I will try to keep this as short as possible. 1st off I love my little girl with all my heart, so please don't take this to be about the $, it isn't, it's the principal. O.K. I adopted my "wife at the times'" little girl as we were seperating . We were togather for about 5yrs. I did this due to the fact her boilogical dad bailed when he found out he was about to be a dad. I got to know this girl around her 1st birthday when her mom and I started dating. The little girl immediately became a daddy's girl, we went everywhere together. I'm the only father she knew and we did not tell her any different. With her at about 6 her mother dicided it was time to be pursuing other guys while I was at work. Came home found them together and told them "while your boyfriends here, he can help you pack your bags ang get the &#%@ out of my house I left and went back to work. After this I went thru the adoption before going thru the divorce. I was determined to be a part of this girls life. O.K. that went thru. I was told she would never carry me to court if I took care of my little girls' needs. I was more than willing to that. Then she dicides it's not getting her any money with me just buying for the child so she drags me into court and throws on the deadbeat dad thing and I walk out ouing $600 per month(I already pay all insurance, half afterschool fees, half all unpaid doctor bills.and make about $35000yr) Note that during all this time my little girl has no idea as to me not being her biological dad. She will turn 10 next month. O.K. the father that ran off 10years ago is back. He is a city policeman, used to be a pill popn pot smokin drunk piece of trash. He calls up the mother and said he was sorry for what he did and wants to see his girl that he abandoned 10 yrs ago. The mother jumps right on this and against my begging and pleading, introduces them and tells the little girl everything (except WHY he ran away) So now the 10yr old girl is totally confused. He is married, his wife is totally outraged, his parents are furious(my mom and his work together with the school system). Now it looks like he is leaving his wife for my ex now, to be with his child that I am paying for. Looks to me like I just got the royal screwing. He has admitted she is his, OF COARSE he will I'M the one paying the cs! ANyone with any ideas as where to go with this. I don't want lose my little girl, she has promised me that I will ALWAYS be her dad-he's just "name". Like I said it's not about the money, I've worked 2 jobs just until recently18hrs a day 5-6 days a week just so I could provide for her. I just don't know what to do. Please help. P.S. Alabama

This is going to sound very cold but its the reality.

You need to establish that you are NOT the biological father. Although you petitioned for adoption this makes it sticky. You need to get legal council on this.

While its taking many years, courts ARE starting to wake up and review the FACTS in front of them and not parrot decisions out of a book. Presented properly, the judge will see what has happened and most likely rule in a favorable manner. You will have to do some hard thinking and determine from here on out, how much of a part of this girls life you want to be.

Bear in mind, that no matter HOW MUCH the biological father does for her now, she will ALWAYS remember YOU as the one that was there for her growing up. You cant erase people memories.

If you are paying the support, then you are the father. I don't think you can keep bio father from being in the picture but if you are legally the father, then you can keep bio father from having a legal role in the child's life in terms of making decisions about the child. Otherwise, you can seek to have your parental rights terminated to include support obligations, but bio father would need to be willing to step into your shoes. Consult an attorney as t his is a complex situation.

that's a wierd situation I've never heard before. I'm sorry for your little girl. First of all, he has no legal rights to your daughter, period. However, if he is coming into the picture as your ex's boyfriend, she has the right to introduce your daughter to whomever, if they married he would be like a step-parent, the only difference in this situation is that he is also the biological dad. It really wouldn't be a bad thing for her to know her bio-dad, there are a lot of things she'll want to identify with in terms of genetics, personality traits, etc. If you want a bright side to look at, if you had not adopted the daughter you'd never have any right to see her again. In your situation now, you are the legal parent, therefore you get visitation and you get to continue a relationship with her even though her bio-dad is in the picture. If you love her, that is the most important part. But like all loving dads (bio or not), you also have the price of child support. Consider it a small price to pay for keeping this child in your life, without it, you'd have no rights to the child at all (if you hadn't adopted her). So while it seems like your getting the raw-end of the deal, if having a realtionship with her is more important than the money, you are a winner. As for the daughter being confused - that is confusing!!! You can only do your best to explain to her what happened. It would be wise to not trash the bio-dad to her, she may resent you for it. Good luck.

As you all understand this is not about the money, the only concern I have about the money is how it is being used(or NOT used). My soon to be ex (papers are being files this week finally) is using the money for herself and my little girl still has needs that she is asking me to pay, i.e. field trips, clothes, etc. Things that should be paid for by the cs. Just this last week, at the last minute, she canceled my little girls b'day party saying she did not have the money for it. I have already had my side of the family's birthday party for her, so she at least got a b'day party, but got nothing(not even a gift from her mother. Over the past few months since the bio dad came back in the picture her grades in school have gone down the toilet. Used to be A-B student, now is D-F. We were going to tell her about her bio dad someday, just not during a school year where she had a lot on her mind to deal with. And by the way, there has never been any DNA testing to prove HE is the dad, it was up between 3 guys (we did not know each other at this time so I am definitely NOT one of them). And also, he is married and has a son with his wife that my little girl was introduced to as being her brother. Sorry this is so long, just needing to vent. The reason WE seperated was her cheating on me , so now she's messing around with a married man who just happens to MAYBE be the bio dad of her daughter, who by the way knows he's married. One last thing and I'll shut up. We were seperated for 3 years. I could not get her to sign the divorce papers, her reason was always that she did not have the time to go and get them notorized, even tho she had time to go and cash my checks. Now since he is back in the picture, she is all in a hurry to get this thru to the court hmmmmmmm. Any way thanks for reading this, gave me a chance to vent a little. Maybe I'll write a book someday haha.