This is regarding the state of Texas. Since our divorce, I have been paying support per the decree. However, I am being asked to also provide for items which I feel should be part of what I am already paying. For example: she asked if I would buy our two sons new shoes and I pushed back saying that my support payments should cover my 1/2 of the shoes. On another occasion, I was asked to pay for soccer registration fees and responded likewise. I am giving her $1500/month which I consider to be more than enough to take care of the children's needs and then some. They stay with me on alternate weekends and every Thursday night. I also pick them up on Tuesdays, take them to dinner and do homework before returning to their mother.

My children get 100% of what they need and 99% of what they want, so i am just curious as to what should be expected of the money I give her. She has a full-time job and is re-married so there are no financial issues on her end. Please clarify for me what the money should go towards.

Thank you for this service

David

I'm a mother who has a Father that feels the same way that you do. I also have a father who doesn't mind helping. (two children - two different fathers)
The one that feels like you do makes a crud load of money and would never consider helping me with school supplies, uniforms, special events, sports...
However, the one that doesn't make much pays for half of what he can and struggles to do so. When I was a single mother, the child support was not that much, yet the men thought I should have been driving a mercedes with "all the money they paid me".
The judge says that the support money is for the children's portion of gas, electric, phone, cable, etc. Does she run them from here to there? that takes gas. And the judges figure you'd be spending that and more if they still lived with you. Does she provide them food? I've been on both sides of this. My first husband's wife had a maid, worked out at an expensive spa, but would shame him if he didn't pay for half of private school, uniforms, birthday parties, etc.
Me? I barely scraped by.
Just pray that your ex is doing all she can for the children with what you give her. Your children will have more respect for you and remember that you helped their mother. If you're asked to buy half of shoes, offer to take them shoe shopping yourself. They'd love that - and you get to be the hero. And your ex could never say negative things about you to them. I wish I was getting that amount! lol - but it's expensive to live in Dallas. I know it's tough, but keep in prayer about it and try everyday to forgive her for being anything but amicable. It's the only thing that works.
blessings,
Lanie <><

Thank you for the reply, Lanie, although i am confused as to the direction of your response. the dad who makes a bunch of money but doesn't help is not me, nor is the guy who doesn't make anything and helps as he can. I make a good living but do give what I consider to be a fair amount of money for their needs. When they stay with me, I have clean new clothes, shoes, etc for them to wear....I don't ask her to provide clothing for me for them to wear. When I do something for them, I don't ask her to provide for 1/2 of what that something is, yet I am expected to do so for her? What is the validation? If I just went ahead and "bought" shoes for them, when she obviously has the money, where does it end? When I send them home in clothes I bought I have to pester her to get them back, as a matter of fact.

Not to mention, my ex is the type who would say something negative no matter how I was acting so I can't concern myself with it. I can only try my best

Well $1500 a month is healthy child support but it is relative to the mother's costs of living and in Texas some areas are more reasonable and affordable than others. Not knowing what part of TX or what kind of area she lives in, in many places, $1500 eats up rent and utilities and a little food. My suggestion is that you ask the kids if they need somethign extra and if it is needed then get it for them directly when you have them if giving it to the mother is a problem or something you do not feel comfortable doing. That way, she cannot later accuse you of not helping out with little things for the kids.

When they stay with me, I have clean new clothes, shoes, etc for them to wear....I don't ask her to provide clothing for me for them to wear. When I do something for them, I don't ask her to provide for 1/2 of what that something is, yet I am expected to do so for her? What is the validation? If I just went ahead and "bought" shoes for them, when she obviously has the money, where does it end? When I send them home in clothes I bought I have to pester her to get them back, as a matter of fact.


You really sound like a good dad - you are right, you are not like either of the fathers I'm dealing with. I don't know what to advise except prayer and forgiveness. I'm so sorry you're going thru this and I hope you have a strong group of friends to support you. Here's what I learned when being attacked by the ex's or just 'dealing' with their ugliness... give it to God - keep saying you forgive her ugly actions whether you feel it or not right now and forgiveness will come naturally - not suggesting that you don't forgive her.
With God on your side, who can be against you? She will not win unreasonable arguments or court cases as long as you are in prayer and practicing forgiveness. You really do seem like a great dad.
blessings,
Lanie

That is correct that the money is supposed to go to utilities, food, gas, ect...

I am on both ends of the spectrum. As a father of 8 children, I am raising 5 children. 4 biological and 1 step child in my home. My 3 older children from my 1st marriage that my current wife and I are raising, I recieve no support from my 1st wife. She buys 50 dollar video games, toys or items that are of no real importance in the care or upbringing of the children.

With my 2nd wife, I have joint legal/physical custody, pay 1100 bucks a month in support, rarely ever get to see them because she makes threats that could affect my job in public safety. In her case, she makes 2500 dollars less per year and recieves an additional 1100 a month and still asks for more.

I'm sorry, but with a net paycheck of 4400 bucks a month (inclusive of the support I pay), her and my other 3 children should be well off. I, on the other hand, after taxes and child support have a net paycheck of 1200 a month. That's supposed to help pay a car note, house payment, car and house insurance, utilities, groceries, taxes, and THEN clothes and school supplies.

I am now in process of forcing my 1st wife to pay about 140 bucks a month to cover clothes and school supplies and now attempting to get a reduction in support from my 2nd wife. Thankfully enough, I have tons of experience in filing motions and working pro per in court successfully.

Many people when they divorce fail to realize that when children are involved, children pay the ultimate price with the disruption of the family. Therefore, keep arguments away from the childrens earshot and in the courtrooms.

If your ex-spouse isn't spending money properly and the children are neglected. Take the ex to court and prove neglect. If he/she is aking for more money despite having a good paycheck, then he/she obviously mismanage their money and aren't spending it properly on the welfare of the children. It's rather unfortunate that some parents look at that monthly child support as extra residual income.

My husband and I pay 1100.00 a month, plus make sure the girls all get their dental visits, school clothes, and bought the oldest her car, had it fixed now 2x, pay the car insurance, she wrecked the car, our premiums were raised, the kids are out here with us for the summer 2months and mom still gets all her c/s checks. Our girls never have anything new at moms, but as far as going back to court, all that does it hurts the kiddos.

Now with all this in mind, and what we pay for them and do for them, my hubby adopting my oldest, and then we have our other child that is 7 who is disabled. We struggle even having good insurance, and our 7yr olds father never calls bdays, holidays, sees him maybe once a yr, pays his support, has no other children, he is ordered to pay the whole 50-50 thing on medical but he never has or will. Our son with the medical issues is on SSI but it is income based so Medicaid only steps in if income goes down. So now we are having to hire an attorney for the behind medical support, and because his illness is life long we are going to try for additional monthly medical support on top of c/s. I don't like to go to court because of the little guys that it hurts but in our situation with our son we have no choice. His medical expenses are killing us. I mean look at this a child with auto immune diabetes, 4 shots a day, brittle diabetic, auto immune von willebrands disease (bleeding disorder), severe asthmatic, PTSD, Depression, and ADHD. We go to Ped's Endocrinologists, Ped's Hematologist/Oncologists, Ped's Pulmonologists, Ped's Pshyc. Special dietary needs, on top of drug costs,some drugs are not covered so we pay out of pocket because he can not survive with out any of them. Dad never pays us back at all. We are sending our last certified letter Monday to him then going ahead with an attorney. The horrible thing in all this for us is that we are happy "DAD" doesn't come around because he is the reason our son suffers the Depression and PTSD for abusing him as a younger child. But because our court system failed they didn't get it to the grand jury for 2 yrs and by then we spent 15000.00 in our court costs trying to stop visitation, and lost, and then after 2 yrs of waiting he supressed everything, and wouldn't testify. Still has terrible nightmares, freaks when my hubby leaves for any military things, he is all screwed up. We can't do anything about the system, its just screwed up, but for our son we will continue to fight for him. Just in RX's we are up to 1000.00 that "DAD" owes us back for this yr. We may win in court, we may not. But at least our son will know we tried when he is an adult. We just decided to finally get an attorney involved in this case, because the AG's office in Tx only goes for c/s and insurance.

All I want to say is that for those of you mothers and fathers that play an active role in their childrens lives and help with their care, I praise you all. But there are some that don't help with everything. Mine thinks that since he pays c/s that all this money should cover everything, LOL Yeah right.... Our son didn't ask for all the medical problems, but I know God doesn't give any of us anything we can't handle. I thank the Lord above that I was able to get through Nursing school as a single mom before my husband came into our lives. Because with his medical training and mine we are able to help our little guy out as much as we can. One thing that I thought was really funny when we were going through the abuse hearings, was the fact that the Judge and CPS and DA said that our son could file suit when he turns 18 on the abuse, even though it was no billed at his young age.LOL @ the system. We can't help you now little child, but when you become a MAN we will help you. If he makes it that long with his health. I just think God each and everyday we have him here.
Anyways good luck to you all going through OUR system, may the truth prevail! :)

My husband and I are both divorced, so we have the childsupport coming and going, the visitations coming and going. My husband's ex is alot like yours. She was the one who cheated, who moved, etc., but always wanted even more than the c/s. I can't get my ex to be consistant with support, but we stay consistant with my husbands. His ex always thought they would get back together, but 3 times cheating was too much. When he and I got together this made her jealous, and seeing that I am a good mother and wife infuriated her. She had hoped he would end up with someone who would not love his children and would be mean to them, so she could give him the altimatum of either his lover or his kids. She even tried to stop our wedding with threatening not to let him see the kids. She always has something new wrong with her, or with the kids (nothing is wrong but her being a hypochondriac) but she always finds new things. And ways of getting out of us seeing my husbands kids. Being that it takes everything my husband and i bring in to support my three kids and to try and buy things for his kids when they are here,and pay his c/s, my kids do often get the short end of the stick. They have done without so many things so that my husband's kids and ex get the c/s and we send things home with them as well. What gets me through these sometimes depressing times of my kids doing without is that I know we are the bigger people for looking out for all of the kids best interrest. We never say bad things either way. I feel that all of this has taught my kids to be more careful in their future when they get ready to have a family. They see how hard it is to raise a family and how hard divorce is both ways. They also see we do not show partiality either way. All five of the kids are victims in a situation they have absolutely no control over, and should not pay for the mistakes the adults made. In time, all of the kids will see who struggled and who didn't, and who was stronger for this. It's hard to keep your head up and not hold resentment from time to time. But the most important thing is to be a positive role model for all of the kids.