2005, 8:59pm From: sylak@adelphia.net (sylak)
CarolinaGirl wrote:
And that's what most adoptive parents find so hard to believe. Natural
parents cannot do as society suggests and just 'move on' - pretending
that the child we lost to adoption never existed.



Oddly enough I have had more than a few well meaning but poorly advised
people suggest to me that I should just move on. The phase "lost to
adoption" sounds a bit odd to me. I realize that some women, or girls I
suppose, were pressured to give up thier infants. That is cultural. Who
pressured them to become pregnant? It seems that everyone has options
but the infant.
Raymond
Former Infant

Raymond, though I do appreciate what you're saying, not all women gave
their children away. There are many other reasons for adoptions to have
taken place. Of course no one pressured us to become pregnant, except,
of course, the birthmothers that were raped.

Why do you find the terminology 'lost to adoption' so odd? I think it's
meaning is very clear. Contrary to what you might have been led to
believe, not all of us 'gave our children up for adoption', thus the
term 'lost to adoption'.

You're right in one respect, though. The infants have no say in the
matter.

Donna

> Why do you find the terminology 'lost to adoption' so odd? I think it's meaning is very clear. Contrary to what you might have been led to believe, not all of us 'gave our children up for adoption', thus the term 'lost to adoption'.

Perhaps my perspective is a bit too narrow as I do not claim to speak for
anyone other than myself. I was not "lost" to adoption. The woman who bore
me chose to abandon me, literally. I was not lost, I was, by all
appearences, discaded. That may be a bit harsh but thus far it is how it
seems. I was a ward of the state for three years before my adoption was
finalized. From my little corner I would have to say I was saved by
adoption. I hope, some day, to learn the rest of the story but, in the
meantime, I am one who was not "lost to adoption". There are many different
stories out there and no one model will fit them all.

Raymond

2005, 8:34pm From: sylak@adelphia.net (sylak)
Why do you find the terminology 'lost to adoption' so odd? I think it's
meaning is very clear. Contrary to what you might have been led to
believe, not all of us 'gave our children up for adoption', thus the
term 'lost to adoption'.


Perhaps my perspective is a bit too narrow as I do not claim to speak
for anyone other than myself. I was not "lost" to adoption. The woman
who bore me chose to abandon me, literally. I was not lost, I was, by
all appearences, discaded. That may be a bit harsh but thus far it is
how it seems. I was a ward of the state for three years before my
adoption was finalized. From my little corner I would have to say I was
saved by adoption. I hope, some day, to learn the rest of the story but,
in the meantime, I am one who was not "lost to adoption". There are many
different stories out there and no one model will fit them all.
Raymond


Your view is not 'narrow' at all, Raymond. Each of us speak from our
own experiences and I can see where you might think you were discarded.
I just hope that you don't judge your birthmother until you have all the
facts. Many times there is much more to the story than meets the eye.

Donna

Your view is not 'narrow' at all, Raymond. Each of us speak from our own experiences and I can see where you might think you were discarded. I just hope that you don't judge your birthmother until you have all the facts. Many times there is much more to the story than meets the eye.

I do not judge anyone. I am not qualified. I am sure there is more to the
story but until laws are reformed I will not see any of it. As for my use of
the word "discarded" it seemed to fit the circumstances as they appear to
have occurred at this time. Should I uncover additional information perhaps
a different word would work better. On the day I was born in a clean
hospital room another newborn male was found floating in the nearby river. I
bear no anger, only a desire to know who I am and from that to put together
a medical and ethnic history for my children and grandchildren.I was not
lost but a piece of me has been taken away.

Raymond

2005, 8:48am From: sylak@adelphia.net (sylak)
I do not judge anyone. I am not qualified. I am sure there is more to
the story but until laws are reformed I will not see any of it.



- Feel free not to answer if this question makes you uncomfortable, but
is there a reason that you can't locate your birthmother, Raymond? Is
there nothing to work with at all? If that's the case, I'm very sorry.


As for my use of the word "discarded" it seemed to fit the circumstances
as they appear to have occurred at this time. Should I uncover
additional information perhaps a different word would work better.


- I can understand your use of the word 'discarded'...Each of us has
terms that we use that aren't necessarily used by others, but it doesn't
mean that it's misunderstood.


On the day I was born in a clean hospital room another newborn male was
found floating in the nearby river.


- I'm beginning to hear things like this more and more often and I
can't say how badly I feel for the child that is thrown away like
yesterday's bath water. Killing a baby is UNFORGIVEABLE.


I bear no anger, only a desire to know who I am and from that to put
together a medical and ethnic history for my children and
grandchildren.I was not lost but a piece of me has been taken away.
Raymond


- And a piece of ME was taken away when I lost my children to adoption.
I understand what you're saying perfectly.

Donna