klbjornme@aol.comjunkhell (KL) wrote I am glad you said something Kathy, because it seemed to me that Jackie wants the cake and wants to eat it as well. It seems hypocritical to say, "I am not in favor of (contact veto's)" while protesting that if a bmother refuses than her rights should trump all others. KL

What I see is Jackie arguing the viewpoint of a b-mother who is still
"in the closet" or otherwise uncomfortable with reunion.

I think it's not something to look at as a matter of 'right' or
'wrong.'

Some b-parents are very guarded. If an adoptee tries to push for more
openness, such b-pars are likely to get more upset. So as a matter
of...let's say, consideration...the adoptee should tread carefully.

Of course, because of the way this debate has been framed, we haven't
really examined the converse of the issue. Suppose it's the b-mom who
searches and finds; the b-mom who wants a closer relationship, who
wants to know perhaps the family of the b-kid. And perhaps the adoptee
is guarded about it, for any of a hundred reasons. Shouldn't the b-mom
-- out of consideration -- tread carefully?

Rupa