My friend in South Carolina has 2 children from a previous marriage. When she was pregnant with her second child, her husband deserted her for another woman. She has full custody, but he has visitation rights. He didn't start using his visitation rights until the last couple of years, and then only sporadically...and the boys would usually end up with their paternal grandparents instead of their biological father during the visitation period. They are now 11 and 9. My friend remarried 7 years ago and has had 2 more children with her current husband. He has been the only father her older 2 children have known and they call him dad and call their biological father by his first name. They are a wonderful family and very close. The "step dad" is very active in the boys' lives and until recently, the younger child didn't even understand that he was a "step dad". My friend allowed the paternal grandparents to stay active in her family's lives and they were very supportive until they found out my friend's husband has an awesome job opportunity out of state, which would provide better opportunities and better quality of living for the children. When they told the grandparents about it, the grandparents said they would do everything they needed to to keep their grandchildren. The biological father has now filed for joint custody...it is obviously driven by his parents as they pretty much support him financially. He has a history of drug abuse and has had many different live in girl friends (even when the sons would visit!). My friend and her husband are such wonderful parents and rearing the children up so well. When they do go to their biological father's house, they tend to come home sick from eating nothing but junk food and spend the whole time there in front of the tv. What can she do to keep her family together? She has been threatened that if she moves, the boys would have to stay in the state. It doesn't make sense that DNA can break up this great little family. The children are so obviously better off with their family than with their biological father.

Is it true that the boys would have to stay in SC and is there anyway she can get full custody with visitation at her discretion? She has always been very supportive of the biological father's visiting, but he tends to stand them up at the last minute. She is also concerned about drug use...especially around the boys, but is afraid to make a claim and then him come up clean.

You can't limit his vistation rights (legally) unless he is proven to be harmful to the children in which she could get supervised visitation. So no, she can't modifiy the visitation schedule to be at her "discretion". But from what you've said here even if he tries to get joint custody it is unlikely he'll be awarded that. I believe that it is possible that the courts could order her to stay in the state, but if they can prove that a move out-of-state would benefit the kids and be in thier best interest it may be allowed. I'd say the only leg the father has to stand on here is whether or not they'll be allowed to move the kids out of state. I'd contact an attorney about that point. If she does move out of state, it is likely that she'll be responsible for travel costs associated with thier visitation with thier father.