Hi...my name is Steve and I'm a 34 year old father of 3 wonderful boys. Me and my family live in Tennessee. Travis 7, Jackson 2 and Cameron 6 months. I married my wife in 1997 and as of May 17th, 2005 we had 8 years together. In July of this year she decided that she no longer wanted to be married to me any longer. I lost my job in March and have been searching for a new one for a while now. I work in "Information Technology" as a Desktop Support Technician. Apparently there is no one hiring for those type positions in my area and have not been for a while now. I paid for a class to become a licenses agent to sale Life and Health Insurance and tried that for a couple of months and only sold about 3 policies. I continue to look for work in my field but I was not finding anything. I am originally from South Carolina and we are only about 3 hours away from where I grew up. I became desperate to find work and decided to try something bold. I asked my parents about coming to live with them for a while and take a job there in that area in order to get cash flowing back into my family household. I interviewed with about 5 potential employers and although a couple of them looked promising, nothing panned out. It is while I was in South Carolina trying to obtain a job to get money coming back in to allow us to get back on our feet that my wife filed for divorce. I immediately took the 3 hour drive back to Tennessee to try and work this out. Long story short...she thinks I don't want a job and filed based on irreconcileable differences. I was in shock for a while and I'm sure partly just utter denial. I love my wife & three boys more than anything in this world. I had moved back into our house for a bit and continued my job search in the local area but still I was not finding anything. There is much more detail but I won't bore any of you with it unless you ask me to fill in blanks later. Flash forward to September...I found a job locally and I'm working everyday, Monday through Friday and all my free time...I am spending with my boys. Before I started my job, I was ordered to pay child support in the sum of $671 per month ...first payment due on 9/30 and my first paycheck was due on 9/30 but it was only a partial paycheck not even half the amount due in child support. My only means of transportation is our family van which my wife has told me is mine now ...because it has a balance of $15k on it still and she took the Saturn which is paid off. She had the insurance dropped from the van so right now I'm driving a vehicle that has no insurance and it's a month behind in payments. I made a payment a few days ago and now I'm not quite as far behind but at least they are not going to repo it now. I've agreed to give her the house and the paid off Saturn and take responsibility for the van. She wants me out of the house and into my own apartment...which I'm trying right now to get into. It's going to cost money to move into an apartment and get all utilities, etc. turned on. I still have to catch the van payments up to date and obtain insurance on it so that I'm legal again. The problem is that because I've not been able to make a child support payment yet due to having to pay to catch up these bills, etc....the State of Tennessee has now ordered a "Wage Assignment" and they will begin taking out $671 per month asap and that is going to prevent me from being able to get back on my feet. I plan to talk to my wife and ask if we can compromise and work something out temporarily so that I'll be able to at least get established into an apartment and catch the van payments back up. If we can work something out then all money available after paying to get into an apartment and making van payment, insurance, etc....I will gladly hand over to her. Once I'm established in an apartment of my own then I'm willing to setup a bill pay from my bank that automatically sends the full child support amount each month. All I want is just enough time to get back on my feet so that I'll be in a better position to provide the support that they need. I can't afford a lawyer obviously ...and Lord knows that I need one. No one will do pro-bono on divorce cases. I'm told by a friend that I should seek a "modification" but I don't know how to go about doing this. I'm totally clueless. Can anyone offer any advice to me on this? I'm still trying to reconcile with my wife but I don't know if we can. I love her very much but I just don't think she believes that I do anymore.

My wife has sought and "is" receiving state assistance. I am currently still residing in the home though. She expects me to move out and into an apartment of my own at the end of the month. I've seen information that seems to indicate that since she is receiving aid from the state...that she may have no choice in the matter and has to yield to the department of Human Services. Would it be possible for me to seek and get a modification to this child support order? I believe they based the order amount on my previous pay amount (from last job). My new job pays a lot less and as a result I feel that the child support amount should be lowered in order to allow me to be able to support myself. I plan to have my boys over at my place every weekend and I'll be visiting them several nights during the week since I'll only be living a few miles away (if I get the apartment). What are my options? Do I have any?

My ex is a soldier stationed in ft campbell, but he lives in Clarksville tennesse. Your first step is to contact your local child support office, bring all your income statements and bills for expenses PLUS your child support proof of payments. They will let you know where to go from there. Now I'm going to let you in on a little secret sir. Tennesse now uses something called "income shares" to determine child support obligation. It bases the amount on BOTH your incomes, and what percentage you pay of that amount is based on a weird formula, the good thing is that a calculator exists that will let you plug in the info and give you an idea what the amount should be so that you can be informed. You have to have a difference of at least 50 dollars in what your income used to be or have a significant change (like your income) to have it looked at for modification. (she technically has income b/c she does get assistance money) and it is also based on time spend with the children. The more time you spend with them the LESS you will pay. I do suggest that you start spending more time with the kids without letting her know that time will affect the judgement. Make sure you document it. You can find the calculator http://www.tennessee.gov/humanserv/is/isdownloads.htm Just plug in the info and I'm sure you will see that by law you are entitled to a reduction. Most of the dads I've viewed on here seem to be just trying to slack off on responsibility but you seem like a genuine dad in distress who needs a break to get things together. God bless. Another link full of the whole run down on tennessee child support law is here >>> http://www.tennessee.gov/humanserv/child-support.htm

Thanks Missmilitary for the information and thanks for your advice. I found the calculator today and I'm going to try and find the time tomorrow to use it. My temporary assignment of child support was based on my old salary and my new pay rate with this new job is far less and I'm worried because I want to pay the child support but fear only that I'll not be able to get into a place of my own, catch the bills up to date and get stable. I need to get stabilized in order to begin providing a good environment for my boys to come visit often. I spend ALL of my free time with my boys right now. I'm still residing in my house with the wife and boys. I take my oldest to school in the morning and when I get home from work they run outside to greet me...except for Cameron...because he's only 6 months old...hehe. I have a couple of friends that have been trying to get me to go out to see a movie or just come over to have a drink or relax and talk but I've not been interested in doing anything like that because I want to have every minute I can with my boys. I've talked with my wife and told her that I want us to work on everything together and come to mutual agreements to make things smooth and as easy as possible for both of us and especially the boys. I told her before she filed for child support that once I started my new job I would be putting her and the boys on my new companies health insurance plan and as soon as I got into an apartment that I would begin sending her all money I could as long as I had just enough for gas money and a little bit of food. The thing is...the court slapped this child support order on me before I even began my new job and I was already arears before I drew my first "partial" paycheck. I had gotten behind on my car payment and am working on catching that up because if I don't....it will get repo'ed and if I were to allow that to happen....no way to get to work = no job = no money = no child support or anything else getting paid off. All I want is a little time to get on my feet and then they can have all the money they want after bills. I'll be content just sitting at home after work and playing with my boys when they are over at myk place. I don't blame her at all really because she is doing what she feels is best for her and our boys but I dont' think she realizes what can happen here. I'm not sure where this will go or how I'm going to get through this but I'm praying that all goes well for her and me...but most of all....I want the boys to be happy and to have a good Christmas year despite this whole situation.

God Bless and thank you again for your advice and information...

Steve

Yes, contact the state child support office (family services) and ask them how to do a modification. My only concern is that if the order for child support was just recently filed, they may not do a modification for you unless you can prove a substational change in circumstances. When the original order was going through, you should have had a chance to contest the amount if you felt it was figured wrong (based on a previous salary that you're unable to obtain at this time).

As far as the van payment, sell it. You would have been paying the payment even if you weren't divorced, so you can't blame the divorce on that, just your circumstance (which is a lower paying job), so like anyone else in that situation, you need to get an old car that costs less.

Also, you need to find out if she is getting support payments from the state (financial assistance) - because if she is, your child support is actually owed to the state, and not to her. But if your wages are being garnished by the state, they will sort that out.

Good luck, I feel bad for you, I'm sorry.

Since I owe about 15k on the van....can I still sell it or trade it in? I've never tried doing something like that so I'm clueless about how that would work. I would think that the blue book value would need to exceed the amount owed still in order to trade in or sell without having a balance remaining after the sell. Any suggestions?

You still have insurance! I am honestly sorry if I didnt tell you. Mom and dad will continue to pay the van insurance until the divorce is final so you dont have to worry about that! You still have a while to find insurance on your own.

FYI - I do get some support from the state - $227 per month. And we have State healthcare. My parents pay for everything else bill wise (have been since May) and in August I started to get food stamps. I have been a SAHM for 8 years and now will be going back to school to be a nail tech.

This way I will be able to support my boys and any money that he sends will be the icing on the cake. I really want to start thier college funds so they can go to school.

If you need the number for Child Support Services I'll be more than happy to give it to you when you get here. And if you can sell the van at all---go for it! One less bill for either of us to pay.