thred, but the changing shirt in front of dad is realy messed up. Does he look away at least? I mean if she just decides to change and doesn't see it coming he would be inocent but if he is aware and just waits for the show, thats just sick! I sure as hell would not let my kids around him!!! I believe that alot of time's you here things about a father it is unjustified, but not this time.

Male point of view:

I disagree with with the if you think something is wrong then there probably is theory. Alot of people tend to look for the worst in an ex even if not consiously.
And I would normanly be giving you grief about this thred, but the changing shirt in front of dad is realy messed up. Does he look away at least? I mean if she just decides to change and doesn't see it coming he would be inocent but if he is aware and just waits for the show, thats just sick! I sure as hell would not let my kids around him!!! I believe that alot of time's you here things about a father it is unjustified, but not this time.
Notice i said trust your gut. NOT make up something that sounds awful to get your way. With everything she posted, I think her gut is right.

She was your step daughter right? What does her mom think of this?

Mom, I agree with you on her gut feeling... I still can't understand this guy?
Or the daughter for that matter. When I was a kid I stayed over a friends house and the daughters one a year younger and one a senior I was 13-15 would run around the house half naked the mother to. I realy enjoyed the daughters but the mother made me feel very uncomfortable. And sick as she had no buisness in lingerie. Buy a mirror laddy, but anyway's, it was normal to them. Maybe if your raised that way it doesn't seem the same as it does to us.

ouch thats a tuffy... you are right to be concearned...

Well you already said you know you need to get another attorney, so I think that's your answer. As for the rest of the poll, I don't see a problem with any of the things you mentioned. IMHO

Well you already said you know you need to get another attorney, so I think that's your answer. As for the rest of the poll, I don't see a problem with any of the things you mentioned. IMHO
Are you saying that it is okay for this grown man to be doing the things he is doing with his teenage daughter?

As far as what she has posted, she has not seen any outright abuse, right? If he is clothed (undergarments), what is the big deal? If she wants to undress in front of him and feels comfortable, what's the big deal? I think that people are way too inhibited with themselves and then pass that inhibition on to their children. Children who are raised in a nudist colony don't find anything pervert or strange with a naked human body. It's all what is put in their head. If the daughter is fine with it, what's the problem? It doesn't sound like she is shrieking in fear when he approaches her. Crossing that line between comfortable with yourself and abusing your children is a different subject. That is not okay. However, what she has posted doesn't sound too strange to me.

From as long as I can remember until this day, my dad walks around the house in his "tighty whities". Even as a small child, I remember feeling "weird" about it. I was too afraid of him (for other than sexual reasons) to say anything when I was small. Once I got to 15 or 16 I remember asking him to put some clothes on. He never did it.

But:

I don't ever remember him not "running for cover" if he happened to walk in on my sister and I when we were "indisposed".

It really does depend on the intent of the exposures and whether or not someone is raised to be comfortable with nudity. Sexuality and Nudity are not necessarily linked depending on how one is raised. My best friend runs around the house in her butt naked and her kids do too (until one started developing and she stopped).

I'm not in this situation so I can only speculate on it. I hope nothing is going on. If he waits around for a show= sick. If he puts on a show= sick. If he sleeps in her bed= weird and maybe sick. (you get my drift....)

Definetely needs evaluation, and a new attorney for that visitation screw up. By the way, in my state, if there is a screw up like that on the paperwork, if you file for an appeal of THAT decision within two weeks, you can get it corrected.

As far as what she has posted, she has not seen any outright abuse, right? If he is clothed (undergarments), what is the big deal? If she wants to undress in front of him and feels comfortable, what's the big deal? I think that people are way too inhibited with themselves and then pass that inhibition on to their children. Children who are raised in a nudist colony don't find anything pervert or strange with a naked human body. It's all what is put in their head. If the daughter is fine with it, what's the problem? It doesn't sound like she is shrieking in fear when he approaches her. Crossing that line between comfortable with yourself and abusing your children is a different subject. That is not okay. However, what she has posted doesn't sound too strange to me.

All nudity issues aside, it is NOT normal for a father to snuggle up on a couch with his 16 year old daughter.

A persons comfort or lack of with their own body is debatable, but I doubt that any of the children that grow up in nudist camps get cozy with nearly naked adults.

This wasn't walking to the bedroom or bathroom, that I could maybe understand with a towel wrapped around. He was walking around all the time and hanging out in his underwear, I mentioned it to him that he can't do that, he didn't stop.

I have heard a lot about some families think that's normal. If they were brought up like that then wouldn't the kids have been walking and hanging out in their underwear too? I would even understand the shirt thing if everyone walked around like that.

When our son comes home I ask him if he had a good time and he had told me that he did have a good time and then without me saying anymore he told me that I slept in my bed by myself, with his bear that he carries every where. So last night our son told me his father has been sleeping in his bed with him. Our son has only stayed the night 3 times. His father will and has lied to these kids and put things in their heads that were not true. My ex told me once, when our son was 3, that our son told him that I don't need him anymore because I have my friends, my ex mentioned it when he first got their to drop off our son and just before he was leaving. Well anyway I confronted our son, saying I thought you told me you slept in bed by yourself with his bear. He told me he didn't say that. Of course I did not make a big deal about it in front of my son. But this is how this guy works.

Oh and I never saw him sleep with his other son, not together anyway.
And I know our son is 4 and I wouldn't normally have a problem with him sleeping with our son but under the circumstances I am concerned. And yes my son sleeps with me. I know it sounds like a double standard, but I don't tell my son to lie about it.

You need to leave your son out of it all together. Unfortunately, when you start asking question for the purpose of making sure everything going on at dad's is on the up and up, a judge is going to see it as interference unless you can PROVE something is going on that shouldn't be.

The nudity issue isn't going to amount to anything on it's own. It's the fact that dad is snuggling up on the couch with his 16 year old child when they are both next to naked. THAT is not normal. It's one thing if the child is young or even for an older child to climb into bed with a parent when they are scared or upset or just need comforting. But I don't see how it would be considered NORMAL to do this on a regular basis for no reason. We're not even talking about a BED, it's a COUCH!