:confused: I live in NC with my 3 children from my previous marraige and their father recently moved back so he could spend time with the kids. He moved to CA for 2 years and saw them maybe 8 weeks total while he was away. In conversations with him before he moved back it was said in order to have a smooth transition with him being back that we would have shared custody and if the kids wanted to spend a little more time at his house or mine that, that should be okay. My son has really had a hard time and doesn't want to go over there at all, his grades went down and he talks of killing himself. The father wants to force him to go over there stating that we had a rule that when it was his time that they had to go which is not what was said in the beginning. The father I am afraid is trying to get them to go to school where he lives (which isn't far, same city) because he claims that their teachers said they were all doing bad, which I have spoken to the teachers about and that was not said. They all are doing wonderful in school, my oldest daughter who had problems the last few years in school made all A's and B's and was told by her father and step-mother that she was doing bad!! He calls and argues (in front of the kids) if the kids do not know their spelling words by Tuesday for a Friday Test. And conveniently says don't yell at me when I'm not yelling which makes me seem like the bad person to the kids and step-mom. What can I do he is driving me crazy??? :confused:

do you have a custody order? if not get one giving you custody and him visitation. he has to realize he's been gone for a while with not alot of contact with his kids so trying to force him to see him is not in their best interest. if they are doing well at school dont change it and he is not allowed to transfer them. when he calls if its not to speak to the kids you dont have to listen.

It probably wouldn't hurt either, to have your kids write a statment of why the do or do not want to go to their father's house. It sounds like the father is placing unfair demands on them which is causing your son emotional hardship - hence the "I want to kill myself" behavior. He is feeling like a failure before his father, whom he probably already believes left because of him (even though that is NOT the case - it's just children's logic).

You need to be even more vigilant in telling your children how proud you are of them and their efforts under such a stressful time. Counselling might also be considered for the benefit of the children. You could start with the schools guidance councelors and see if they could take a 15 minute session with them as needed or at least once a week for awhile until things get worked out.

Document all of your phone calls with your ex. Take notes of the details, his threats, allegations, etc. and before you submit it with your custody request, write your statement defending/explaining your side of all of his allegations.



I wish you luck. I too am going through a custody case with my step daughter, only there is abuse involved and now we find out that she wrote to the judge and recanted all of her statements so that her mom could get her back - but it didn't work out like the mom thought it would because I was vigilant in documenting.

AJ

I have no custody order at this time ( I guess I need to get one ) he has tried to take the kids from school before (before he moved away) and keep them claiming he had an emergency custody order but what he didn't know is that the judge did not approve of it because there is no abuse or neglet here. I have taken my oldest daughter for counseling before when her father left and my son went to his pediatrician the day after he said I am gonna kill myself for the Dr. to recommend a counselor. That was just a few days ago and the Dr. is calling me with an appointment with a child psychologist. I feel as if they are trying to take all my rights away and I have raised them alone for the last two years. One example is today after I posted my thread I got a phone call from school and my 8 year old was not in school. I talked to her step-mom this morning and there was no mention of her being out. I called every number to contact them no answer, no return call. I called the school to see if my oldest daughter was there, she was also absent!! I got scared because we just had a fight about my son not wanting to go there and staying here last nite. I had my husband (I am remarried) call my ex's cell and he answered. They are purposely avoiding my calls!! Come to find out they both supposedly had a fever (without taking a temperature with a thermometer) and they were upset because their puppy died (that is the 6th puppy death in one month from parvo). THe step mom got 3 puppies one for each child when they got upset about going over there, they got parvo, died, so she got three more they died and today she went and got them 3 kittens. That is the real reason they are out. I just wish things were explained to me because I was worried about their whereabouts because I didn't know they were there the step mom told me this morning she was sick nothing about the girls being sick and at home HELP!!!!!!

I have no custody order at this time ( I guess I need to get one ) he has tried to take the kids from school before (before he moved away) and keep them claiming he had an emergency custody order but what he didn't know is that the judge did not approve of it because there is no abuse or neglet here. I have taken my oldest daughter for counseling before when her father left and my son went to his pediatrician the day after he said I am gonna kill myself for the Dr. to recommend a counselor. That was just a few days ago and the Dr. is calling me with an appointment with a child psychologist. I feel as if they are trying to take all my rights away and I have raised them alone for the last two years. One example is today after I posted my thread I got a phone call from school and my 8 year old was not in school. I talked to her step-mom this morning and there was no mention of her being out. I called every number to contact them no answer, no return call. I called the school to see if my oldest daughter was there, she was also absent!! I got scared because we just had a fight about my son not wanting to go there and staying here last nite. I had my husband (I am remarried) call my ex's cell and he answered. They are purposely avoiding my calls!! Come to find out they both supposedly had a fever (without taking a temperature with a thermometer) and they were upset because their puppy died (that is the 6th puppy death in one month from parvo). THe step mom got 3 puppies one for each child when they got upset about going over there, they got parvo, died, so she got three more they died and today she went and got them 3 kittens. That is the real reason they are out. I just wish things were explained to me because I was worried about their whereabouts because I didn't know they were there the step mom told me this morning she was sick nothing about the girls being sick and at home HELP!!!!!!

go get your kids and file for custody immediately, dont let them back over there until after you get an order giving him visits, do not give him shared, does he pay child support? dont sleep, sounds like he wants to take them.

He paid child support when he was in CA not saying it was always on time and that he paid enough because according to him he had no money but he bought land and was going to build a house. He bought a RV, new Yukon and a new GMC truck, three four wheelers all while he was in CA that I was not aware of. I am almost scared to fight him, he has put me through absolute hell through the whole divorce and the custody issues. And at the same time I know that he wouldn't be able to handle the kids all the time. He works two jobs and his wife stays at home and does everything for them and she didn't want to have them every other week to begin with. I don't think she would let it happen for long. His way of hurting me is through the kids becuse last time he took the kids I cried to him and asked why??? and he said "suffer you f***ing b***H". I have so much on him that he doesn't even know about and I am saving for a battle if it is to arrise!! My main concern is that we don't fight in front of the kids because it will only hurt them more than it already has but that is soooooo hard!

He paid child support when he was in CA not saying it was always on time and that he paid enough because according to him he had no money but he bought land and was going to build a house. He bought a RV, new Yukon and a new GMC truck, three four wheelers all while he was in CA that I was not aware of. I am almost scared to fight him, he has put me through absolute hell through the whole divorce and the custody issues. And at the same time I know that he wouldn't be able to handle the kids all the time. He works two jobs and his wife stays at home and does everything for them and she didn't want to have them every other week to begin with. I don't think she would let it happen for long. His way of hurting me is through the kids becuse last time he took the kids I cried to him and asked why??? and he said "suffer you f***ing b***H". I have so much on him that he doesn't even know about and I am saving for a battle if it is to arrise!! My main concern is that we don't fight in front of the kids because it will only hurt them more than it already has but that is soooooo hard!

dont wait any longer, apply for custody and child support.

Thank you for letting me vent and reading all of my babble and thanks for the advice, I am gonna get custody papers on him before it is too late!!

Thank you for letting me vent and reading all of my babble and thanks for the advice, I am gonna get custody papers on him before it is too late!!

post what happens

Keep documenting everything. I would definitely contact the police if need be, if you don't have any formal order, and the children have resided with you, I would think that they could issue a restraining order at least until the custody is determined officially.


Pets dying and getting replacments, isn't reason for children to be out of school. If they're not answering your calls, ask the school to call and find out why they're out. If they have fevers and are sick, the school requires a doctor note to return anyway.

Keep a jounal of all of your communications - dates, times, topic of discussion, notes like "illness not mentioned", definitely record all or most all if the irate things your husbands says about or calls you. A record of his language is proof that he is unreasonable, and if he's saying that to you, what is he saying in earshot of the children. It's a hostile environment. Take the time to sit with your children and give them a chance to talk about what they're feeling, what they think should happen, and that you only want what's best for them.

I would think legally if you have no "court order" for custody, he has no grounds to "take them" anywhere. Don't force your son to go if he doesn't want to. He does not need to be subject to that environment. If he wants to see his dad, but not spend time at their house, make arrangements for dad to come and visit with him, with you or another family member present, at your house or a mutually determined neutral space like Mc Donalds or the museum or something that they want to do.

Feel free to email me - I'd like to know more about where you live in NC - we could be neighbors afterall!! LOL

Definitely let the schools know what is going on - don't stop at the office personnell, get to the teachers, the principal, the counselor, the vp - everyone who has "temporary custody" of these children during the day. Schools are good about enforcing who can pickup and when - they may even have some information for you about what you can/can't do.

Good luck.
AJ

The only custody order ever made was the separation papers which claimed I had primaray custody of the girls and him the boy, which long story but I was conned into that!! I also had papers drawn up before he moved to CA stating that he could not take them out of state only for visitation. But he moved back in December.

Two questions: 1. Is there a law stating that if the kids are living here for longer than a year that I can get primary custody back of my son?

2. My ex and I had on the sep papers that he could claim the kids taxes, this was when we both lived in Wake County and he saw them on a regular basis. He keeps bringing that up because he wants to claim them even when he only saw them 8 weeks in two years. I know there is a new law stating that if two parties want to claim the children then the party in which had the children over 50% of the time. Will those papers hurt that fact??