My boyfriend was told 10 months ago that he was going to be a dad. He was very excited but she gave him a hard time and despite his efforts she didn't even tell him when his daughter was born (her mom called 4 days later). She has since had any contact with him. He would like to seek full custody what can we do and is it true that if we marry he'll have a better chance?

Hello

first of all what would your motivation be for wanting full custody of an infant.

Children need both parents to grow and thrive if both parents are mentally and physically capable of caring for the child then both parents should be involved in raising that child. Your post does not indicate any deficiencies on the mothers part and it would be very unlikely for any court to give your fiance any more than shared custody if he petitions for full custody unless the mother is a full blown junkie and even then it would probably be supervised visitation for some months before he was even granted time alone with the child.

In PA first he would have to file to have paternity established unless an admission of paternity was filed at the hospital (unlikely because you stated that he did not know for 4 days).

He would be responsible for paying the costs of this test if it is positive indicating that he is indeed the father of the child. Then the process of establishing child support and visitation could commence simultaneously if he files the proper paperwork in the county that the child resides in.

If he chooses to admit paternity and the mother concurs it could possibly expedite the process somewhat but this would be a foolish thing for any young man to do. Assuming responsibility for the next 18+ years for a child unless they have a paternity test proving that the child is indeed theirs would be a perilous venture to undertake and He could have the rug pulled out from under him at any time in the future with the mother asserting that paternity could be established by testing some one else. He would at that point possibly have paid child support, established a relationship, and then would be in an impossibly complicated situation.

My advice is for him to ask for a paternity test and procede from that point if the test proves he is the father of the child.

then he establishes a relationship by providing support and asking for visitation on an increasing basis to ultimately result in a 50/ 50 parenting plan.

Research some parenting plans and the state statutes that apply to the situation.

It would also be prudent for him to assume responsibility for this quest himself. ( with your support of course)

but he must really want a relationship with the child and this can't be forced on someone that does not really want it.

here are some web sites for the two of you to check out.

www.deltabravo.net/custody

http://www.pacode.com/secure/data/231/chapter1910/chap1910toc.html

I wish you both the best but keep in mind that the baby needs its mommy too!!

rini

Thank You for your advice. . .the onyl reason we were thinking of seeking full custody is because we fear she will never let us see the child as she has already tried to cut him out of the babies life. We are not sure the baby will grow up in the most stable home with her mother as the mother smoked and drank the entire pregnancy and now lives in a two bedroom apt with her mother and a live in man. ahhh so complicated but thanks for the advice and links