My step-son, 13, lives 50 miles from my husband and I in California. My husband has joint custody (on paper) and his ex-wife has had physical custody of him since they divorced 10 years ago. My husband has paid support, done every other weekend and a couple of summer weeks... for the past 10 years. Unfortunately, we are somewhat at her mercy for his academic, health, and authoritative care and guidance but we've dealt with it to maintain stability etc. My step-son would VERY much like to live with us full-time and we want him with us even more. We're pretty sure that asking for custody amicably with my husband's ex-wife will come back to us as the "over my dead body" response. Both parents are remarried, both have good stable households. My step-son is starting to act out a bit at his mom's including stealing, lying, grades, and getting into trouble. We know this is probably partially his way of trying to get "kicked out" of his mom's house. We condone this behavior and have explained this to our son. If my ex-wife won't let him move, what should be our next step? We're pretty sure my husband's son really needs his dad these days full-time. Any advice or past experiences would be a huge help. Thanks.

My step-son, 13, lives 50 miles from my husband and I in California. My husband has joint custody (on paper) and his ex-wife has had physical custody of him since they divorced 10 years ago. My husband has paid support, done every other weekend and a couple of summer weeks... for the past 10 years. Unfortunately, we are somewhat at her mercy for his academic, health, and authoritative care and guidance but we've dealt with it to maintain stability etc. My step-son would VERY much like to live with us full-time and we want him with us even more. We're pretty sure that asking for custody amicably with my husband's ex-wife will come back to us as the "over my dead body" response. Both parents are remarried, both have good stable households. My step-son is starting to act out a bit at his mom's including stealing, lying, grades, and getting into trouble. We know this is probably partially his way of trying to get "kicked out" of his mom's house. We condone this behavior and have explained this to our son. If my ex-wife won't let him move, what should be our next step? We're pretty sure my husband's son really needs his dad these days full-time. Any advice or past experiences would be a huge help. Thanks.

I should pipe up here and add that this is my son we are talking about, and we DO NOT condone this behaviour. I made it very clear to him today that this is a very bad way to try to get to come live with us.

OK I'm confused. Two different user names, talking about the same situation? :confused:

Anyway, the NCP can file for a modification of custody. At age 13 the court will probably allow the child to express his wishes and reasons, BUT the decision will be based on what the Judge feels is best for the child.
Xena

OK I'm confused. Two different user names, talking about the same situation? :confused:

Anyway, the NCP can file for a modification of custody. At age 13 the court will probably allow the child to express his wishes and reasons, BUT the decision will be based on what the Judge feels is best for the child.
Xena

Sorry...Dgriffith is my wife, Denni. She posted up, but forgot to include "do not" in her sentece, implying that we condone my son's current behvior in an attempt to get kicked out. I absolutely do not condone it.

I can totally sympathize with your situation, however I was on the other end of the situation. My son who is a very smart young man, did the same thing to me. He went from having really wonderful grades to.... C's and D's. A nice, sweet and caring person to a hateful mean spirited kid. He was able to see his dad once or twice a year. We live in California and his dad in Minnesota. My son one day asked to live with his dad. His dad asked me too. I of course said " NO WAY " Finally after talking it over with my Husband we came to the realization that "my baby" needed to be with his dad. So far it has been almost 2 yrs since he moved and he is now 15 1/2 I see him on holidays and summer. He will be moving back home after his sophomore year. Thankfully,He is back to the same kid. His grades have improved and he has a part time job. Now I wish that I could tell you that everything is fine with his dad. That is something that is a work in progress. We all want what is best for our kids. I wish I could tell you that asking his mom will be easy. It won't hurt to ask. Good luck

Go to court and seek modification of custody based on the child's behavior and ytour belief it is in the childs best interest to be with his father during this part of his development into a young man. You may have to give the mother a break on support but it is about the best interest of the child.

This is just my opinion but if the young man is acting up just so he can move with his Dad that is very sad. If he does come and live with you because of this he has learned that he can manipulate and get his way. This is very serious. I think you need to say to him that if he can clean up his act then you will consider talking to his Mom about this. This may lead to worse things in the future or it may not. I think (still my opinion) that you need to keep laying down the law with him and back up the Mom. I feel in the long run you will have a very happy and well adjusted young adult and that is what you all want, isn't it? I am coming from a place where my ex. wanted custody and tried every trick in the book to get the kids. I had already had them by myself for 5 years and did pretty much everything by myself with major interference by their father. I did not block any visitation but he manipulated them every chance he got to get them to act up at our home. This was his wife"s third marriage and on one of the previous marriages she had 3 step children and when she divorced their father she lied and got custody of his children. She made sure the father was out of the picture after that. I knew if my ex. got custody they would do everything to get me and keep me out of the picture. We do not get along because he does not want to. So 9 years later I am still doing this on my own.
It sounds like you are involved in your son's life in a very positive way. Just from my point of view it tears a Mom's heart out when she has done all the work since they were babies and it is like she is now being a throw away parent.