im 16 and my fiance is 20. we are deeply in love and have been together since my 15th bitrthday... i was wondering... if i get pregnant by him, can my mom put him in jail since the age of consent in ohio is 16?

On another post you asked, "if im pregnant at 16 in ohio, can i move out and get married?" Which sort of lead me to believe that you were pregnant, but here you're asking, "if I get pregnant". It really makes a person wonder if you're *planning* on becoming pregnant. I PRAY that's NOT the case.

In regard to your question on here--I'm not very familiar with Ohio laws, but I do know that they have laws against: unlawful sexual conduct with a minor, child enticement, interference with custody of a minor, contributing to unruliness or delinquency of a child, and many more, I'm sure.

There's a chance they could indeed find something(s) to charge him with.

i was pregnant, but i had to get an abortion because if my mom new, then she would press charges on him... so thats y i did it... it was so hard because i dont believe in them so i talked to my dad and he said it was my decision to get one or not... but he helped me come up with the decision... im never goin to get another one, so thats y i was asking bout the charges she could press on him.

Even if you are in love, it is probably not a good idea to get pregnant at your age. Can your mother try to get him arrested? She can try, but it likely will not happen because in cases like these the prosecutor rarely will bring charges and prosecute them even if a criminal complaint is made. I am not giving an absolute because how these sorts of things are handled vary from place to place and usually the bigger the place, the more major criminal issues exist so this kinda thing is not really prosecuted unless an extreme case. But in some smaller areas, these things are prosecuted sometimes, though this does not sound like that kind of situation.

i was pregnant, but i had to get an abortion because if my mom new, then she would press charges on him

<VERY BIG SIGH> I'll refrain from commenting on this other than to say, the only guaranteed way not to get pregnant is *not to have sex*. If, however, you simply can't help yourself (and all it takes is a little restraint) then please make sure that you're using birth control and that you’re using it properly. And actually, I'd recommend that you use TWO forms of birth control.

under 16 female pregnant by 20 year old is not legal.

For a moment, think back to when you were about 8 years old. Can you remember things that seemed so important to you then that are somehow less important now? Try to imagine how much differently you will feel 8 years from now about things you are experiencing today. My heart aches for you that you had to terminate your pregnany, but try to realize that you have a chance now to start over. Enjoy life, grow up, be young and learn to make good decisions. Then when you are ready you will be a more productive mother for your child. Good Luck Dear, Greensboro NC :o

P.S. If he truly loves you now, he will still love you when you are really ready for a life-long commitment.

The 5 years between you and him may be enough for a mandatory charge of Sexual Imposition in Ohio, if I am not incorrect. If the DA becomes aware of the situation, he is quite possibly statutorily obligated to file charges.

Try and figure out a way to get counseling on this issue. Perhaps Planned Parenthood, or a minister or priest can be of service, or community mental health.

There are factors in this dynamic that you cannot see for being too close to the action.

If it were love, he could wait.

The abortion thing is a big red light saying that you are not handling this as well as you could and could use some help.

Trusted adult advice, face to face would benefit you enormously. Find one of the good guys and get help sorting it out.

By any standard I can think of, this is "abuse of a minor." :(

sodeeplyinlove,

I don't have any legal advice to give you, but I'm hoping I can help you out a bit. :)
I was in a very similar situation. At 16 I met my husband who was 20 and was pregnant within a month. I almost had an abortion, but I knew I could never live with myself if I did. I was very scared. Although I knew my husband (boyfriend at the time), loved me and I loved him. I panicked and ran. Eventually we got back together, but we struggled for a very long time. I was determined to finish school no matter what, so he was the only one with a job, a busboy at a restaraunt. My daughter is ten now, and although I love her very much, I have a lot of regret of becoming a mother so young. I couldn't go to college, I couldn't hang out with friends, I couldn't be irresponsibly fun, I had a kid, and I had to be the mother. Right now, you're probally thinking that having a kid will solve all your problems, or that it will somehow bring you and your boyfriend closer together. Having a kid changes everything, even love. It takes a lot of responsibility, patience, love, and committment to raise a child. And in all that there is tons of stress, hopelessness, and doubts. Having been in your situation I can tell you that it is not at all easy. During the first years of my daughter life my husband and I split up several times before we finally grew up and could committ to each other as adults. When you're 16 you don't understand that committment is a life time promise. When two people have a child together it permanently links those two people together for life, wether they are married or not. Before you can share something so precious as a child you have to ask yourself wether or not the two of you are ready for such a committment. Are you really ready to share your life with just one person? I'm assuming you are a junior in highschool. You have a whole life ahead of you. You have so much to accomplish and so much to look forward to. These are the best years of your life, YOUR LIFE, use them wisely. Don't let some 20 year old who thinks he's more mature than you con you into believing that you have to make a committment now. If he truely loves you he will stick around and wait until you are old enough and responsible enough to make those life changing disiscions. I wish someone would have told me the same thing when I was your age. I can honestly say at sixteen I was bullheaded and obnoxious, I probally would not have listened. But if I can stop one person from making the same mistake I did, it will make a world of difference. I do not believe in abortions, but what's done is done, you got your life back, DON'T make the same mistake twice. I can't convince you not to have sex, but if you do, PLEASE be responsible. Remember this is YOUR LIFE. YOU will be the one that has to carry this child for nine months. YOU will be the one that has to give birth, and let me tell you it's not all fun and games. Child birth is the worst pain anyone can ever feel, don't think drugs can help it because they usually don't start administering the drugs until you are fully dialated, and in order to get those drugs they have to stick a VERY LONG THICK needle in your spinal cord. And afterwards YOU will be the one that has to be it's mother for 18 years, protecting it, feeding it, clothing it, giving it a roof over it's head, and eventually trying to prevent it from making the same mistake you made. And through all these years, YOU will be the one giving up your freedom, wishing you would have done something different. Please just take my advice, the next time you decide you have to have sex, think about all I have told you. It only takes one time, don't fool yourself into thinking that it can't happen every single time, and don't let him fool you into thinking anything different, because it can. I have three kids now, and it only took once for all of them. I was lucky, I got a good man, maybe you did too, but do you really want to chance it? A man's true colors are never seen until he becomes a father. I have heard of many horror stories where a teenager thinks she's in love and gets pregant. At first the man is completely caring and excited about having a child, but once it's born he realizes it's not so easy, he's got to work two jobs just to beable to buy diapers and formula, he decides he can't hack it and bails. Leaving the mother to care for the child all by herself, refusing to pay child support. These stories aren't just made up to scare teenagers into not having sex, they are true stories that happened to real people. Don't become another statistic in teenage pregnancy. Enjoy your life as a teenager while you can, because these years will fly by right before your eyes. Ten years from now your going to want to look at your life and honestly say that you have no regrets.

Okay, I've rambled on enough. I really hope you think about things. You have your own mind, I know you will make a smart choice.

Good luck.

Steph

thank you steph for the advice and everything else you told me. my boyfriend and i both wanted the baby sooo bad. before i even knew i was pregnant, we had gotten into trouble with my mom and she said to him if i find out she is pregnant, you are going to jail. so therefore i knew what i had to do. i dont believe in abortions either but i didnt want him to go to jail. i regret the abortion so much. i cry everytime i think about it or when someone talks about it. and what makes it even worse is that after i had the abortion, i cried all the time even around my mother... finally i told her what i had done after making her promise to me she wouldnt do anyting and she said that she did the same thing when she was 15 and it killed her. she said she would have had me and charles get married... but during the previous 2 weeks all i heard was "if you are pregnant, hes going to jail." so i dont know if i made the right decision by having the abortion or if it was the wrong decision... i am 15 right now, but i turn 16 in 2 days... august 4th. when im 16, i want a baby, and i want to get married. now that i have talked to my mom about it i know what she will do.. she said she would make me and charles get married. so now that i know what would happen, im happy about that. i want to marry him and he wants to marry me, we both want a baby right now, and at the same time, i get out of my mom and dads house... my life would be so much better. maybe not easier but it would be better. i wish i would have been like you and just told my mom i was pregnant and had the baby... now that i had the abortion, it will haunt me for the rest of my life. thank you for eveything.

I can't imagine what it must be like to live with the decision you made, but what's done is done. You have YOUR life back. I meant everything I said. Don't rush into adulthood when you still have your whole life ahead of you. You will have plenty of years of responsibilty on your back. I hate to say it, but these are the years you get crazy, have fun, go out with your friends and party all night. That is what being a teenager is all about. Not being a mother. The problem with young people today is that you want to grow up so fast, you think your life would be so much better, but it wont. I promise you it wont. I wish so much I could have those years back. My mother and I had a lot of problems too. I couldn't wait to be free of her and all her lousy rules. She wouldn't let me do anything and that just made me more angry. I ran away several times before the age of 17, I was in and out of a safe home, stayed with anyone who would have me, including my boyfriends. At 16, I met my husband and was living with him within the week. Did we love each other? Probally not. If you would of asked me than, I would of said, yes definitly. Love takes many years to grow. It took a lot of hard times and break ups for my husband and I to realize, that yes we loved each other. Back then, we were too young to understand love. Right now, you're most likely convinced that yes this is love. And that is fine. Let that love grow before you committ to raising a child together. I know you don't want to hear it, but you are still a child yourself. Think about what kind of life you would be bringing this child into. I don't know your boyfriends financial situation, maybe it's good, but you still have to finish highschool, prepare your life, so that when it's time to have children, you won't have to struggle to give that child everything it needs. The one thing I truely regret is not being able to go to college. When I was little I used to preach about how I was going to wait to get married until after I went to college and became a lawyer, became rich, have a bunch a kids, and give them everything they want. Life doesn't always turn out how we want it to. But right now YOU hold your life in your hands. YOU have the power to control how the next ten years of your life are going to play out. You have a second chance. There is always a better way to sort out your problems. You don't have to get pregnant to be with your boyfriend. Don't ever think that. I was VERY VERY lucky. I had a mom that supported me, and was willing to watch my daughter while I finished highschool, because I was determined. Like I said, my mother and I went through A LOT of hard times, she ended up finding out I was pregnant through my sister. She came to me. Which really floored me. Plus, I had a boyfriend who was willing to work two jobs just to keep us afloat, and still does. The times we split up, I had no problems with child support. Men like that don't come around everyday.

My suggestion to you, is to sit down with your mother, and have a very long talk about what you are going through. If you don't feel comfortable about talking to her face to face, write her a letter. Letters are good, because it allows the person to soak everything in, then calm down before addressing the issue. She already knows about the abortion, so just tell her how you feel and everything that is going on within yourself. Don't accuse her of anything, because that would only make her angry. Explain to her that right now you're in love with this boy, it may not always be, but right now you feel like he's the only one in the world that understands you and you need him and he needs you. Tell her you don't want to sneak around and hide your relationship, that you want to be honest with her. (Parents love honesty). But that you're afraid she won't accept him, and afraid that might cause a bigger rift between you and her. Tell her point blank that you need her, and you need her trust, because without her you're afraid you might make the wrong choices. Explain to her that due to the latest situation, you feel that it is necessary for some kind of birth control. (IF you tell her this, she will see that you are being responsible, and that she can trust you, and believe you can make the right desicions in a relationship.) Ask her if it is alright if maybe you could have him over for dinner, just so that she can get to know him better. Maybe if she knows him, she might like him. DON'T tell her that the two of you are planning to get married, that will set her off. Just say that for now the two of you would just like to be together, maybe it will work out, maybe it won't. But it's important that she trusts you in making that decision. The main point is that, if she sees you trying to be responsible, the more she is going to trust you. If she can trust you, she will trust that you can make the right choices, and that she has nothing to fear from a twenty year old man in her daughter's life, therefore won't feel threatened by him, or feel obliged to press charges. BUT, you have to prove yourself. Don't just say these things, do it. I guarantee that if you tell her you want birth control, she will feel a lot better about the relationship. But you have to actually use them, because if you get pregnant, you will lose her trust all over again.

Sorry for rambling. I just want you to understand that being an adult is a lot more tougher than you realize. The moment you have a child, you have no choice, but to become that adult. Your just a kid yourself. Give yourself some time to grow, enjoy the years you have ahead. If you follow the advice I'm giving you, I know without a doubt, ten years from now, you are going to look back and think about this post, and realize it was the best choice you ever made. I can't stop you from getting pregnant, but realize how unfair it would be to the child. A child deserves to come into this world with a mother who has lived and learned through life, a mother who doesn't regret making the wrong choices. Which you will. I regret it everyday of my life. I lost my teenage years. Don't lose yours.

Steph

the thing is that, me and him have been together 1 year on august 4th, my birthday.... so she knows him, he has been over here many times, she used to let us go in his car to the movies, the store... things like that, but now that we have gotten into trouble with her, she dont want him over here no more and she dont even want me talkin to him but he calls here anyway she cant really stop him... but i cant talk to my mom about anything... it was so hard telling her about the abortion... she knows im in love wit him, she knows we want to get married and have kids together... all of it. she just dont care. but thank you so much for everything you have told me... i have already lost my teenage years. im not allowed to go anywhere without her, not allowed to go with friends anywhere. i have to do all the fun stuff at my dads. she wont let me get my license or a car, and she wouldnt let me get a job for a long time. i had gotten a job but as soon as she found out that charles had applied there after me and had got a job, she wouldnt let me work. she wouldnt let me work anywhere. she has taken away my teenage years so i feel i have already lost them. actually, i never had them. but thatnks again, i really appreciate your advice and it helps talking to you seems how we are pretty much alike.

I bet you that You dont even read this anymore. that you and him broke up and your relationship with your MOm is better.

Thank you both for posting this.. It really helps me with the life choices that I'm making right now.

when im 16, i want a baby, and i want to get married.

That is just terrible. Do you know how hard it would be to be a mom at the age of 16? Throw your social life away, possibly throw high school away too.

That is just terrible. Do you know how hard it would be to be a mom at the age of 16? Throw your social life away, possibly throw high school away too.

This thread is a YEAR old. Check out the threads from the CHILD that responded before you.