I pay about 33% of my income for my 19month old son. He lives in Chicago and i live in Fl. So far the Il. courts are handling everything. I would like to see where the CS goes can I make her do this?

No. Do you think she's doing something terrible like wasting all the money on drug addiction? If the baby has a roof over his head, clothes, and is being fed, then she's taking good care of him, and that costs money. No one can make her itemize what she spends and show it to you.

Ok, are you an atourney in Il.?

I do not know where the money is going, I have no clue if she is spending it on drugs or anything else. I do know that it does not take $960 a month to take care of a 19 month old boy. In fact I do not spend that much on raisning my 2 teenage children. I also know that I should not have to buy my son diapers 3 days after she recieced the support because she was broke and he was out.

Ok, are you an atourney in Il.?

I do not know where the money is going, I have no clue if she is spending it on drugs or anything else. I do know that it does not take $960 a month to take care of a 19 month old boy. In fact I do not spend that much on raisning my 2 teenage children. I also know that I should not have to buy my son diapers 3 days after she recieced the support because she was broke and he was out.

Unfortunately as long as your child has a place to live with elec. water, other utilities, food, clothing, medical care, etc. you can't force her to prove how she spends the CS.

Howver, may I make a suggestion? This suggestion is based on the fact that human nature is that a person will take advantage of someone or something as long as the other person allows it.

Write her a letter. Explain to her that things like diapers, etc. are legally supposed to be paid for by her with the CS that you pay. Set a date (maybe one week from now) when you will no longer be providing extra diapers, etc.
I know it will be hard, but you'll have to really stick to it. That is the only way that she'll learn that she will have to budget the CS and spend it wisely. Good luck.
Xena :)

Xena,
This was the first time that this has hapened, I do not even know for certain he was out of diapers and/or she was broke. It is not beyond her to lie, in fact from experience I tend to believe most of what she says is untrue.
I do agree that what you said is probably true about the only way to handle it, but it is something I could never do. What makes it worse is that she knows it. If I was able to see where the support was going then I could say "there should still be enough money for diapers", but I would still have to buy them instead of risking my son having to wear a soiled diaper.
I guess it would realy not make to much of a diference. But it sure would be nice, even if for nothing other then a piece of mind.

And honestly... What harm or negative efect could it have? If I was reciever CS for my older two kids I would want to show her where the money was going just to show her that she was participating in an important part of thier life. And how important it was. I think this would only strengthen her will to pay it. Not to mention I am always hearing what I pay is not enough, if I saw it on paper and that it realy was not enough I would do all I could to pay more.

I realy do not see a down side to this, unless the CP has something to hide.

If you are not going to do anything different, don't worry about how your money is being spent. The system is bad off enough that it does not make women itemize what money is being spent on children. And of course, there is the fact that a roof and other provisions that have to be made for them. I am a lady and I would have no problem with showing where and how my CS is being spent, and I feel as if anyone does, they have something to hide.

Why should I not worry where my sons money is being spent?

The bottom line is that this will never happen. CS is used for the things discribed above. It is unreasonable to expect a CP to keep every receipt and keep everything separate. This would mean going to the grocery store and figuring out what food goes to the child... etc... then spliting that amount in half. The same would go for nearly everything... INCLUDING say gas for her car. Legally she can say..."ok.. took child to the doctor... it was 10 miles, half is 5, my car get 15 miles to the gallon 15 / 5= 3 so I used 1/3 of a gallon of gas... gas is 3.00 a gallon.. so there's 1$ of my child support spent" It's just not reasonable to expect.

If the child is taken care of that is all you can do and as others have suggested when she asks for things that CS covers you remind her of such. If it gets to the point where the child is not taken care of that is when you step in and ask for a change of custody.

Why should I not worry where my sons money is being spent?

I can not understand why she would need you to buy diapers if you had just paid $960 in child support, AND she works, too, so actually I can understand you wanting to know where is the money going. Have you tried just asking her to make a list to show you? Ofcourse this list would include rent, food, utilities, clothes, etc. Maybe she needs help budgeting? If this is just a one time incident, you shouldn't be alarmed, but if it starts happening on a regular basis, like every month, then you should become concerned.

Actualy it was only $480 I pay bi-monthly. She lives with her parents and does not pay rent. Most likely she had money left still. Just wanted the extra. There is no doubt that she would refuse to show me where the money goes.

Oh not to mention she recieves child support for her 1st child as well. I think she said in the $700 range. Hell if she had 1 more then she could retire.

Oh not to mention she recieves child support for her 1st child as well. I think she said in the $700 range. Hell if she had 1 more then she could retire.


I'm going to give you a little friendly advice. Let it go. You're going to make yourself very unhappy worrying with these things. Reality is that you chose her as the other parent of your child and the child is to be supported. As long as it is within the guidelines of the ordering state and she's taking care of the child then there's little you can do. Parents have a constitutional right to raise their children the way they see fit. No two people are alike and can't be expected to raise children the same way especially living in different homes. My husband and I have different ways of raising our children but living together makes it easier to compromise.

Your only recourse is that if you truly feel she's unfit and your child is not benefitting then to file for custody.

It does not work that way. If you have concerns that the child's needs are not being met with the support and proof that theya re not being met, then you can pursue that in court via contempt or modification proceedings.

I never claimed she was unfit. I just wanted to know if I could get her to show where the money was being spent. That post you responded to was in humor.

Satmike~ As a mother who has two children I will say this. I understand what you are saying to a degree. I receive child support for my oldest son and his father asked the court for the same thing because "he didn't want his money going towards things for a child that isn't his." And yes he freely stated this in the courtroom in front of the judge. His request was denied. Also take into consideration that you live in two separate states. I believe child support is based on how much time you spend with the child. Take into consideration the fact that when your son is sick and she has to take time off work to stay home with him. Or when she wants to go out and if you lived closer, you would have right of first offer but because of the distance, that's not an option.

However, I have offered to do exactly that and came up with the figures. First was rent. I live in a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom so that each child has his own bedroom and space. So I divided my rent in 8 (3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, living room, dining room and kitchen) and my oldest son's "portion" of the rent was that figure. Then I divided my light bill in thirds. As well as the phone bill and gas bill. The fun bill was the cable bill. One third of the basic cost plus half of the cost for the additional child friendly channels. Then there was the grocery bill that I almost peed on myself I was so excited. My son is 8 years old, weighs about 114 and is 5 feet tall (yes he is a big boy but his dad is 6'4 and about 275). So I split that a different way. Meats, juices etc. was divided in three. Then the cost of things like Gatorade and other things that only he eats or drinks ... full cost. Clothing was half and with the way he grows, that was no small feat. It got complicated when I got to the Target bill for items such as detergent, air freshener and other household items like that. Now that just covers basics. Then there was school tuition. Amazing how when he wasn't paying child support, private school was fine but when he had to pay for it ... it was no longer acceptable. Then there are things like the cost of gas for my car to take him to and from school and other activities. Or what about because he is so tall and he loves basketball, he wanted to go to Paul Pierce basketball camp for two weeks during the summer. Cost $300 which he didn't feel he should go half with me on.

So there are a lot of things to consider. Just food for thought and I hope that I didn't offend you :)

Take into consideration the fact that when your son is sick and she has to take time off work to stay home with him. Or when she wants to go out and if you lived closer, you would have right of first offer but because of the distance, that's not an option.


While I agree with you on the rest of your post, putting in perspective the things CS cover... I have to take issue with this portion. Taking off work because your child is sick or getting a babysitter because you want to go out.. IMO should NOT be a coverable expense... I say this because this is one of the things you accept when you take on the responsibility of custodial parent. I would not expect someone else to pay even a portion of a sitter bill that I chose to incur because I 'wanted to go out.'

I also wanted to mention something about the 'cable bill' you mention. That isn't normally covered during CS either when figuring things as that's considered a luxury. CS is to cover necessities. This is why some have added in things for sports and such.

As I stated before though, as long as it's by guidelines and the children are taken care of there's little or nothing that can be done.

I consider my time off from work something he should or could help with because HE chose to move to another state not me. So the role of custodial parent is by default. Hell he had our son for the summer and I asked him if our son could stay with him for the school year because my son had been crying for his father because he missed him. HIS terms and conditions for this were that I would have to CLOSE (I repeat CLOSE) our child support case and sign off on all arrears. Let me repeat CLOSE the case and NOT suspend the child support while our son was in his care. Going out with my friends ... I was never a party person so that's not a big deal. But what about like my high school reunion or friends birthday parties. Because he lives in another state, I had to enlist my parents as sitters which they are more than happy to oblige when they dont have something on their agenda as they are empty nesters. How many times has my son called his dad and he's dad says I'll call you back I'm at the movies or some crap like that. Last movie I saw was Madagascar. Must be nice is all I can say.

I consider my time off from work something he should or could help with because HE chose to move to another state not me. So the role of custodial parent is by default. Hell he had our son for the summer and I asked him if our son could stay with him for the school year because my son had been crying for his father because he missed him. HIS terms and conditions for this were that I would have to CLOSE (I repeat CLOSE) our child support case and sign off on all arrears. Let me repeat CLOSE the case and NOT suspend the child support while our son was in his care. Going out with my friends ... I was never a party person so that's not a big deal. But what about like my high school reunion or friends birthday parties. Because he lives in another state, I had to enlist my parents as sitters which they are more than happy to oblige when they dont have something on their agenda as they are empty nesters. How many times has my son called his dad and he's dad says I'll call you back I'm at the movies or some crap like that. Last movie I saw was Madagascar. Must be nice is all I can say.


Closed doesn't mean it can't be reopened. If your child was to stay with his dad then it should have gone through the legal channels and yes child support closed. I do disagree with forgiving the arrears owed but as far as the case closing he was correct.

Satmike~ As a mother who has two children I will say this. I understand what you are saying to a degree. I receive child support for my oldest son and his father asked the court for the same thing because "he didn't want his money going towards things for a child that isn't his." And yes he freely stated this in the courtroom in front of the judge. His request was denied. Also take into consideration that you live in two separate states. I believe child support is based on how much time you spend with the child. Take into consideration the fact that when your son is sick and she has to take time off work to stay home with him. Or when she wants to go out and if you lived closer, you would have right of first offer but because of the distance, that's not an option.

However, I have offered to do exactly that and came up with the figures. First was rent. I live in a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom so that each child has his own bedroom and space. So I divided my rent in 8 (3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, living room, dining room and kitchen) and my oldest son's "portion" of the rent was that figure. Then I divided my light bill in thirds. As well as the phone bill and gas bill. The fun bill was the cable bill. One third of the basic cost plus half of the cost for the additional child friendly channels. Then there was the grocery bill that I almost peed on myself I was so excited. My son is 8 years old, weighs about 114 and is 5 feet tall (yes he is a big boy but his dad is 6'4 and about 275). So I split that a different way. Meats, juices etc. was divided in three. Then the cost of things like Gatorade and other things that only he eats or drinks ... full cost. Clothing was half and with the way he grows, that was no small feat. It got complicated when I got to the Target bill for items such as detergent, air freshener and other household items like that. Now that just covers basics. Then there was school tuition. Amazing how when he wasn't paying child support, private school was fine but when he had to pay for it ... it was no longer acceptable. Then there are things like the cost of gas for my car to take him to and from school and other activities. Or what about because he is so tall and he loves basketball, he wanted to go to Paul Pierce basketball camp for two weeks during the summer. Cost $300 which he didn't feel he should go half with me on.

So there are a lot of things to consider. Just food for thought and I hope that I didn't offend you :)


No offense! I have a diferent opinion, but no ofense. I realise it is not a simple thing thing and I do not want a down to the penny number. I would just like to see, since she has taken away from me the enjoyment of doing these for him myself, what I am doing for him. And to make sure he is getting it. And to know when she says it is not enough if she lying or not.

As for the extra expense for living in another state... Don't you think she took that on when she ran off to Chicago with my unborn son and lied in court saying she lived there for 6 months so she could "keep me out of his life"?

If she moved to another state then yes it is on her. I feel for you dude. Don't get me wrong.

lets count half the rent because lets face it most of us don't live in a studio apt with kids we get extra rooms for them to have comfortable living spaces, food, probably most of the utilities being that I have small children and I know that while I can be in a cold house they can't, while I can be in a hot house, they can't, while I can shower at work they can't, and most of the lights in the house are t.v. they watch, music they listen too. Don't even mention, all the times we buy little things to make them happy. And lets take a lot of the gas bill for the automobile, most of my gas bill goes to taking to day care, taking to appt's, taking to outings like chuck e cheeses and the park, and going to stores for things they need. can you say that your support doesnt contribute to these things?

OK, one more time.

I DO NOT KNOW WHERE THE MONEY IS GOING...I AM NOT SAYING SHE IS BLOWING IT OR BUYING DRUGS OR ANY OTHER THING...IN NO WAY AM I SUGESTING SHE IS MISS USING THE MONEY...

What I am saying is I would like to see what I am suplying and be able to keep track so as to make sure my son I getting his money, and to know whether or she is lying when she claims it is not enough! Not to mention I have to show her where every penney i make and spend every 3 months. If I have to do it then why shouldn't she?

Sorry I should of proof read that, I am missing a few words.

But I think it would be relatively easy to know how much her rent is, and find out what average utilities are. I understand you wanting to know, but since no one can force her to it might be easier if you just ask her "nicely" in such a way that it seems as if you aren't questioning her usage, but more along the lines of you wanting to make sure that the amount is adequate/enough. She may be responsive if she feels you aren't trying to get as we ladies like to say "all up in" her business. I can tell you myself that for my almost two year old I pay 150 a week in child care, and at least a 100 on toys and activities in a month before I even think about food, clothing, and shelter.

I would not lie to her about why I want to know, for one it is not a unreasonable thing I request, and two it would make me no better then her. The reason I wanted out of the relationship was over her lies. The reason I my support is so high is because of her lies. Adding more lies is not going to make things better for my son. She would never give me any information willingly. The money for my son is not to buy him toys from her. I buy him toys from, she can buy him toys from her with her money. She does not pay rent she lives at her mothers house.

OK, one more time.

I DO NOT KNOW WHERE THE MONEY IS GOING...I AM NOT SAYING SHE IS BLOWING IT OR BUYING DRUGS OR ANY OTHER THING...IN NO WAY AM I SUGESTING SHE IS MISS USING THE MONEY...

What I am saying is I would like to see what I am suplying and be able to keep track so as to make sure my son I getting his money, and to know whether or she is lying when she claims it is not enough! Not to mention I have to show her where every penney i make and spend every 3 months. If I have to do it then why shouldn't she?

Why do you have to give an accounting every 3 months on your income and how you spend it? Is it in the court order? I've never heard of such a thing being ordered, so I'm really curious.
Xena

It's not court ordered, to my knowledge anyway. But every quarter my work gets subpoenaed for my income and I have to fill out this form from DCS as to showing how much I spend on everything from haircuts to recreation. I am not sure if she is behind it or if it is a automatic thing DCS does. She claims not to be behind it. I also keep getting threats that they are gona suspend my passport and DL for CS I am suposed to behind on. I have sent them proof that I am not in arears, well not as much as they say, and that I pay an extra $160 a month towards them. i also showed them that I am never late and never miss a payment. I also showed them where I pay more then what the state of Il. requires as base CS.

It's not court ordered, to my knowledge anyway. But every quarter my work gets subpoenaed for my income and I have to fill out this form from DCS as to showing how much I spend on everything from haircuts to recreation. I am not sure if she is behind it or if it is a automatic thing DCS does. She claims not to be behind it. I also keep getting threats that they are gona suspend my passport and DL for CS I am suposed to behind on. I have sent them proof that I am not in arears, well not as much as they say, and that I pay an extra $160 a month towards them. i also showed them that I am never late and never miss a payment. I also showed them where I pay more then what the state of Il. requires as base CS.

There is something VERY VERY wrong with this. First- NO ONE- not even DCS can legally serve a subpoena for info UNLESS there is a hearing pending. Second, any time a subpoena is served, you have the legal right to object. which you should do. For them to do this every 3 months is not only harrassing, I believe it is illegal for a state agency to do.

Are there any hearings pending? Well, even if there is, the next time you get the papers, write on them that you gave info 3 months ago, that you object to answering any more questions, that it is harrassment and an invasion of your privacy. If there isn't any hearing pending on finances, you can simply write that the info is legally irrelevant as nothing is pending in court.

Don't let them bully you and control your life anymore. As long as you are paying, if they want info, force them to take you to court to get a judge to order you to give the info. Under the circumstances, it is VERY doubtful that a Judge would order you to.
Xena

Satmike, Why is DCS involved in your case? Were the children removed from the mom and in between her house and yours in state's custody for any time?

Sorry wrong acro. Il. state child support is the where the subpoena's come from. The ex say's it is done automaticaly.

Also...
I work with D.O.D. and frequently I am in dangerous areas and recieve hazard pay. She claims Il. is going to recalculate my CS to reflect the hazard pay as income. That would put my CS at $4800 a month. I have been told that she can't tuch anything other then my base salary? I have plans for that money, i am not being cheap or greedy or what have ya. I have 3 kids to put threw colledge and I would like to buy a house. Not to mention it is temporary money, there is no way to even guess how much hazard I would get per year. Does anyone know how this works?

Illinois Child Support is determined by HOW MUCH YOU MAKE, not HOW MUCH SHE SPENDS (or how she spends it).

She does not have to explain or show you how or IF she spends the child support each week. She may not be spending it at all, she may be putting it in an account for your childs college, etc.

Even if she does spend it, legally there is no obligation to prove how she spends it. The only time this would be an issue is IF you can prove she is not providing for the child in which the court would find a neglectful manner.

Do you think your child is not being provided for? If you think your child IS being provided for...just thank her for doing a good job raising your child and stop complaining or acting like she owes you something.

I have a little more insight on why your income information is being subpeonea ever 3 months. My ex was behind $41,000. He was court ordered finally this time to provide me with copies of his income every 3 months. He has a 30 day contempt of court charge with it stayed unless he does the things the Judge laid out for him to do. One of them was provide me with a copy of his income every 3 months because he would quit jobs and get a new one and the whole process would have to be done again to find his job, then start garnishing his wages. He caused the contempt charges and the extra having to toe the line because of being a very irresponsible father. He was furious that he had to follow the rules and it was going to be inforced. From your own admittance you do owe back child support. You said you didn't in one of your posts and then added well it is not as much as they say it is. So your wages are being checked every 3 months probably because of what you have not been doing like being a responsible parent and now you want everything itemized from her. I think and if you are honest with yourself you are very upset that she can see what you make and what your expenses are and you cannot do the same with her expenses. I would suggest that you caused all this looking at your income and expenses yourself by not paying and now it really gets to you. I am not saying this mean, I am just trying to make a point. You say why can't you see where the money is going but then later you say it doesn't really matter. You know there is more to do in life than worry about the cost of diapers or where each dollar goes.

I do owe back child support not because of not paying tho. I pay every week on time not so much as a day late. I do not think my son is going without, I feel he is not getting all his money tho. I would in no way call her a good mother. She does everything she can to keep my son from me and uses him as a tool or weapon to get at me. I do want to know where the money goes, and yes you are right it is based on my income not what our son needs. IF you read my posts you will see this is jusy one of the many faults iI see with the way CS is handled. She lied in court to nail me with the back CS and the not as much as they say part is due to Il. not giving me credit for money I payed cash when CS was first ordered. I have a receipt and am trying to get credit for it. IF you were a father paying support you would know how hard it is to get anyone to answer the phone let alone help you.


You may not have meant it mean, but to me it came off very condescending... I wish you would read the rest of my post to know the whole story, I do not have enough time now to write it all.

i do not know where you non-custodial parents get off...the money is NOT the childs money it is SUPPORT (support materially or financially, the activity of providing for or maintaining by supplying with money or necessities)...your EX does not have to prove to you what she spends the money on..if your child has a roof over his head (rather she lives with her parents or not), food in his mouth, a form of transportation to and from his destinations (dr, etc.), clothing on his back...than you should not question her...and rather she gets support from another man has nothing to do with your child support...

i am not saying i take her side, my ex asked the same question...what i am saying is DO NOT question this...it will only cause you problems...think of your child...what you need to do (like to other person said) tell her NO...if she can not support a child on 9??.00 bi-monthly there is a problem with her BUDGET... just tell her NO tell her to learn to BUDGET

I wish you all the luck and remember to think of your child 1st...that child should come 1st...money can be replaced but a child can not... love them while you can they all grow up way to fast

"Where do we get off" I can not speak for all of us NCP's but I will voice my opinion! I am sick of people, like you, Who think of us as nothing more then a paycheck. It is my son's money. It is not 9?? bi-monthly, it is $940 a month. I am NOT trying to get out of anything, I am just trying to make sure he is getting everything he needs. If you or any other person recieving child support is nervous or concerned about the other parent, you know the one who is paying support, knowing if the CS is actualy going to thier child instead of drugs or alcohol or whatever, then maybee you have something to hide. You can't even comprehend that a parent wanting to know where the CS is being spent is a responsible parent, they are looking out for thier child. All you see is some kind malicious activity. You think "how dare they question where I spend my money". Get over your self... It is about the children they are not your tool to hurt your X, they are not a weapon to use against him/her. You need to get over what ever they did to you or think they did to you.


I wish your children luck...

I know I am going to catch hell over, just remember I am a custodial parent as well. And if I was recieving support I would gladly show her where every dime goes.

For your information...I do not think of my child as a paycheck...my daughter is 10 years old an dI have raised her by myself for 8 of those 10 years I just started recieving support when my x married his 3rd wife and she made him pay so DO not go there with me... I was just stating that you have no right to ask your childs mother to prove of where the money you are INTITLED to give her to support your child Sorry if I have offended you any...

Have a Happy Holiday

Why? Why do I not have the right to know if my son is not being taken care of with the money I provide? Why do you think you think it is so evil that I even ask? WHy is it that no what a NCP ask's for is looked at like there is no good reason? If the courts and the CP has nothig to hide then why??? Give me a good reason not to show where our money is going... Show me it is not in our childrens best interest to know and I will shut up......

Why? Why do I not have the right to know if my son is not being taken care of with the money I provide? Why do you think you think it is so evil that I even ask? WHy is it that no what a NCP ask's for is looked at like there is no good reason? If the courts and the CP has nothig to hide then why??? Give me a good reason not to show where our money is going... Show me it is not in our childrens best interest to know and I will shut up......

Your original question was if you can make her show how much she spends and the legal answer is 'NO'. The reason why the answer is 'NO' is because your child support was determined on how much you make, not how much she needs. If she only needs $200 to take care of the baby, it doesn't make a difference. You have to pay the amount ordered regardless of how much it costs her. IL has decided that if you two were together, that would be the baby's portion of your paycheck. If you want to argue about it, then you are arguing with the wrong people.

I'll show you that it is not in your child's best interest for you to know, just so you will 'shut up' (as you called it). If you knew where every exact penny went you would moan and groan about how much she spends on the diapers, baby food, babysitters, clothing and what she does with what is left over (if any). Exactly what you would be doing if you were still together, but you're not so it really isn't any of your business. It would just give you something else to complain about. Next you would be crying that she buys the expensive diapers instead of the half price ones that leak the minute the are on the baby's bottom. Then you would be telling her where she needs the buy the diapers to save on gas or because the diapers are always on sale at a certain store. I think this is a control issue with you, not a money issue.

As for looking at a child as a paycheck...gosh, I never thought of it that way. How much do you get paid for being a father? mother? We would need to determine that first because the way I see it, if she is the custodial parent, she is doing your 'father' job for the better part of the month.
Let me type this all out for you. Lets say if the baby is a paycheck, both the mother and the father get $1 an hour each for taking care of it. 24hoursX$2....That baby is now worth a $48 paycheck everyday. Not very much, is it? That is a lot of work every hour for just $1, isn't it?

Only, wait, the mother is doing the father AND the mother job all by herself most of the time because more than likely, you only do your 'father' job every other weekend.

So say there is an average of 30 days in a month (30dayX$48=$1,440) with the custodial mother doing both the parents job 26 days (26daysX$48=$1,248) and you doing both the parents job 4 days (4daysX$48=$192).

Now, because we both know that the baby doesn't really have any money you will be paying the fathers payroll and the mother will be paying the mothers payroll because that is how it works in real life anyway.

The custodial parents 'baby' paycheck is $1,248. Divide that by 2 because half of that she is paying to herself for doing her mother job and you get $624 left that YOU owe HER for doing YOUR father job for 26 days out of the month.

The non-custodial parents 'baby' paycheck is $192. Divide that by 2 because half of that you are just paying yourself for doing your job and you get $96 left that SHE owes YOU for doing HER mother job for 4 days out of the month.

So you now owe her $624 and she owes you $96. That balances out to $528 per month.

Just in case you aren't following me, the $528 is the amount YOU need to pay HER for doing YOUR job every month of raising YOUR child at the rate of $1 an hour. This does NOT include electric, gas, food, water, insurance, diapers or clothing.

My gosh, I never thought of it that way. I need to get a hold of the closest lawyer!! I am getting ripped off!! In fact, I have been doing HIS 'father' job for 11 years straight. Too bad for me (but good for you) that there is no such thing as a 'baby' paycheck and that nobody looks at it that way.

Maybe instead of complaining about how much you have to pay in child support you should be thanking her for how much you don't have to pay when she is doing your 'father' job 26 days out of the month for FREE!!

BTW, you might want to get your lies straight because first you said she 'took off to Chicago' but then you said that you 'wanted out of the relationship because of her lies'. It really confused me at first but now it's pretty clear now what happened.

Or, perhaps you should get the court itself to give you that $528 a month since it was the court that decided dad could only do his "father" job 4 days a month and you have to do the "father" job the other 26 - 27 days per month when they awarded the mother custody and relegated dad to an every other weekend parent?

Contrary to popular societal belief not every NCP out there only wants to be a parent 4 days a month. Sure... there are some that don't want any of the responsibility at all, but that by no means should conclude that ALL NCP's don't. Say the NCP asks for more days than just that 4 every month. Would the CP allow it? Again, some do... but some don't. "Follow the court order" is a phrase heard around the globe.

So tell me 3angels, with your scenario you broke down above, if dad had custody for 15 days a month and mom had custody 15 days a month how much would dad owe mom for doing his "father" duties for those 15 days and how much would mom then owe dad for doing her "mother" duties for those 15 days? Seems like it would pretty much break even, eh? NO child support for either one since they are doing their mother and father duties equally.

If you want to place blame on anyone for making you do the "father" job for 26 days out of the month, place it where it belongs; on the court that "awarded" you that designation. Dad's only doing his "father" job for 4 days a month because the court said that's all he could do it.

And before anyone gets their knickers in a twist, I realize that some NCP's don't even want the 4 days a month and are deadbeats, just like there are deadbeat CP's out there. I'm using generic "you"s and "dad"s in my post and not directing it to anyone in particular except for the part about breaking down what mom does 26 days a month as opposed to 4 days a month, which is directed towards 3angels.

3Angels, I don't have enough time to respond right now because I'm leaving Kuwait to go home and spend time with my children that live with me. Rest assure their will be a thurough response to that hater of the NCP reply of yours.

I wonder what would you do if your X asked for a few more day's with his children?

So tell me 3angels, with your scenario you broke down above, if dad had custody for 15 days a month and mom had custody 15 days a month how much would dad owe mom for doing his "father" duties for those 15 days and how much would mom then owe dad for doing her "mother" duties for those 15 days? Seems like it would pretty much break even, eh? NO child support for either one since they are doing their mother and father duties equally.

Yes!! I totally agree with you!! If they are totally sharing the responsiblity 50/50 than no child support and no 'baby' paycheck should be owed. Keep in mind I am not only talking about the 'baby' paycheck ($1 an hour for just taking care of the baby) but the child support also. I created a difference there.

I totally agree that not all NCP only want to see their children 4 days a month. I totally feel sorry for the fathers who want to see their children more often and aren't able to. I was just offering a different point of view to help him deal with it. With him living in FL (or now it's Kuwait) and her in IL, we both know who is doing all the work. ;) satmike has stated no problem when/how often he gets to see his son.

And satmike....if my X asked to finally see his son (which he hasn't done in 4 years), I would have no problem with it. Our order was created 11 years ago and it is actually stated that he gets our son EVERY WEEK FOR 3 FULL DAYS because our son was 3 at the time. He also has rights to him for 1 FULL MONTH in the summer. It is stated that way because I told the judge I would have no problem with it. How much luck do you think I have had enforcing his visitation? Don't you think it's my son's right to see his father at least that much? Too bad, I can't make him be a father.

hello

I was wondering how your order was figured under IL cs law when you live in Florida? Did you just move there from IL? Florida would have had jurisdiction over your support order under most circumstances.

I agree that there should be some accounting of how mom spends money especially if she lives at home with mom and dad. 900 a month is absurd for one child but unfortunately the higher the child support order is the more money the state makes in federal matching funds. Does this include daycare I would hope so any way.

Do not send her any extra under any circumstances. She won't appreciate it and will only keep asking for more.

I hope you get to claim the child on your tax return and if you do not you should immediately request this from the court because you definitely provide over half the childs income.



rini

Here's something that I personally tell many people when they ask about parenting schedules and "is what I'm wanting him/her to have fair?". Mind you, this is for situations where both parents are fit, both parents are involved/want to be involved, no issues of abuse, neglect, etc. that have been proven....

Put the shoe on the other foot. If YOU were the one being offered that same amount of time with your child, would YOU be happy and content with it? If not, then why in the world would you expect the other parent to be?

And of course, you can never force a parent to BE a parent or even WANT to be a parent. So, if they have the child for X days per year and say "Screw it, I don't want the time" they're hurting no one but the child. Those type of parents get no sympathy in my eyes. Extenuating circumstances, I can see (like being deployed in the military, job travel that can't be avoided and they have to miss time, etc.). However to just pretty much say "Screw it" to the parenting time they do get? Nah... they can take a long walk off a short pier.

Here's something that I personally tell many people when they ask about parenting schedules and "is what I'm wanting him/her to have fair?". Mind you, this is for situations where both parents are fit, both parents are involved/want to be involved, no issues of abuse, neglect, etc. that have been proven....

Put the shoe on the other foot. If YOU were the one being offered that same amount of time with your child, would YOU be happy and content with it? If not, then why in the world would you expect the other parent to be?

And of course, you can never force a parent to BE a parent or even WANT to be a parent. So, if they have the child for X days per year and say "Screw it, I don't want the time" they're hurting no one but the child. Those type of parents get no sympathy in my eyes. Extenuating circumstances, I can see (like being deployed in the military, job travel that can't be avoided and they have to miss time, etc.). However to just pretty much say "Screw it" to the parenting time they do get? Nah... they can take a long walk off a short pier.
We totally strayed from the subject but....
I did put the shoe on the other foot. I gave my X the ability to spend as much time as I was with our son. Willingly!! He didn't even ask for any time. He could of cared less. I did it in hope that he would take advantage of it. He also had a son from a previous marriage that he terminated his rights on so he 'wouldn't have to pay child support' (his own words).

My X is the classic deadbeat, I'm telling you. You don't even know half of it. After 11 years of him not having anything to do with our son, I hate the guy. How can a parent just walk away from their child?? :confused: You would think that if they aren't going to pay regular child support, they would at least try and be a part of the child's life...right? Nope, not this one. Out of sight is out of mind for him.

I totally love my 'baby' paycheck idea. I could easily prove to a judge that my X doesn't want to have anything to do with him. As far as I am concerned, they could cancel all child support. I want a 'baby' paycheck for now on. If my X wants to start spending 50/50 time with our son, then he wouldn't owe me a penny from now on. See where I am coming from Whyte?

I love the thought of 50/50 split means NO Child Support! But that "ain't" the case here............ My husband and I have my step daughter 50/50 share with her mom We pay her mom 500.00 child support because she is legally the CP and we are legally the NCP there are some cases were no one claims CP or NCP... we pay CS on top of every expense that goes along with having another child in the home 50% of month............
I would love to see how mom spends our 500.00 a month because it is not on my step daughter. This is the 5 month in a row that I have gone to daycare to pick up my step daughter and they have told me that mom has not paid day care on time and that she can not come back until day care is paid on full........... whenever my step daughter wants something her mom tells her to ask "her father" Mom will admit she tells her daughter that......my step daughter never receives a birthday or christmas present from her mom .....mom never pays her half of the dance dues every mom so SD is not allowed back at dance until we pay for it ...the list goes on and on............ I would love to see what she spends her CS on...........but i already know it goes up her nose every month......little white dust

You wrote:
I pay about 33% of my income for my 19 month old son.
Why are you paying 33% of your income when it is 20% for one child in Illinois? No you can not force her into itemizing what she spends the child support on. As long as your son has a roof over his head and his basic needs are being met that is all that is required by law.

We totally strayed from the subject but....
I did put the shoe on the other foot. I gave my X the ability to spend as much time as I was with our son. Willingly!! He didn't even ask for any time. He could of cared less. I did it in hope that he would take advantage of it. He also had a son from a previous marriage that he terminated his rights on so he 'wouldn't have to pay child support' (his own words).

My X is the classic deadbeat, I'm telling you. You don't even know half of it. After 11 years of him not having anything to do with our son, I hate the guy. How can a parent just walk away from their child?? :confused: You would think that if they aren't going to pay regular child support, they would at least try and be a part of the child's life...right? Nope, not this one. Out of sight is out of mind for him.

I totally love my 'baby' paycheck idea. I could easily prove to a judge that my X doesn't want to have anything to do with him. As far as I am concerned, they could cancel all child support. I want a 'baby' paycheck for now on. If my X wants to start spending 50/50 time with our son, then he wouldn't owe me a penny from now on. See where I am coming from Whyte?

I do see what you're saying and I totally agree with you about the deadbeat parent part. I just disagree that only having your child 4 days a month somehow means that you owe "more" and aren't doing your "duty". In some cases, it's not the NCP's fault they only have 4 days a month, that's all a judge "allowed" them and that's what the CP sticks to religiously without wanting to budge an inch. In other cases, it's not possible geographically to have more time.

I see my children 4 times a year. He lives in Georgia, I live in Tennessee. It's a 9 hour one-way trip. My ex and I have a split custody plan; he has physical custody of 2, I have physical custody of 1 and we have joint legal on all 3. There is no child support ordered. We take care of the children in our custody. Insurance premiums are the responsibility of whomever has custody of the child to be insured, uninsured medical is split 50/50. I get my youngest 2 every other Christmas and Thanksgiving, all of summer break every other year, and all of Spring Break very other year. My ex gets our oldest the same way. All 3 children are together on major holidays and during the entire summer this way. According to your "baby paycheck" theory neither me nor my ex is pulling our weight. Even though we live 600 miles apart almost I still talk to my kids every week and haven't given up on them at all... I just don't spend the time with them that I'd like to. I may be an NCP, but I don't shirk my responsibilites at all. I'm also a CP with the same ex I'm an NCP with, and don't shirk those responibilites either. I live on both sides of the fence I guess you could say, so I see it from each side. Just because I'm not there with them all the time though doesn't mean I'm not parenting or contributing.

I go tomorrow to meet him halfway for our exchange. My children's Christmas is under the tree, I even gave my daughter money to buy Christmas for her dad, stepmom, and stepbrothers. My ex hasn't even bought our daughter the first Christmas present. He's waiting until we exchange again on the 2nd of January to get hers. It's not that he didn't have the money to get her anything... but "I forgot" and now he doesn't have the money. He has to wait until his dad sends him HIS Christmas money to buy for our daughter. So yeah... I know how you feel in dealing with a parent that just doesn't "get it".

And yeah, we did get off-topic. Sorry satmike and hope you had a safe holiday trip home!

You wrote:
I pay about 33% of my income for my 19 month old son.
Why are you paying 33% of your income when it is 20% for one child in Illinois? No you can not force her into itemizing what she spends the child support on. As long as your son has a roof over his head and his basic needs are being met that is all that is required by law.

He mentioned arrears and that he pays more than the base amount:

I also keep getting threats that they are gona suspend my passport and DL for CS I am suposed to behind on. I have sent them proof that I am not in arears, well not as much as they say, and that I pay an extra $160 a month towards them. i also showed them that I am never late and never miss a payment. I also showed them where I pay more then what the state of Il. requires as base CS.

Actualy you are wrong! I have mentioned how little she lets me see my son. Maybee you should read up a little before making a statement like that. I do need help coping with not knowing where the money is going. I just asked a question, and no one yet has given any good reason why a NCP who pays has no right to know if thier child is being taken care of.

You've already said that you think your son IS being taken care of...thats where the sympathy ends. If he IS being taken care of, you should be thankful and let it go - you sound like a control freak. You might be surprised how powerful it is to be able to let go. I'm not saying let go of your son but of petty matters that will eat you alive. If you said he was NOT being provided for, I could understand but I asked earlier and you answered that you do think he is being taken care of properly. Beyond that it is not your place to control your ex. Get some peace my friend and focus on the positive aspects of your relationship with your son and your ex. If there are none, find some.

I do think he is not going without anything he needs to survive. That is regaurdless to my point which has nothing to do with control. As his father it is my responsibility, as well as hers, to make sure he always has what he needs. I provide more then enough money for his needs. My responsibility does not end there. After all just giving her the money does not mean it goes to him. If you read back on the posts you see that the last time I saw him she said he was out of diapers and had no money to get them and bottles etc. I took her and purchased what she said he needed. She should not have been that situation. This is when I decided I wanted to know where the money was going. She says the 960 is not enough. I have raised 2 children already I do not understand why she needs me to buy diapers just a few days after she has recieved CS payment. A few days ago she asked if I could give her January's payment before Xmas. I have not given it to her yet. I understand Xmas adds extra cost, but I am woried where she will get money for January needs.

Once again, not everything a NCP wats is for a malicious reason. And as well what harm could it possibly do to show a parent where thier CS goes? If there is nothing to hide that is? Do you pay a telephone bill blindly? Electric? Cell phone?

You wrote:
I pay about 33% of my income for my 19 month old son.
Why are you paying 33% of your income when it is 20% for one child in Illinois? No you can not force her into itemizing what she spends the child support on. As long as your son has a roof over his head and his basic needs are being met that is all that is required by law.

She lied in court about my income and I pay 160 extra towards arears. But the actual Cs is 31% of my base salary. I was not exagerating before I just guessed at it. It is supposed to 20% you are right.

I have not wanted to reply to this but I think that since you asked for help on knowing why you shouldn't know where cs is going. Have you ever run over your budget before? Maybe your son needed something extra that went over your ex's budget. Maybe he grew out of all of his clothes at the same time. Maybe he had a cold and she needed to buy over the counter medicine. I have kids and just when you blink they need something else. Does that make sense? Well sometimes things just come up and there is too much month at the end of the money. If you never get that way you are one of the lucky ones. If every once in awhile you have to help extra that is just a feather in your cap and you are blessed that you can help extra. That is something to be proud of. I have a daughter who is very good at budgeting and is very careful of where every penny goes. She was never married to her son's Father. I would never have thought he would have been this way but he always pays his son's cs. He pays day care. He has even called her to ask if they have enough food, etc. He has helped out extra because it is his son and yes some of that food went to my daughter. But he did not complain about it. He was mature at age 25 to see the whole picture.
I have not got on this site for awhile and I was surprised how you are still on the subject of wanting to know where every penny of cs goes. I was obsessed with my things my ex was doing or not doing and it really was eating me up. I have finally gotten over it. I just tell myself I don't need to worry about what I was obsessing about and kept at it and I am so much happier and relaxed.
If your ex. wants the cs early and you can do that then what would it hurt if you did pay it early? If it makes things happier for your son then isn't that what you want? You want to know why you shouldn't know where cs is going. Well give yourself the gift of peace in your life. You will not be able to know where it is going. No matter how much you complain you still will not know where it is going. You cannot do anything about it. Every time you think about this it is like you punching a brick wall. The wall does not get hurt but your hand pretty soon is a bloody mess and hurts. That is what this is doing to your heart and your spirit. Every time you think about this just say I let it go. This if for you. What good is it to keep 'punching the brick wall.' By the way that was nice of you to go and get the diapers and bottles. Good luck on this.

Ok I have already ready stated this in this posts, but here we go again. I am not trying to keep tabs on her I was only asking if it was posible and only because I want to make sure my son has what he needs. Why is it so hard for some people to understand I want to make sure my son is OK. I can not believe so many have tried to make this into a way I trieng to keep tabs on her. I did not aks if was possible to make her show where she spends every penny she makes. I just wanted to know if the money I provided for my son was actualy going for him, was it enough, does he need more, etc.

I am not loosing sleep at night over this, I just wanted to know.

And as for the unexpected expenses, I am well aware they are frequent with children. I do however expect that she should put away all the extra CS each month for just this kinda thing or for his schooling maybee. I asked her why she had CS left and simply said she did not get enough. Nothing as to any illness I was not aware. My son has not had any recient grouth spurt to put him out of clothing either. I know she recieves more then enough CS for my son, and I have ofered her before when she claims it is not enough to show me in reciepts this is true and I would provide what extra money was needed. If the 960 is truley not enough she would have shown me, but since she refused to show reciepts or even make a breakdown of what she needed then I can only asume she was lying.

I do not owe her a paycheck, I am not obligated to pay her bills. I am proud to provide for my son, be it CS or however. I just want to make sure that is what I am doing and that he is being taken care of. If anyone else thinks that this makes me a bad person or father or thinks I do not have the right to even ask then I do not know what to say. I love my son, I worry about him and I want the best for him. Whatever your opinion of me and what I feel I need to do to take care of him, is not going to change my mind. Not until someone can give me a ligit reason or explanation as how my knowledge of where the CS i provide goes is going to hurt my son. So far no has even come close.

And to the person who wrote claiming I owe my X money for doing my job as a father... A mother can a father no more then a father can be a mother. I am not the one who moved, she ran off with my son before he was even born fearing i would get custody of him.

Your question was "Can I make her show how she spends the child support". I think you have your answer. It has been very clearly stated as...NO.

If you don't like it, don't be mad at the responders, you could always contact your state government but I think you have received the answer you were looking for stated in many different ways but all saying the same thing.

If you are paying child support to a custodial parent who is taking care of your child, thats all you need to know in the eyes of the law. If you need more, than you would need to fight for custody or get remarried to the childs mother so you can be more involved with how its being spent. Until then, you have no rights to her accounting specifics. ;)

Good luck.

The way it will hurt your son to keep going on this issue is by stressing the Mom out. No one will ever be able to give you an answer that will satisify you. There is not one that will satisify you because you want it your way on this issue. I am sorry you are not understanding what everyone is saying. It is great that you care about your son so much. Why should his Mom have to go to lots of extra work to write down everything if you truly do care that your son has enough. You don't understand it is not your right or your priveledge to have an accounting of this. It will not change. So why do you keep going on. Everyone is telling you that you are wasting your time and energy on a dead horse but you still don't get it.

Sorry to keep this thread going and beating a dead horse to death, but I felt like I needed to give my opinion on this.
I understand that there are two sides to this issue. Those who pay CS and those who receive it. I am on the paying side of this issue. We pay our CS every month, never been late. I understand that this money does not directly go to the child. (It doesn't go into some bank account where she will receive it many years from now). It goes toward a life similiar to one that she leads at our house( nice clothes, nice things, bill paid etc etc etc) But what kinda of urks those of us paying CS are those months where we pay CS on the first and on the 5th the CP calls needing us to pay daycare that month because she doesn't have any money or our step daughter needs her school lunch account paid off and the ex doesn't have any money to do that.... These are the things that set me off on this issue....... We pay our CS on the first and almost every month if not every other month, day care will call us on the 5th to let us know that my step daughter can not return until the bill has been paid for.....What did our CS go for???????????????? One month ex called and wanted the CS early because her cell phone was getting ready to be cut off due to non-payment. So she spent most of her money on a cell phone bill that month....How did that benefit our step-daughter?? I feel like we pay the ex's bills every month......we are very very generous with our money towards my step-daughter, outside of CS. We pay 100% for most things we are not required to pay for and do it because if we didn't our step-daughter wouldn't have anything or do anything outside of school...
I don't want husband's ex to itemize her bills to us or inform us of how she spends the money. Actions speak louder than words and the daycare situation is a good example of how my stepdaughter suffers when CS is not spent the way it is intended... But I can not control the way she spends it. We have to pay it and we do.... My step daughter sees the difference in her two houses.......one struggles and one doesn't.... I hate it that her mom struggles and wishes she didn't, but she gets 550.00 of my money every month and still can't make it work.......we have my step daughter 50% of the time and feel like we are doing her a huge favor not taking her back to court to the the CS decreased or even stopped....Her mom would be homeless if we did that and that would only hurt my step daughter.....
I really don't understand why $$ has to be involved........I know that my case is a little different than most we have 50% 50% visitation and still pay CS I guess that makes me a little bitter towards the fact that we pay and pay and pay much more than mom does AND She still receives CS............ Why can't each party pay for what the child needs at the respectable houses and split the big bills, like medical and daycare.......why does one party have to feel bitter toward paying and the other party feel like the money is never enough........?
In our case she caused the divorce, leads a horrible life, no morals or family values and she ( not the child) is the one who is ended up getting 20% of my husband's income every month...How fair is that???

Ok, are you an atourney in Il.?

I do not know where the money is going, I have no clue if she is spending it on drugs or anything else. I do know that it does not take $960 a month to take care of a 19 month old boy. In fact I do not spend that much on raisning my 2 teenage children. I also know that I should not have to buy my son diapers 3 days after she recieced the support because she was broke and he was out.

960 a month for one child :confused: That's absolutely ridiculous!!

I strongly urge you to appeal that decision and get that child support cut in half. I can tell you right now that you are getting played by the system and the mother of your child. Father's have rights too you know...

check out this website....you'll be glad that you did

www.childsupportsavings.com

Illinois Child Support is determined by HOW MUCH YOU MAKE, not HOW MUCH SHE SPENDS (or how she spends it).

She does not have to explain or show you how or IF she spends the child support each week. She may not be spending it at all, she may be putting it in an account for your childs college, etc.

Even if she does spend it, legally there is no obligation to prove how she spends it. The only time this would be an issue is IF you can prove she is not providing for the child in which the court would find a neglectful manner.

Do you think your child is not being provided for? If you think your child IS being provided for...just thank her for doing a good job raising your child and stop complaining or acting like she owes you something.

Yeah that's it....Just bend over and take it in the rear like a lot of men with vindictive ex's always do. :rolleyes: Please, Don't fault the man for inquiring where his hard earned money is going. He's actually "inquiring" and not complaining as you put it.

as long as the children have proper clothing and food on the table she is using the money correctly. Why do you have such a concern were this money is going?

Well, you must not have to pay someone 20% of your income and still have them ask you for more every month.....Just call us the bank of NCP's

Yeah but sometimes people have to realize when they are with are custodial parent full time that there are spure of the momet things they need that not always does child support cover and if you are not an active parent in there life it is hard for the other parent to get by. It does take tow parents to raise kids equally!

I hear you! We have my Step Daughter 50% of time and we pay CS! AND we pay for dance, school lunches, school supplies, and every spur of the moment thing that arrises... MOm says that she can't afford those things and CS is not suppose to pay for the extra's............. Mom says that since her father and I have a two income house that my step-daughter is suppose to ask us for all the extras that arrise........................... I agree that it does take two parents to raise a child equally.............in this case we see the child 50% of the time, pay CS every month and pay A LOT more a month than the person who receives the CS on the child every month...no equallity here.....