:confused: I am a 23 year old single mother with an almost 2 year old son (he will be this July) and I live in Texas. I left his father before I found out I was pregnant. His father resides in California, that I am aware of. I need to know if Texas law requires me to make him aware of his son's existence.
If I have to let him know, how can I stop him from having any parental rights? If I don't need to let him know, then that would be a great deal better than the latter. Can you help?
Thank you, :)

Did you put him on the BC?

Some time after my son was born, I had to track down the man I was with the same week I left my finace. Since he was the only one in the state, I could only test him. It turned out that my ex-fiance was the father. I didn't put his name on the birth certificate for fear that it would mean that he would have parental rights.

I don't think you can put someone's name on a birth certificate without that person's permission. But bare in mind, if you draw any kind of welfare, aid to dependent children, anything, they will demand to know who the childs father is and a paternity test will be taken and the father will be made to pay back what ever you draw. And one more point, if he knows - he had parental rights, visitation, say so on schooling, the whole ball game.

:confused: I am a 23 year old single mother with an almost 2 year old son (he will be this July) and I live in Texas. I left his father before I found out I was pregnant. His father resides in California, that I am aware of. I need to know if Texas law requires me to make him aware of his son's existence.
If I have to let him know, how can I stop him from having any parental rights? If I don't need to let him know, then that would be a great deal better than the latter. Can you help?
Thank you, :) Will you change your mind later when and if you are in need of support? There is no law, that i know of that says you must give notice to the father, but i will say this, if you come after him much later in the childs life for any kind of financial support, you will have a hell of a time in court, especially in california. A personal note to you; If you know who the father is, i suggest that you acknowledge it to him and let him have his legal rights. If you cant do this, then move on never to mention his name again!
Only when the child recognizes that it was born of two people will you have to explain! So sad what we as humans imagine to do!!!

You can put someone elses name on the bc without the knowledge. BUT if you don't want him to have any rights just don't try to get any form of suport or let him know or you risk him wanting to get those rights.

Will you change your mind later when and if you are in need of support? There is no law, that i know of that says you must give notice to the father, but i will say this, if you come after him much later in the childs life for any kind of financial support, you will have a hell of a time in court, especially in california. A personal note to you; If you know who the father is, i suggest that you acknowledge it to him and let him have his legal rights. If you cant do this, then move on never to mention his name again!
Only when the child recognizes that it was born of two people will you have to explain! So sad what we as humans imagine to do!!!

She can decide at ANY time to collect child support and she WILL get it according to the state guidelines at the time. She would have a hard time getting BACK support, but not CURRENT support if the man tests positive as the father.

You know you keep saying you don't want him to have anything to do with this child but you are neglecting one thing, this child has the right to know its father and paternal grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles. It is this child's right. You think you have some magical power because you will give birth, you don't. If this were an invitro fertilization, immaculate conception then you would be able to claim exclusive rights to this child, but obviously it isn't the case, if it weren't for all those other people you wouldn't be having this child in the first place. He may be a dead beat, he may not be worth knowing, but he fathered this child, you didn't act alone. This child has the right to know his or her whole family. If you are grown up enough to have a child, then you should be grown up enough to realize that you had two parents, so does this child.

You know you keep saying you don't want him to have anything to do with this child but you are neglecting one thing, this child has the right to know its father and paternal grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles. It is this child's right. You think you have some magical power because you will give birth, you don't. If this were an invitro fertilization, immaculate conception then you would be able to claim exclusive rights to this child, but obviously it isn't the case, if it weren't for all those other people you wouldn't be having this child in the first place. He may be a dead beat, he may not be worth knowing, but he fathered this child, you didn't act alone. This child has the right to know his or her whole family. If you are grown up enough to have a child, then you should be grown up enough to realize that you had two parents, so does this child.

Yes, the CHILD has the right to know BOTH sides of the family, but she can't FORCE a relationship with dad if he doesn't want one.

I thank you all for your responses. Now, just to clear something up here: I have not and will never come after him for child support. I have no interest in that. So that isn't even a concern. As for his father's rights to be a father...everyone has their opinions about it. That he is a deadbeat is irrelavent. He is a drug user. I could care less if he were homeless. But when it comes to drugs, as far as I'm concerned, there are no rights. No one has to see it that way, nor do I care if anyone sees it that way. I'm not trying to be rude, I'm just stating a fact here. You know not my complete situation, so you can only judge from the modicum of information that you receive from me.
Since it appears that there is no law in the state of Texas that requires me to state his name on the bc, then there is no need to have him involved. As far as to what my son will question me about in the future: I don't believe in lying to a child to retain my comfortability. He will know of his father with no embellishments and lies. He will know him as he is. It will be up to him in the future as to whether he wants to find his father and get to know him.
In the same situation, don't sit there and tell me that you would allow a drug user around your child with all rights. You can bull around with that if you wish.
I thank everyone for their positive and negative information and commentary. For those of you that will contest and say that you would allow a drug user around your child with the same rights, you might as well put your head back in the sand. That is not realistic. Again, I thank you.

Yes the father should be told in most cases and the child has a right to know but only if you are doing what you are doing for the best interest of the child deadbeat drug user ect

I thank you all for your responses. Now, just to clear something up here: I have not and will never come after him for child support. I have no interest in that. So that isn't even a concern. As for his father's rights to be a father...everyone has their opinions about it. That he is a deadbeat is irrelavent. He is a drug user. I could care less if he were homeless. But when it comes to drugs, as far as I'm concerned, there are no rights. No one has to see it that way, nor do I care if anyone sees it that way. I'm not trying to be rude, I'm just stating a fact here. You know not my complete situation, so you can only judge from the modicum of information that you receive from me.
Since it appears that there is no law in the state of Texas that requires me to state his name on the bc, then there is no need to have him involved. As far as to what my son will question me about in the future: I don't believe in lying to a child to retain my comfortability. He will know of his father with no embellishments and lies. He will know him as he is. It will be up to him in the future as to whether he wants to find his father and get to know him.
In the same situation, don't sit there and tell me that you would allow a drug user around your child with all rights. You can bull around with that if you wish.
I thank everyone for their positive and negative information and commentary. For those of you that will contest and say that you would allow a drug user around your child with the same rights, you might as well put your head back in the sand. That is not realistic. Again, I thank you.

While the child is young, they have no need to know the "whole story". I don't believe a parent should say ANYTHING negative about the other parent until the child is at least in their mid to late teens, no matter how true it is.

There are many, many parents that have given their kids WAY too much info about the other parents problems and it has come back to bite them in the butt in court later, after the parent straightened their life up and wanted to be a parent. Most judges will explain that a parent has no right at all to burden the child/ren with too much information.

There's no more reason the child should be told that dad is a "deadbeat drug addict" then they would need to know that "daddy left because he's screwing his secretary". All they need to know is that their father is not around because he has problems and CAN'T be a dad right now.

She can decide at ANY time to collect child support and she WILL get it according to the state guidelines at the time. She would have a hard time getting BACK support, but not CURRENT support if the man tests positive as the father. Mabey i should have been more specific. Let's say for ten years she chose knot to pursue acknowledgement, support, or determination of paternity. In other words, she intentionally kept the alledged father from knowing. Then she will have a hard time with current support, yes in cali that is! By the way...hello ceara!

Yes, the CHILD has the right to know BOTH sides of the family, but she can't FORCE a relationship with dad if he doesn't want one. I dont think she said the alleged father did not want a relationship with the child. She said that SHE didnt want him too!!!

Mabey i should have been more specific. Let's say for ten years she chose knot to pursue acknowledgement, support, or determination of paternity. In other words, she intentionally kept the alledged father from knowing. Then she will have a hard time with current support, yes in cali that is! By the way...hello ceara!

But, TEXAS will issue the order and send it to Cali for enforcement. ;)

Iknow the OP didn't mention dad not wanting to be a father. It was just a general answer to the general comment Gramma made.

But, TEXAS will issue the order and send it to Cali for enforcement. ;)

Iknow the OP didn't mention dad not wanting to be a father. It was just a general answer to the general comment Gramma made. Thank you for clearing that up!

Thank you for clearing that up!

Texas used to go all the way back to the child's birth, no matter what the circumstances were. That was just too unfair to men that didn't even KNOW they had a kid to begin with. Imagine being handed a bill for 15-16 YEARS of child support for a child you didn't even know you had.

To make matters even WORSE (I know, you probably didn't think it could get worse) CS would be set at dad's CURRENT pay. It didn't matter if he worked for minimum wage up until a week before the hearing when he got a job for $100K a year. The CS would be set using the $100K for ALL the past years.

Finally they changed it so that CS would only go back to the date of filing or UP TO 5 years, only if mom could PROVE dad knew AND actively tried to avoid paying support.

Texas used to go all the way back to the child's birth, no matter what the circumstances were. That was just too unfair to men that didn't even KNOW they had a kid to begin with. Imagine being handed a bill for 15-16 YEARS of child support for a child you didn't even know you had.

To make matters even WORSE (I know, you probably didn't think it could get worse) CS would be set at dad's CURRENT pay. It didn't matter if he worked for minimum wage up until a week before the hearing when he got a job for $100K a year. The CS would be set using the $100K for ALL the past years.

Finally they changed it so that CS would only go back to the date of filing or UP TO 5 years, only if mom could PROVE dad knew AND actively tried to avoid paying support. Very good research> Key word/s/prove. Ceara, in all honesty, i do learn from you!

Everyone has different situations to be sure and your situation will probably change. If you get married and your new husband wants to adopt this child, how will you get permission?

If you're referring to getting his father's permission to put "future husband's" name on the birth certificate...I will not find him to get his permission. Unless it becomes an issue legally, I have no other need to ever go to him for anything. It's not so much because of dislike for him, I just know how he is. He would do everything he could to jeopardize any positive situation. If it becomes a legal thing, I would more than likely find some way around it if I could.

If you're referring to getting his father's permission to put "future husband's" name on the birth certificate...I will not find him to get his permission. Unless it becomes an issue legally, I have no other need to ever go to him for anything. It's not so much because of dislike for him, I just know how he is. He would do everything he could to jeopardize any positive situation. If it becomes a legal thing, I would more than likely find some way around it if I could.

Since you know how he is, you need to go about keeping him away from the child LEGALLY. Otherwise, you are creating problems that you don't want. All it takes is for him to just HEAR about the child. If he is the one that takes YOU to court, instead of the other way around, you can pretty much kiss any chance you had at keeping him away goodbye.

If you're referring to getting his father's permission to put "future husband's" name on the birth certificate...I will not find him to get his permission. Unless it becomes an issue legally, I have no other need to ever go to him for anything. It's not so much because of dislike for him, I just know how he is. He would do everything he could to jeopardize any positive situation. If it becomes a legal thing, I would more than likely find some way around it if I could. God forbid something should happen between you and your future husband, i guess you 'll get support from him huh? Sad,sad,sad

God forbid something should happen between you and your future husband, i guess you 'll get support from him huh? Sad,sad,sad

It's highly doubtful that the new husband could adopt the child w/o mom comitting PERJURY by tell the court she doesn't know who the father is. If anything ever happened to mom, the kid would most likely go into foster care in absence of another parent. Someone in her FAMILY could try and get custody, but they too would have to comitt perjury if they know who the father is. Either way the new husband doesn't get to keep the child.

I find it extremely ironic that so many people writing these posts have so many similarities in what they say. Why is it that everyone jumps to the old: don't judge me because you don't know the situation. Of course we don't know everything about your life, but people are naturally going to form opinions in the mist of giving their advice or expertise.


Curiousmom: You really can't say, "don't sit there and tell me that you would allow a drug user around your child with all rights. You can bull around with that if you wish." (Quoted from your post) I CAN sit here because I would never have slept with a drug adddict to begin with.

I love that, you make him out to be the biggest peice of crap in the world, but he was good enough for you to be intimate with. It is sad that you would not even let him know that he produced a child.

You are wrong on so many levels. Saying you don't want support is wrong, because your child has the RIGHT to be supported by BOTH his parents. At least place the money into a college account for him/her. It is not only your choice to go for support it is FOR your child and obviouslty he is too young to make that decision so you should do what is best for him/her.

If the father is in fact a drug user, he would not get un-supervised visitation, so that would not be an issue. How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot. Your right there is no law telling you you have to tell him, but it is what is best for many reasons.

He might want to get himself together and be a good role model for his child, but you dont give him that option. Or he could be a loser and want nothing to do with him, but that is a choice he should be given. And your child should be given every opportunity and his/her chances will increase of that if you have more financial support.

Someone said you can't force a relationship, your right, BUT she isn't even giving him that option. Something needs to be done in regards to women who decide on their own without any concern for their children, whether THEY want the childs father to be a part of their lives, nevermind even knowing they exist.

I spend most of my days in a courtroom yet I still get riled up when I read things like this. I guess some things might never change : (

While you obviously have emotional issues from whatever your situation, I honestly do not trouble myself with the comments that are made unless they are of use to my son and myself. That you have issues with my comments, great. That you believe I am wrong on 'so many levels' is, of course, your opinion. Wrong and right are a matter of perception. My ex-fiance wasn't on drugs when we got together. He did get on them later. However, it was my fault for thinking that I could change him out of it. So sue me. Anyway, since you are obviously in a situation that warrants your emotional response, if you love your child(ren) and you're fighting for them in court, great. Then you are doing what you THINK is right. Just as I am doing what I think is correct. You can sit and be annoyed by it if you wish. Thanks to everyone for their comments.
ciao

I am not going to give a judgement on whether or not this father should be kept from knowing he has a child. I think you have had enough comments from all different sides. There is nothing I can add.

I am going to ask, though... Have you thought about what could happen if he does find out that he has a child, especially (as bad as this sounds) a son? It's a small world.

Four, huh? Wow! It wouldn't bother me if you passed judgement. I personally let everything negative roll off my back. But to you question, yes I've thoughit about that possibility. To be honest, I'm not worried about it. If it comes up, I have ways of dealing with such trivialities. Thanks for your question/comment.

:D Curious, I was once in your situation and I don't blame you because everyone has their own reasons why they do what they do and we are not God to judge...I was seen this guy for a while and found out he was married and ect..Then i found out i was pregnant and for some reason i decided not to have him in my son's life...after 3 years i felt guilty because of so much negative opinions that i decided to work things out and let him know he was a father and ect. We decided to move in and i am so glad i did what I did the first time in not telling him because he ended up being a bastard...He does not buy anything for the baby, he is very abusive, and controlling and i just had him arrested for domestic violence. If you feel in your heart this is the right thing to do , just do it and don't listen to no one.

:D Thank you very much for your statement. I tend to just laugh at the people that want to make negative comments about how I do things. My only purpose for being here was to get legal information, or as close to legal information as possible. Anyone else with an emotional standpoint that thinks that I'm doing a wrong thing, I could care less. They can think I'm not thinking of my child, they can think that I'm only caring about myself, they can think whatever they like. The reasons I have for not going to Daisuke's father is my own and warranted whether anyone finds it correct or not. And you have just cemented that. Thank you very much. Have a great one!

:D Thank you very much for your statement. I tend to just laugh at the people that want to make negative comments about how I do things. My only purpose for being here was to get legal information, or as close to legal information as possible. Anyone else with an emotional standpoint that thinks that I'm doing a wrong thing, I could care less. They can think I'm not thinking of my child, they can think that I'm only caring about myself, they can think whatever they like. The reasons I have for not going to Daisuke's father is my own and warranted whether anyone finds it correct or not. And you have just cemented that. Thank you very much. Have a great one!

I understand that you have your reason and don't want to be judged by others. But you do need to realize that you can and will be judged by a COURT if you do not take the PROPER LEGAL steps to ensure the child is safe. By basically lying about it, when the matter does eventually come to light, a judge will have no faith in anything you have to say about the father. But if YOU want to take that chance with YOUR child, go ahead. But be forewarned, 99% of the time, it comes back to bite a person in the ***.

If I were going to lie, then yes that would be something to worry about. :rolleyes:

Look, i know you have probably had your share of opinions, but i am going to give you mine, and share my story with you, so you know why my opinion is the way it is. My oldest daughter is 9, and her father did not know about her until 2 years ago. she knows who he is, but he has spoken to her maybe 2 times, and seen her maybe 3. my husband and I recently put in an acknowledgment of paternity, making my daughter legally my husbands. I informed her father, he is into drugs ect, just like yours, but we didnt really have a relationship, just a drunken one night stand, so there wasnt any animosity, and he didnt feel the need to keep control. My middle daughter's father and I were together for 2 years. he doesnt do drugs, but he chainsmokes, and my daughter has had 2/3 of her lung removed, and she is allergic to tobacco. Her father and I split when i was 2 months pregnant, and my husband and I got together. My husband thought if it was him, he would want visitation, and the option to pay support ect,ect. so we went for the paternity test, and started visitation outside the courts. he would smoke around her, even after her surgery, and even when we would mutually agree that it was bad for her, he would tell me what i wanted to hear just to be able to take her. she had so many ear infections and upper respitory infections, that i was at the doctors 2-3 times a week, just to calm her down from the weekend exposure. he had very inconsistant visitation and wouldnt show up half the time, and would blame it on the fact that he had to work to pay my child support. So I limited him to visits at my house since i could keep her in a nonsmoking enviornment. she will be 4 this july, and he is moving to tennesee. He has not seen her for 9 months, nor has he called, because he claims that i have interfered with his visitation, and he is taking me to court for long distance visitation. She doesnt even know this man. She isnt lacking anything! My husband and both of my daughters are as close as any father and child could ever hope to be, and our lives would be perfect if i had just gone with my first instinct and not tried to force this man into fatherhood. He now claims that i wanted his money, and thats why i took him for paternity. I have asked him to sign over rights to my husband when he wasnt seeing her, and he is using it against me in court to try and say that i have pushed him out. from my veiw point i have done the exact opposite. Go with your gut. If it tells you dont tell him, then dont tell him! My daughter might have to travel 2 states away and have her health, and emotional well being jeperdized just because i listened to my husband (who now knows i was right) tell me "it was the right thing to do". Your his mother, and it may look selfish to others, but there is no shame in protecting your child from the emotional scars, or the physical scars of parent hopping. If a child has never experienced both of his parents, then it is not going to have as bad of an affect as it would if a two parent household split, and the child is hopping around like peice of postage. My oldest will be 10 this year, and she was 6 before she ever had another parent. she has never had any emotional issues, is a straight A student, and loves extra-curruriculars like drill-team, girl scouts, ect. I am not saying that she doesnt love having a dad, but throwing her into a broken family, when it didnt have to be that way didnt seem like "the best interest of the child" to me. Nor does it with my second child. She has never lived with anyone but myself and my husband, and my husband was in the room when she was born. he has been her dad through all of it when she has been sick, and healthy. dont give up. stand your ground. And by the way if anyone has any advice for my situation on my middle daughter, i would appreciate it. Thanks

:D Since I only came here for legal advice on my situation, anyone that usually gives me somthing that is based on their emotional issues I just ignore as if they hadn't said anything. I had one that chided me only because he is in about the same situation as myself and dumped his emotional issues with his ex-wife on me. Honestly, when I read it I laughed. Not because of his situation, but that he could do no better than to chide me as if I were the woman that wronged him. As I said, if the information is of use to my son and myself, then I take it wholeheartedly, other than that, it's just white noise. I appreciate you telling me your story. I have always trusted what I feel, and it has never guided me wrong, I have had times where I ignored what i felt which resulted in negative ramifications. I have learned to trust my gut. Which is something I will do now.

:D Since I only came here for legal advice on my situation, anyone that usually gives me somthing that is based on their emotional issues I just ignore as if they hadn't said anything. I had one that chided me only because he is in about the same situation as myself and dumped his emotional issues with his ex-wife on me. Honestly, when I read it I laughed. Not because of his situation, but that he could do no better than to chide me as if I were the woman that wronged him. As I said, if the information is of use to my son and myself, then I take it wholeheartedly, other than that, it's just white noise. I appreciate you telling me your story. I have always trusted what I feel, and it has never guided me wrong, I have had times where I ignored what i felt which resulted in negative ramifications. I have learned to trust my gut. Which is something I will do now.

If you knowingly hide the truth from the father, you could be facing MANY future legal problems.

First, consider what will happen to the child if you died tomorrow? Without another parent, the state takes custody, it doesn't matter how many family members you have that are willing to take the child.

So, go make out a will naming someone else in your family that you trust as your childs guardian in the event of your death...problem solved:) This will save your child in the event that anything should happen to you from being sent to foster care, and it will assure that you get have already spoken with the person that you have chosen about your wishes for him. Make sure they are willing, and take it to an attorney to have legally entered as your living will.

So, go make out a will naming someone else in your family that you trust as your childs guardian in the event of your death...problem solved:) This will save your child in the event that anything should happen to you from being sent to foster care, and it will assure that you get have already spoken with the person that you have chosen about your wishes for him. Make sure they are willing, and take it to an attorney to have legally entered as your living will.

Just naming a guardian in her will isn't enough. Children aren't property. Guardianship would HAVE to be approved through court and the FIRST thing the judge is going to ask is "Who is the child's biological father and wher is he?".

If she were to go about things the RIGHT way, through the courts, it's a different story. If she can prove that he is unfit and should not be allowed any type of visitation, she can make provisions in the custody order naming a legal guardian, other then the father, in the event of her death. If she does nothing, she will be leaving it up to HER family to fight dad for custody and odds are, they will LOSE. A biological parents rights are always first. Plus, all of the reasons that she is using to justify keeping him away won't matter at all. The way the court will see it is that if dad were as bad as everyone is claiming, MOM would have taken steps to insure that he would not be allowed around the child before she died.

In a Montana court, a mother named her husband her childs guardian in her will. Years later the father found out, and fought for custody. The stepfather won under the "best interest of the child" test. This was in 1996. The mother died, leaveing the stepfather as legal guardian. The biofather wanst involved in the first place and it didnt matter why because it was concluded that it wasnt in the childs best interest to be ripped from the father he had always known just because biodad was deprived of his chance to be a father. The rule is "in the best interest of the child", not whats right for the other crackhead parent. I am sorry, but the longer you wait, the better chance you have of making sure your child never has to deal with him.

You can put someone elses name on the bc without the knowledge. BUT if you don't want him to have any rights just don't try to get any form of suport or let him know or you risk him wanting to get those rights.

No you can't put someone's name on the bc without them knowing. :eek:

If they sign paperwork at the hospital then that is how their name is on the bc otherwise you can't just put any joe schmo on the bc unless joe schmo wants to commit fraud or doesn't know he's not the dad.

If you knowingly hide the truth from the father, you could be facing MANY future legal problems.

First, consider what will happen to the child if you died tomorrow? Without another parent, the state takes custody, it doesn't matter how many family members you have that are willing to take the child.

In actuality, she has the right to not have the father in the child's life. She's not committing fraud at this time. She owes this man nothing until he brings her to court. And if he is a druggie as she says he is he probably won't.

I think she should live her life as she sees fit. many women go off and live their lives without the bio father. :cool:

but again i say if the father is a druggie, he won't step foot in court to fight this.

In actuality, she has the right to not have the father in the child's life. She's not committing fraud at this time. She owes this man nothing until he brings her to court. And if he is a druggie as she says he is he probably won't.

I think she should live her life as she sees fit. many women go off and live their lives without the bio father. :cool:

but again i say if the father is a druggie, he won't step foot in court to fight this.

Which is the reason she should take care of this NOW, while he doesn't care. If she waits, there is nothing stopping him from taking HER to court when he gets his life together.

If she wishes not to put the father's name on the BC, and not tell him that he is expecting then how will they even end up in court???? I am pretty sure when the child grows up she/he will make up their mind in wether they want to have the father around that will show nothing but a bad example if the father is into drugs.

If she wishes not to put the father's name on the BC, and not tell him that he is expecting then how will they even end up in court???? I am pretty sure when the child grows up she/he will make up their mind in wether they want to have the father around that will show nothing but a bad example if the father is into drugs.

The more she tries to keep the father from finding out, the more likely he is to hear about it. How do you know he would be a bad father? All you have is HER word. Did it ever occur to you that she might be lying in order to justify her decision to keep dad away? It happens more often then not in cases like this. Maybe he's a great guy that would make a wonderful father. Is it fair to make the child wait 18 years before finding out? If he IS as bad as she says, she'll have no problem going about things LEGALLY.

We are on here to give advice on WHAT SHE TELLS US!!! not what we think she may be lying about. A drug addict can only bring harm to a settled childs life, and telling the father could be the worst mistake she has ever made because lets say that as most drug addicts do, he is in the process of trying to clean up. He has been clean for 3 months, and because of this they allow overnight visits. 2 months later he relapses as almost ALL drug addicts do and all you've done is screw up a childs life so that the courts get the satisfaction of meddeling around in your life. They dont live in your house, and they certianly dont live in his, and I have just recently seen them give 2 innocent girls back to a heroin addicted mother because she learned how long it stays in your system and on what days her drug tests were. They do not know what is best for your child. It is best to handle it yourself, and as long as your not spreading his name around and telling everyone you have a child by this guy, I dont see a problem.

I also agree with lilmamma, We are not here to see if people that post are telling the truth or not, we are here to help. Drug addicts, abusers, molesters should not be allowed to be in their kids life because I strongly believe kids are like sponges, they pick up on whatever the parent does. Don't get me wrong a drug addicted person CAN change if they want to, but let's face it , once an addict always an addict.

I also agree with lilmamma, We are not here to see if people that post are telling the truth or not, we are here to help. Drug addicts, abusers, molesters should not be allowed to be in their kids life because I strongly believe kids are like sponges, they pick up on whatever the parent does. Don't get me wrong a drug addicted person CAN change if they want to, but let's face it , once an addict always an addict.


And unfortunately if this drug addict appears in court sober for that day he will be awarded visitation. Initially it might be supervised but then she'd have to worry about letting her child go with him once this is all established.

I also agree with lilmamma, We are not here to see if people that post are telling the truth or not, we are here to help. Drug addicts, abusers, molesters should not be allowed to be in their kids life because I strongly believe kids are like sponges, they pick up on whatever the parent does. Don't get me wrong a drug addicted person CAN change if they want to, but let's face it , once an addict always an addict.

We are here to help with LEGAL matters, NOT to show people how to keep the other parent away from the child outside of the LAW.

Well I guess we are all entitled to our own opinion. Ceara, you feel strongly that no matter what the circumstances, you shouldnt keep a child from its father, and I disagree on the grounds that if it will be more harm than good to the child, why make them suffer. I dont under any circumstance think that this should be in EVERY case, just in this particular one, and just from the information being given. Fathers are just as much entitled to thier children as mothers are, and mothers can do just as much harm as fathers. It just isnt as often that you see a case of that nature. But My mother was that case, and My sister could have turned out better if the courts had butted out and let my dad stay gone with my sisters and I. Certian people are made to love, nurture, and care for children, and some people just arent capable. I wouldnt put my child in a situation like this, and i am not going to advise someone else to either.

This is getting rediculous. 1) I'm not lying. Even if I was, that is none of your concern. You are to give legal advice. Not your emotional opinion. I honestly do not care if you believe me or not. Nor do I need to prove that my ex-fiance was a drug addict nor if he still is. If you want to aid myself and others like me, keep your emotion seperated. I have no need for sympathy, pity, hatred, or contempt from anyone that isn't trying to help me. I thank those that are giving me the advice I seek, at the same time, telling me what I should do and giving me suggestions are two different things.
2) If you think I'm lying, so what. Don't answer if you think I am. Just leave me be.
3) As for hiding my son's existence from my ex, that is my choice to do so. Not for hatred for that man. But for concern for my son. You don't have to agree, or like, or even care about that fact. If you read something you don't like in what I say, then move on. I have no need for ludicrous non-entities to tell me what I need because they would probably do something different. My situation is neither a good one, nor a bad one...it just is. I want no one to try to be on my side or against me. My ex is in California; that I'm aware of. The only one's that know that he fathered my son is myself and my few family members. Since I'm not posting an ad in the local paper, I honestly am not worried about it. As for who I am with and who I will be with in the future...it is up to him if he wants to be placed on the bc. Nothing I have said here is trying to be rude, demeaning or emasculating to anyone. Evidently, though, it needed to be said.

This is getting rediculous. 1) I'm not lying. Even if I was, that is none of your concern. You are to give legal advice. Not your emotional opinion. I honestly do not care if you believe me or not. Nor do I need to prove that my ex-fiance was a drug addict nor if he still is. If you want to aid myself and others like me, keep your emotion seperated. I have no need for sympathy, pity, hatred, or contempt from anyone that isn't trying to help me. I thank those that are giving me the advice I seek, at the same time, telling me what I should do and giving me suggestions are two different things.
2) If you think I'm lying, so what. Don't answer if you think I am. Just leave me be.
3) As for hiding my son's existence from my ex, that is my choice to do so. Not for hatred for that man. But for concern for my son. You don't have to agree, or like, or even care about that fact. If you read something you don't like in what I say, then move on. I have no need for ludicrous non-entities to tell me what I need because they would probably do something different. My situation is neither a good one, nor a bad one...it just is. I want no one to try to be on my side or against me. My ex is in California; that I'm aware of. The only one's that know that he fathered my son is myself and my few family members. Since I'm not posting an ad in the local paper, I honestly am not worried about it. As for who I am with and who I will be with in the future...it is up to him if he wants to be placed on the bc. Nothing I have said here is trying to be rude, demeaning or emasculating to anyone. Evidently, though, it needed to be said.

I never said you WERE lying. I DID give you the CORRECT legal advice. You just didn't like it. Personally, I don't care one way or the other what you do, because it's not MY children being put on the line by you not going through the proper LEGAL channels.

Don't worry I am sure if ceara was in curious's shoes she won't be thinking the way she is now and remember we can't guarantee every father is a great father and HAVES to have visitation rights because he is the father. Bullcrap, sometimes what we think is good for the kids end up being the worse.... ;)

Don't worry I am sure if ceara was in curious's shoes she won't be thinking the way she is now and remember we can't guarantee every father is a great father and HAVES to have visitation rights because he is the father. Bullcrap, sometimes what we think is good for the kids end up being the worse.... ;)

I HAVE been there. When I was pregnant with my son, my ex husband turned into a different person. Drinking and going out with his friends was his #1 priority. I KNEW he was potentially a serioud danger to the kids. I went through the PROPER LEGAL CHANNELS to insure that he is not allowed be around them or cause them any harm. At the time of our divorce, he had no interest in seeing the kids at all. He STILL doesn't. But I STILL spent a huge amount of time, money and effort to make sure that the kids would be safe no matter what happened down the road.

So, next time, you might want to ASK or even look at my posting history before you open your mouth and make assumptions. Maybe if you did, you wouldn't be so confused.

Ok , so you been there and you are here posting all this crap about curious and how the father needs to be in the unborn child's life, blah blah and it's the LEGAL way blah blah...sounds to me someone here did not learn their lesson by their own experience. can we say hypocrite???

Regarding the name jessiconfused, if you have read my other posts it's regarding a suggestion post i have made and i was confused on wether what I should do...Then again people are here for a reason and need some advice which i am sure you are here also, so the name did fit right..Did i mention hypocrite earlier? If not then let me mention it again.....Hypocrite. :p

Wow, Jessie, you really ARE confused. This poster's child will be 2 years old in July, and isn't an "unborn child" at all! Read the first post for cripes sake.

And Ceara didn't say the father needed to be in the child's life, she said the poster needs to go about keeping him out legally.

Since you know how he is, you need to go about keeping him away from the child LEGALLY. Otherwise, you are creating problems that you don't want. All it takes is for him to just HEAR about the child. If he is the one that takes YOU to court, instead of the other way around, you can pretty much kiss any chance you had at keeping him away goodbye.

And ceara's advice was the correct legal advice that curious came here for.

Ok , so you been there and you are here posting all this crap about curious and how the father needs to be in the unborn child's life, blah blah and it's the LEGAL way blah blah...sounds to me someone here did not learn their lesson by their own experience. can we say hypocrite???

Regarding the name jessiconfused, if you have read my other posts it's regarding a suggestion post i have made and i was confused on wether what I should do...Then again people are here for a reason and need some advice which i am sure you are here also, so the name did fit right..Did i mention hypocrite earlier? If not then let me mention it again.....Hypocrite. :p

NEVER ONCE did I say the father needs to be in the child's life. I told the OP that if dad really was as bad as SHE thinks he is, she needs to go through the COURT and keep dad away using the PROPER LEGAL PROCEEDURE. Did I mentin your an IDIOT? In case I didn't YOUR AN IDIOT.

Life isnt always a bowl of peaches, and neither is the legal system. Didn't you hear about the case where "the legal system" had a small girl visiting her bio-dad who was molesting her, and she would scream and cry, and plead for her mother to not make her go, but the judge threatened to put her mother in jail for contempt if she didnt. They made her go anyways because they couldnt prove that the child wasnt lying. Then they found evidence later, and he was eventually sent to jail, but not before the child endured years of sexual, and emotional abuse. Thats the grand design of our "legal System". Anyone who dare try, I bid you good luck because you never know what side of the coin you are going to come out on. They favor parental rights so much that they dont factor the detriment to the child sometimes, and not all cases are settled like yours is ceara. I am glad you have faith in the legal system, and that it worked in your favor, but thats not always the way it turns out, and its all over the news every day. In anyones situation, if you can work it out yourself you should, and the legal system should be the last resort.

Excuse my mistake for adding "unborn" in their, i was reading another forum before i replied and added that by mistake...As for ceara, did that tickle your pickle?..Idiot - ha i guess some of us are immature but hey if that makes you high and mighty you go girl.

While I am aware that you didn't say that I was lying, that was in reference to a post you placed to another stating that it is a possibility that I might be lying. Yes, you gave me legal advice, I didn't say that you did not. At the same time, just because your situation turned out great, and you did what you thought was right by going through the legal channels, doesn't mean that it will work for me. Even if I could find him, I more than likely will do what I believe to be right. NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE THINKS. I have received your legal advice and that was all I was wanting. No emotional responses. From the looks of things, you blend your legal advice with your emotions and that is of no use to me.