LilMtnCbn
11-06-2003, 06:57 AM
http://www.dailynebraskan.com/vnews/display.v/ART/2003/11/06/3fa9e322dba03
November marks National Adoption month
By MANDI IRIONS / DN Staff Writer
November 06, 2003
Brett Foley was adopted through the Catholic Social Services system in Rapid
City, S.D., when he was two weeks old.
As a child, he said he didn't remember a specific point at which thunder
rumbled, the heavens parted and his parents told him he was adopted.
Bundles of Joy
National Adoption Month: Michael S. Dukakis founded Adoption Week in 1976 when
he was governor of Massachusetts. President Gerald Ford nationalized the
weeklong commemoration during his term. In 1990, the week was expanded to a
month because of the large number of participating states.
It was much simpler than that, he said.
"I've just always known," he said.
Foley, a graduate student and teaching assistant at the University of
Nebraska-Lincoln, said his parents were always open about his adoption.
"My parents, they never tried to hide it from me," he said.
Having open dialogues about adoption is one of the desired consequences of
National Adoption Month.
National Adoption Month got its start in 1976, when Michael S. Dukakis was the
governor of Massachusetts. He declared a week in November as Adoption Week.
President Gerald Ford later made the week national, and in 1990, National
Adoption Week became National Adoption Month because the number of
participating states was so large.
Foley said he did not remember being stigmatized by his status as an adopted
child.
"I was never embarrassed by it, and I wasn't treated differently because of
it," he said.
As he grew older, he remembered his indifference toward being adopted changing.
"As I got older, and I can't really say why, I became really proud of it. It is
something unique about me," he said. "It is an interesting facet of my life
that differentiates me from other people."
Foley's positive attitude toward adoption has not always mirrored society's
attitude.
Before open adoption became the norm in the mid-1980s, closed adoptions
prevailed.
In closed adoptions, the birth mother has no information about her child and
the child has no information about the birth mother. This often meant the two
people spent the rest of their lives not knowing each other.
Kelli Backman, the YWCA's Parent Center coordinator, said adoption trends had
changed in the last two decades.
"Open adoption is kind of the norm anymore," she said.
She explained open adoption: "You're not like co-parents, but you're allowed
the opportunity to be in touch with your child; you can write them."
Foley said because he came from a time when closed adoptions were prevalent, he
still had not had contact with his birth mother.
"It was in the late '70s," he said. "The birth mother would be anonymous to me
and my parents. Then when I turned 18, I had the option of going down to the
Social Services, and they would assist me in finding my birth (mother) if I was
interested in finding her."
Did he troop to the Social Services center the minute he turned 18?
"Not right away," he said.
"Earlier in my life, I wasn't really interested in finding my birth parents
because I was worried about the effect it might have on my adoptive parents,"
he said.
"I didn't want to damage my relationship with them by making it appear that I
was unhappy with my family."
Foley touched on an important issue facing adopted children: whether to find
their birth parents or not.
Foley resolved the issue by allowing his birth mother to contact him, if she so
chose.
"I didn't contact her so I could have some sort of relationship," he said. "I
wanted to thank her for the decision that she made."
He left his information with Social Services, and the agency contacted the
birth mother.
Foley still has not heard from her.
Foley said he and many adopted children wondered, from time to time, about
their birth parents.
"What are they like? What are they doing? Do they look like me?" he said.
Backman works as an options educator with the YWCA and said many of the
pregnant teenagers she worked with did not consider adoption an option.
One of the reasons she cited was the cost -- $7,000 to $11,000 on average -- of
carrying a pregnancy to term.
"The majority of fees for adoption are assumed by the adoptive family," she
said.
Another reason young mothers are hesitant to choose adoption, Backman said, was
that they believed it was their responsibility to care for the child, no matter
what.
"I do see the attitude that 'it is still my child and I'll find a way to
provide the best life possible,'" even if the mothers' life situations don't
make that possible, she said.
However, with education, Backman said she believed adoption would be chosen
more often.
"Adoption isn't a dirty word," she said.
Foley created a Web site, www.brettandlindy.com, to help educate people about
adoption.
"I don't know how other people perceive it," he said. "I wanted to show the
fact that I wasn't stigmatized by adoption and I'm not ashamed of being
adopted.
"I'm proud of being an adoptee," he said.
November marks National Adoption month
By MANDI IRIONS / DN Staff Writer
November 06, 2003
Brett Foley was adopted through the Catholic Social Services system in Rapid
City, S.D., when he was two weeks old.
As a child, he said he didn't remember a specific point at which thunder
rumbled, the heavens parted and his parents told him he was adopted.
Bundles of Joy
National Adoption Month: Michael S. Dukakis founded Adoption Week in 1976 when
he was governor of Massachusetts. President Gerald Ford nationalized the
weeklong commemoration during his term. In 1990, the week was expanded to a
month because of the large number of participating states.
It was much simpler than that, he said.
"I've just always known," he said.
Foley, a graduate student and teaching assistant at the University of
Nebraska-Lincoln, said his parents were always open about his adoption.
"My parents, they never tried to hide it from me," he said.
Having open dialogues about adoption is one of the desired consequences of
National Adoption Month.
National Adoption Month got its start in 1976, when Michael S. Dukakis was the
governor of Massachusetts. He declared a week in November as Adoption Week.
President Gerald Ford later made the week national, and in 1990, National
Adoption Week became National Adoption Month because the number of
participating states was so large.
Foley said he did not remember being stigmatized by his status as an adopted
child.
"I was never embarrassed by it, and I wasn't treated differently because of
it," he said.
As he grew older, he remembered his indifference toward being adopted changing.
"As I got older, and I can't really say why, I became really proud of it. It is
something unique about me," he said. "It is an interesting facet of my life
that differentiates me from other people."
Foley's positive attitude toward adoption has not always mirrored society's
attitude.
Before open adoption became the norm in the mid-1980s, closed adoptions
prevailed.
In closed adoptions, the birth mother has no information about her child and
the child has no information about the birth mother. This often meant the two
people spent the rest of their lives not knowing each other.
Kelli Backman, the YWCA's Parent Center coordinator, said adoption trends had
changed in the last two decades.
"Open adoption is kind of the norm anymore," she said.
She explained open adoption: "You're not like co-parents, but you're allowed
the opportunity to be in touch with your child; you can write them."
Foley said because he came from a time when closed adoptions were prevalent, he
still had not had contact with his birth mother.
"It was in the late '70s," he said. "The birth mother would be anonymous to me
and my parents. Then when I turned 18, I had the option of going down to the
Social Services, and they would assist me in finding my birth (mother) if I was
interested in finding her."
Did he troop to the Social Services center the minute he turned 18?
"Not right away," he said.
"Earlier in my life, I wasn't really interested in finding my birth parents
because I was worried about the effect it might have on my adoptive parents,"
he said.
"I didn't want to damage my relationship with them by making it appear that I
was unhappy with my family."
Foley touched on an important issue facing adopted children: whether to find
their birth parents or not.
Foley resolved the issue by allowing his birth mother to contact him, if she so
chose.
"I didn't contact her so I could have some sort of relationship," he said. "I
wanted to thank her for the decision that she made."
He left his information with Social Services, and the agency contacted the
birth mother.
Foley still has not heard from her.
Foley said he and many adopted children wondered, from time to time, about
their birth parents.
"What are they like? What are they doing? Do they look like me?" he said.
Backman works as an options educator with the YWCA and said many of the
pregnant teenagers she worked with did not consider adoption an option.
One of the reasons she cited was the cost -- $7,000 to $11,000 on average -- of
carrying a pregnancy to term.
"The majority of fees for adoption are assumed by the adoptive family," she
said.
Another reason young mothers are hesitant to choose adoption, Backman said, was
that they believed it was their responsibility to care for the child, no matter
what.
"I do see the attitude that 'it is still my child and I'll find a way to
provide the best life possible,'" even if the mothers' life situations don't
make that possible, she said.
However, with education, Backman said she believed adoption would be chosen
more often.
"Adoption isn't a dirty word," she said.
Foley created a Web site, www.brettandlindy.com, to help educate people about
adoption.
"I don't know how other people perceive it," he said. "I wanted to show the
fact that I wasn't stigmatized by adoption and I'm not ashamed of being
adopted.
"I'm proud of being an adoptee," he said.
