I recently had a son who is now 4 months old. When I found out I was pregnant, I just broke up with my boyfriend and was dating another guy. This new guy wanted to be the father of my unborn child and my son even have his last name.

The problem is now we broke up and I'm finacially on my own. I'm not working, I don't have family here and I have to be home with my son 24/7. I did not tell my ex/biological father about his son as I know he is not a good influence to my child. Should I tell him just to get child support which I need and let him see his son. What I'm afraid also is if later on he wants to file for full custody or his family would file for full custody. I have head of this happening before. I love my son so much and I am very protective over him.

I also have to get my son's last name change. To what??? Could I just still keep this a secret from the biological dad and hopefully find someone else to use the last name?

What should I do??? All suggestions, opinions and advise is greatly appreciated.

Your son deserves to have a father, but are you sure that is what this guy could offer? I suggest that you move closer to family. My sister was in a similar predicament. She told the bio dad who then had a paternity test ordered. She tried to move out to be closer to family, only to have a court order slapped on her the day before the move. Her daughter is now 7 years old and she is still stuck in a high cost of living area, with a deadbeat dad who is always begging her for money. The dad is a druggy and a mess. She doesn't get any support from him at all. If this guy is no good, then I would suggest that you don't tell him until after he gets his life in order.

Have you considered giving your son up for adoption? I was a teen mom myself and I know at the time if anyone had mentioned that to me, I would have ripped thier head off. Now I see that it is a loving option. I was lucky. I married my son's father and we have been married for 14 years now. Your son deserves a mom and a dad. We all make mistakes. There is no reason for your very loved son to pay the price. Adoption is the ultimate act of love.

First of all, honey how old are you? you sound kind of young :)
Also, why don't you want the bio dad around the baby? Is he abusive or something? How are you supporting you and your baby now since you have to stay home and why do you have to stay home? Is the baby sick :confused: ? (I hope he isn't sick)
Let me know what's going on.

BW

Hi there, how old are you? The new boyfriend that you just broke up with is not the father correct? And you gave the baby his last name correct? Did the bio dad sign his birth certificate or sign an affidavid of parentage? If not you may have to establish paternity to be able to change his name. You would have to check I know here in michigan I had a friend that had a baby with someone and gave the baby his last name they are no longer together and she wanted to change the baby's last name and the only thing they could do is add her last name so the baby had two last names. You would have to check that out.

I am 31 years old. I was married before for 9 years but my ex-husband is still not ready for kids. It's more like he doesn't want any. I guess God didn't give me kids the way I wanted or what people expect. I love my son very much and would never give him up for adoption. I do want him to have a dad. Hopefully I would meet a man who loves kids too and would have my son as his own.

I guess by not telling the biological father about his son makes it a plus for any future partner I would have as far as visitation rights and morals taught to my son. The biological dad has some debts and the last I know, he lost his job. So, I know the child support would be a burden to him and he doesn't have good morals and would be a bad influence on my son.

My family is in overseas so, I can't easily move back. For now, I want to be very careful as to telling the biological dad as I can't take it back after I tell him. If I do tell him, the main reason would be for child support as I'm financially tight now. I do also always want to be a good mom and I enjoy taking care, spending time and enjoying my son.

What should I do?

You know just because the bio dad has some debts that does not mean that he still can't care for his child. As a mom I wou;d call the bio dad TODAY and let him know that he has a son and Tuesday after the new year go down and get paper work going to establish paternity get your childs last name changed to either yours or bio dads the you can set up an amount for support.

he doesn't have good morals and would be a bad influence on my son.

What is it about this man that makes you feel it's okay to keep him the dark? Is he abusive, a child molester, a drug addict?