I live in CT. I've been divorced for 8 months, have 2 kids 12 and 5 yrs old with ex-husband. I'm living with new boyfriend who also has 2 children. Boyfriend playes wrestling with 5 yr old son and it sometimes is a little rough(I'm sometimes a overly protective mom) and I address it but he never has or would hurt the child... it's just boy stuff never had a problem until he accidently tripped the 5 yr old. My son didn't even get a bruise but he told his dad that my boyfriend hurt him.. now the dad is saying that this has been going on for a long time, I'm an unfit mother and he wants my boyfriends last name and where he works or he will not pay the kids support or medical bills. I'm willing to give him his last name but I'm afraid that my ex who has been violent with me in the past will go to my boyfriends work and start a fight.. am I required to give out this information? Also, how conserned should I be that dad decides to try to take the kids and try for custody?

I'm not sure how the law works in CT, but in PA if you have a child support order in place, he is required by law to pay the child support. If you don't have one, you should probably get one if he's going to threaten you like this.
As far as him saying you are an unfit mother, he would have to have the burden of proof to try to take your children from you. I'm not an attorney or anything. But I know a little about dealing with children and family services through work, and without a formal investigation I don't believe you have anything to worry about in that respect.
It sounds to me like you have a very manipulative Ex on your hands. I know the feeling of that. I have been away from my manipulative Ex for 10 years, and I'm still afraid of him.
Good Luck ;)

He is EXTREMELY manipulative...I was with him for a total of 17 years with emotional and physical abuse.. I left because my then 11 year old daughter was figuring out what was happening behind closed doors... I worry to that he will force my boyfriend to move out by trying to say that he abuses my son.. (he doesn't).. if he does I cannot afford to support my children and myself.

I can definately relate to you. My Ex was abusive as well, when I was strong enough to say enough is enough, I went and got a PFA, and had him removed from my house. I was not married to him.
But even after years of seperation, I got pregnant to my current boyfriend, and my Ex told me that if I didn't sign papers giving him joint custody and allowing him to claim our daughter every other year on his taxes, he would make my life hell. Being afraid of him I did what he wanted. But it has been 8 years since then, and he never filed the papers with the court, they weren't notarized or anything, so my attorney told me that he can wipe his butt with those papers because they aren't any good, for more than one reason. I finally started standing up to him, and I found out that he will back down. Just keep strong for your children.

I am not an attorney, and I do not normally post on this thread (not my area), but here's my thought for whatever it is worth...

If he is somehow "required" to have your boyfriends name, let him be the one to prove this so and go through the legal system to get it.

What's he going to do, demand the name of every single person that is in contact with your child?

If he figures it out & starts to bother your boyfriend at work or anywhere else, your boyfriend can call the police.

If he refuses to pay child support, then get an order (as stated above).

If he tries to conscrew horseplay into child abuse, he can jump through the hoops to get an investigation. (like the above poster said). By this time, his credibility is likely to be affected.

screw him. Let him do the work for whatever he thinks he's "entitled" to.

It is not hard to get an investigation into child abuse. All he has to do is file for custody or for a modification of custody and mention that he thinks your 5 year old son is being abused my your boyfriend. The mediator will probably order a child custody evaluation to look into issue of child abuse. These evaluations usually cost a few thousand dollars.

I live in CT. I've been divorced for 8 months, have 2 kids 12 and 5 yrs old with ex-husband. I'm living with new boyfriend who also has 2 children. Boyfriend playes wrestling with 5 yr old son and it sometimes is a little rough(I'm sometimes a overly protective mom) and I address it but he never has or would hurt the child... it's just boy stuff never had a problem until he accidently tripped the 5 yr old. My son didn't even get a bruise but he told his dad that my boyfriend hurt him.. now the dad is saying that this has been going on for a long time, I'm an unfit mother and he wants my boyfriends last name and where he works or he will not pay the kids support or medical bills. I'm willing to give him his last name but I'm afraid that my ex who has been violent with me in the past will go to my boyfriends work and start a fight.. am I required to give out this information? Also, how conserned should I be that dad decides to try to take the kids and try for custody?

dont give him the name, take him to support court if you do not have an order if he stops paying, if you do have an order he'll be the one in trouble, i doubt he wants that he's just blowing a bunch of gas. as long as he's not hurting the child then youre ok

My ex husband was emotionally abusive and once we were divorced and I had a boyfriend things got bad. I have 3 kids 2 girls and 1 boy. My ex went to the extreme and said my boyfriend was fondling the girls. Could it be possible that you ex is jealous of your boyfriend or jealous of the fact his kids may have fun playing around with your boyfriend?? Your ex by law at least in NC cannot cease child support, if you have a binding contract, for no reason or he will be the one in trouble. Also he would have to have some type of proof of abusive conduct (not playing wrestling) to get custody. He has to get a emergency custody order and then could take the kids only if the judge has sufficient proof of abuse or neglet or intent to leave the state without his consent!!

I am not trying to be cruel here but shouldn't you be more worried about why your son is telling his dad that your boyfriend is hurting him. Are you at all seeing where your ex might be coming from because a court will if he pursues this. If my child was with my ex and he or she told me my ex's girlfriend hurt me I would probably be just as pissed. Don't worry so much about the money if it is court ordered he will have tp pay unless he sues for full custody. In the meanwhile I would tell your boyfriend that he needs to cool it and take your son's feelings into account. What's playful to you may not be to your son. Please don't forget that your child has a father already and he has every right to be concerned and no one will take his place no matter what your ex's and your feeling are about one another. Put your son's interest first and you can't judge everything in regards to your child by how your relationship was with his father. if your son doesn't like the way BF is treating him then you need to step in with some boundaries.

I am not trying to be cruel here but shouldn't you be more worried about why your son is telling his dad that your boyfriend is hurting him. Are you at all seeing where your ex might be coming from because a court will if he pursues this. If my child was with my ex and he or she told me my ex's girlfriend hurt me I would probably be just as pissed. Don't worry so much about the money if it is court ordered he will have tp pay unless he sues for full custody. In the meanwhile I would tell your boyfriend that he needs to cool it and take your son's feelings into account. What's playful to you may not be to your son. Please don't forget that your child has a father already and he has every right to be concerned and no one will take his place no matter what your ex's and your feeling are about one another. Put your son's interest first and you can't judge everything in regards to your child by how your relationship was with his father. if your son doesn't like the way BF is treating him then you need to step in with some boundaries.

I do understand why and I would never discount their dads worries. What made me angry is that I knew what happened and he did not listen to me nor did he really listen to his children...My son had told my ex that he tripped while he was wrestling with my boyfriend and that my boyfriend was just playing (I didn't know that that was what he had said until things went crazy...After a screaming match with my ex he called CPS.. The kids and I met with the Social worker. Some of the stuff he told her was a complete lie and I had proof of the actual truth... she interviewed each child and asked them lengthy questions (I was not present for these interviews but my 12 yr old and the social worker gave me the Cliff note version of their meetings).. basically everything including the accusation of abuse was totally unfounded and all that he managed to do was make a very very busy social worker angry because of the other false accusations and lies. He also managed to make me angry and now I'm taking him back to court for contempt and because of our divorce decree he has to pay for my lawyer. Back to my son, we all have been in counseling and I always have my childrens best interest in mind. I even questioned my children to see if my boyfriend ever hurt them when I was not looking to be sure that I was not missing something and I wasn't... The sad thing is that my son still tries to play with my boyfriend like when he's kneeling my son will leap on his back or try to tickle him. My boyfriend just kind of laughs and says "Not now buddy" ... it has really hurt their relationship and my son doesn't understand why.