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11-20-2003, 06:40 AM
http://cities.expressindia.com/fullstory.php?newsid=68557
Babies’ Week Out
Shilpika Das
Mumbai, November 19: AT an age when most couples begin dreaming about playing
with their grandchildren, Greta and Derrick de Sa finally took the plunge.
The childless couple, both pushing 50, decided to add a new member to their
family and in January 2001, they officially welcomed eight-year-old Sherry into
their Dockyard Road home and into their ready-for-retirement lives. ‘‘She
stole our hearts,’’ gushes Greta. ‘‘She’s now an inseparable part of
our family.’’
Greta and Derrick are among an increasing number of families who believe that
childbirth is not the only way to have children.
Says N Goriawalla, a consultant with the Indian Association for Promotion of
Adoption and Child Welfare (IAPACW), ‘‘There is a positive trend. As
adoption is becoming more and more acceptable, the number of families wanting
to adopt has increased dramatically.’’ He adds that until even two decades
ago, only childless couples opted for adoption. ‘‘But now, young couples
and nuclear families adopt as their first option.’’
I adopted, and have no regrets
After two miscarriages and four stillbirths, Ethel John and her husband
didn’t want to take any more chances. In 1993, they adopted a three-month-old
baby girl. Ten years since, the family has no regrets. ‘‘When I adopted
Simone, I was apprehensive about what people would say,’’ says Ethel.
‘‘But everyone was very supportive. In fact, five other families in my
colony decided to adopt.’’
Simone knows. And the 10-year-old has adjusted commendably.
Telling them
Experts believe that the adopted child should be told the truth at the
earliest, but effectively.
‘‘A good way is through stories,’’ says Ashwini Thatte, social worker
with the Vatsalya Trust. Telling them stories of Krishna from the Mahabharata
and Mowgli from The Jungle Book can help explain adoption to a young
child.’’
Kusim Dighe, adoptive mother of a nine-year-old girl, says she began preparing
little Devaki from the very beginning. ‘‘When Devaki saw my pregnant
neighbour, she was curious,’’ says Dighe. ‘‘Then she asked if she had
come from my tummy too. I took that opportunity and explained it to her,’’
she continues. Devaki was upset initially, but that was just a brief phase.
Telling the child early gives him or her more time to accept the truth.
The child must also learn of the adoption from his or her adoptive parents.
‘‘This sends the message that adoption is good and that the child can trust
the parents,’’ says Savita Naveen, social worker with the IAPACW. Finding
out from someone else could mean anger and retribution.
Judge the child’s level of maturity before breaking the news.
The truth is out, now?
‘‘Our eight-year-old son Nikhil didn’t take the news of him being an
adopted child very well,’’ says Santosh Mivashe. ‘‘He began keeping to
himself, stopped speaking to us.’’ Later, the Mivashes realised that Nikhil
felt he was given away because he’d been bad. ‘‘He feared we’d abandon
him too,’’ says Mivashe.
You’ll know your adoptive child is struggling with the truth if there are any
comments about being treated unfairly, sudden problems in school or with peers.
If the child is clamming up emotionally, it might be wise to seek a
counsellor’s help. Your adopted teenager is likely to have special
problems—identity formation, rejection, the need to connect with one’s
roots. Be understanding and supportive, it always helps.
-------------------------
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail . . . but, a true friend will
be sitting next to you saying, "Damn . . . that was fun!"
-----Unknown
Babies’ Week Out
Shilpika Das
Mumbai, November 19: AT an age when most couples begin dreaming about playing
with their grandchildren, Greta and Derrick de Sa finally took the plunge.
The childless couple, both pushing 50, decided to add a new member to their
family and in January 2001, they officially welcomed eight-year-old Sherry into
their Dockyard Road home and into their ready-for-retirement lives. ‘‘She
stole our hearts,’’ gushes Greta. ‘‘She’s now an inseparable part of
our family.’’
Greta and Derrick are among an increasing number of families who believe that
childbirth is not the only way to have children.
Says N Goriawalla, a consultant with the Indian Association for Promotion of
Adoption and Child Welfare (IAPACW), ‘‘There is a positive trend. As
adoption is becoming more and more acceptable, the number of families wanting
to adopt has increased dramatically.’’ He adds that until even two decades
ago, only childless couples opted for adoption. ‘‘But now, young couples
and nuclear families adopt as their first option.’’
I adopted, and have no regrets
After two miscarriages and four stillbirths, Ethel John and her husband
didn’t want to take any more chances. In 1993, they adopted a three-month-old
baby girl. Ten years since, the family has no regrets. ‘‘When I adopted
Simone, I was apprehensive about what people would say,’’ says Ethel.
‘‘But everyone was very supportive. In fact, five other families in my
colony decided to adopt.’’
Simone knows. And the 10-year-old has adjusted commendably.
Telling them
Experts believe that the adopted child should be told the truth at the
earliest, but effectively.
‘‘A good way is through stories,’’ says Ashwini Thatte, social worker
with the Vatsalya Trust. Telling them stories of Krishna from the Mahabharata
and Mowgli from The Jungle Book can help explain adoption to a young
child.’’
Kusim Dighe, adoptive mother of a nine-year-old girl, says she began preparing
little Devaki from the very beginning. ‘‘When Devaki saw my pregnant
neighbour, she was curious,’’ says Dighe. ‘‘Then she asked if she had
come from my tummy too. I took that opportunity and explained it to her,’’
she continues. Devaki was upset initially, but that was just a brief phase.
Telling the child early gives him or her more time to accept the truth.
The child must also learn of the adoption from his or her adoptive parents.
‘‘This sends the message that adoption is good and that the child can trust
the parents,’’ says Savita Naveen, social worker with the IAPACW. Finding
out from someone else could mean anger and retribution.
Judge the child’s level of maturity before breaking the news.
The truth is out, now?
‘‘Our eight-year-old son Nikhil didn’t take the news of him being an
adopted child very well,’’ says Santosh Mivashe. ‘‘He began keeping to
himself, stopped speaking to us.’’ Later, the Mivashes realised that Nikhil
felt he was given away because he’d been bad. ‘‘He feared we’d abandon
him too,’’ says Mivashe.
You’ll know your adoptive child is struggling with the truth if there are any
comments about being treated unfairly, sudden problems in school or with peers.
If the child is clamming up emotionally, it might be wise to seek a
counsellor’s help. Your adopted teenager is likely to have special
problems—identity formation, rejection, the need to connect with one’s
roots. Be understanding and supportive, it always helps.
-------------------------
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail . . . but, a true friend will
be sitting next to you saying, "Damn . . . that was fun!"
-----Unknown
