I will try to be brief but its been 12 years coming...my children 19,17,16 were awarded to thier father twelve years ago due to my ignorance of the law. It has been twelve years of begging to have contact with my children, listening and dealing with his threats, him alienating my children from me and letting his new wife be mom. That was then and still no change but that my girls have told me that I need to stay out of thier lives and if they want to they may eventually contact me. I continue to pay child support for all three and according to New York I must until they turn 21 or emancipate. Of course my ex doesn't want me to be a part of thier lives unless it's a dollar amount. I'm tired of just being a dollar and feeling unwanted! My oldest is enrolled in college (second year), works two jobs, lives on her own and is self supportive except for help with college expenses. My second child has just completed Basic Training and will be leaving for Wentworth Military Academy where she will sppend the next two years. Her housing, food, medical and education expenses will be covered. She will also be recieving a pay check from the Army @700.00 a month. My questions are: Are they considered emancipated according to New York? It is not in my divorce/support agreement that I pay for college expenses so do I have to? If not, they how to I go about reducing my child support obligation? How do I get my ex to understand they are emancipated? And if all this fails, then why am I still hanging on to them, they don't want me...should I? Can I? Relinquish my parental rights? Don't think I'm an awful person but I'm so tired. I will always love them.

Whats the right thing to do?

The one in college- if she is making progess toward the degree, I do not think you will get out of paying support, but you should file a motion to termiante support for the one getting $700 per month pay as she is over 18, and clearly able to support herself if her expenses are paid and she is in the Army. As for the kids, you cannot force them to know you. Maybe you should have fought harder to have visitation enforced while they were growing up to the point of going there physically with court order in hand and callign the police if it was not being enforced. If the other kid is still a minor and you can do this, do it. Try to make arrangements to be a parent, but if not, go there with court order in hand to exercise and call the police to enforce the order. if nothing else, get a police report that they are not allowing you visitation, take it back to the court for a contempt citation and to file for more visitation or even a change in custody if the other parent is making it so your kids cannot have a bond to you. It will hurt to enforce your rights but if you are serious about this, you have to be willing to take the steps to see it thru.

The one in college- if she is making progess toward the degree, I do not think you will get out of paying support, but you should file a motion to termiante support for the one getting $700 per month pay as she is over 18, and clearly able to support herself if her expenses are paid and she is in the Army. As for the kids, you cannot force them to know you. Maybe you should have fought harder to have visitation enforced while they were growing up to the point of going there physically with court order in hand and callign the police if it was not being enforced. If the other kid is still a minor and you can do this, do it. Try to make arrangements to be a parent, but if not, go there with court order in hand to exercise and call the police to enforce the order. if nothing else, get a police report that they are not allowing you visitation, take it back to the court for a contempt citation and to file for more visitation or even a change in custody if the other parent is making it so your kids cannot have a bond to you. It will hurt to enforce your rights but if you are serious about this, you have to be willing to take the steps to see it thru.Thanks, but please don't assume I did'nt fight or try to make arrangements to be a parent. Although you may mean well, sometimes its just not that easy. If it had been then all my fighting would have been worth something. I've just been beating a dead horse and finally realizing that in order to have any sense of happiness or sanity...I need to let go as, they oviously have. I have decided that although with another fight they may be seen as emancipated I am going to continue support until 21yrs. My question now is...once the first turns 21 does the office of Child Support automatically adjust the amount to be paid? My divorce agreement says that it ends subsquently as each turns 21. And, how do I go about using my futurepay (overpaid support)? I divorced in New York...if that gives you any idea of the hell I've been through, ha! :rolleyes:

Thanks, but please don't assume I did'nt fight or try to make arrangements to be a parent. Although you may mean well, sometimes its just not that easy. If it had been then all my fighting would have been worth something. I've just been beating a dead horse and finally realizing that in order to have any sense of happiness or sanity...I need to let go as, they oviously have. I have decided that although with another fight they may be seen as emancipated I am going to continue support until 21yrs. My question now is...once the first turns 21 does the office of Child Support automatically adjust the amount to be paid? My divorce agreement says that it ends subsquently as each turns 21. And, how do I go about using my futurepay (overpaid support)? I divorced in New York...if that gives you any idea of the hell I've been through, ha! :rolleyes:

Unfortunately, support doesn't automatically decrease when the oldest emancipates, and the CS enforcement offices rarely file to decrease. You will have to file a modification of the support order to decrease when oldest turns 21.

Unfortunately, support doesn't automatically decrease when the oldest emancipates, and the CS enforcement offices rarely file to decrease. You will have to file a modification of the support order to decrease when oldest turns 21. Can you please explain the process of how to file a modification? Do I need an attorney? What is the cost? Do I have to do this in New York?

Can you please explain the process of how to file a modification? Do I need an attorney? What is the cost? Do I have to do this in New York?

It is helpful to have an attorney, but you don't have to have one. You can file for the modification yourself (go to the clerk's office to get the forms) or you can go to the CS enforcement agency and they will file for you. The cost varies, however the filing fees are usually small and possibly can be waived.
You'll need to file wherever the order for CS is.

Check to see if you can get a low cost consultation with a family law attorney, they will be able to tell you if you can modify now due to one child being in the military. Some states allow that, but I'm not sure about NY.