*California*

My ex and I have been separated about 9 months, our daughter is almost 2. When we first split, we had a 60/40 custody arrangement worked out. In January, he hit her, leaving her butt covered in bruises. I told him that I wouldn't file a police report if he agreed to supervised visitation only, and that is what we have been doing ever since.

Now, neither one of us is dating anyone else, but we are defineatly not getting back together.

My question is, is there any advantage for me in filing for divorce and custody?

My concerns are - 1) the judge may not beleive that he hit her (I took pictures, but he has already told me that he will say that I did it)
2) We may go be ordered back to the 60/40 split or something like it, leaving her likely to get abused again,
3) and I know it's petty, but if we go back to the 60/40 split, I (as CP) have to pay him (NCP) a substantial amount of child support. I make a lot more money then he does, but not so much that I can afford to support him and our daughter.

If I don't file, so far he is willing to accept me terms, and hopefully will move away soon. (He doesn't have a job or a place to stay right now)

I appreciate any guidance you have to offer.

*California*

My ex and I have been separated about 9 months, our daughter is almost 2. When we first split, we had a 60/40 custody arrangement worked out. In January, he hit her, leaving her butt covered in bruises. I told him that I wouldn't file a police report if he agreed to supervised visitation only, and that is what we have been doing ever since.

Now, neither one of us is dating anyone else, but we are defineatly not getting back together.

My question is, is there any advantage for me in filing for divorce and custody?

My concerns are - 1) the judge may not beleive that he hit her (I took pictures, but he has already told me that he will say that I did it)
2) We may go be ordered back to the 60/40 split or something like it, leaving her likely to get abused again,
3) and I know it's petty, but if we go back to the 60/40 split, I (as CP) have to pay him (NCP) a substantial amount of child support. I make a lot more money then he does, but not so much that I can afford to support him and our daughter.

If I don't file, so far he is willing to accept me terms, and hopefully will move away soon. (He doesn't have a job or a place to stay right now)

I appreciate any guidance you have to offer.

Your first mistake was not filing a police report. I know it's very hard to do against someone in your family (even if it is an ex sometimes), but it's important in representing the situation acuratley if needed later (like now). The fact that you have been doing supervised visitation because of this incident does count for something.

1. If your ex says you did it, then why do you have custody and he is only visiting with supervision?
2. It is possible, but depending on your current situation, why would you not file for full custody with standard visitation? You can request supervised visitation based on the alleged abuse.
3. If you are the custodial parent, you would not have to pay him anything no matter how much you make. The child support is based on both your incomes, but he as the NCP would have to pay you the CP, if your income is high his support will be less than your support. But your support is paid to yourself because you are the CP.

If you don't file, you are leaving yourself vulnerable to whatever happens between now and the time you do file. You are also putting yourself in a situation where you are relying on his word. I don't see any advantage to not filing unless he is giving you something valuable that you wouldnt' normally get in a decree. I don't see anything based on what you've described here.

In my state, the NCP can get support to equalize the living conditions (the idea is that it isn't fair to my daughter to have a different standard of living at her dad's then with me)

I guess my real question is, how likely would it be that I would get supervised visitation only for him if that's what I ask for, and if waiting (to establish that that is what we have been doing) would put me in a better position.

*California*

My ex and I have been separated about 9 months, our daughter is almost 2. When we first split, we had a 60/40 custody arrangement worked out. In January, he hit her, leaving her butt covered in bruises. I told him that I wouldn't file a police report if he agreed to supervised visitation only, and that is what we have been doing ever since.

Now, neither one of us is dating anyone else, but we are defineatly not getting back together.

My question is, is there any advantage for me in filing for divorce and custody?

My concerns are - 1) the judge may not beleive that he hit her (I took pictures, but he has already told me that he will say that I did it)
2) We may go be ordered back to the 60/40 split or something like it, leaving her likely to get abused again,
3) and I know it's petty, but if we go back to the 60/40 split, I (as CP) have to pay him (NCP) a substantial amount of child support. I make a lot more money then he does, but not so much that I can afford to support him and our daughter.

If I don't file, so far he is willing to accept me terms, and hopefully will move away soon. (He doesn't have a job or a place to stay right now)

I appreciate any guidance you have to offer. How long is ever since?
As far as i am concerned, no one should be hitting a two year old PERIOD! Listen, if he would not own up to hitting the child, he will do it again! If he holds that lie over your head, he will do it again! Sounds like you still love your ex, that is understandable...BUT, the childs safety COMES FIRST! It is ok to be confused sometimes, certainly after a separation...But.. the best way to love your family is to get outside professional help. Remember.. you do want the best for all concerned! Much Love!!!

Thank you, Knot, for your kind words. *HUGS*

No, it's not that I still love him, it's just that I didn't want my little girl to have to go to the police and have them messing with her if I didn't have to. I know it was probably a mistake, not to file a report. I hear horror stories about kids being taken to foster care after abuse is reported, and I was afaird of something like that.

It has been since Janary- 3 months now- and he has never seen her without me being there the whole time since. I told him I talked to an attorney and they said that the court would order supervised visitation, and he beleived me, so he isn't fighting it. (I was lying, unfortunately)

I really just want him to move away, and stay out of my daughter's life. But if I file, it might make him fight back.

Thank you, Knot, for your kind words. *HUGS*

No, it's not that I still love him, it's just that I didn't want my little girl to have to go to the police and have them messing with her if I didn't have to. I know it was probably a mistake, not to file a report. I hear horror stories about kids being taken to foster care after abuse is reported, and I was afaird of something like that.

It has been since Janary- 3 months now- and he has never seen her without me being there the whole time since. I told him I talked to an attorney and they said that the court would order supervised visitation, and he beleived me, so he isn't fighting it. (I was lying, unfortunately)

I really just want him to move away, and stay out of my daughter's life. But if I file, it might make him fight back. You're welcome! listen.. honesty with yourself and others will keep you prosperous in life. Make sure that you keep your child safe and happy. You can accomplish this with acts of unselfishness along with acts of courage and love!