I have a VERY complicated case that I am going through in the state of Illinois. To briefly recap....I have a son who is 9 1/2 years old and I was never married to the father. He never put his name on the birth certificate and only floated in and out of his life for 7 years. At this time, he decided to file for establish his parental rights. Now, after going through court for 2 1/2 years and much drama....we did the 604b evaluation and all of the visitation he has received has been SUPERVISED ONLY. In the last 9 1/2 years, he has seen my son for aprox. 120 hours TOTAL and it ALL has been supervised. He owes aprox. $9K in past dues child support and $5.6K in medical arrearage. He has now decided that he can't afford to do this any more (he doesn't want to pay $$ to me) and wants to terminate his parental rights. Which is FINE by me, as he has served time in prison for selling drugs and has had 4 DUI's in the last 10 years-totally irresponsible. My son does not want ANYTHING to do with him and is pretty fed up with the situation. Anyways, my attorney has now told me that in order for him to terminate his rights, I would have to also relinqush my rights and my parent's would have to legally adopt him (I live with my parents, as I am finishing graduate school). Is there a way to have my parent's become guarden's...that way when I get married, my husband can adopt him. I don't want to sign over my rights to my parent's and my son does not want this either. Financially, I have been responsible for my son for the last 10 years now WITHOUT financial help from the father (I have received $3K total in 10 years) and I currently have SOLE CUSTODY. I also currently receive medical through the state and would have to sieze all benefits, as well as my tax deduction for my son, if my parent's adopt him. HELP!!!!!

I believe that you are pursuing things in the wrong order and it is costing you a lot of money because of this. I suggest that you marry the fiance, then seek termination of parental rights thru the stepparent adoption process and leave your parents out of it. It is cheaper and simpler this way. You have sole custody, so if you marry and he wants to terminate parental rights and your new husband wants to adopt and the child is served best by this, it is more apt it will happen. The father may still have to pay some or all of the child support arrearage even if you say you are willing to forego that as that is a court decision and the state may want to recoup administration costs or somethign like that.

Dear desiree23;

My BF and I were on the other side of the fence in a similar situation. However, the mother made it impossible to get along with her. It seemed that my bf son was being well taken care of so my bf didn't come back. He only inquired about his son's well being. But he didn't want to ruin a family unit because his son grew close to another man who could provide and give him a better life. He was not ready at the age of 19 and she was 17 when she gave birth. Until his ex showed up on her door step one evening when the child was 5. My bf got back together with her and try to make things work in the process, he lost his carrer as a police officer because she is soo vicious. We consented a lawyer because now the little boy still see's the other man who he calls his dad. He admitted on memorial day weekend he felt he had no bond. His son today is 9 years old. He said that 3 families was to much because of all the fighting. My bf paid child support back till the day he was born to help her out. Now all she does is take my bf money and run and doesn't allow him to see him at all after our court order against her. Its not like my bf is being a dickhead. He wants his every other visitation not every 3 weeks. Never has he had supervised visits ever! He is truly a very good man. The sad part is the mother is informing the child of every adult arguement and business.

To answer your question. We looked into what you were saying when we spoke to my bf lawyer. Since his ex is soo not capeable of being an adult. My bf made the hard decision to reliquish visitation on his own. There is no way in the state of illinois can a father just give up his obligation to child support. Its sooo hard to unless adoption is involved. Why is it this way? Well, the state wants to try to keep mothers off of welfare. The only way is through child support, insurance etc. Its a judges duty to protect the state as well and their best interest. Not saying your going to abuse it or anything like that. I my self am on welfare ready to graduate with a bacholers degree and certificate in paralegal studies this fall.

Since your ex has established paternity now he has to live with it. Unfortunately you do to. He cannot stop child support nor can you. It will continue till this kid is 18 years old. He cannot claim bankruptcy on you either. He is just gonig to have to just remain like he has for years away without contact. However, be aware in the state of IL he is entitled to view medical and school records under law no matter what.

From the sounds of it because you live with your parents it makes it harder for him to to remove his rights. This very well could be the case or your lawyer misunderstood you. We were told we could reliquish his rights to the mother, (who is living on her own), but my bf would be responsible for child support no matter what. Then again, there has been one case in Kane County the guys name was Jason Ackerman don't know the mothers name. However, you only need one name. I know this because he told me about it. He was my recent former neighbor here in DuPage County who just really had a temper like you couldn't believe. Who gave up his rights and had child support terminated. If you want to see how he did it and the reasons. You can go to the Kane County clerks office located in Geneva IL/St.CHarles its on the boarder on Randall Road. say you want to view the file. They will let you for free and you can see all the elements it takes to do so. This was a rare instance. You can get the same lawyer who represented this gal if your in the same county as this case. Just remember in some instances the father could still be held liable for child support after termination for rights.

Unfortunately, my boyfriend made this harsh decision to just stay away. It kills him everyday. But he knows that will be the best decision for him. He figures if his child gets curious the mother knows how to find us. Then he can come around and well tell him the truth. The child is being torn apart between 2 fathers. THe mother let the other guy (ex-boyfriend named Eric) continue seeing after his 5th birthday. SO the bond grew. She had 2 children by him one after the other. so it does make it difficult.

Its not worth the court battle honey because your child is expressing its too much. Let it all go and let the man step away. He will have to petition the court to reliquish his rights. Don't spend anymore money let him do it. THe moment he tries to pull something then yes get a lawyer. The way I look at it if he really is what your saying he is. Then by all means let him buy his way out of it. But don't do it anymore on your part as your son's expense. Its stressing him out. If you ex wants to go to jail, lose his drivers license, so on. Then well that is not your problem. You would have to petition for him to start paying or else. THis does not involve your child just you. Don't talk to your child about it when you do if you do do it.

One last thing, for the love of god any lawyer will tell you. DO NOT DISCUSS ANY COURT THING with your child no matter how old he is. This could reflect very negative on you and you could be surprised how much this could be used against you. If the court ever evalutaed you for PAS (PARENT ALIENATION SYNDROME) you could lose custody on top of his and your ex could get custody. So just don't do it. I know your child dislikes his father, however, just support his decision but saying nothing afterwards. Never say you agree, just say you completely understand his feelings of frustration.

Im very sorry to give you bad news. But here is some additional info about termination of parental rights what your lawyer is referring to. Hopefully you will see what Im talking about and your lawyer. So let me break everything down to you about termination of parental rights:

What is the termination of parental rights?
The termination of parental rights means that a parent no longer has any legal rights to a child. The parent is no longer responsible for that child. This is a permanent situation that may cut off any more contact between you and your child.

Terminating parental rights is necessary in order for a child to be legally free for adoption. The rights of both biological parents must be either voluntarily terminated or terminated by court order before a child may be adopted.

Can I give up my rights to raise my child if I don't think I can take of him or her?
Yes. Voluntary termination of parental rights is when a parent decides that he or she (both parents can decide this too) can no longer care for the child and tells the judge that he or she gives up rights to the child. He or she will no longer have any responsibility for the child.

This is a hard decision and takes a lot of courage. If you really think it is the best decision and understand that it is final, your caseworker will work with you and your child to support you and help you work through this painful decision. Your caseworker also will help you complete the forms needed to give up your rights as a parent.

How do I voluntarily terminate my parental rights?
Terminating your rights voluntarily is most often done by executing either a “surrender” or a “consent” for adoption. A parent may also petition the court for a finding of dependency and appointment of a guardian with power to consent to adoption. The parent must prove that good cause exists for the court to terminate parental rights.

Are there special rules for parents under the age of 18 to voluntarily terminate their parental rights?
No. A parent under 18 can voluntarily terminate his or her rights in the same way as a parent over 18.

What is the difference between surrendering a child and a consenting to private adoption?
A parent may surrender a child to an adoption agency. When this happens, the agency selects someone to adopt the child and consents to the adoption. When a parent surrenders a child, his or her consent for adoption is not required.

A parent may also consent to a private adoption by "anyone" or consent to a private adoption by someone he or she has named. If the parent names someone specifically, the parent's consent is only to adoption by that person and is not a general consent to adoption or a surrender of the child.

Are there specific surrender and consent forms?
Yes. The Illinois Adoption Act provides a form of certificate of acknowledgement for use with a surrender or consent to adoption. A separate form is provided for a consent to specified persons.

These forms must also be signed by a judge or a representative of a licensed child welfare agency, including the Illinois Department of Children & Family Services (DCFS), or any other person authorized by statute. The signature of a person other than a judge or clerk of the court must be notarized on these forms.

Can I change my mind after I have signed the surrender or consent forms?
Not usually. A surrender or consent is irrevocable (this means not able to be undone) unless obtained by fraud or duress.

When can't a parent consent to adoption or surrender a child?
A parent cannot consent or surrender a child during the first 72 hours after a child is born.
A mother cannot consent or surrender a child before the child is born. A father can, but his consent or surrender can be revoked within 72 hours after the child’s birth.
What does it mean when parental rights are terminated by court order?
When parental rights are terminated by order of the juvenile court it means that the court found that (1) the parent is unfit, and (2) it is in the best interests of the child to terminate the parent's rights.

What are the grounds for the court to find a parent unfit?
Abandonment or 'extreme parental disinterest', including lack of visitation or contact
Abuse or neglect
Mental illness or deficiency
Alcohol or drug induced incapacity
Felony conviction or being in jail
Failure to make reasonable efforts, including a failure to comply with DCFS Service Plan
Abuse or neglect or losing the parental rights to another child
Sexual abuse
Failure to maintain contact
Failure to provide support
Failure to establish paternity
Child judged to need services or is dependent
Child in care 15 of 22 months (or less)
Felony assault of child or sibling
Murder/manslaughter of sibling child
I was found unfit in the case of one of my children. Will this effect my rights to my other children?
Maybe. Evidence of parental unfitness toward one child may form the basis for terminating the parental rights to other children even though the parent never abused or neglected those children.

What happens after a court determines that a parent is unfit?
After a parent is found unfit, the court decides whether terminating parental rights is in the best interests of the child. Even if the court finds a parent unfit, it may not always be in the child's best interest to terminate the unfit parent's rights.

Can I appeal the termination of my parental rights?
Yes. You can appeal the decision of the Juvenile Court to the appellate court.

What is a Service Plan and why is it important?
After a child is removed from the home by DCFS, the parent will work with a caseworker to make a Service Plan. The plan lists the steps the parent needs to follow to correct the problems that caused the child to be removed.

It is very important that you work on the tasks in your service plan and visit your child regularly. When these problems are corrected, the judge will let your children come home. However, if you do not or cannot complete the steps, the judge may decide to terminate your parental rights.

My parental rights were terminated and I want to see my child. What do I do?
Unfortunately, if your parental rights have been terminated and your appeal was not successful, legally there is nothing you can do. An order of the Juvenile Court terminating parental rights is a final and permanent, depriving the parent of all legal rights in the child. You no longer have the right to see your child.

The only way you can continue to have contact with your child once your parental rights have been terminated is if the child's adoptive parents allow you to. They now have the parental rights and responsibility for the child and all decisions concerning the child are made by them.

The finality of the termination order applies to all relatives, including grandparents and siblings. Relatives are not entitled to visitation unless the court determines that it is in the best interest of the child or the adoptive parents allow them contact with the child.

Good luck

Stacy

I don't think either one of you that posted are understanding my FULL situation. I know that it is VERY unique, so it's VERY hard. My son's biologicial father was NOT involved in his life for 7 years....he then decided at that time he wanted to see him every other weekend for overnights. When I told him no, he took me to court to establish paternity (2-03). His paternity was established in 8-03 and at that point they gave him several visits that were supervised by my grandmother. It was during that time that he and his family threatened my grandma and she decided for her safety, not to be a supervisor any longer. After that, he was allowed supervised visits with any one of his choice (his girlfriend at the time), but on one occasion came and picked up my son with his girlfriend. Odd things happened and I found out that he had received 2 DUI'S (these were his 3rd and 4th) and was also ticketed for NO valid insurance. I also found out that his girlfriend had a DUI and NO LICENSE. So, needless to say-my child was put in danger driving with 2 people with NO INSURANCE and NO VALID DRIVER'S LICENSES. After that, he did not get visitation until Christmas of 2003. This was ONLY because I was leaving to go to LA for 4 months (my son is a professional actor). So, the court allowed me to go IF he got holiday visitation and ONE overnight. Which I allowed, BUT....he did NOT follow that court order and had his girlfriend spend the night and other things happened (like my son being thrown in a pool and throwing up), etc.....After we came back from LA in April 2004-he had a chance to have visitation, but BLEW the breathalizer (which he was required to take before visits)-so the visit did NOT happen. He then was convicted on ONE DUI in May 2004 and went to jail in Cook County until Sept 2004 (so, again-no visits) and now has lost his license for 5 years (he will be 35 when he gets it back). Once he got out, my lawyer at the time decided we should do the 604b evaluation. So, again-no visits. The 604b was not as good as I had hoped, BUT...the evaluator did suggest SUPERVISED VISITS for 5 months EVERY WEEKEND for 6 HOURS on ONE DAY, then slowly moving into unsupervised. By the time the evaluation was completed, it was March 2005. (So, we now had gone 15 months with NO VISITATION...he had last seen my son at 7 and he was now 9). During this ENTIRE time period above, I received 5 child support payments through the state and he was held in contempt twice. Unfortunately, my lawyer never took the time to enforce it and have it deducted from his paycheck, so he did NOT pay....5 payments in 2 years was not really good. So, I ended up hiring a NEW attorney. Which (for the record), he does not have a lawyer (he had one & they dropped him because they could not get along with him)-he is PRO SE and receiving legal advice from his step-father who is a disbarred attorney in the state of WI (who owes the state more than $275K for double billing-he also spent time in a federal prison). I should also tell you that they now wanted to give him these "supervised" visits and my father and his mother were rotating weekends. In the meantime, his sister was released from prison to his mother-she was in for attempted murder on her lesbian lover. HOW DID I GET IN THIS SITUATION??? Well, I was only 21 (and he was 20) and VERY BLINDED BY HIM and HIS SMOOTH TALKING. We are now both 30 and 31, respectively. Anyways, he really messed up again on the visitation and thought the visit was at his mother's and it was supposed to be out by me in Lake County (his mother is in McHenry). The case is in LAKE COUNTY, IL. So, he called the police and I got ticketed for interference (which was dropped because it was HIS MISTAKE and HE WAS WRONG). Also, when I got the NEW attorney-she started having the child support deducted from his paycheck. He then paid 4 weeks and when we went back to court & he had such an outburst when they told him that they were going to add on another $50 a month for the past due medical (he already had 20% added on to pay for past due child support), PLUS they stripped his mother of visitation supervisor and my father stepped down voluntarily because he was rude to my father (and talking bad about me to my son). So....he was now told that he had to have supervised visits with a court appointed supervisor and that would be 1x a week for 2 hours ($100 a week) and HE HAD TO PAY THAT. So, he had a fit-left the court and I had to get a police escort because they were worried for my safety (as well as the child rep-who also got an escort back to her office). Now, we went back to set all that up (the supervised visits and the monetary issues added on) and he decided he wants to terminate his parental rights because he can't afford to pay and because he realizes that his life is a mess and he is not a good influence (really? I can't believe it took him this long to figure that out). We were not able to get before the judge that day, so we are set to go to court on 6-29, THIS WED for him to sign his rights away. He said he does not want to be pressured for any more $$ and I agreed to that. My lawyer and the child rep says THIS IS THE DAY WE HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR....the only problem is-they are worried about the judge NOT approving it because they are worried about my son being taken care of (since I am in grad school and receiving medical through the state-until Jan 2006). So, I live with my parents (and have been all along) and they have helped support my son, when I was not able to pay for certain things. Obviously, I have done okay supporting him for the last 10 years with my parents and things will not change once he signs away his rights. The problem is that my lawyer and the child rep were trying to get my parent's to be co-guardian's with myself. They consulted an adoption attorney and he says that financially that does not cover the child. So, they are now thinking that adoption is the ONLY way to go (but not sure yet...still researching). I am NOT engaged and in fact, I am not even dating anyone. I am just thinking later down the line-WHEN I decide to get married , if my parent's had adopted my son...how would I get him back? To adopt, BOTH parent's have to terminate their rights. I am not agreeing to this. BUT, as of Wednesday, IF the judge allows him to terminate his rights-NOTHING ELSE will be finalized with guardianship or adoption until July or August. So, I hope that clears things up....it is MUCH different than what you are both telling me and I think there was some confusion.

desiree23

My situation is a little different than yours. Your attorney is right in the sense of the judge not approving it. However, your attorney needs to work harder and establish the patter of how this child has been taken care of in the past. In the sense of how you did it financially before you went to school. Going to school only lasts 4-6 years not a life time.

Next, he sounds like freaking manic! Him and his girlfriend. I would of freaked and killed my ex if he did that to my daughter. He sounds like a very great threat and should under no circumstances be allowed any overtime unsupervised visits. I would of slapped an order of protection against him. That would ended him for good. Not to mention those people he threatend in the past or those who feared him should of slapped and order of protection against him and finish him off. Im very sorry about yoru situation. I would like to stay posted about yours.

I go to court 6/27 with my bf for a hearing on transportation. My bfs ex advoided mediation on visitation and so forth. We got a call on friday night to do mediation on saturday moring right before this court date. Her excuse....my phone has not worked properly for a month. Yet, she knew how to buy a house and close on it. Scratching my head on that one.

Well, we went back to court and my son's father was being wishy washy on the terminating his rights. He did not realize that it was a permanent thing (DUH!). Anyways, what they ended up doing is suspending his visitation rights (he is to have NO contact with my son-phone, writing, or physical) and his child support is also suspended. He told the judge that he could not afford to pay the money now and could also not afford $100 a week for a supervisor (which the court says he has to have). SO....he was told that if he chooses to come back into my son's life-the long he waits-the harder it will be and if he waits too long, the court may decide to tell him-that he's time is up and he waited too long. He claims to say he needs about 1 year to get his llife in order, but I don't think that day WILL EVER come. He has NO JOB right now and NO CAR and NO LICENSE (he will not get that back until fall of 2008)-by that time my son will be 13. They also told him that when and IF he should decide to file and bring the case BACK to court, then he will owes me LOTS of money. He already is behind $9K in child support, plus the current child support from the time he was gone MAY be reinstated IF they find out he was making $$ and working (if not-he does not have to pay that-which I think is CRAP). Then, he owes aprox. $6K in medical...PLUS he will STILL have to have the supervisors oversee his visits at $100 a week. So, we are keeping out fingers crossed that this may be the end.

as I was reading your story and i thought of myself i am glad that it is resolved being that he was a dead beat. he more than likely wont come back cause he wont want to pay that money but it is sad that the judge or the law woulndn't make him pay for the rest of his back support at least or just let him stay in jail. right now my son is owed 2 thousand and his father isn't working i am thinking that maybe now that he owes so much he will relinqish his rights( hell i will pay for that) but the law is to be fair and for the child but look at what really happens we pay to be right and to prove our point when the absent parent can just walk away ya know?see my son was just fine wihtout the biological but then i got married and a year later he got marrried then he decided to take me to court behind my back. so the first time we went the judge dissmissed and set a later date the next times everything was established visitation and all but he then got a divorce and moved away only to come home evey weekend and still not see my son nor call. well this april he moved back lost his job and had the nerve to ask to do i mind a decrease in payments ( i am not working at this time so yes i do mind ) hell i mind anyways since im not working i still have to provide why wouldn't he ? I don't get a decrease in my parental situation but he has that option?? its not fair if my son doesnt have what he needs i make a way and yes it is legal i think he should too. but like you i would rather for him to be out of his life and i do tell my son that we are going to court but i think that you shouldn't hide things from kids. i dont go into full details but let him know the results like he had to go with him because of the order but he hasnt visited behind in support and doesnt use his rights of visitation. so now i need to see if i can get all of this limited or terminated because it is a hinderance on my household and especially my son's activities when we don't know when he will exercise his rights. and he wants to think that i am stupid but how do u prove that he waited till court then got a divorce so that he wouldn't have a huge increasei in child support or that he knoew he was leaving because he had to pay the mony back before he could get the job anyways i'll keep you and your son in my prayers

Desiree23, Elklaw gave you the best information!

I just need some basic information, or a shove in the right direction. Im located in oregon, and want to know how to have the parental rights of my sons father removed. The father is in illinois. He's never paid a dime in child support, has never visited my son, or contacted us.
So if anyone knows a good site, the proper forms to fill out, anything, please let me know.
Thanks~

tat2dnin, I'd suggest that you start your own post under family law. Despite the lengthy discussion here on the subject, this board is for employment law questions.

The discussion here is also almost a year old.

Please repost in a more appropriate location. Thanks. :)