I was just curious, what am I supposed to do about my ex-husbands wife who is a real nightmare to deal with. I have an order saying that i dont have to deal directly with her, but when I am on the telephone with my kids, she is listening in on the conversation and hangs up if she thinks Ive said something she doesnt like. I can her yelling in the background and my daughter trying to stick up for me, its total heartbreak knowing that my daughter has to be a witness to things like that. When I have to talk to my ex husband she is always in the background telling him what to say, like he cant speak for himself. I can always hear her yelling in the background and i dont like my kids being around it. I have tried very hard to be civil, I have sent her thank you cards for taking care of them, and have been polite on the phone with her, to no avail. I dont want to be rude to her, well yes I do, but I dont because I dont want her to take it out on my children. I want them with me very much and would go back to court yesterday, except for the money issue. I cant afford a lawyer, and pay child support, and medical. I just dont think its a healthy environment. Especially since, my daughter and son have told me that she has slapped them occasionally, which I dont even do.
Floundering Mom trying to go by the rules :eek:

I know my ex. wife sure likes to control things also but I have custody which helps. You said the step mom slaps the kids. How and where on the kids does she do that? If she does it other places than their bottom she can be in major trouble. Also make sure that the kids are not just saying that because they think you want to hear that. Poor kids who get caught up in all this. It is too bad that the adults cannot get along. My ex. says he will never get along with me.
Back to you. If the kids say they are slapped even on their bottoms call DCFS in the state they are in and ask what the laws are on this subject. I have heard that step parents should not discipline the children but the other parent should. Let me know what you find out. I really would like to help you. I just filed paperwork for the courts and sent off two subpeona's also. I go to court next month because he is $39,000 behind in child support and wants child support lowered. Can you call the court house and see if they have legal clinics or get a lawyer that might help you? In Utah they have a clinic once a month and maybe they can help you ge something better going.

Both my kids say accross the face, I told them to let me know if it happens again, that it wasnt ok. I also told my ex to let her know that it isnt ok. My daughter IS mouthy, but its not her place to slap her. I have called cps on a few different issues, doesnt really matter, it seems.

I would call CPS again and report it. Slapping kids across the face is illegal. You can get something done about it. Talk to them again and tell them what your chidl said. CPS may have done nothing before but they have to this time. If you aren't being taken seriously then gp abpve that person's head. If you can find out right after it happens you can call the police in their city to go and check it out. If there is a mark ask them to take pictures of it so you have proof. These are your children not the step mothers. I know it is very hard when you don't have money to pay for things but if they are being hit they can be taken out of that home and given back to you. Then you will be receiving child support. Then you can get services to help you raise those kids.
Please let me know what happens and good luck.

Both my kids say accross the face, I told them to let me know if it happens again, that it wasnt ok. I also told my ex to let her know that it isnt ok. My daughter IS mouthy, but its not her place to slap her. I have called cps on a few different issues, doesnt really matter, it seems.

I don't believe that it is ANYONE'S place to slap a child across the face, however, because your children are living with thier step mom, it is her place to discipline them in a non abusive manner.

Because the step mom is trying to interfere with you being a parent to your children, combined with her physical abuse of the kids, your only real choice is to go back to court for custody. I know that you don't have the money, but if it is in your kids' best interests to live with you, you'll need to find a way.
Document as much as you can about the interference and the slapping. Contact your local Legal Aid, and any and all agencies/groups that deal with child abuse/domestic violence. You can make alot of contacts to get help. Call or write very short letters to attorneys, asking for pro-bono or low cost help. You may be able to get the court to order your ex to pay your attorney fees. Good luck.
Xena

File a motion for contempt and if you have the living situation that your kids can live in, go file for custody because of the adverse living conditions with the stepmother. Document the foul language, the physical abuse, the emotional abuse, and what you and the kids go thru to have a record to present to the judge. If you can be represented by the state or local prosecutor, tell them and ask for a DCF investigation and for them to seek custody fo the kids for you and seek support pursuant to custody. This sounds dangerous for the kids. There is also legal aid and legal services, which you may qualify for. Last resort, contact a state or local bar association to see if they have attorneys who take cases pro bono or on a sliding scale. Good luck.