I live in Va. I have a 2 1/2 yr old son by a man that I never married. He overdosed on Cocain while I was pregnant with my son. I attempted to make a life with this man for the sake of our son. Isupported him through 2 strokes and being laif off for one year. He was mentally abusive throughout the time that we were together and eventually attempted to rape me. I had a temporary protective order and had him removed from the household. We now have joint custody with me having physical custody of our son. I now have a new relationship (4 months). My ex has just found out about this relationship and is now threatening to call for a home study, which I have no problem with, if it is court ordered. I have been getting blocked number calls at a rate of 10-12 per hour. I have seen him driving by my home. I even have video of a shadow figure outside of my bedroom window. My question is, how much harrassment do I have to tolerate to keep custody of my son, and how much can he use the "I'm being a good parent" card before the court sees the manipuative person that he really is.

This sounds way deeper than custody threats; I would consider a restraining order on this psycho! That will also help justify your fears of sharing custody with him if it ever goes into court.

I guess I was not too clear in my first post on the overall situation. My new boyfriend is an upstanding citizen who works in the medical field and was previously a teacher in our community so as far as me putting a loser into my childs life that is a whole different topic. I am not attempting to replace his father, just his fathers behaviors of drug use, abuse and control issues with the help of male family and friend role models. So, no, I did not ask to be put into this scenario, and I am sure that other abused woment AND men did not ask to be put in the situations that they were. You were correct about part of your posting when you said that I should assure him that my new boyfriend is not there to replace him as the father......He is and always will be his biological father. I am sorry for the situation that you have with your ex, but obviously we are in two drastically different situations.

Thank you Cowpats....try not to be so bitter to everyone, it will get your point across alot better....(remember that kill em with kindess thing???)

Yes, I agree with some of what you are trying to get across, the system is kinda funkied up, that's why we all are here we are either on one side or the other of the legal system, and the only ones who are really paying for it all are the kids. We are the parents and it is up to us to keep our voices heard to ensure we take care of what is ours, family.

Good Luck