I recently took custody of my son 8 months ago. For the 13 years before that I always paid support and medical, plus 50% of his hockey fees yearly. In the 8 months he has lived with me his mother has invested about $20 and little of her time to him. Has attended very little of his function including hockey and makes no effort to help me out much at all, or him.

My question is this. Should I recieve child-support from her?

She tells me she can't afford anything. She's re-married but she only works part-time. The problem I have with this is I believe male or female we should be held accountable for our children period, if not from the goodness of your heart, than through the courts.

I didn't want this to go through the courts, but after 8 months of letting her prove herself we wouldn't have to I have decided to use the court system.

Does anyone have any advice for me?

Is it right or wrong of me to expect anything from her?

Was the custody change signed by a judge, meaning was it a legal custody change?

No one is obligated to pay support, male or female, until a court orders them to. Morally right or not until they legally have to pay they don't have to so absent a court order she doesn't have to give you anything.

If you want child support, then you need to file for it.

The custody case was signed by a judge.

We decided not to go through the courts regarding child support for her, she agreed that she would help me out, both financially and help with getting him to and from hockey, which is 5-6 days per week, turns out after 8 months she has about $20 invested and has done little to none with hockey, plus only sees him maybe 2 days per month with him often coming back to our house on short notice. She's always claiming the broken wheel act, but she only works part-time. I have the right according to the papers to take her back at any time because the judge would not sign off on child-support for her, because we said we would work it out. Thus far she hasn't lived up to her responsibility of what we discussed at all. So the question is......Do I let her play the broken wheel act and not do anything? Or do I hold her accountable and have child support court ordered? Is is right to hold a woman accountable like we do males? Personally I think it is, but she has a way of guilting me.

If you don't take it back to court you can't whine about anything. I am unsure WHY you seem to think this is a gender thing. It's not. It is plain and simple... your papers say you can take her to court... you take her to court.

I don't understand why parents make child support about what one or the other wants. This has nothing to do with waiting for her to prove herself, thats not your concern Your concern is your child and if you have physical custody of her then heck ya you need to pull her for child support, Child support is for the childs needs and it will never be enough but she is a parent and she needs to be held accountable if nothing else. Your responsibility in this is to stay civil for the child's sake and if you guys can't agree amicably then have the court set up a go between person so that such things like vistation, medical, and child support can decided before things get crazy.

My advice is to always go with a legal agreement. Too many times "working it out", never does work out. It is great if it can, but unfortunately humans are imperfect and there's always resentment or opinions change or expectations aren't what they were supposed to be. Its better to have a 3rd party (the court) determine a fair agreement and then niether party can vary from it.

But to answer your question, yes, the non-custodial parent should pay child support for thier portion of raising that child - mother or father, it doesn't matter. But her income will determine her support and (based on what you've said) it is likely that a legal agreement of child support that she will have to pay you will be a lot lower than what you were paying her.

My advice is to always go with a legal agreement. Too many times "working it out", never does work out. It is great if it can, but unfortunately humans are imperfect and there's always resentment or opinions change or expectations aren't what they were supposed to be. Its better to have a 3rd party (the court) determine a fair agreement and then niether party can vary from it.

But to answer your question, yes, the non-custodial parent should pay child support for thier portion of raising that child - mother or father, it doesn't matter. But her income will determine her support and (based on what you've said) it is likely that a legal agreement of child support that she will have to pay you will be a lot lower than what you were paying her.

True, but he does need to ask that her income be imputed to reflect what she would earn working full-time.

hi

in addition to what the other people have said i also wanted to add that you have been more than fair to let her have 8 months to do the right thing.

well she has done nothing.........


so you need to file for support and in your filing ask for it to be retroactive to the date of the custody transfer due to her verbally agreeing to support her child. You probably wont get it but it will make a point to the judge that she has been a heel.........

You ask for support based on her highest income earned ever. Or if she has a degree that she can work and make more money make sure it is taken into account. Every state has a site that you can determine the wages for any particular job title in that area. Look in the main State page and you will find wage information for just about every job there is. If you need help finding this info PM me and give me her job classification and her state and county and i will find it for you if you can't.

Have her income imputed at a 40 hour work week and ask for her to be held to her verbal agreement that she would contribute to the hockey costs and help with transportation. Or have a set amount added into the support agreement. Usually the state rules allow a judge to deviate a certain percentage for things like this.

You may also get a transcript of the hearing that she made these statements
(if they were agreed to verbally in court) to possibly get the retro support and extra money for the hockey expenses. Order transcript and have it transcribed. Add it to your pleading as exhibit A.



ask that the judge split the cost of the hockey 50/50 as it was before the custody transfer. If she says she cant afford it then suggest she work 40 hours a week like you always have to support her child.

Dont feel bad about this because it is in the best interest of your child to have the extra money to help with his expenses.


rini

hi

in addition to what the other people have said i also wanted to add that you have been more than fair to let her have 8 months to do the right thing.

well she has done nothing.........


so you need to file for support and in your filing ask for it to be retroactive to the date of the custody transfer due to her verbally agreeing to support her child. You probably wont get it but it will make a point to the judge that she has been a heel.........

You ask for support based on her highest income earned ever. Or if she has a degree that she can work and make more money make sure it is taken into account. Every state has a site that you can determine the wages for any particular job title in that area. Look in the main State page and you will find wage information for just about every job there is. If you need help finding this info PM me and give me her job classification and her state and county and i will find it for you if you can't.

Have her income imputed at a 40 hour work week and ask for her to be held to her verbal agreement that she would contribute to the hockey costs and help with transportation. Or have a set amount added into the support agreement. Usually the state rules allow a judge to deviate a certain percentage for things like this.

You may also get a transcript of the hearing that she made these statements
(if they were agreed to verbally in court) to possibly get the retro support and extra money for the hockey expenses. Order transcript and have it transcribed. Add it to your pleading as exhibit A.



ask that the judge split the cost of the hockey 50/50 as it was before the custody transfer. If she says she cant afford it then suggest she work 40 hours a week like you always have to support her child.

Dont feel bad about this because it is in the best interest of your child to have the extra money to help with his expenses.


rini

He can ask for these things, but most of them will be denied. He CAN ask that her income be imputed (and 99% it WILL), but he can only get support starting from the day he files for the modification.

I think the current arrangement is just an informal one that was done outside to courts (he "took custody" as opposed to he "got custody"), so technically, the past 8 months mom has still had custody and was eligible to receive support from dad (it's not right, but that's just the way it is.)

I agree, 8 months is more than generous. He needs to get to court ASAP. Until he does, mom can come and get the child whenever she wants.

The custody case was signed by a judge.

We decided not to go through the courts regarding child support for her, she agreed that she would help me out, both financially and help with getting him to and from hockey, which is 5-6 days per week, turns out after 8 months she has about $20 invested and has done little to none with hockey, plus only sees him maybe 2 days per month with him often coming back to our house on short notice. She's always claiming the broken wheel act, but she only works part-time. I have the right according to the papers to take her back at any time because the judge would not sign off on child-support for her, because we said we would work it out. Thus far she hasn't lived up to her responsibility of what we discussed at all. So the question is......Do I let her play the broken wheel act and not do anything? Or do I hold her accountable and have child support court ordered? Is is right to hold a woman accountable like we do males? Personally I think it is, but she has a way of guilting me.


He states the judge was involved. My response was based on these statements. It is not an informal arrangement. Many parents are awarded support before date of filing depends on rules in that state. Verbal agreements are also sometimes enforced depends on the judge. I did also state that he might not get what he asks for but it will make sure that the facts are brought to the attention of the judge.

rini