My wife and I will have been married a year in Dec. We live in Utah. My wife has a 4-yr-old son whose father has made no attempt to contact him in 1 1/2 years, nor has he ever paid any child support (they were divorced 2 years ago). I have known Derrick (the son) since he was two and feel I am his father in every way that really counts. I want to adopt him, but am concerned about his bio father making trouble when he is notified. How can I make this process clean? The bio fathers conduct indicates that he doesn't care for his son, but can he still make trouble? What is involved in the process, and can my wife and I do it ourselves, without a lawyer? Thanks

Adoption really isn't a do it yourself project. You would need a lawyer to make sure everything is done by state standards, including the notification of the father and if a home study is ordered by the state.

What generally happens is that bio-dad is notified and is told of the adoption. He will have the option to contest but without contact and/or child support in so long he will have to show why it is in the child's best interest not to allow the adoption to go forward. If he contests it lands on the judge to decide and yes it becomes much harder then because if someone appears to be stepping up to the plate, even if it's late, some judge take that into consideration and gives them the option to do so.

Plan for bio father's anger in the adoption process and put together proof of the bio father's abandonment of the child financially, emotionally, and in all ways. The other part is to show that having you as the father is in the best interest of the child. I suggest hiring an attorney to assist you. If you cannot afford one, I suggest going to see some on free consultations to see about putting the case together and maybe you can get specific help from them.

How can you prove abandonment aside from stating that the bio father has never written or called or made any attempt to contact his son? Or how can you prove nothing has been paid in support of the child? Essentially, what recourse do we have if he lies? How can we reasonably refute him without it simply regressing into a he-said/she-said match? He has been known to lie in court proceedings before. Additionally, what if he doesn't show up to the court date? It would be travel for him and he is in the military now (and he probably wouldn't show up regardless)? Would this work in our favor or simply draw out the process? I'll stop now. I know this is a lot to answer. Thank you for your time.

Hi, I would definitly get a lawyer. Normally in most states if the father does not have any contact weather it was by phone or by a letter or even child support you can file abandoment charges against him. If no contact in 2 years they the court might favor on your side and terminate his rights.Then you may proceed to adopt. But I would check on your state guide lines.Good luck and I hope everything turns out good for you!