I dont want my gf's child, but i dont want to pay support either. I dont feel like i should have to. She decieved me, by telling me that she could not have children and then one day she just pops up and tells me she is pregnant. I am not ready for this and I am in no shape to be paying support either. what to do??

Sounds to me like a case of "paying the consequences for your actions". She may have deceived you but you still made your own decision to do it. You might want to talk to her about signing over your rights (if she will agree to it) so that you won't be obligated to pay , otherwise she is probably entitled to child support from you. After all, a child is a huge financial responsibility and you're wanting to leave it all up to the mother. Maybe you should think about giving fatherhood a chance...you may like it.

You can ask her if she will accept you voluntarily terminating your parental rights, so that you will pay no support and have no dealings with the child. She does not have to accept that. If she does not, then you could possibly end up having no custody or visitation rights, but still being liable for child support. I also suggest that you speak with an attorney.

This is crazy!! I dont understand how this can happen to me. She straight out lied to me and then i have to pay for her lies!! And she is the type of woman that would not do that just to try and hurt me.

I know right now you feel betrayed by her, but think of your unborn child, This is your flesh and blood, don't give it up without a try. I married my husband who has a child with another woman and she adores her daddy even though her Mom and Dad aren't together. Financially my husband and I can't afford child support and we scrape by but I look at it this way, his daughter didn't ask to be born so why should she live her life not knowing her Daddy. When thinking of giving this child up totally to the mother think about how the child will feel when he or she grows up (abandoned by daddy). Choose wisely, your decissions could affect your childs entire life. :rolleyes:

I dont want my gf's child, but i dont want to pay support either. I dont feel like i should have to. She decieved me, by telling me that she could not have children and then one day she just pops up and tells me she is pregnant. I am not ready for this and I am in no shape to be paying support either. what to do??

PRAY!!!
If you knew you were not ready for children, why did you not use protection to prevent unwanted child birth? People lie. I wouldn't let anyone force me into a situation I know I'm not ready for. Learn from this and protect yourself in the future. As far as support I feel you should be responsible. You may also want to sign over your rights as the father but YOU made a choice to have unprotected sex and you should be glad a child is the least of your worries. AIDS is something you can't get rid of not to mention the other sexually transmitted diseases out there.

For the record, being a parent is not so bad. I don't think any of us are ever "ready"to be a parent but you try and do your very best. Good Luck.

Well If You Feel That Betrayed By Her Then Do You Believe It Could Be Your Child? The Reason I Am Asking Is Because A Dna Test Could Be Done Once The Child Is Born To Determine If It Is Yours. Of Course That Won't Help You If The Baby Is Yours But If It Isn't, Then You Are Not Obligated To Pay Support. Maybe That Could Be An Optinon. Otherwise, I Would Say Do The Right Thing And Take Responsibility For It. Take It From Me (i Didn't Know My Real Dad Until Two Years Ago And I Am 35 Now) The Child Will Be Curious And You May Have To Deal With A Lot Of Regrets In The Future. Take Care!

I dont want my gf's child, but i dont want to pay support either. I dont feel like i should have to. She decieved me, by telling me that she could not have children and then one day she just pops up and tells me she is pregnant. I am not ready for this and I am in no shape to be paying support either. what to do??

It depends on what state you live in. But I got pregnant when i was 15 had her when i was 16. But her daddy has had her sence April 1995(nine months old) my Deal is i havent had her so why should i pay child support As of April 2005 i am 22,000 behind, Well now i gave up all my rights to her no visitations unless he agrees to it. I cant afford it, and the same here he supposedly had a complete visetamy(sp) because of (quote) on (quote)
cancer. well a year went by and i never did get pregnant, then oops and i was mad.

Crazy2276665,
You have to pay child support because you gave birth to that child, just because you have choosen not to see your child does not mean you are not responsible for helping support that child. Reguardless weither or not you see your child you still have to pay. My husband has a 10 year old daughter and believe me I would love to save that money every month that we pay for her but when he was younger he played so now he has to pay.

I think there are some states where you can sign over your parental rights regardless of what the mother wants. I can't see how you can force a person to be a parent if they don't want to. Just like in adoption... if the mother and/or father doesn't want the child or can't keep the child, no one forces them to be that child's parent. I know everyone is saying that he should at least try to be a father, but who knows, maybe both he and the child will be better off without each other. I am adopted and I know that I was better off with a different mother and different father than what was orignially dealt to me.

I dont think that it is the child so much as that i feel betrayed by the mother so much that how can i trust her in the future?? Half of me wants to stay and be with her and the baby, but half of me says that its just going to make things worse in the future. But if i cant not be with her like a family, then i dont want to be with the baby at all. I dont know if i am making sense but that is how i feel. I dont want to put the baby tru the same things that i went tru with a split up family. It sucks.

Don't you think it is better for the baby to at least have her father in her life than going without. The baby will grow up wondering why her father doesn't want anything to with her/him. A split up family is better than no father at all. At least you can be there for him/her when they need a father's guidance. If you are not sure that giving up the baby is what you want, then don't do something you are going to regret. Being a parent is a blessing. Once you look into that child's eyes for the first time and see all the love that he has got to offer. It is something you can never forget. You don't have to be in the mothers life to be in the baby's.

I have to totally agree with the last comment. If she is keeping this baby it is up to you to be a roll model for this child not some other guy!

It Is Called A Condom........use It. You Laid Down And Had Sex, Now Own Up To What You Did. If I Can Have And Take Care Of A Baby At 16 Years Of Age........so Can You.. GOD PUT THIS CHILD INTO YOUR LIFE FOR A REASON. THE BABY IS A MIRACLE TO HER AND SHOULD BE TO YOU TOO. ENJOY THE GIFTS GOD GIVES YOU.

I told myself I wouldn't reply anymore but here I go again...

A child is indeed a gift from God....

Sometimes we get caught up in ourselves and what "we" want without thinking about what we can do for others. I believe it is our purpose in life....to learn to love and give even if we have to put our own needs and wants aside. Now this child is on the way. You have to decide quickly what you are going to do. Being a single mother I know my children long to have their father in their lives. It hurts them when other children talk about their father's and they just have a mother to come home to. I am there for my children taking responsibility for a job that's suppose to be a partnership between two parents. I was 17 when I had my first child. I was young and scared but I knew this child didn't ask to be born. I decided then to be a responsible parent. My son will be 12 in August and I don't regret a thing. I have given up alot for my children but at least I can stand before God knowing I did it willingly and unselfishly.

I heard you talk about how "YOU're" not ready to be a parent. Most pregnancies happen without any planning. As much as you want to make this your girlfriend's fault, YOU have to take responsibility for having unprotected sex. This child is innocent and deserves the best you have to offer. If you know in your heart of hearts you simply can't be what this child needs then remove yourself from this child's life. In the future, don't put another child in this same situation by having unprotected sex.

Fathers need to realize how their constant presence in a child's life can make a difference that can't even be measured. I believe with everything in me that crime, pregnancy rate, drug use and abuse would not be as high as it is if these people had strong fathers in their lives that just simply took the time out to care.

~Nita~

My child's father is not spending enoungh time with our daughter and he does not pay child support. The agreement was for him to financially provide for her and spend time with her, but he claims his time is limited and he has to two other children he is supporting. He is not doing a good job with either. We discussed terminating his parental rights, but after everything I've read thus far; I think it would be a bad idea. I trying to do the right thing by my daughter. I need some advice.

My child's father is not spending enoungh time with our daughter and he does not pay child support. The agreement was for him to financially provide for her and spend time with her, but he claims his time is limited and he has to two other children he is supporting. He is not doing a good job with either. We discussed terminating his parental rights, but after everything I've read thus far; I think it would be a bad idea. I trying to do the right thing by my daughter. I need some advice.
Post this on a new thread. It will get mixed up with the other thread, otherwise.

I dont want my gf's child, but i dont want to pay support either. I dont feel like i should have to. She decieved me, by telling me that she could not have children and then one day she just pops up and tells me she is pregnant. I am not ready for this and I am in no shape to be paying support either. what to do??

Just read all posts posted by "Barbie". This is the same situation and you will find all answers and opinions posted.

It depends on what state you live in. But I got pregnant when i was 15 had her when i was 16. But her daddy has had her sence April 1995(nine months old) my Deal is i havent had her so why should i pay child support As of April 2005 i am 22,000 behind, Well now i gave up all my rights to her no visitations unless he agrees to it. I cant afford it, and the same here he supposedly had a complete visetamy(sp) because of (quote) on (quote)
cancer. well a year went by and i never did get pregnant, then oops and i was mad. H..O..W / D..I..D / H..E/ E..N..D / U..P/ :confused: W..I..T..H T..H..E.. BABY!!!

Just read all posts posted by "Barbie". This is the same situation and you will find all answers and opinions posted. ARE YOU SUGGESTING THIS MIGHT BE BARBIE? :rolleyes:

Just read all posts posted by "Barbie". This is the same situation and you will find all answers and opinions posted.
She already got her answer. :) Definitely NOT a barbie case.

:mad: :( im 20 yrs old and have been married for 4 yrs already. i have a 3 yr old daughter. supposedly like 4 yrs ago a slept with a girl but i didn t even know because i was drunk. so my family and i move into an apartment and a couple of months later she moves in right next to us with a liitle girl.the little girls father would go and visit the little girl she had his last name and everything normal like a father who is divorced would do. we decide to move out and suddenly i get a letter from child support saying that i have to pay child support for that little girl next door that ididnt even remembeer havin sex with her mother. so we get a dna test and she ends up bieng mine and i have to pay 1000 dls in back pay because she is lying that i knew that she was my daughter and have to pay monthly payments. now the thing is that i dont feel anything for this little girl and hate her mother because she is now bothering my wife. i am never gonna have anything to do with her or anything and my relationship with my wife is going really bad . i love my wife and my family and i don't want anything to do with that other little girl or her mom. i dont have any feelings at allfor them because i dont even know the mom or anything they are like strangers to me. i want to give up my parental rights but know that the little girl's mom is not gonna want to because all she wants is the money. i think that the little girl is gonna suffer more knowing that i dont even know her and dont want anything to do with her. the court gave her my last name and i know when she gets older shes gonna ask why do i have that last name? whose it it ? so please help me i want to give up all parental rights i dont want them to get near me or my family at alll!! please help me somebody. i dont know what to do my wife cries every day and this is making our life miserable. i dont want her to have my last name or anything i dont care if i still have to pay but i dont want them near me or my family what do i do? :confused:

:mad: :( im 20 yrs old and have been married for 4 yrs already. i have a 3 yr old daughter. supposedly like 4 yrs ago a slept with a girl but i didn t even know because i was drunk. so my family and i move into an apartment and a couple of months later she moves in right next to us with a liitle girl.the little girls father would go and visit the little girl she had his last name and everything normal like a father who is divorced would do. we decide to move out and suddenly i get a letter from child support saying that i have to pay child support for that little girl next door that ididnt even remembeer havin sex with her mother. so we get a dna test and she ends up bieng mine and i have to pay 1000 dls in back pay because she is lying that i knew that she was my daughter and have to pay monthly payments. now the thing is that i dont feel anything for this little girl and hate her mother because she is now bothering my wife. i am never gonna have anything to do with her or anything and my relationship with my wife is going really bad . i love my wife and my family and i don't want anything to do with that other little girl or her mom. i dont have any feelings at allfor them because i dont even know the mom or anything they are like strangers to me. i want to give up my parental rights but know that the little girl's mom is not gonna want to because all she wants is the money. i think that the little girl is gonna suffer more knowing that i dont even know her and dont want anything to do with her. the court gave her my last name and i know when she gets older shes gonna ask why do i have that last name? whose it it ? so please help me i want to give up all parental rights i dont want them to get near me or my family at alll!! please help me somebody. i dont know what to do my wife cries every day and this is making our life miserable. i dont want her to have my last name or anything i dont care if i still have to pay but i dont want them near me or my family what do i do? :confused:
Nobody can force you to have a relationship with the mother or the child. You can basically pay your support and have nothing else to do with them. It is highly unlikely that you will be able to terminate your parental rights, so that is about your only option.

You do need to stay current on your cs. Just look at it as that money every month is already spent. Budget around the remainder of your income. As a matter of fact, if it is not being done already, have the child support deducted directly out of your paycheck. You don't want to get behind, because that will cause not only your wife to cry, but you, too. You can face interest penalties, loss of driver's license, or jail.

Nobody can force you to have a relationship with the mother or the child. You can basically pay your support and have nothing else to do with them. It is highly unlikely that you will be able to terminate your parental rights, so that is about your only option.

You do need to stay current on your cs. Just look at it as that money every month is already spent. Budget around the remainder of your income. As a matter of fact, if it is not being done already, have the child support deducted directly out of your paycheck. You don't want to get behind, because that will cause not only your wife to cry, but you, too. You can face interest penalties, loss of driver's license, or jail.
i want to tank mommy of four for her advice but if anyone else knows about laws having to do with giving up parental rights please give me a hand you have no idea how much my family and i are going through not only my wife cries but i do too because i dont like to see her suffer. this girl is just doing it for the money and not for the interest of her child please help me!!! :( :( :(

i want to tank mommy of four for her advice but if anyone else knows about laws having to do with giving up parental rights please give me a hand you have no idea how much my family and i are going through not only my wife cries but i do too because i dont like to see her suffer. this girl is just doing it for the money and not for the interest of her child please help me!!! :( :( :(

You can not terminate your parental rights unless another father is willing to adopt and take over. sorry. Also, I understand how tough it is to pay for something you didn't want, but you need to realize that you do have to pay the child support and it is fair. That's where your accusation of the mother "doing it for the money" is not accurate. While that may be her motivation, it doesn't matter what her motivation is. Child support is owed for the support of the child, that mother is supporting the child, you need to pay your portion as well. Whether she is money-hungry, or humble and nice, it doesn't change the fact that you will have a child support order. A lot of people blame the mother for collecting child support - it isn't the mother's right to say whether or not that child should be supported by the father, it's the LAW. (not to mention a moral obligation).

You can not terminate your parental rights unless another father is willing to adopt and take over. sorry. Also, I understand how tough it is to pay for something you didn't want, but you need to realize that you do have to pay the child support and it is fair. That's where your accusation of the mother "doing it for the money" is not accurate. While that may be her motivation, it doesn't matter what her motivation is. Child support is owed for the support of the child, that mother is supporting the child, you need to pay your portion as well. Whether she is money-hungry, or humble and nice, it doesn't change the fact that you will have a child support order. A lot of people blame the mother for collecting child support - it isn't the mother's right to say whether or not that child should be supported by the father, it's the LAW. (not to mention a moral obligation).
Well, I just read a post that stated he was from TX, so technically tpr can be done without step parent adoption, BUT... in this case, the mother is obviously not agreeing, and it does not matter WHY the mother refuses to agree to tpr, so he is sol. Also, if the mother has ever accepted any form of assistance, your support will be paying the state back. Feel free to consult an attorney on this, but he or she will tell you the exact same thing I have.

Well, I just read a post that stated he was from TX, so technically tpr can be done without step parent adoption, BUT... in this case, the mother is obviously not agreeing, and it does not matter WHY the mother refuses to agree to tpr, so he is sol. Also, if the mother has ever accepted any form of assistance, your support will be paying the state back. Feel free to consult an attorney on this, but he or she will tell you the exact same thing I have.

i just want to thank everybody who tried to help me!!thanks a lot for your advice! :) :) :) :)

i want to tank mommy of four for her advice but if anyone else knows about laws having to do with giving up parental rights please give me a hand you have no idea how much my family and i are going through not only my wife cries but i do too because i dont like to see her suffer. this girl is just doing it for the money and not for the interest of her child please help me!!! :( :( :(

As you have been told, you are not REQUIRED to ever even see this child. But you will have to pay child support. TPR's aren't handed out like hall passes. It is completely up to you as to whether you want to be a father or just an ATM.

Being intoxicated is not an allowable excuse. If you had been drunk and gotten behind the wheel of a car and killed someone, you would still be held responsible even though you were drunk. That person would not be any LESS dead if you had been sober.

:mad: :( im 20 yrs old and have been married for 4 yrs already. i have a 3 yr old daughter. supposedly like 4 yrs ago a slept with a girl but i didn t even know because i was drunk. so my family and i move into an apartment and a couple of months later she moves in right next to us with a liitle girl.the little girls father would go and visit the little girl she had his last name and everything normal like a father who is divorced would do. we decide to move out and suddenly i get a letter from child support saying that i have to pay child support for that little girl next door that ididnt even remembeer havin sex with her mother. so we get a dna test and she ends up bieng mine and i have to pay 1000 dls in back pay because she is lying that i knew that she was my daughter and have to pay monthly payments. now the thing is that i dont feel anything for this little girl and hate her mother because she is now bothering my wife. i am never gonna have anything to do with her or anything and my relationship with my wife is going really bad . i love my wife and my family and i don't want anything to do with that other little girl or her mom. i dont have any feelings at allfor them because i dont even know the mom or anything they are like strangers to me. i want to give up my parental rights but know that the little girl's mom is not gonna want to because all she wants is the money. i think that the little girl is gonna suffer more knowing that i dont even know her and dont want anything to do with her. the court gave her my last name and i know when she gets older shes gonna ask why do i have that last name? whose it it ? so please help me i want to give up all parental rights i dont want them to get near me or my family at alll!! please help me somebody. i dont know what to do my wife cries every day and this is making our life miserable. i dont want her to have my last name or anything i dont care if i still have to pay but i dont want them near me or my family what do i do? :confused:

If you think getting rid of your rights is going to help your marriage you are wrong. You still slept with this woman and had a child, your wife isn't going to forget about that just because you don't see the baby. If you do refuse to see your child your wife might lose some respect for you, you don't have to like the mother, but this child is yours, you share the same blood. You may feel like she is a stranger now, but maybe if you take the time to get to know her, you may realize that she is an amazing gift, and you can't remember your life without her. You both deserve a chance, parenting isn't easy, neither will being a stepparent for your wife, but it is a blessing, and drunk or not, you created this child.

If you think getting rid of your rights is going to help your marriage you are wrong. You still slept with this woman and had a child, your wife isn't going to forget about that just because you don't see the baby. If you do refuse to see your child your wife might lose some respect for you, you don't have to like the mother, but this child is yours, you share the same blood. You may feel like she is a stranger now, but maybe if you take the time to get to know her, you may realize that she is an amazing gift, and you can't remember your life without her. You both deserve a chance, parenting isn't easy, neither will being a stepparent for your wife, but it is a blessing, and drunk or not, you created this child.

He is not required to be a parent in any way to the child. And with his attitude, it would be best for the child if he stayed away. But he is REQUIRED to provide for the child financially, like it or not. Just terminating his rights is not an option.

He is not required to be a parent in any way to the child. And with his attitude, it would be best for the child if he stayed away. But he is REQUIRED to provide for the child financially, like it or not. Just terminating his rights is not an option.

No one ever stated he was a required to be a parent. Simply stated he may fall in love with the child he gives it a chance. It is his choice ultimately, but they may both benefit from trying. Life is confusing, any unexpected pregnancy is confusing for all and sometimes people need time to sort through their feelings. But if part of his reasoning for stearing clear is to repair the rift caused in his marriage, it probably wont help him.