HELP!!! I'M AT THE END OF THE ROAD SO IT SEEMS. i HAVE A FIVE YR. OLD WHO HASN'T SEEN OR HEARD FROM HIS DAD IN ABOUT TWO TO THREE YRS. A SUPPORT CASE WAS FILED IN MICHIGAN AND A COURT ORDER WAS SERVED TWICE ONLY TO BE MISDIRECTED BY HIS FAMILY SO HE NEVER RECEIVED THE ORDER TO COME TO COURT. MICHIGAN HAS DONE NOTHING TO TRY TO LOCATE THIS MAN, I HAVE GIVEN THEM EVERY RECOURSE AND RESOURCE AS TO HIS WHEREABOUTS, STILL NOTHING !!! I HAVE SINCED MOVED TO OHIO TO ATTEND NURSING SCHOOL BECAUSE I LOST MY JOB IN MICHIGAN DUE TO LAY-OFF STATUS. IT'S REALLY DIFFICULT TO TRY AN SUPPORT MY TWO SONS BY MYSELF OFF THE MONEY I MAKE. WE ARE MAKING DUE BY THE GRACE OF GOD!!!! i NEED TO KNOW HOW DO I GO ABOUT BY TERMINATING HIS RIGHTS, HE FALLS UNDER SEVERAL GROUNDS FOR TERMINATING HIS RIGHTS, AND I ALSO NEED TO KNOW IF I CAN GET ANY HELP FROM LEGAL AID?

As far as I"m aware both Mi and Oh (Oh would have jurisdiction over you) require a step-parent to adopt in order to terminate rights. They aren't generally listed when you search for requirements but most lawyers will tell you so. To add to this even if this was a state that didn't require it, it is up to the judge and by your own admittance you are barely making it. This puts you at risk of having to at some point recieve state aid (if you aren't already). This is almost a guarantee that a TPR will not take place.

The reason for requiring a step-parent to adopt is because by not doing so we are bastardizing children to the effect of them only having one legal parent.

Now, I'm not sure what effect you think a TPR will do or what you expect to come of it but if dad isn't having contact and isn't paying support what is the point of a TPR in the first place?

I have ran into the same situation, however my kids do have a stepfather who wants to adopt them but the courts wont even hear it because they say that the absent father still has to be notified and have a chance to plead his case to the judge before they will terminate his rights. There are so many walls that a custodial parent runs into with this type of situation. What would be better for a child... a step parent who wants to make the children legally theirs or a deadbeat father who at all costs makes it so he can not be found. The states are all messed up on this one. I dont understand their reasoning.

I have ran into the same situation, however my kids do have a stepfather who wants to adopt them but the courts wont even hear it because they say that the absent father still has to be notified and have a chance to plead his case to the judge before they will terminate his rights. There are so many walls that a custodial parent runs into with this type of situation. What would be better for a child... a step parent who wants to make the children legally theirs or a deadbeat father who at all costs makes it so he can not be found. The states are all messed up on this one. I dont understand their reasoning.


The reasoning behind it is to ensure the other biological parent is aware of what is going on and given a chance to contest. Even if they do contest it does not always mean that they will win.

Look at it this way. What if your ex took your kids and you had not seen them for years. He remarried and wanted his new wife to adopt the children. You in the meantime have been searching and can't find them, yet because it was not required you be notified of an adoption proceeding you lost all legal rights to your children.

If the laws were not written this way, this would happen all the time. TPR has seemed to be the new fad. I cannot tell you how many stories I have heard (mostly, if not all from women) wanting to TPR., sometimes even prior to birth, but a lot of the time shortly there after. I have heard them all.

"My son is six months old and his dad has only seen him 10 time"
(That's more than once a month)

"This man does not deserve to be a father and I don't want him around MY child"

Now, when I respond to these types of threads I know I run the risk of sounding hypocritical as I myself have done a TPR against my ex with a step-parent adoption. However, for one, there had been nearly 3 years without contact before the adoption was done giving him ample time to contact as he had the information. Also there was a support order he refused to pay and went 25k in arrears (many times people complain that the father isn't paying support yet they themselves never got a CS order). I went through all the proper channels of sending contact to the biological father... having the home study... the works. Everything was done by the books.

My point is that there are some pretty shady people in this world and the ones who are at risk of being hurt the most are the children.

Another way to look at it is later in life you wouldn't want the biological father to find the children and speak about how they were adopted behind his back.... it could reflect bad on you in the eyes of the children. My ex crawled out of his hole by a miricle to allow himself to get served for CS one month after the adoption was finalized (they tried every 2-3 months to serve him for 3 years). He has stated twice in court (that I was there) in the last six months that he plans to have the adoption vacated as it was done "illegally." I have all the paperwork showing he was notified and given opportunity to contest and yet ignored it and chose not to. My children know this (they were 13 and 10 at adoption) and know that his threats are not true. That is what will 'save' me in the end.

i CAN UNDERSTAND IF THE ABSENT PARENT ISNT GIVEN NOTIFICATION OF THE CUSTODIAL PARENT MOVING AND HAVE BEEN SEARCHING FOR THEM BUT IN MY CASE I HAVE ALWAYS TOLD HIM OR SOMEONE IN HIS FAMILY WHERE HE COULD FIND US AND GIVEN EVEN AN 800 NUMBER SO IT WOULD BE FREE FOR HIM TO CALL. IN THESE TYPE CASES I THINK ITS INSANE THAT HE STILL HAS TO BE NOTIFIED TO PLEAD HIS CASE. HE TO THIS DAY KNOWS WHERE HIS CHILDREN ARE BUT DOESNT MAKE AN EFFORT TO SEE THEM OR EVEN CALL FOR BDAYS. HE IS OUT THERE MAKING OTHER BABIES THAT HE ISNT SUPPORTING. BUT STILL THE COURT WONT HEAR MY CASE BECAUSE THEY CANNOT GET HIM SERVED WITH THE PROPER PAPERS. OBVIOUSLY HE DOESNT CARE ABOUT THE KIDS IF I HAVE GIVEN HIM EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO SPEAK WITH HIS KIDS. I MEAN WHO CANT CALL AN 800 NUMBER FOR FREE TO SPEAK TO THEIR CHILDREN. I JUST FIND IT SAD THAT THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CHILDRENS LIFE THAT WANTS TO TAKE ON THE RESPONSIBILITY OF BEING THEIR TRUE PARENT AND CANNOT BECAUSE OF A DEADBEAT.

i CAN UNDERSTAND IF THE ABSENT PARENT ISNT GIVEN NOTIFICATION OF THE CUSTODIAL PARENT MOVING AND HAVE BEEN SEARCHING FOR THEM BUT IN MY CASE I HAVE ALWAYS TOLD HIM OR SOMEONE IN HIS FAMILY WHERE HE COULD FIND US AND GIVEN EVEN AN 800 NUMBER SO IT WOULD BE FREE FOR HIM TO CALL.

**** The problem is that if every judge took everything everyone said in the court room as the truth there would be injustices done everywhere. It brings me back to my example of if your ex took off with your kids... how would the court know that unless someone told them? Your ex isn't going to walk in and say "OH yeah, by the way, I basically kidnapped my kids but you know, just ignore that and terminate her rights."


IN THESE TYPE CASES I THINK ITS INSANE THAT HE STILL HAS TO BE NOTIFIED TO PLEAD HIS CASE. HE TO THIS DAY KNOWS WHERE HIS CHILDREN ARE BUT DOESNT MAKE AN EFFORT TO SEE THEM OR EVEN CALL FOR BDAYS.

**** I feel for you, really I do.... been there, done that. My ex told my children in July of 2001 that he was dying and he'd never see them again. THEY called HIM in April of 2002 (meaning I paid for the long distance call) because they asked and wanted reassured he was alive. Their biological father always knew how to contact but never did unless the state found him for CS and then it would only be for a few weeks. He was successful in eluding CSE for nearly three years. He allowed himself to be served just after the adoption, thought arrears were gone, and found out differently (this was July and he got a continuance). In September garnishment was set, First payment was made Oct. 22 and a month later youngest son got a b'day card (a month after his b'day). Kids bounce back. My kids know who has been there for them and they also knew that he had a way of contacting and knew where they were but failed to contact. It still didn't eliminate the right he had to be notified. Did I like it? No. Was I scared he would contest and the courts would buy his story? A little. Was it all for nothing? Yes. I did everything through the legal channels and there's nothing he can do about it.

HE IS OUT THERE MAKING OTHER BABIES THAT HE ISNT SUPPORTING. BUT STILL THE COURT WONT HEAR MY CASE BECAUSE THEY CANNOT GET HIM SERVED WITH THE PROPER PAPERS. OBVIOUSLY HE DOESNT CARE ABOUT THE KIDS IF I HAVE GIVEN HIM EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO SPEAK WITH HIS KIDS I MEAN WHO CANT CALL AN 800 NUMBER FOR FREE TO SPEAK TO THEIR CHILDREN. I JUST FIND IT SAD THAT THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CHILDRENS LIFE THAT WANTS TO TAKE ON THE RESPONSIBILITY OF BEING THEIR TRUE PARENT AND CANNOT BECAUSE OF A DEADBEAT.


*** Did you have a lawyer working for you? Most states allow there to be publication in the paper for a period of time and that can serve as notification for these purposes. An attorney is the only way to go in these cases to dot your i's and cross your t's. As I said earlier my ex is saying I illegally had this adoption done, yet I have the certified receipt that was sent to him signed. No, it wasn't signed by him, however, by court standards it is considered notification.... on top of that my state has a provision that after one year from the date of the finalization even if I had fraudulently notified him it would not be grounds to vacate the adoption. My ex seems to think that it will get him somewhere in court even though the judge has told him twice he's not addressing it in the proper court and I'm not about to tell him it's not even the proper jurisdiction. He won't find a lawyer to take his case but even if he did I look forward to the 'motion to dismiss' I will draw up. My point is, notification does not always mean bad things. There are many states that their laws read that even if he contests his rights MAY be terminated... I would think a case such as yours would qualify.

I am in Texas and as far as I am concerned they have the worst child support system in the country. The Attorney Generals office has told me on more than one occasion that they will not try to locate him or do anything else with my case. When I saw a lawyer, they told me that he would have to me served even though we have been trying to get him served for the past 4 years. Everytime I have found his address they claim to get right on the service papers but by the time they get them processed, he has moved. I have to go through the District Attorneys office to get Criminal Non-Support charges against him and even they say after being charged with the offense terminating his rights will be hard. I just dont know what else to do in this state. One attorney just told me tough. Live with it. I am really frustrated.

I am in Texas and as far as I am concerned they have the worst child support system in the country. The Attorney Generals office has told me on more than one occasion that they will not try to locate him or do anything else with my case. When I saw a lawyer, they told me that he would have to me served even though we have been trying to get him served for the past 4 years. Everytime I have found his address they claim to get right on the service papers but by the time they get them processed, he has moved. I have to go through the District Attorneys office to get Criminal Non-Support charges against him and even they say after being charged with the offense terminating his rights will be hard. I just dont know what else to do in this state. One attorney just told me tough. Live with it. I am really frustrated.

Notification shouldn't be that hard (again speak to an attorney about that). However Texas is one of the few states I do know does not require a step-parent adoption to TPR.