This is flipper's wife. We found this site several mnts ago because we had CS questions. Over the past months I have read many threads and of course found a disturbing trend. Either the husband is deadbeat or the ex is money hungry. Sad to say, most of the time it goes to one extreme or the other. And I have been on both sides of the fence. We have a lovely ex who has no visible concern for her children, who by the way are wonderful kids. She will not keep a stable job or relationship and the kids have known nothing from her except chaos. She has been to "college" five times and will not complete any course, has had over 20 jobs in the past few years (works only long enough to collect Unearned income) and has been married several times (once for less than a month) She has told anyone who will listen that my husband is 10,000 behind on his cs (he has never missed a payment) will not get the kids (had them at least every other weekend we have recently moved to far away for every other weekends so we get them during the summer) and beat her while they were married (an absolute lie). She does not have the kids on any regular basis (her parents raise them) but she receives the money. She does not try to keep my husband from seeing them (on the contrary, she told him we could have "custody" as long as he continued to pay her CS) Her parents will not support us (although they are decent folks) because she has (in so many words) told her Dad that she would say he molested her. She knows this is not true, but he is in bad health and the scandel would kill him. The bright side is that we have a wonderful relationship with each other and the kids just love me to death. I have helped raise them since they were very small. They have told me hundreds of times that they wish I was their mother, and I wish the same thing. They are older now, and we can see a light at the end of the money tunnel, I just pray that the Lord see fit to give my husband and me at least as many post-CS years and we have had paying it, and I hope the kids can continue to live with the parents and have a decent up bringing. They are of age to live with us, but our jobs take us all over and school would be a problem. Also she will never let them go and has said she will fight us in court to keep "legal custody", even though as I have said, she has them a night or two during the week for sleepovers. We do not live in the same state anymore, so a long court batttle would ruin us, my husband would lose his job and then we would be in a pickle, so we just do the best we can and leave the rest to God.
The laws are NOT fair. It seems the harder the CP tries, the less the NCP does and the CP who are worthless get the most from the system. It never really seems to be about what is best for the child. I guess it would be too much to ask for the courts to really make BOTH parents to do what is best for the child. It is easier to say "pay this percentage and see them this often", never mind how they are being raised. The homes where both parents just want what is best for the child is so rare.
For several years I worked for an attorney. I saw several mothers on the witness stand admit they used the CS to buy everything from new boobs to electronics. And they were not even admonished for it....go figure! Any way everyone who needs this site is a part of the never ending cycle of Ex vs.Ex...and most of the time the innocent children are the ones to suffer. All of you who believe in prayer...pls pray for us all...CP-NCP-and most of all the kids......I wish all of you a Merry Christmas and New Year full of blessings.....Thank you

i agree with what you have said i my ex blindsided me with a divorce and took the kids(i was a stay at home mom) now he wont let me see them or anything and the court doesnt seem to care all he wants is money,and he makes alot as is,and from what i am told he is never with the kids my oldest who is 10 just called me the other day to tell me he wanted to run away and come with me, i just which my ex had the kids in mind insted of money.

Hello Mykids,
I know what you mean...It does not seem to matter if the mother or the father is the CP...there are bad apples out there of both genders. I know if is mostly a fantasy...but I have seen people who are really concerned about the children and what is best for them...and they can get along and co-parent the children....but sadly..that seems to be the exception...I guess all we can hope for (or in my case, pray for) is that the children will grow up with no complexes and we can have a relationship with them like we wish we could now...and that the courts will see us NCP as more than a wallet and an every other weekend sleep-over....just do what you feel is right in your own heart and leave the rest up to the One who can really work all of this out...we will all be the better for it. I am sorry to hear that your child is unhappy, I have been taking my kids back crying for years...it is just very hard to have to do that...keep a stiff upper lip...it WILL get better in time