Short background. (From Pennsylvania)

I've been the ONLY parent to my son since day 1. Bio Father wants nothing to do with him. My husband and I work full time.

I am married and so is the bio father. My husband and I do not have any children together. Bio father has full custody of his daughter from a previous relationship. He is married & living with her two kids from a previous marriage. All together there is 3 living in our home and 5 living in theirs.

My husband carries the medical insurance on my son. Bio father does not. Kudos to my husband for taking care of this child who he is not legally responsible for.
Bio father had the child support reduced in May by $400.00. (Originial order was for $810. per month. It was reduced by half.) He is currently $10,000 behind in arrears. The past 4 months he has not fully paid the support as agreed and the judge ordered another $200.00 for arrears. (There were TWO warrants for his arrest in the past 4 months. Then he would quickly make a payment and pay for two weeks, then pay nothing. Currently the order is for $410 / month PLUS since he pissed the judge off once too many times....the judge raised the arrears to be $200.00 making the total come to $610. / month.

Received another "request to modify child support". Bio father wants to reduce the child support again. Reason on the paper "I am now the only financial provider of this family." So that to me means...my wife is lazy and she quit her job, got fired, etc. (You fill in the blank.)

What are my options? What can I say in the court to have the order STAY THE SAME!? Why does he think all of his money should go towards other children who are NOT his?

Frustrated...ADVICE....Please.
Thanks!

Why do you care about the money so much if you and your husband are both working full time? You mentioned that the Bio father wants nothing to do with the son. That is an issue for your son. He has the right to know his real dad. Someday!!!! Count your blessings that the bio father has not exercised his rights to see your son. Hopefully if that happens he is old enough to understand why adults do stupid things. I have another thread you responded to but that is about something different. My son's father has been writing letters and sending e-mails the entire four years of my son's life. I can count on one hand how many times he has provided money for him. Yes I have submitted a case for support. Although my boyfriend has been in our lives since was six months old, I have a picture of his father in his room and remind him he is special b/c he has two daddies. I tell my son this because i know ONE day his bio father is planning to make this grand entrance and legally I cannot stop him. I applied for child cupport b/c when he does I can have something to tell my son that he has done for him. I really don't care if it is one dollar or a thousand. My son is happy and I am able to provide all is needs. Be greatful for your husband and the support you do get. Some of us don't get that...

Why do I care about the money - if my husband and I both work fulltime?

Because it is NOT my husbands full responsibility to pay for daycare, school clothes, summer camp, new shoes, baseball, CCD, Christmas presents, birthday parties, etc. (I'm sure you get the picture.) Right now - It's my money is footing all of the expenses for my son. It doesn't get cheaper as they get older. My husband pays the mortgage - and I pay for my child. My husband doesnt have any children. My son "is" his son. Where's the bio's responsibility come into play? Especially when I have been the only one that has raised him since day one? I think paying $150.00 a week is getting off easy.

I have given him plenty of opportunities for him to have a relationship with his "son". I never once held him back or got in the way. He just didn't want to. He will never exercise his rights to see him. I've even received a letter from a lawer indicating he didn't want to continue with his rights. Now that's not my call. That's my son's and I never responded.

I pray your son's father makes his grand entrance as you say. Because that too me - is setting the son up for disappointment. Perhaps in your case - you should push for your children's support - because that could relieve some of the burden of you working two jobs.

~peace~

Can someone please tell me if they can decrease my child support because his new wife doesn't work?

Thanks!

Can someone please tell me if they can decrease my child support because his new wife doesn't work?

Thanks!


In my state (ut) I know they won't. My ex tried this as well. He recently married a woman with 3 kids and she doesn't work. When I filed to modify support (because his income had increased significantly), he tried to tell them that he now has to support a wife and 3 more kids. They politely told him that those 3 children already have a father to financially support them, so he can not consider them in his support of his own children. The only way it would make a difference is if he adopted them and therefore became thier legal father.

So if he does try to modify support, it shouldn't matter who he married, what job she has and how many children she has. See, look at it this way - if he married a woman with no kids and she had a great job with high income, you couldn't collect more support from him because of that, the same is true reverse, if she doesn't work at all and is a financial drain on him, he can't have the support reduced. The support is based only on his income and his responsibility to his biological or adopted children.

I hope that helps.

Oh and P.S. - to address the comment of why would you care about the money if you both work. You should! Just because you have a 2 parent income and provide for your kids efficiently doesn't mean that your children's father should be let off the hook. It's not about the money, it's about accepting responsibilty.

What EXACTLY is the price of responsibilty? Please let us know b/c if someone is paying child support of WHATEVER amount they have already accepted responsibilty. Also, both bio parents incomes are taken into consideration not just his. What happens when his LEGAL responsibity to support this child ends? Then what. Does he not have a bio father? Since he wants nothing to do with the child? More money does not change a moral responsility for that man to be a part of his son's life.
WHEN IS IT ENOUGH???

What EXACTLY is the price of responsibilty? Please let us know b/c if someone is paying child support of WHATEVER amount they have already accepted responsibilty. Also, both bio parents incomes are taken into consideration not just his. What happens when his LEGAL responsibity to support this child ends? Then what. Does he not have a bio father? Since he wants nothing to do with the child? More money does not change a moral responsility for that man to be a part of his son's life.
WHEN IS IT ENOUGH???

Thanks so much shedo for your advice - it is what I was looking for. :D


What EXACTLY is the price of responsibilty? Please let us know b/c if someone is paying child support of WHATEVER amount they have already accepted responsibilty. Also, both bio parents incomes are taken into consideration not just his.

My dear...I don't think you understand my situation. I know I haven't explained much of it here because I was just looking for a few answers to specifics.

What is the price of responsibility?
The PRICE is what the court orders you to pay. You are responsible for that amount. That is pretty clear.

What happens when his LEGAL responsibility to support this child ends? Then what.
Then it ends. So be it - at least I know I fought to make sure my son was being taken care of finanically while the bio father's presence did not exsist.

Does he not have a bio father? Since he wants nothing to do with the child? Not sure I understand what you are asking here. Can you clarify?

More money does not change a moral responsility for that man to be a part of his son's life. I agree, but that is out of my control. I cannot force a man to be part of his son's life....AND I WONT!!!!

~peace~

To be honest, I do not think there is anything you can do to make the bio father's wife work and the support order go back up. it does not sound like you know the situation and the situation may be blameless like an illness or a layoff, so I think your attitude being all about the money may not be appropriate. The court would not reduce it if there were not support in facts to warrant a reduction. So you need to accept the court's decision, or go to court or get an attorney to go to court to contest the reduction.

In fact, based on what you are saying, maybe you should consider letting your husband adopt the child and being free of bio father since there seems to be no relationship with the kid and bio father.

To be honest, I do not think there is anything you can do to make the bio father's wife work and the support order go back up. it does not sound like you know the situation and the situation may be blameless like an illness or a layoff, so I think your attitude being all about the money may not be appropriate. The court would not reduce it if there were not support in facts to warrant a reduction. So you need to accept the court's decision, or go to court or get an attorney to go to court to contest the reduction.

In fact, based on what you are saying, maybe you should consider letting your husband adopt the child and being free of bio father since there seems to be no relationship with the kid and bio father.

Thank you for your response.

I am not trying to make the wife work. I could care less if she does or does not. I want to know how her NOT working can effect my child support. Especially since if she is working, her income isnt in the equasion anyway. I feel my attitude is appropriate for the situation and it certainly is about the money when all he does is find new ways to beat the system. I just expect consistent child support every month. Is that so hard? It's already been reduced 50% two months ago.

We have not had the hearing yet - so the order has not been changed. I am just trying to educate myself before the hearing.

I dont feel having the BIO father sign his rights off should be my call. I feel that is my son's decision. How unfair of a mother would I be to make that decision for him? In some peoples situations that may work - however that won't work for mine as I don't agree with it. Just my opinion.

~peace~

bewilderedone....
In texas the income of the CP is NOT taken into consideration......My husband and his ex make exactly the same We pay 525.00 amonth CS and have my step daugther 50/50.......we pay for EVERYTHING when she is with us...and the split is more like 60/40 mom is too busy with boyfriends and parties to care for her daughter..........been to a lawyer nothing we can do about the CS
we certainly don't mind providing for my step-daughter and we do nicely at our house.....why do we have to provide for her at her mother's house when her mom makes just as much as my husband does AND we have more than the CP does?....Her mom doesn't help us at our house.....
just frustrating nothing we can do about so we just give up and sent that CS check every month.....

Thank you for your response.

I am not trying to make the wife work. I could care less if she does or does not. I want to know how her NOT working can effect my child support. Especially since if she is working, her income isnt in the equasion anyway. I feel my attitude is appropriate for the situation and it certainly is about the money when all he does is find new ways to beat the system. I just expect consistent child support every month. Is that so hard? It's already been reduced 50% two months ago.

We have not had the hearing yet - so the order has not been changed. I am just trying to educate myself before the hearing.

I dont feel having the BIO father sign his rights off should be my call. I feel that is my son's decision. How unfair of a mother would I be to make that decision for him? In some peoples situations that may work - however that won't work for mine as I don't agree with it. Just my opinion.

~peace~

I feel like I can really relate with your situation, so I hear what you're saying and I think I understand completely. You weren't saying anything about the wife not working except wondering if that fact would be considered in the cs order - which it will not.

I agree with you 100% about the bio father signing away his rights. My ex has tried to manipulate me into having this done so that it was MY decision and HE is off the hook for any financial responsibilty but then can BLAME me for ending the relationship. I refuse to do it. He has practically asked me to do it. I told him No. I don't want the kids to lose thier father and if they do, I certainly don't want him to tell them I am the one who forced him into giving up his rights. It's his decision. I am positive that he wants it done, but he doesn't want to look like an jerk for doing it, so he's trying to get me to do it.

That is good you took the high road. The kids will figure things out in the long run. My ex and I decided together to get a divorce. Well he forced the issue with all his illegal things and extra curricular activities. I filed for divorce and he said I was the one that caused the divorce. I was proud that I finally had the courage to do this. Mind you he had already moved out 7 months later than we had agreed to. I figured out he had it good, I was still doing his laundry. I did wise up.
So you keep up the good work and let him show his hand. He will.

Thanks shedo for your feedback. I appreciate someone is in the same situation as me. Furthermore - my son never asks about him. (I guess you can't ask about someone who isn't there.) But when the day comes where he will ask (and I am sure he will....) at least I left the opportunity open for him to make that decision himself and for him to see what kind of person his father really is.

Back to my situation - as I just want to be sure I am prepared for this hearing.

1. What do I say in defense when he wants to use his wife not working as his excuse to lower child support? He is indicated he is the only support of the family of 5. (Technically - he is only responsible for 1 daughter he has custody of in their home. The other two children are her's from a previous relationship.)

2. If her lack of non-working is because of a job layoff - can I request the order be modified temporarliy and re-issued for 90 days?

3. The judge has ordered him to pay over $200.00 in arrears which is the MAIN reason he doesn't pay. (Brings his amount to $600.00 a month.) It use to be $50.00 towards arrears. The judge raised it because he was being tough on him for non-payment. (Not to mentioned issued TWO arrest warrants for him this past summer.) Can I request the judge to lower the arrears amount so he is able to pay the actual order?

Anyone else in this situation who can give me advice on how to prepare myself with knowledge for this hearing? I just want to make sure this man doesn't have a "leg" to stand on.

Also, what I don't understand is that when parents split custody 50/50 it affects the child support - meaning it is lowered. Why is there nothing in place when the NCP NEVER see's the child - the support should be slightly higher.

Thanks in advance to anyone who can answer my questions.

Thanks shedo for your feedback. I appreciate someone is in the same situation as me. Furthermore - my son never asks about him. (I guess you can't ask about someone who isn't there.) But when the day comes where he will ask (and I am sure he will....) at least I left the opportunity open for him to make that decision himself and for him to see what kind of person his father really is.

Back to my situation - as I just want to be sure I am prepared for this hearing.

1. What do I say in defense when he wants to use his wife not working as his excuse to lower child support? He is indicated he is the only support of the family of 5. (Technically - he is only responsible for 1 daughter he has custody of in their home. The other two children are her's from a previous relationship.)

2. If her lack of non-working is because of a job layoff - can I request the order be modified temporarliy and re-issued for 90 days?

3. The judge has ordered him to pay over $200.00 in arrears which is the MAIN reason he doesn't pay. (Brings his amount to $600.00 a month.) It use to be $50.00 towards arrears. The judge raised it because he was being tough on him for non-payment. (Not to mentioned issued TWO arrest warrants for him this past summer.) Can I request the judge to lower the arrears amount so he is able to pay the actual order?

Anyone else in this situation who can give me advice on how to prepare myself with knowledge for this hearing? I just want to make sure this man doesn't have a "leg" to stand on.

Also, what I don't understand is that when parents split custody 50/50 it affects the child support - meaning it is lowered. Why is there nothing in place when the NCP NEVER see's the child - the support should be slightly higher.

Thanks in advance to anyone who can answer my questions.


1. You say that she is not financially responsible for your children and her income is irrelevant. (the courts know this). HE is not financially responsible for her children, they have a father who should be paying support for them.

2. Her employment is irrelevant to your case.

3. Yes you can request it, although I would advise against it, don't provide a way for him to get out of payment, the judge ordered it for a reason, he can see that he is not taking his obligation seriously.

The reason child support isn't increased when a ncp doesn't ever see thier child is because cs and visitation are two separate issues. It is his RIGHT to see the children, not an obligation and it isn't dependant upon cs. I think you are confusing custody with visitation. 50/50 custody means the parents are sharing the responsibility 50/50 and therefore child support is modified. In your case, you have sole physical custody, and he only has visitation - you are 100% responsible for the child, but he has the right to visit if he chooses to. I hope that helps.

Thanks...but if she has no income - how can that reflect upon mine being lowered? :confused:

Thanks...but if she has no income - how can that reflect upon mine being lowered? :confused:

OK, you have been advised again and again that that his wife's income (or lack of income) does NOT matter. You still ask about it, so I'm hoping that one more person telling you the same thing the others have said will have the affect of you finally understanding that:

His wife can sit on her lazy a$$ all day, have no income, complain to her hubby that he has to pay for HER expenses= It can NOT and will NOT matter when his CS is determined.

His wife can be a multi-millionaire, give him and thier kids everything they ever want= It can NOT and will NOT matter when his CS is determined.

I hope you understand now, and stop obsessing about his wife.

There is one thing though, is it possible that the arrears payments being increased (because the Judge was mad) are actually too much for him to pay along with the on-going support? The reason that I'm asking is that the arrears payments are now approx. HALF the amount as the on-going support, which is unusual. The $50.00 a month that he was paying before was reasonable in comparison to the amount of on-going support. No matter how mad a Judge gets, a Judge cannot LEGALLY order arrears and or CS that is in excess of 55% of a NCP's income.

Do you have an income deduction order for the CS to be garnished? If not, this will be a good time to ask the court to issue one. Good luck.
Xena

OK, you have been advised again and again that that his wife's income (or lack of income) does NOT matter. You still ask about it, so I'm hoping that one more person telling you the same thing the others have said will have the affect of you finally understanding that:

His wife can sit on her lazy a$$ all day, have no income, complain to her hubby that he has to pay for HER expenses= It can NOT and will NOT matter when his CS is determined.

His wife can be a multi-millionaire, give him and thier kids everything they ever want= It can NOT and will NOT matter when his CS is determined.

I hope you understand now, and stop obsessing about his wife.

WOW...no reason to get all bent out of shape - I am just trying to understand a few things.

I completely understand that her income is NOT reflecting in the child support. But what I don't understand is how much is he liable for footing her bill when she doesnt work. He indicated on the modification order "I am the ONLY provider of a family of five". I guess maybe I should have asked the question.... Is she considered a dependent just like a child would be if she isn't working? Do the courts view her as a dependent if she is NOT working?

...and PLEASE I am not "obsessing" about his wife. But I am obsessing myself with trying to get the right answers to my questions. LIke I said...I KNOW that her income is NOT taken into consideration - but I don't understand why the courts are allowing him to request a modification for this reason.

BTW - I apologize for the constant questions - but I just need a little consistency with answers in order for me to go to this hearing prepared.


There is one thing though, is it possible that the arrears payments being increased (because the Judge was mad) are actually too much for him to pay along with the on-going support? The reason that I'm asking is that the arrears payments are now approx. HALF the amount as the on-going support, which is unusual. The $50.00 a month that he was paying before was reasonable in comparison to the amount of on-going support. No matter how mad a Judge gets, a Judge cannot LEGALLY order arrears and or CS that is in excess of 55% of a NCP's income.

Do you have an income deduction order for the CS to be garnished? If not, this will be a good time to ask the court to issue one. Good luck.
XenaI believe the arrears payment is too much to for him to pay the full order. But honestly - he put himself in this situation by contempt of court with non-payment and the judge was an a$$ to him. Yes, his wages are garnished. In the state of PA - you have to register all of your new employees with the state so all child support is a wage attachment. (Only if it's through the DRO.) Doesn't matter if you have arrears or not.

Thanks for your response - and again - no reason to get angry with me. I just need a little feedback.

~peace~

WOW...no reason to get all bent out of shape - I am just trying to understand a few things.

I completely understand that her income is NOT reflecting in the child support. But what I don't understand is how much is he liable for footing her bill when she doesnt work. He indicated on the modification order "I am the ONLY provider of a family of five". I guess maybe I should have asked the question.... Is she considered a dependent just like a child would be if she isn't working? Do the courts view her as a dependent if she is NOT working?

...and PLEASE I am not "obsessing" about his wife. But I am obsessing myself with trying to get the right answers to my questions. LIke I said...I KNOW that her income is NOT taken into consideration - but I don't understand why the courts are allowing him to request a modification for this reason.

BTW - I apologize for the constant questions - but I just need a little consistency with answers in order for me to go to this hearing prepared.


I believe the arrears payment is too much to for him to pay the full order. But honestly - he put himself in this situation by contempt of court with non-payment and the judge was an a$$ to him. Yes, his wages are garnished. In the state of PA - you have to register all of your new employees with the state so all child support is a wage attachment. (Only if it's through the DRO.) Doesn't matter if you have arrears or not.

Thanks for your response - and again - no reason to get angry with me. I just need a little feedback.

~peace~

I'm sorry if you thought I was "all bent out of shape", because I wasn't. It seemed like you kept asking the same question even though you had been given the answer, and I was trying to clear it up.

But, anyway, yes, in most states, because they are married he is legally her provider and she is his legal dependant. However, that fact still does NOT have anything to do with his CS obligation. The fact that he has a dependant wife is solely HIS problem and HIS ALONE.

If this is his ONLY reason for requesting a modification, my guess is that at court the Judge will simply deny or dismiss his petition- based on no legal reason exists to modify. You would think that they would automatically refuse to hear the case, sometimes that happens, but most of the time it goes to a hearing even though it is obviously going to be dismissed.

If YOU know that the arrears payment increase is too much, you really need to say it in court. From one point it makes sense that you would want payment as quickly as possible. And IF he has the financial ability to make the higher arrears payments it would benefit him also. The problem seems to be that the increase was based ONLY on the Judge's anger at him, and that is NOT a LEGAL or fair reason to increase the payments. Things like that are what contributes to a NCP NOT paying as he should. So it will really work to everyone's benefit if the Judge bases the arrears payments on his ABILITY to pay, instead of anything else- like anger.
Xena

I completely understand that her income is NOT reflecting in the child support. But what I don't understand is how much is he liable for footing her bill when she doesnt work. He indicated on the modification order "I am the ONLY provider of a family of five". I guess maybe I should have asked the question.... Is she considered a dependent just like a child would be if she isn't working? Do the courts view her as a dependent if she is NOT working?


I see what your getting hung up on. Her income doesn't matter AND the fact the HE supports her and additional children do NOT matter as well. She is not considered a dependent.

The fact that he has chosen to support a wife who doesn't work is not figured into child support for your kids. She is an adult capable of providing for herself. So I guess if he had legal guardianship over her because she was disabled or something like that, maybe it would be considered, but he is not legally responsible for her because she is an adult. Marriage does not enable a wife (or a husband) to be legally dependent upon thier spouse. Even in alimony there has to be a number of years married before they'll consider that.