My children are 15 and 13. I have had a custody order in effect for the last five years..with their father getting them every-other weekend, every-other holiday and half of the summer. He lives in another city that is about 30 miles away. We each pick up the children from the other's house. I have always been very flexible on his part, as he complains so much about not getting time with them, etc.

Recently, I had to file a second PFA on him (the first was before the custody order was in effect) because he came to my house after arguing on the phone with him about my boyfriend (he doesn't like him) and he ended up coming to my house and snatching him up and I had to call the police.

We ended up withdrawing the PFA and modifying the custody order to state that the other parent wait out in the car when picking up the children so as to avoid face-to-face contact.

With that in mind, this past weekend on his visitation, my 15-year-old daughter apparently hurt her ankle snowboarding. She had broken this ankle once before and then sprained it several times since. It was swollen up like a softball. Her father claimed he couldn't take her to the ER to get an x-ray because he had no one to watch his 1-year-old son. His girlfriend didn't take her when she came home from work that night either. He woke her up the next morning to ask her if she still wanted to go and said his girlfriend would take her as soon as she got back...well this wasn't until 6:30 that evening and my daughter said she might as well wait until I got there to pick them up at 8:30. We went to the ER and waited three hours (it was only sprained again). BUT..no one called me to inform me she was hurt and no one called to find out what my insurance would cover (I have insurance on them both, not him). I want to file contempt because this has been the case ever since he had his son. They each have a car..him a small SUV, but it only fits five. They have his son and her two children along with my two...and she works two jobs while he is on workman's comp at home. If the kids have any extracurricular activities...he can never bring them down..I have to drive up and pick them up and drive up and drop them off and then pick them up the next day. The kids don't even want to go half of the time. Is it worth it to modify based on any of this? I would want it to be that the kids only have to see him when they want to on the weekends, as it interferes with their extracurricular activities, jobs, etc. and he is unwilling and unable to participate in transportation to either. With him not seeking medical attention, getting into trouble with the PFA and a long list of other things..what do you think?

My children are 15 and 13. I have had a custody order in effect for the last five years..with their father getting them every-other weekend, every-other holiday and half of the summer. He lives in another city that is about 30 miles away. We each pick up the children from the other's house. I have always been very flexible on his part, as he complains so much about not getting time with them, etc.

Recently, I had to file a second PFA on him (the first was before the custody order was in effect) because he came to my house after arguing on the phone with him about my boyfriend (he doesn't like him) and he ended up coming to my house and snatching him up and I had to call the police.

We ended up withdrawing the PFA and modifying the custody order to state that the other parent wait out in the car when picking up the children so as to avoid face-to-face contact.

With that in mind, this past weekend on his visitation, my 15-year-old daughter apparently hurt her ankle snowboarding. She had broken this ankle once before and then sprained it several times since. It was swollen up like a softball. Her father claimed he couldn't take her to the ER to get an x-ray because he had no one to watch his 1-year-old son. His girlfriend didn't take her when she came home from work that night either. He woke her up the next morning to ask her if she still wanted to go and said his girlfriend would take her as soon as she got back...well this wasn't until 6:30 that evening and my daughter said she might as well wait until I got there to pick them up at 8:30. We went to the ER and waited three hours (it was only sprained again). BUT..no one called me to inform me she was hurt and no one called to find out what my insurance would cover (I have insurance on them both, not him). I want to file contempt because this has been the case ever since he had his son. They each have a car..him a small SUV, but it only fits five. They have his son and her two children along with my two...and she works two jobs while he is on workman's comp at home. If the kids have any extracurricular activities...he can never bring them down..I have to drive up and pick them up and drive up and drop them off and then pick them up the next day. The kids don't even want to go half of the time. Is it worth it to modify based on any of this? I would want it to be that the kids only have to see him when they want to on the weekends, as it interferes with their extracurricular activities, jobs, etc. and he is unwilling and unable to participate in transportation to either. With him not seeking medical attention, getting into trouble with the PFA and a long list of other things..what do you think?
Does the custody/visitation order specifically state that each parent is to inform the other parent of Dr. appts and ER visits? If yes, you can file for contempt. If no, then you can't because your ex isn't violating the co.

As for modifiying the order so that "...the kids only have to see him when they WANT to on week-ends..." - children do NOT get to choose when they see the NCP. You can possibly TRY to modify the order for less time, but it's doubtful that a Judge would allow a decrease in visitation time.

It was wrong for him to delay medical treatment, although I have to wonder- if your daughter is old enough to snowboard, she's also old enough to call you if she were in extreme pain and Dad wasn't taking her to Dr. (remember, your daughter herself also delayed going to Dr.). Under the circumstances, it was a stupid thing for Dad to do, but not enough to change visitation or modify over.

Your daughter apparently keeps injuring the same ankle, so you might want to look into getting some kind of brace made for her. It can be done fairly easily and isn't expensive. I know that a brace is worth it because at age 41 I resumed ice skating after 30 yrs. My one ankle was weak and I had a brace made for it which helped alot. (until I fell twice- first I broke my right wrist, then later I broke my left wrist- THEN the Dr. told me to quit skating, that I have osteoporosis and arthritis, LOL) Any way, something needs to be done so that your daughter can continue to enjoy sports without constantly injuring the same ankle.
Xena :)

That is true about my daughter not calling me except that they live far enough away that it's long distance to call. Her father doesn't have long distance service to call out from the house phone, and his girlfriend has a cell phone, but they have not allowed the kids before to call me from the phone, saying they are not wasting their minutes..I should buy my kids a calling card.

She has a prepaid cell phone that I just got for her the other week, but she said she could not get through (no service where she was).

I agree about probably not getting the modification, but I feel helpless when it comes to these situations because if I want them to be able to enjoy their activities, as they should, it all falls on me all the time. It's a lot of gas money, time (half hour to 45 minute trip one way) and needless running. Not to mention he has another child on the way..so that will be his new excuse not to take them anywhere or do anything with them.

Thanks for the advice on the brace. Her doctor actually gave her strengthening exercises to do (she is a dancer) that we thought worked. She said she just hit a ramp she didn't really see and landed wrong. Another thing that really gets me hot too is that she missed the first half day of school because we were in the ER until almost 2 a.m. and she needed sleep! She leaves for her bus at 7 a.m. If he would have just taken her on Saturday night, she would have had the ankle splinted, crutches and been getting the rest she needed in advance and it would not have affected her school attendance.

Hi! I'm in a similar situation as you and my son is 12 and does not want to go with biological dad and has other things hes involved in. If she is 15 then as long as he won't take you to court you could stop some of the visitation with out going to court. In the courts eyes at 15 they are involved in other things and have a job, so they would consider this and give him less time. Just hang in there you only have 3 years yet and you will be free of this for your daughter, as for me I'm trying to settled it now because I have 6 years to put up with things.

I know exactly what you mean, when kids get 12+ they want to be in their own social circles and become very sociable and there are so many things going on in their lives that it makes it very difficult for them to leave their community to go to a town 30 mi away so dad can see them, because thats basically it, the dad wants to see them, its not usually the teenage child begging to go see their dad. So it comes down to , does the child have the right to decide...well legally, NO. I am struggling with this same issue. I have girls that are 11 & 13 and feel that if they go to their dads one weekend, the next weekend is supposedly my weekend but since they were out of town the previous weekend , of course, they want to make plans with their friends and therefore, where is my time? I think its pretty unfair really because at least when they are out of town with their dad , they aren't making plans with their friends. Yes, I have the right to say NO and make them stay home with me, but I remember what it is like to be 13 and I'm not taking that away from them. One thing I've tried is when my daughters want to spend the night at their friends house, I offer to let their friends stay with us so that at least they are home. Not always, I know they enjoy going to sleepovers also but at least occasionally that is a solution. Also, include their friends in certain plans you make on the weekends you have them so they look forward to their weekends rather than complaining they have to "stay home". This is pretty specific to teens and am not saying that a 5 yr old should always have friends over. Im just making a suggestion that may help other single parents of preteens and teens.