As a single parent I am always up against the cost of something new for the children. Either it's medical for doctor appointments or prescriptions or school supplies, extracurricular sports, and the neverending and never full stomachs. How many other parents feel they don't receive enough in child support to adequately support their needs and if you are the non custodial parent do you think you pay too much or just right?

Well, child support isn't supposed to pay everything. The custodial parent is supposed to be contributing the same amount to the raising of a child. It requires more than one parent's money to raise a child. I receive an adequate amount and contibute the same or more, very gladly to all those activities, etc. donna d

Very true, but if in the last 7 years only one parent has been providing everything (and I do mean everything) to the wellbeing of 4 children it just doesn't seem right for a man who lives 20 miles away and chooses not to see his kids in 3 years to have little to no responsibilty to help with them. I think it is sickening that a "parent" could go that long without seeing their children let alone expect a mother to raise them all sufficiently on her income. Do you have such issues with your child/ren's father? Does he participate in their lives or simply feel having money garnished from his check is being a "good" enough parent? Do you feel $125.00 a week for 4 children adequately covers much more than just groceries, not including the school breakfasts and lunches? A phone call for a little help with football or soccer ends up being an argument from a man that thinks his $125.00 is too much already. Funny, I pay $300.00 a month just to cover their insurance. He pays not one dime. Same with co pays and prescriptions. School supplies? School registration? School clothes? Yep, once again I pay it all. It is disheartening to think I stuggle all the while he accepts no responsibilty whatsoever. I believe the court system should require parents to step up to the bat no matter what their income is. If I have to work overtime to buy the extras for the boys, I think a judge should require the father to do the same. Am I wrong in thinking this way?

Another post to you. In your divorce decree does it say he is responsible for paying half of medical expenses? Send in the receipts to the agency that is handeling this for you. Also ask if you do go back to court that he is responsible for paying half of the insurance also. they will deduct both of these things from his paycheck. Send in all your receipts even from years back and make him complain if he doesn't like it. I don't know if they will make him pay it all but you can try. If you don't ask you don't get.

I would like to invite you to my group since I see that you are having Child Support issues in Illinois. Please feel free to join, chat and check out the links. I will help you in anyway I can as I have been trying to collect and studing the CS laws in Illinois for 8 years.

Post message: ChildSupportinIllinois@yahoogroups.com
Subscribe: ChildSupportinIllinois-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsubscribe: ChildSupportinIllinois-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
List owner: ChildSupportinIllinois-owner@yahoogroups.com

Hope to see you there!!
Dawn-IL

Thank you for giving me more information and support with the Illinois Child Support forums. This has been a very beneficial start for me.

Please let me know if there is a subject that you would like more information on.
Dawn-IL

Well, child support isn't supposed to pay everything. The custodial parent is supposed to be contributing the same amount to the raising of a child. It requires more than one parent's money to raise a child. I receive an adequate amount and contibute the same or more, very gladly to all those activities, etc. donna d

I completely agree. Child support isn't awarded so that you can pay for whatever is needed. It is awarded based on both your incomes, if your ex's income isn't very high, you won't get very much, no matter what your expenses are. On the other hand if he had a high salary, you'd be getting plenty to pay all expenses and more - would that be fair? Yes. Child support uses both incomes in order to provide a similar life-style as if the parents were together. If your incomes together aren't very much, you wouldn't be able to afford things even if you weren't divorced.

Very true, but if in the last 7 years only one parent has been providing everything (and I do mean everything) to the wellbeing of 4 children it just doesn't seem right for a man who lives 20 miles away and chooses not to see his kids in 3 years to have little to no responsibilty to help with them. I think it is sickening that a "parent" could go that long without seeing their children let alone expect a mother to raise them all sufficiently on her income. Do you have such issues with your child/ren's father? Does he participate in their lives or simply feel having money garnished from his check is being a "good" enough parent? Do you feel $125.00 a week for 4 children adequately covers much more than just groceries, not including the school breakfasts and lunches? A phone call for a little help with football or soccer ends up being an argument from a man that thinks his $125.00 is too much already. Funny, I pay $300.00 a month just to cover their insurance. He pays not one dime. Same with co pays and prescriptions. School supplies? School registration? School clothes? Yep, once again I pay it all. It is disheartening to think I stuggle all the while he accepts no responsibilty whatsoever. I believe the court system should require parents to step up to the bat no matter what their income is. If I have to work overtime to buy the extras for the boys, I think a judge should require the father to do the same. Am I wrong in thinking this way?

I know where you are coming from. It doesn't seem fair, but it's hard to determine what is "fair". First, he should be paying 1/2 of all medical, if he isn't ordered to, you should have that changed. I am in the same situation, my ex thinks I'm totally wrong to even take the amount that the court says he has to pay - he says I have no integrity. Ha ha. Meanwhile, I provide way more for the kids than his support will ever pay. (does he thank me? no!)Instead of constantly being upset that he is complaining and not there for the kids - be proud of yourself for providing well for them and feel good about that. Many families who aren't divorced can't provide "extras" for thier kids either - should the court make them "step up to the plate"? So while I understand your plea, you can’t expect the courts to force him to pay the amount that will cover the lifestyle you choose for them.

I know where you are coming from. It doesn't seem fair, but it's hard to determine what is "fair". First, he should be paying 1/2 of all medical, if he isn't ordered to, you should have that changed. I am in the same situation, my ex thinks I'm totally wrong to even take the amount that the court says he has to pay - he says I have no integrity. Ha ha. Meanwhile, I provide way more for the kids than his support will ever pay. (does he thank me? no!)Instead of constantly being upset that he is complaining and not there for the kids - be proud of yourself for providing well for them and feel good about that. Many families who aren't divorced can't provide "extras" for thier kids either - should the court make them "step up to the plate"? So while I understand your plea, you can’t expect the courts to force him to pay the amount that will cover the lifestyle you choose for them.

That is true...just because we would all like to have bigger, better homes doesn't mean we can have them. It does however mean that I contribute a much as I can to provide for my children. It's like the kid who wanted a new bike for Christmas...if it were my child I'd work those extra hours to make sure my child had a gift to remember whether or not I had a two income family. All I am saying is that when we divorced my children were not into sports yet. Heck, they were 9 months, 2, 4 and 5 at the time. Not even really school age yet. They would have been into sports if we were together. Should he not contribute now? I'm certainly not looking for the rich lifestyle, but I would like to know that if I pay for the registration for school that I can also have enough to buy the boys school supplies and a few new shirts and pants. So what is a single parent to do? Let the children go without supplies? Their father has plenty to buy the new family game boxes and toys, why can't his 4 other children be allowed to enjoy their lives just as well. I'm not bitter that we can't live a high and mighty lifestyle. I've never had one, and frankly don't care to. I do resent the fact that my boys have never known a father. Any man can make a baby, it takes a father to help raise and nuture them. They have never gotten a call on their birthdays and they dont even get a present at Christmas or their birthdays and this man lives 20 miles away. If he won't be there in the physical sense the least he can do is be there to provide them with the necessities that I can't. I bust my butt to do the very best I can, spend time with my children, keep a roof over their heads and put my life on hold to get them through the tough years. What has he contributed to their lives? Enough to buy a weeks worth of dinners. No love, no kindness and certainly not a father figure. Raise four boys on your own...no outside help, working to barely pay the bills, and wouldn't you know it..even with making what I do I can't get financial help. Do you not hear the despair more than the bitterness?

That is true...just because we would all like to have bigger, better homes doesn't mean we can have them. It does however mean that I contribute a much as I can to provide for my children. It's like the kid who wanted a new bike for Christmas...if it were my child I'd work those extra hours to make sure my child had a gift to remember whether or not I had a two income family. All I am saying is that when we divorced my children were not into sports yet. Heck, they were 9 months, 2, 4 and 5 at the time. Not even really school age yet. They would have been into sports if we were together. Should he not contribute now? I'm certainly not looking for the rich lifestyle, but I would like to know that if I pay for the registration for school that I can also have enough to buy the boys school supplies and a few new shirts and pants. So what is a single parent to do? Let the children go without supplies? Their father has plenty to buy the new family game boxes and toys, why can't his 4 other children be allowed to enjoy their lives just as well. I'm not bitter that we can't live a high and mighty lifestyle. I've never had one, and frankly don't care to. I do resent the fact that my boys have never known a father. Any man can make a baby, it takes a father to help raise and nuture them. They have never gotten a call on their birthdays and they dont even get a present at Christmas or their birthdays and this man lives 20 miles away. If he won't be there in the physical sense the least he can do is be there to provide them with the necessities that I can't. I bust my butt to do the very best I can, spend time with my children, keep a roof over their heads and put my life on hold to get them through the tough years. What has he contributed to their lives? Enough to buy a weeks worth of dinners. No love, no kindness and certainly not a father figure. Raise four boys on your own...no outside help, working to barely pay the bills, and wouldn't you know it..even with making what I do I can't get financial help. Do you not hear the despair more than the bitterness?

A couple of weeks ago me and several other posters advised you to seek a modification of CS, I'm wondering if you have filed for that yet, and if so, how is it going?

Also, a friend of mine told me earlier that when she needed to prove that her ex was working a second job getting paid cash she was able to get video of him working at his second job. Is there anyone you know who can keep an eye on your ex and maybe get pictures or video of him working a second job?
It sure is alot cheaper than hiring a PI.
xena

I don't know about your state, but in Utah, they will not figure income from a 2nd job for cs. If a ncp is working 80 hours a week at 1 job, they can figure his total income, but if he is working 2 jobs, 40 hours each, they can only figure income from 1 fulltime job. Wierd, but that's how it works here, so proving a 2nd job wouldn't make a difference.

JerseyJen - I do feel your despair, and I am sorry you are in that situation! It does totally suck. All I was trying to say earlier is that you can be proud of yourself for doing what you can. I agree that a father should step up and help out, especially if he can afford it. But the reality is that if he doesn't want to, he doesn't have to pay any "extra", and the court will only award a minimal amount to cover necessities. Unfortunately, sports activities are not necessities. No court will force a father to pay half of those. I don't get enough child support to pay for my kids activities either, I pay for them 100% myself (the child support goes towards the kids portion of living expenses and food, it doesn't cover anything else). Your best bet is either increasing your income or getting remarried and once again providing a 2 income lifestyle for your kids.

Boy, if you only knew how many times I've dreamed of getting remarried! Finding that special fellow who would give my boys a male role model, a father figure and a little more security. It's been 7 years. Obviously the stars haven't aligned in my heavens or I just haven't tripped over the right man. Whatever the case might be...I think the courts allow noncustodial parents to get away with murder. It's absolutely absurd that a man can have nothing to do with the children he brought into this world, provide a measily amount (which I suppose I should be grateful for getting at all) and the ability to move on with his life to a whole new family without dealing with the emotional ups and downs of raising 4 boys, not to mention two just reaching their teenage years. (you know, the years where they think they know more than we do?) I think if the courts cracked down more on "those" parents maybe we wouldn't have a world full of divorced single parents that can't provide the lives our parents had. We wonder why the world is the way that it is...children shooting other kids, drugs rampant in middle schools, girls no older than 12 or 13 getting pregnant. Did anyone ever stop to think that maybe its because too many of us parents are working too hard to raise our children alone? Not home enough because we have to work ourselves to death to put a roof over their heads and food in their tummies? That in order to qualify for any assistance at all you have to practically be making nothing or little to nothing? I don't make nearly enough to support four children alone, yet the state says I make too much for them to help in assistance. To request a modification in child support requires a trip to the courts again. That would require me to come up with the money to actually take him back in and since he'll come with a lawyer, I'm obviously going to need one,too (Yes, Xena..it's been checked into). While I don't want to be one of those parents crying a "tear in their beer" (which I don't drink, mind you), but it amazes me why this generation is the way it is. Not from the lack of the custodial parent trying to raise them in the best possible way that they can, but because there is another person who brought them into the world that doesn't do their part and the court system simply lets them walk away without any actual recourse for their actions. I feel an Oprah moment coming on here.....

Let me give you the flip side...My Husband and I (Yes, I am the step-mom) have my step-daughter 50% of the month and her mom the other 50%...We still pay 500.00 a month support. We pay for full medical and dental insurance...mom contributes nothing to that. We pay for every expense we incur while my step daughter is with us i.e. school supplies, school lunches, extra grocery bill,clothes at our house, etc etc...we also split any and all activities i.e. girl scout troops and swim team etc etc...... Remember all of this ON TOP OF CHILD SUPPPORT........ Mom has been on 4 trips this year WITHOUT her daughter and still has the nerve to ask that we send clothes from our house to her apt because she doesn't have the money to pay for clothes for her daughter....
I am reading all these posts and think " are we the only ones paying Child Support and we have the child 50% of time"? I guess that would be another topic for a post...........
Let me say that are a lot parents(fathers) that see their children, and pay for them to live a similar life style at the other house......... At the expense of not going on Family trips so the EX can!

even though money aint the issue for me bec there is no child support amount that can value my childs life, i do believe that 675 a month is outrageous. i have shared parental responsibility, yet im denied it all the time, courts are slow, time is precious, and it is those types of people out there that are only concerned about money, that make the laws more and more complicated for those parents that really dont deserve any such hardships. money is a very evil invention, that has ruined many live's...and it's the only thing people worry about in life, no matter who you are includin i, we all worry about money bec everything requires it.

i recieve 40 a week for an infant. By the time i buy diapers, baby food, formula, ect... he's getting off cheap, plus i pay her insurance and so on. But what can i do when he only wants to make 6$ an hour

Another post to you. In your divorce decree does it say he is responsible for paying half of medical expenses? Send in the receipts to the agency that is handeling this for you. Also ask if you do go back to court that he is responsible for paying half of the insurance also. they will deduct both of these things from his paycheck. Send in all your receipts even from years back and make him complain if he doesn't like it. I don't know if they will make him pay it all but you can try. If you don't ask you don't get.

What do you do if the one owing the support keeps quitting his job or continues to "get hurt" at work and is off because of it?

It's been awhile since this survey has been up...I'm wondering how some of the new readers feel about their child support.....

It's been awhile since this survey has been up...I'm wondering how some of the new readers feel about their child support.....

I think mine is getting over with the support he's ordered to pay. Like one of the moms said on here about the new infant after milk, diapers, wipes, sitter fees and health insurance...your check as well as the cs is pretty much gone for the week.

Hello

I am mom and step mom...

Right now I have not recieved a support payment since April of 2005 and for 6 months prior to that it was only half of the 760 a month that I recieved for 3 kids, teenagers. My ex got hurt falling off a ladder (yes he was dumb enough to get on a ladder outside in December in the snow). This rather than look for a job in the field he had worked in for 20+ years Hotel management. He figured he would milk the unemployment because the place he was working shut down and work under the table.

well obviously that back fired. Broke leg and broke left arm in 6 or 7 places.

after 3 months doc says he needs surgery on arm.......

He has finally applied for SSDI and SSI hopefully he will be approved. I begged him to apply in April but he said he would be back to work shortly oh dont worry hun i will be back to work in no time.. well PTfor 3 months PT for 3 more months and then doc says he need another surgery. well in NOvember i demanded that he apply for SS. I was furious ....... NOt that he was hurt but because of the assinine way he handled the whole shabang......

His wanting to milk the unemployment has cost me almost 10,000 by this point. His refusing to apply for ss the first and second times i begged him too has meant major financial hardship for my family. Thank God I had my mother's estate money to fall back on. I have always trusted him to support the kids and he has for the most part been great about it.

I am just furious with him for not doing the right thing and looking for another job in his industry immediately and causing this all by his stupidity. Not that there is any thing that can be done about it now it just UGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

His experience could have had him working immediately after he lost his job I even had an interview set up for him that he blew off in Nov before this all happened..

But we try to make the best of it all. I even had him, and his gf and dad and brothers over for a few holidays because i know they can't afford to put a holiday dinner together for the kids to enjoy. But i am still mad as heck at him. But I try not to let it effect the relationship that we have for the sake of the kids.

Now the other side of the fence...........

We pay 680 a month for 2 kids and pay for half travel expenses and get no break on support during the summer even when we have them for over half of it. But this is a huge break from what we used to pay. My DH paid the ex PBFH alimony for 7 years 3 longer than he was married for. While she lived with someone else & collected rental income on the house that they owned together not to mention worked as a real-estate agent and made twice as much as my husband.

I have been able to put a sizeable amount away for my kids for college in irrevokeable trusts that were started by my mother until I got hurt at work in 2001.

We have no college funds for his kids though. I feel because it was my income getting put aside that I did not owe extra to the other kids. Until I got hurt 80% of the household income was mine if not more. My DH had a net income of 150 a week to live on until the support was finally lowered in 2001 when alimony was dropped and then support was agreed upon in 2003 was just child support.

I feel this is a fair amount for 2 kids. I just hope she put some of the alimony away that she collected while she was living with her husband to be because when the kids emancipate she won't see another penny. My husband does not make enough to be held accountable for college expenses in our state and with the 2 little children to support the courts will never order him to pay in a million years.

Fortunately for me I can hide about 80% of my income when I work from the court system. So she will never be able to prove we are bringing in even half of what we do. I feel that she took him for broke for years so i will not feel guilty at all about hiding all of our income when it comes down to it in 5 years.

Actually he can retire at that point he will have over 30 yrs with the FED Gov. And then I can support him!!! LOL

sorry so long

spouting off at the mouth today just got done pricing airline tickets for spring break and they are outrageous..................

rini

Hello

I am mom and step mom...

Right now I have not recieved a support payment since April of 2005 and for 6 months prior to that it was only half of the 760 a month that I recieved for 3 kids, teenagers. My ex got hurt falling off a ladder (yes he was dumb enough to get on a ladder outside in December in the snow). This rather than look for a job in the field he had worked in for 20+ years Hotel management. He figured he would milk the unemployment because the place he was working shut down and work under the table.

well obviously that back fired. Broke leg and broke left arm in 6 or 7 places.

after 3 months doc says he needs surgery on arm.......

He has finally applied for SSDI and SSI hopefully he will be approved. I begged him to apply in April but he said he would be back to work shortly oh dont worry hun i will be back to work in no time.. well PTfor 3 months PT for 3 more months and then doc says he need another surgery. well in NOvember i demanded that he apply for SS. I was furious ....... NOt that he was hurt but because of the assinine way he handled the whole shabang......

His wanting to milk the unemployment has cost me almost 10,000 by this point. His refusing to apply for ss the first and second times i begged him too has meant major financial hardship for my family. Thank God I had my mother's estate money to fall back on. I have always trusted him to support the kids and he has for the most part been great about it.

I am just furious with him for not doing the right thing and looking for another job in his industry immediately and causing this all by his stupidity. Not that there is any thing that can be done about it now it just UGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

His experience could have had him working immediately after he lost his job I even had an interview set up for him that he blew off in Nov before this all happened..

But we try to make the best of it all. I even had him, and his gf and dad and brothers over for a few holidays because i know they can't afford to put a holiday dinner together for the kids to enjoy. But i am still mad as heck at him. But I try not to let it effect the relationship that we have for the sake of the kids.

Now the other side of the fence...........

We pay 680 a month for 2 kids and pay for half travel expenses and get no break on support during the summer even when we have them for over half of it. But this is a huge break from what we used to pay. My DH paid the ex PBFH alimony for 7 years 3 longer than he was married for. While she lived with someone else & collected rental income on the house that they owned together not to mention worked as a real-estate agent and made twice as much as my husband.

I have been able to put a sizeable amount away for my kids for college in irrevokeable trusts that were started by my mother until I got hurt at work in 2001.

We have no college funds for his kids though. I feel because it was my income getting put aside that I did not owe extra to the other kids. Until I got hurt 80% of the household income was mine if not more. My DH had a net income of 150 a week to live on until the support was finally lowered in 2001 when alimony was dropped and then support was agreed upon in 2003 was just child support.

I feel this is a fair amount for 2 kids. I just hope she put some of the alimony away that she collected while she was living with her husband to be because when the kids emancipate she won't see another penny. My husband does not make enough to be held accountable for college expenses in our state and with the 2 little children to support the courts will never order him to pay in a million years.

Fortunately for me I can hide about 80% of my income when I work from the court system. So she will never be able to prove we are bringing in even half of what we do. I feel that she took him for broke for years so i will not feel guilty at all about hiding all of our income when it comes down to it in 5 years.

Actually he can retire at that point he will have over 30 yrs with the FED Gov. And then I can support him!!! LOL

sorry so long

spouting off at the mouth today just got done pricing airline tickets for spring break and they are outrageous..................

rini

Now i understand you Rini....i feel your pain

My CS order in Illinois is for 1/2 medical for the ex to pay me but something that I found out is that Illinois does not enforce this through CSE even if the order states as so, You would have to take him to Family court yourself for the medical Which is sad!
I dont feel that I get enough support at all at $48 a week for CS and 7 a week towards medical Premiums when the insurance is $300 a month His support barely covers his 1/2 of medical premiums at this point I did file for modification and it is a long long road!

Child support will only enforce child support and insurance. They will not enforce the medical reimbursements. You would have to hire an attorney to do that, or since you already have an order you could do it pro se. File a motion, take your order for reimbursement to court with you and all the medical bills and petition the courts to make him pay. This is another one of those things that need to be changed in the system.

My CS order in Illinois is for 1/2 medical for the ex to pay me but something that I found out is that Illinois does not enforce this through CSE even if the order states as so, You would have to take him to Family court yourself for the medical Which is sad!
I dont feel that I get enough support at all at $48 a week for CS and 7 a week towards medical Premiums when the insurance is $300 a month His support barely covers his 1/2 of medical premiums at this point I did file for modification and it is a long long road!

I ran into this same problem too. I kept a good log of all medical expenses for my children and send receipts and the log to my ex once a month. He never paid anything towards the medical. I knew I couldn't force collection unless I took it to court. I contacted an attorney and he wrote a "warning" letter to my ex (it cost me $100), just reminding him that he is ordered to pay 1/2 medical expenses and that we demanded he start paying $150 / month towards the back-amounts he owed. We said in the letter that if he did not start paying this amount that we would file a motion to hold him in contempt of court (for failing to abide by the court order to pay 1/2 of medical expenses) and reduce the back-amount to a judgement -which once that happens, you can garnish wages for the judegment. In the letter it also stated that if we had to take that action, we would ask the judge for him to pay my attorney's fees. It was worth the $100, because I didn't really have to go to court and pay the attorney for all that, etc., the warning letter did the trick. (for now).