I also need some help with summer visitation.

Here are the details. Child is 15 years old. Her dad and I just went through a scare with her possibly being pregnant. She by the way lives with her dad. He recently separated from his wife, and they are in the process of getting divorced. He works full time with a lot of overtime. My daughter goes home, to his house after school and is unsupervised until 4:30 5:00. She gets out of school at 2:10. You would think that this would not be a problem with a kid her age, however about 1 month ago she thought she was pregnant.

We are to be deciding on summer visitation. I want extended visitation as is to be expected. I suggested every other week. He talks to our daughter and she says no, that it is to much time away from home. They then suggest everyother weekend and Tues and Thurs evenings from 6:00-9:00 which is pretty much what I have right now anyway. I said no way, that its not enough time. He then suggests one week at the end of June and one week at the end of July. I still dont think this is enough time. Our daughter says that she wants to be able to spend time with her friends over the summer. I do understand that, but with what happened last month I am afraid of her being along that long unsupervised. He doesnt understand that concept.

We are going to court this MOnday if we cant settle this amongst ourselves. I am wondering, realistically, what would a judge grant me? Her dad and I had originally agreed on every other week but he says she has now told him she doesnt want that so he has changed his mind.

Please also keep in mind that I work from home so would be here all of the time.

Please help!

I take it there are no current orders for summer visitation? How far away do you live from one another?

No no current orders. We live about 45 minutes away from each other.

Ahhh, teens.... gotta love 'em (I have a 13 YO daughter myself).

If the distance is that close, is there any reason why she can't spend time with her friends on YOUR time as well? Have them come have a sleepover at your house, take her to meet them at the mall or movies, etc.? I know it probably wouldn't be a problem on your end, but she's 15... and she may not be thinking along these lines. Explain to her that 45 minutes isn't that big of a deal. I go that distance to go to Opry Mills Mall in Nashville. Just because she's with you doesn't mean that she can't still do things with her friends, but that's probably her thinking right now.

(Just throwing out some suggestions)

Every other week is reasonable. What about every weekend and also 1 solid week in June and July? Yeah, she may not like the every weekend part but hey... she can go that route or do every other week where she'd still have every other weekend at dad's home to be with her friends. Let's see...

1.) Every weekend plus 7 consecutive days in June and 7 consecutive days in July
2.) Every other week.
3.) First 2 weeks of June, first 2 weeks of July
4.) 6 consecutive weeks
5.) 3 days with dad, 4 with mom... then swap it so dad has 4 days and mom has 3. (this would swap each week so that one week you have 4 days, the next 3)

Yeah, I know she won't go for #4, but I'm throwing out things that I know judges have ordered. LOL

I'd let her know that you realize she has her friends but the fact is she sees them more than you, and you want time with her as well.

Thanks so much. I called him back and we have agreed to the 5th option. Thanks again so much.

Glad to be of service. ;)

ok, just got a phone call from daughters dad. We had agreed on something last night, now after he talked to daughter has changed his mind.

He is offering 1 week in June, 1 week in July, and 1 week in August and every other weekend.

If I take this to court Monday to get the judges orders should I be awarded more than this? I dont know how much the judge is going to listen to a 15 year olds wishes. She just wants to spend time with her friends. I offered to pick up the friends and take them places but she doesnt want that. It is sounding more and more to me that all she really wants is to spend the summer unsupervised so that she can do as she pleases.

I dont mind going to court and spending the money if there is a pretty good chance I could get more time with her. I havent heard back from my attorney as of yet and I am very nervous.

Sorry forgot to mention this, I also suggested that since he does not work to far from my house that for an additional week each of the months he drop her off and pick her up from my house on his way home. This way, she doesnt have to spend the night, she gets to spend time with us, her dad, and her friends on the additional week. She of course is not agreeable therefore neither is he. Am I expecting to much here?
Thanks

First of all, you are probably right on when you think she is just trying to spend the summer with her friends unsupervised. What teenager wouldn't want that? If she has the wrong friends (ie friends who are getting her pregnant), and these friends parents aren't heavily involved, then she is in a dangerous situation. I think a child that age should be able to have her regular friends and have fun, but if there are bad choices being made and little supervision, you should do something about that. It sounds like you've taken everyone's well-being into consideration and tried to come up with an amicable solution. If the CHILD doesn't like it, the child should be reminded that she is a MINOR and does not get to choose. For one reason, she isn't old enough, for a second reason these are adult decisions (deciding on visitation and deciding on what's best for a child's welfare) and no child should be given the option to make adult decisions, it isn't appropriate or healthy. Good luck!

Alright, well my attorney called me back. She spoke with my ex's attorney and explained my concerns. His attorney advised him that if he didnt listen to her recommendation she would no longer represent him.

He has now agreed to every other week and on his weeks he is to have her in a teen program at the YMCA.

Thanks for your help and advice.

Good!

I'm glad everything turned out for you. :)