Can someone please help me?

My 1 1/2 year old son's father is threatening to take me to court for joint or full custody. This man has never paid ONE payment of child support, he has never paid for one hospital bill, doctor's visit, medicine bill, or anything. I pay for all of this plus I carry his full medical and dental benefits. I also am the one paying over 4000.00 a year for child care without any help!!! He also disappeared from my son's life from the age of 3 months until 10 months. We didn't hear from or see him at all. I have never received any kind of financial support from this man of any kind. I take that back. He did by a pack of diapers when he was born, and this year bought a couple of outfits for Christmas.

I never denied him visitation, but I won't let him take him from my home the few times he does come around! That's because he threatened to take him and not come back. I let him take him overnight a few weeks ago and he left for North Carolina without telling me. He wouldn't answer his cell phone, and only left vague messages on my voice mail at work saying he was out of town and that the baby wasn't in any danger. I had no idea where they were or any way to contact him. They were gone for an entire week. I didn't get to see or hear from my son for a week!!! I was a nervous wreck! He finally called on his way back to Kentucky. He knows that in KY even though he has done absolutely nothing for this child, he can take him and hold him until we go to court for a custody hearing. I had to threaten him with his past. In the past year he has gotten in trouble with the police, and didn't want me to call them.

What can I do? Can he get joint or full custody? He doesn't work at all. He has had a few temp jobs here and there. He lives with his mom. His life isn't stable. He has a gambling problem, and had to sign himself off of the casinos within a 300 mile radius of here. He just got in trouble with the police for smoking marijuana. He has been very violent with me. Never to our son, but definitely with me. I have had bruises from him being violent and losing his temper with me.

I have a full time steady job ( 3 years ) making a really decent salary, my own place, and my own car. I have worked continously since I was 16. I graduated from college with my BA. ( while a single parent ) It's not fair that he can just come in and take him like that and has never ever taken care of him in any kind of way. I have even had to help him out financially on several different occasions.

I don't like the people he hangs around. He lives house to house with what ever female will take him in until she gets tired of supporting him and kicks him out. I don't want my son in that environment. He has a stable home with his own room, and toys. He is on a definite schedule and routine typical of for a toddler.

I made a huge judge in character when I let him in my life. I don't deal with him anymore. He was very cruel to me in the hospital immediately after I delivered my son. All because I wouldn't give my son his name.

I just let him see his son because as funny as it seems my son is crazy about him. I would never take that away from my son. He should know who his dad is, but I don't want him taking him from me.

Are there any orders for child support, visitation or custody now?

This dude Is a total a**hole. He don't want it with child support. He think that this thing is a damn game. They will hunt him like a run away slave in child support court. This Idiot is trying to get back at you because you went on with your life. Maybe he was dumped or whatever and is messed up about it...that's another story,but he better be glad that you never took him to court dealing with magistrates and judges and SCU ! i WISH YOU WERE MY BABY MAMA . I really admire you for not taking him and showing that he can keep his change in his pocket . That probably hurt him more that child support. Damn....Independant and saying that you don't need the law to support your child . You did it as a real single mom and that's what's really good! I hope you get you son back...I know you will......If your from the tri-state area E-Mail me ...Maybe I know him. I'll help if I do

Tamal
ellasons6@aol.com

No there wasn't any kind of visitation or custody arrangements made. As I said he just disappeared for months and we never heard from him. I just let him come visit whenever he wanted to. ( which wasn't very often )
I thought we had built up a little trust. He wanted his mom to see her grandson so I let him take him for the first time. I had a really bad feeling about letting him go and should have trusted my first instinct. Now I will still let him visit, but until there is some kind of court order forcing me to, I will not let him take my son from the house because of the stunt he pulled. I feel like that was very unfair to me. I was worried sick for a week!

Thanks for the comments Tamal. :) :)It makes me feel better especially coming from a man. Most of his friends try to make me out to be the bad guy, but I mean how can someone expect to have any kind of control or say about what I do with my son if they are not offering any kind of support in any kind of way? :confused:

This dude Is a total a**hole. He don't want it with child support. He think that this thing is a damn game. They will hunt him like a run away slave in child support court. This Idiot is trying to get back at you because you went on with your life. Maybe he was dumped or whatever and is messed up about it...that's another story,but he better be glad that you never took him to court dealing with magistrates and judges and SCU ! i WISH YOU WERE MY BABY MAMA . I really admire you for not taking him and showing that he can keep his change in his pocket . That probably hurt him more that child support. Damn....Independant and saying that you don't need the law to support your child . You did it as a real single mom and that's what's really good! I hope you get you son back...I know you will......If your from the tri-state area E-Mail me ...Maybe I know him. I'll help if I do

Tamal
ellasons6@aol.com

You really have NO right to judge this guy. We only have one side of the story here and it's not his. It sounds as though you could really benefit from therapy to deal with your own issues. Please for the sake of the OP, keep your own bitterness towards your ex to yourself.

No there wasn't any kind of visitation or custody arrangements made. As I said he just disappeared for months and we never heard from him. I just let him come visit whenever he wanted to. ( which wasn't very often )
I thought we had built up a little trust. He wanted his mom to see her grandson so I let him take him for the first time. I had a really bad feeling about letting him go and should have trusted my first instinct. Now I will still let him visit, but until there is some kind of court order forcing me to, I will not let him take my son from the house because of the stunt he pulled. I feel like that was very unfair to me. I was worried sick for a week!

Thanks for the comments Tamal. :) :)It makes me feel better especially coming from a man. Most of his friends try to make me out to be the bad guy, but I mean how can someone expect to have any kind of control or say about what I do with my son if they are not offering any kind of support in any kind of way? :confused:

He is under no obligation to pay support without a court order. As a matter of fact, a good attorney would advise that he NOT pay support directly to you with no order.

Keep doing what you are doing and allow him to visit the child as he wishes in YOUR presence. You are not obligated to let him see the child at all, but it will look good for you in court that you are allowing visitation, even thought there is no CO or CS.

The chances of him getting custody are slim to none, unless there is something you are not telling us, like you are a drug dealer or murderer.

He is under no obligation to pay support without a court order. As a matter of fact, a good attorney would advise that he NOT pay support directly to you with no order.

Keep doing what you are doing and allow him to visit the child as he wishes in YOUR presence. You are not obligated to let him see the child at all, but it will look good for you in court that you are allowing visitation, even thought there is no CO or CS.

The chances of him getting custody are slim to none, unless there is something you are not telling us, like you are a drug dealer or murderer.


I agree with Ceara.

Withouth a child support or order or visitation order, neither of them can be enforced since nothing exists. He doesn't have to pay you anything, and you don't have to let him have visitation. Why don't you have either of these orders? Were you married when the child was born? Is there a divorce decree? The chances of him getting custody are not great, he is just trying to scare you.