Question of the day for anyone in similar circumstances. (Please post
responses; this is a throwaway email account)

We (white) adopted a biracial black-white boy about 2.5 years ago.
He's a great kid and people in our family, neighborhood and work have
been very supportive. We want a second child (preferably a girl) so
we've gone back on the rolls at our agency, asking for another
mixed-race child. We've had a couple of near-misses since then but
nothing on the horizon right now.

We got a call today from grandma relaying a family situation. A
moderatly distant relative is currently 5 months pregnant. She's 16,
the boyfriend has taken a powder and neither she nor her parents want
to abort. They all want to place the child and knowing that we're
looking for a baby girl have asked us to be the parents since they
feel more comfortable placing the child with a family they know.

Great, except the child is going to be white. We're probably not
going to be able to adopt a third due to finances, so this would leave
#1 as the odd man out, at least racially. Both of us could care less
about the actual race, save that we're very concerned about the
possibly future effects of being the only mixed race member of the
family. #1 is of course far too young to understand anything about
this so we can't ask him.

Has anyone gone through something similar, and if so how did it go?

In article <70a6d9d1.0311011739.40524f99@posting.google.com>,
leagueofpeoples@yahoo.com (Eric) wrote:
Question of the day for anyone in similar circumstances. (Please post responses; this is a throwaway email account) We (white) adopted a biracial black-white boy about 2.5 years ago. He's a great kid and people in our family, neighborhood and work have been very supportive. We want a second child (preferably a girl) so we've gone back on the rolls at our agency, asking for another mixed-race child. We've had a couple of near-misses since then but nothing on the horizon right now. We got a call today from grandma relaying a family situation. A moderatly distant relative is currently 5 months pregnant. She's 16, the boyfriend has taken a powder and neither she nor her parents want to abort. They all want to place the child and knowing that we're looking for a baby girl have asked us to be the parents since they feel more comfortable placing the child with a family they know. Great, except the child is going to be white. We're probably not going to be able to adopt a third due to finances, so this would leave #1 as the odd man out, at least racially. Both of us could care less about the actual race, save that we're very concerned about the possibly future effects of being the only mixed race member of the family. #1 is of course far too young to understand anything about this so we can't ask him. Has anyone gone through something similar, and if so how did it go?


Haven't been through this myself but I know of two families that have
multiple adoptions of different-race children. One family I'm thinking
of adopted two girls, one white, one Chinese. They seem to be doing very
well; the girls are close, the family seems to be together, and everyone
is involved in the histories of both girls -- they all celebrate the
Chinese holidays together, etc., and have some contact (I don't know how
much) with the birthmother of the other girl.

I'm sure you can make this work, but obviously it will involve a lot of
thought and consideration. Your biracial child will need extra support
as he works to figure out who he is in society; I don't see that
adopting a white child will change that. Obviously you can't ever play
favorites or the whole situation will blow up.

I'd say go for it and keep your eyes, ears and heart open.




steve

In article <70a6d9d1.0311011739.40524f99@posting.google.com>,
leagueofpeoples@yahoo.com (Eric) writes:
Question of the day for anyone in similar circumstances. (Please postresponses; this is a throwaway email account)We (white) adopted a biracial black-white boy about 2.5 years ago.He's a great kid and people in our family, neighborhood and work havebeen very supportive. We want a second child (preferably a girl) sowe've gone back on the rolls at our agency, asking for anothermixed-race child. We've had a couple of near-misses since then butnothing on the horizon right now.We got a call today from grandma relaying a family situation. Amoderatly distant relative is currently 5 months pregnant. She's 16,the boyfriend has taken a powder and neither she nor her parents wantto abort. They all want to place the child and knowing that we'relooking for a baby girl have asked us to be the parents since theyfeel more comfortable placing the child with a family they know.Great, except the child is going to be white. We're probably notgoing to be able to adopt a third due to finances, so this would leave#1 as the odd man out, at least racially. Both of us could care lessabout the actual race, save that we're very concerned about thepossibly future effects of being the only mixed race member of thefamily. #1 is of course far too young to understand anything aboutthis so we can't ask him.Has anyone gone through something similar, and if so how did it go?

I think this is no different than bfamilies that have a mixed child in them. I
had a friend who was mulatto, but all of his other sibs were white. There were
about 5 sibs as I recall. His mother was married to his father for a short
time and he was the only child between them. They then divorced and his mom
remarried. He was the only "person of color" in his household and grew up
fine. Because he grew up with love.

KL

On 1 Nov 2003 17:39:28 -0800, leagueofpeoples@yahoo.com (Eric) wrote:
Question of the day for anyone in similar circumstances. (Please postresponses; this is a throwaway email account)We (white) adopted a biracial black-white boy about 2.5 years ago.He's a great kid and people in our family, neighborhood and work havebeen very supportive. We want a second child (preferably a girl) sowe've gone back on the rolls at our agency, asking for anothermixed-race child. We've had a couple of near-misses since then butnothing on the horizon right now.We got a call today from grandma relaying a family situation. Amoderatly distant relative is currently 5 months pregnant. She's 16,the boyfriend has taken a powder and neither she nor her parents wantto abort. They all want to place the child and knowing that we'relooking for a baby girl have asked us to be the parents since theyfeel more comfortable placing the child with a family they know.Great, except the child is going to be white. We're probably notgoing to be able to adopt a third due to finances, so this would leave#1 as the odd man out, at least racially. Both of us could care lessabout the actual race, save that we're very concerned about thepossibly future effects of being the only mixed race member of thefamily. #1 is of course far too young to understand anything aboutthis so we can't ask him.Has anyone gone through something similar, and if so how did it go?

I'm raising white Aussie kids and kids that are Indian, Taiwanese and
Korean. I don't think it necessarily is going to cause a problem, so
long as you are aware that there may be issues and you do what you can
to help both children build a strong sense of identity.

One thing we took seriously when we adopted transracially was that it
forever changed the identity of our family. We no longer saw
ourselves as a white family with a Korean (or whatever race) kid, we
became an Australian/Korean/Taiwanese/Indian family. We don't take
the Korean kid to Korean classes and the Indian kids to Bollywood
movies. We all learned about each other's cultures. We cultivated
friendships with people from our children's birth country and
communities. Our Indian children are comfortable at Korean language
classes and our Korean son knows what to expect in an Indian Mandir.

Some older intercountry adoptees in Australia have said it was
difficult for them growing up as the only Asian face in a white
family, but this comment seems to come from adoptees who were raised
in white rather than racially diverse communities, and they had little
or no contact with people from their own birth cultures. In these
circumstances it was painful being the sole non-white kid in a white
family.

Julia

"Steve White" <steve@spam.me.never> wrote in message
news:steve-E78880.22224801112003@netnews.attbi.com... In article <70a6d9d1.0311011739.40524f99@posting.google.com>, leagueofpeoples@yahoo.com (Eric) wrote: Question of the day for anyone in similar circumstances. (Please post responses; this is a throwaway email account) We (white) adopted a biracial black-white boy about 2.5 years ago. He's a great kid and people in our family, neighborhood and work have been very supportive. We want a second child (preferably a girl) so we've gone back on the rolls at our agency, asking for another mixed-race child. We've had a couple of near-misses since then but nothing on the horizon right now. We got a call today from grandma relaying a family situation. A moderatly distant relative is currently 5 months pregnant. She's 16, the boyfriend has taken a powder and neither she nor her parents want to abort. They all want to place the child and knowing that we're looking for a baby girl have asked us to be the parents since they feel more comfortable placing the child with a family they know. Great, except the child is going to be white. We're probably not going to be able to adopt a third due to finances, so this would leave #1 as the odd man out, at least racially. Both of us could care less about the actual race, save that we're very concerned about the possibly future effects of being the only mixed race member of the family. #1 is of course far too young to understand anything about this so we can't ask him. Has anyone gone through something similar, and if so how did it go? Haven't been through this myself but I know of two families that have multiple adoptions of different-race children. One family I'm thinking of adopted two girls, one white, one Chinese. They seem to be doing very well; the girls are close, the family seems to be together, and everyone is involved in the histories of both girls -- they all celebrate the Chinese holidays together, etc., and have some contact (I don't know how much) with the birthmother of the other girl. I'm sure you can make this work, but obviously it will involve a lot of thought and consideration. Your biracial child will need extra support as he works to figure out who he is in society; I don't see that adopting a white child will change that. Obviously you can't ever play favorites or the whole situation will blow up. I'd say go for it and keep your eyes, ears and heart open.

I agree. Good post, Steve.

Helen
steve