According to the court orders, my husband is supposed to have his son for 45 days this summer (his son's mother's lawyer drew up the papers four years ago and she made a mistake in the wording, which ended up with my husband getting extra time). Well, my stepson's mother got with her lawyer and are now taking my husband to court in two weeks to keep not only take away these 45 days, but to only allow him 14 days now. We had hoped she would not be a ***** about this and allow my husband this extra this year because she screwed him out of summer time with his son last year (she refused to let him see his son on the standard weekends because she said summertime wasn't in addition to standard weekends and my husband ended up using several weekends as his summer time - he went along with her crap last year because she would always fight with him about it and it was putting a strain on our upcoming wedding plans). So, my husband has asked me to do some research on what we can do. Can we keep this extra time this year by letting the court know that she cheated my husband out of time last year? Any info is appreciated. If anyone has any suggestions on how to keep our extra time this summer, please help.

If you believe 45 days is appropriate, you need to respond to the petition so that court knows that you believe the current 45 days is needed for parental-child bonding and because visitation last year was reduced due to the other parent. I think summer vacation for an active non-primary custodial parent is reasonable and if you can articulate this position, the court will likely agree. I also suggest that you ask for a 1.5 month reduction in child support for the time the child is with the fahter for summer vacation.

My husband and I don't want to mess with reducing the child support during the summer simply because we don't want to start MORE crap with my stepson's mother. In the letter her lawyer sent my husband, the lawyer wrote that he can call her at her office to discuss reaching an agreement. Well, the only agreement my husband and I can come up with is my stepson's mother can drop this issue and let us have the 45 days without trouble, or we will move to her town and we will go for joint custody. My husband will call his old lawyer on Monday, but I am scared because we cannot afford a lawyer right now.

Well, first of all you shouldn't call her a *****! That is his sons mother and will always be. Have some respect!!! It is so funny how the step mothers think they have some kind of claim to a child that they didn't even create. Talking out custody problems would be the fathers best bet. You are not envolved. This is between the mother and father. Step parents have no legal right to the children. The father should call up her lawyer and ask him if they can have a confrence call or meet with a mediator. Many times the parents can work things out. It is all in how he handles it. Anger is not going to solve anything. Does she have a good reason for not letting her son spend time with the father?? Sounds like she doesn't want him over there for a reason! Why would you go for joint custody? If you can't afford a lawyer then you can't afford to support a child. :mad:

Let me begin by apologizing for calling my stepson's mother a *****. I guess my emotions are running a little high right now since all of this is so fresh. I am not one of those stepparents who feels they have some kind of claim to a child who isn't theirs. I am, however, a very supportive wife who happens to have my husband's and stepson's best interest at heart.
My husband and my stepson's mother are unable to work this out on their own or even with a mediator, which is why this is going to court. My husband has tried numerous times to work things out with her and she has only backed out of her obligations, promises and her word. My husband felt that I would have a better chance at working with her since I was a woman and she seemed to connect better with me in the beginning. It wasn't until my husband's rights started increasing with his son's age (the older his son got, the more time he got with his son, as granted by the original court orders) that she started to get nasty and vendictive and tried to strip my husband of time with his son. Both my husband and my stepson's mother put me in the position to be their "mediator". Also, I am in the mix and my husband's support, just as her boyfriend is in the mix and her support. Besides, any decisions that are made are made by both my husband and I together, even if they are in regard to his son. We are a family and anything that affects the family, is decided upon by the family. Also, I came to this board to get help, answers and suggestions so that we do not approach this matter in court with anger.
I can't honestly tell you what the mother's reason is for not wanting my stepson to be with us for the summer. Nothing has even gone wrong when he has been with us and he always goes back to her house excited from all that we did while he was with us. The only reason I could even think of is that feels that she is loosing the control she once had on all of us. I think it pissed her off that we did not ask her (like we did last summer when she was still being somewhat reasonable with us) what days would work best for her for us to have my stepson for the summer. Instead, we followed what was in the papers because she had told us last year that was what she wanted. Now that it works against her and not in her favor (which it only does it this one instance) she is not wanting to go by the papers.
My husband and I can afford to support a child. He supports his child now through child support and during the time he is with us and not at his mother's. My husband and I have played around quite a bit with the idea of moving to the mother's town (which is where my husband and I used to live before we got married). The job market is better than where we live now, most of our friends have moved there, and it would be better for my stepson to spend half and half with both of his families. The only thing stopping us is that my family is in the town where we are now and we are very close to them. Plus, we try to pick our battles with my stepson's mother and this was one battle that we were going to leave alone since we THOUGHT that everything was going alright since she had not tried to take anymore time away from my husband since last summer. My husband feels now that she wouldn't have much of a chance to keep taking time from him if they shared equal time with the child.
So, I am sorry that I hit a spot with you, Jslone06, and with anyone else who feels the way Jslone06 feels. I guess I should have given a little more detail to our situation.

In the State of Texas I do belive that the father is allowed to have the child for about 4 to 6 weeks in the Summer. So 45 days is around that time frame that the father is allowed to have the child or children.


http://www.child-support-laws-state-by-state.com/texas-child-support.html

http://www.child-support-laws-state-by-state.com/texas-child-support-law.html

Well, first of all you shouldn't call her a *****! That is his sons mother and will always be. Have some respect!!! It is so funny how the step mothers think they have some kind of claim to a child that they didn't even create. Talking out custody problems would be the fathers best bet. You are not envolved. This is between the mother and father. Step parents have no legal right to the children. The father should call up her lawyer and ask him if they can have a confrence call or meet with a mediator. Many times the parents can work things out. It is all in how he handles it. Anger is not going to solve anything. Does she have a good reason for not letting her son spend time with the father?? Sounds like she doesn't want him over there for a reason! Why would you go for joint custody? If you can't afford a lawyer then you can't afford to support a child. :mad:


Okay...I'm sorry but I need to reply to this message. I am both a step-mother (to a teenage girl) and a bio mother of my teenage son whos father wants nothing to do with him. I'm on both sides of the fence.
Look.....maybe this woman has every reason to call the bio-mother a bit**. She has probably earned the title. My hubby's ex wife is the queen of all the bit**** on the planet. I don't give her respect, because I don't receive HER respect. She has issues with me that she has concocted in her pot smoking head. I'm sorry, but just because we are the step-mother, that doesn't mean that we don't have a "right" to that child. When the child is in your company, then you are responsible for the welfare of that child. You have rights to that child (not necessarily legal rights), but that child is your responsibility.

NEXT.......
I'm sure that they have already tried mediation (maybe not). If they have, they already know that it is a waste of money. If it's not "their way" then it's the highway. Don't bend at all....that would be too logical. REMEMBER...THE BIO MOM HAS ALL THE POWER. IF THEY BEND, THEY FEAR THAT THEY WILL LOOSE THAT POWER!!! This I know from experience (me being on the step-mom side...not the bio side).

NEXT....
she does have a good reason for not letting the father see the child for the summer. That would cut down on the time she has to try and destroy their relationship!

Look...I could go on forever. Your post was uncalled for. You don't know her situation (nor do I...but think it may be close to mine). Don't throw stones.
Oh, and just because they can't afford an attorney, doesn't mean that they can't support the child. That is the most uneducated comment I've heard in my life (aside from what's come out of the "ex's" mouth).
Keep an open mind.

Okay, now that I've read TXStepmom's reply to the bashing, I realize that I was right. You have every right to think of her like you do. She does nothing to encourage the relationship with the father and son (like I'm sure it says in the divorce papers). We are in the same boat.
If you would like to chat, e-mail me. I can definitley relate.

Help me figure this out please:

If the non-custodial parent is given 30 days during the summer, how do you figure those 30 days where standard weekend visitation is concerned? For instance, my stepson's mother's lawyer is willing to let my husband have his son this summer from July 3-19 and from August 12-26. Well, July 15-17 is a standard weekend for my husband. Does that mean he can add two more days on the end of this period of possession and keep his son until July 21st since it falls on his standard weekend or is that standard weekend now considered summer visitation? Please let me know as soon as you can. I am dealing with the mother's lawyer today since my husband is out of town on business and the lawyer is wanting an answer as to whether or not these dates are going to be okay with us. I need to know if we can possibly add on extra time if we can.

When we split our time with the "ex", the weekends are out the window...on both parts. Whoever had the weekend before the break, we usually have the other parent start the break. Usually everyone is okay with this. If the break is 30 days, then we split it 15 days each. We try and be flexable with this. It can get a bit touchy. Sometimes if she has plans, we will do one week with her, then one week with us, and go back and forth. We split the ENTIRE SUMMER though. She has no choice. Now we have my SD living with us. She typed in the court agreement that if my SD decided to stay with us, that she would sign over primary residency, and calulate child support for her. NOW that my SD HAS decided to stay with us, the bio-mom is PISSED OFF to say the least...and the most uncooperative woman on the face of the earth. Anyway...that's a long story.
Anyway...hope that helps. :)

Im sorry but if your a ***** then your a ***** no matter who says it, I get very upset at times with my kids stepmom and I get very upset with my stepsons Bio mom, I do however believe that for the sake of the child you shouldnt call the mom a ***** if you think he might see this because that will create you alot of problems. I called my stepsons mom a ***** to her face because I buy all of his school clothes, supplies , b-day and anything else he needs and she tried to create problems amongst this family . Well he found out and our relationship has never been the same. Hope u understand the price.

To the original poster:

You are expecting there to be general answers to your questions. There are none. Family law is not like contract law or criminal law wherein there are standard rules that are followed strictly in every case.

The bottom line is that the court will try to do what is fair, and you're husband's best course of action is to bring in evidence that he is a good parent and just seeking to spend additional time with his son. He should let the judge know that he is willing to do whatever it takes in order to get additional time with his son, and he should mean it. This approach will help him more than any lawyer ever could. Don't sling dirt at the other parent.

Just focus on his positive contributions to the raising of the child, and his capability as a caregiver.

Okay...I'm sorry but I need to reply to this message. I am both a step-mother (to a teenage girl) and a bio mother of my teenage son whos father wants nothing to do with him. I'm on both sides of the fence.
Look.....maybe this woman has every reason to call the bio-mother a bit**. She has probably earned the title. My hubby's ex wife is the queen of all the bit**** on the planet. I don't give her respect, because I don't receive HER respect. She has issues with me that she has concocted in her pot smoking head. I'm sorry, but just because we are the step-mother, that doesn't mean that we don't have a "right" to that child. When the child is in your company, then you are responsible for the welfare of that child. You have rights to that child (not necessarily legal rights), but that child is your responsibility.

NEXT.......
I'm sure that they have already tried mediation (maybe not). If they have, they already know that it is a waste of money. If it's not "their way" then it's the highway. Don't bend at all....that would be too logical. REMEMBER...THE BIO MOM HAS ALL THE POWER. IF THEY BEND, THEY FEAR THAT THEY WILL LOOSE THAT POWER!!! This I know from experience (me being on the step-mom side...not the bio side).

NEXT....
she does have a good reason for not letting the father see the child for the summer. That would cut down on the time she has to try and destroy their relationship!

Look...I could go on forever. Your post was uncalled for. You don't know her situation (nor do I...but think it may be close to mine). Don't throw stones.
Oh, and just because they can't afford an attorney, doesn't mean that they can't support the child. That is the most uneducated comment I've heard in my life (aside from what's come out of the "ex's" mouth).
Keep an open mind.
thanks for saying exactly what i was thinking about jslone06's post. obviously we shouldn't call anyone a b--ch and especially not in front of the children, and i think that most of us are adults and realize this. but u can't tell me that in your days u have not called someone a bad name at one time or another. i read that post and was like "oh my god can't believe that was posted" i do have one question for jslone06 if they happen to read this post. How In The Heck Do You Figure That If We Cant Afford An Attorney We Cant Afford To Support A Child???????? The way i figure it is child support is paid first and if u dont have the money after support then u cant afford an attorney. a child dont cost no thousands of dollars at conception, of course that is why we have heath ins. to help pay for the thousands of dollars in doctors bills. we dont have attorney ins. to help pay for the thousands they charge for what a couple hours of work. how many children do u know that say "now u know u are pregnant i need a retainer fee of $1000 so that i may grow and u may have the pleasure of having me as a child?" I hope this is giving some of u that were outraged with that post a little laugh cause it is exactly how it made me feel to read it. how idiotic of a statement to make. i also am a stepparent and think the mom is a b--ch, when my husband was in the military i had to be the go between cause he was in a different state assigned by the military. tried to help him with getting ins on his son by asking the mother for the birth certificate so that he could comply with the court order and she would hear nothing of handing that birth certificate over. And not only that she is very rude about everything and don't want to cooperate unless it is her doing the asking. and now while she very well knows he is out of the country working trying to pay off arrears he never should have gotten she is asking for more money for medical bills and decided she cant wait 1 extra month til he is back in the country and can deal with paying his half himself. of course he wants the best for his child and has no problem paying his half but she is just being unreasonable. i dont like being the go between but when it comes down to it they can be respectful of us as they demand it from us, especially when some of them do drag the stepparent into the middle of things.
so anyways. step mom in fl. as for the rest of it thx for stating my mind

If you will look back to my my last two posts, you will see that I have already apologized for calling the BM a *****. I do not think I should have to keep apologizing for calling her that on this thread. I do not call her or refer to her as such around my stepson, nor do I say it to her face or to anyone else who may or may not know her.

Thank you to all who offered advice and suggestions and your information. We finally resolved the summer possession issues and are working on the child support ones now. Again, thank you.

i am so happy to hear that some of your problems have been resolved. i wasn't meaning u had to apoligize again, i was just stating the obviouse to the one post that was very offending.

Being both a mother and a step-mother, I'll respond. I totally understand the desire for your husband (and you as step mom) to want the most time with those kids are you are allowed. But always keep in mind "the best interest of the child", not the best interest of the parent. I say this because I LOVE have my step kids over and we always take any extra time we can. On the flip side however, my ex wanted to take my kids for 4 weeks this summer and it would have totally interupted thier sports activities, not just for the 4 weeks, but it would mean they wouldn't be able to participate in those activities for the enitire season because they'd miss too many practices. Plus, even though they love thier dad very much, he doesn't live where their friends do and all thier normal activities. So in THIER best interest, it was better for me to give him shorter visits more often (which I did), so he could still see them often, but it didn't interupt thier life. We also have respect for my husbands kids the same way, we've never taken them for a long period of time in the summer so as to not interupt thier activities they are involved in, we just take them any extra weekends we can, etc.

In the best interest of the kids also, you need to put aside your feelings and work with your step kids mother as cordially as possible, to put less stress on the kids. Instead of trying to "get what's deserved" attitude, have your husband talk to her and both discuss whats best for the kids and secondary what works best for the parents too.

time with a parent is more important than any ACTIVITIES that a child can be involved in

it is really a shame that parents think that there are things more important than that.

how would you feel on the other side of the coin and dont even tell me that you would be fine giving up your time so that a kid can play base ball

cut me a break.

we fought for and have the kids almost the whole summer now and trust me there are plenty of activities here. since mom quit denying visitation and the courts force her to turn the kids over they are doing better in school are sick less often and they absolutely love coming here to the point they dont want to go home (but yes we send them home because it is important to see both parents

kids adjust and they make new friends where the other parent lives.

parents that think it is all about them and they are irreplaceable are denying the fact that children are very well able to adjust to new surroundings and can have a great summer in an other state. this attitude is a bit self serving but very common among custodial parents that think they are irreplaceable
as for the initial sm calling bio mom a ***** last time i checked we are all adults here and there should be nothing wrong with calling a spade a spade in an adult forum.. personally that title gives the pbfh that we deal with entirely too much credit and the names that come to mind when expressing my feelings about her are unprintable on a public forum. i dont believe the original postor owes anyone an apology if you dont like the post and the content then dont read it. we are venting here sometimes and trust me writing what we think about some of the pieces of human trash we have to deal with keeps us from doing other things venting is a good thing people that hold things in are more likely to take out their feelings in other less productive ways.

personally any time i feel like pissing off the bio mom i serve her with a packet of papers and cost her a few thousand dollars to defend. See after 7 years of dealing with her bs i have learned how to beat all of her attornies and i have not lost a hearing in the last 4. My typing and time is all it takes to cost her a 2000 retainer every time she does something to annoy or irritate my life i hit her right where it counts in the pocket book.

i have seen the term sperm donor used here more times than i care to comment on and personally i think that one is tantamount to the other word that i have in mind and have not heard anyone complaining about that one.


mom of 6 step mom of 3
\

hi rini
i am just wondering what exactly u are serving her with? do u have custody over the bio mom? and what exactly are u doing that is helping u win all the court cases? thx for the response ahead of time.

i have researched family law for over 10 yrs.

If she does not abide by the current shared custody agreement we file a motion for contempt and ask that she be (fined, jailed, whatever suits)

i have used sites online and also at a regular library. I have read almost the entire {Pa code} and the Florida one as well. I have found case law to support our case on numerous sites. lexis nexis, college law librarys

deltabravo.net/custody has been an invaluable tool (they have a lawyer that you can run your motions by.

i got tired of watching my husband cry over never seeing his kids so i challenged the courts myself and had him sign all the papers.

beat 3 of her attnies and got the csuppoort cut in half to the guideline amount.
he now has shared legal custody and shared residential in name only but this shared will give the kids the option to live where they want if they should ever want to live with him.\
we are considered their second legal residence. I also have rights (step parent rights by the current court order and if my husband would die i would still have the visitation rights and all of the other step parent rights listed in the mediated agreement ( that i wrote).
literally kicked a$$,,

time with a parent is more important than any ACTIVITIES that a child can be involved in

it is really a shame that parents think that there are things more important than that.

how would you feel on the other side of the coin and dont even tell me that you would be fine giving up your time so that a kid can play base ball

cut me a break.

\

You are selfish.
When kids get older and participate in competitive sports it could mean college scholarships. Yes, parent time is important. But do you honestly think that 4 weeks summer visitation with dad is more important than a child participating in a competitive sport that is very important to them? If a child can't make practices through the summer, they can't be on the team that plays spring and fall, so the one visit affects thier whole year. The parents should be able to be coordial and work it out so that an equal amount of visitation is still given, but doesn't have to interupt the kids activities. It isn't the children's fault that the parents got divorced. We haven't "given up parent time" to allow kids to play baseball, but we certainly have rearranged our parent time to allow them these opportunities.

We happen to love our kids more than we love going to court to fight over them. It sounds like you are more preoccupied with giving your husband's ex a taste of her own medicine. Hope it works out for ya, but I'm guessing it will come back around to bite you in the butt one day. Two wrongs don't make a right.

I have to say that I agree with Rini about the involvement in activities vs. time with a parent.

I understand that team sports and the things children learn from this is very valueable but, if at all possible, the parents one-on-one time needs to be put first and treated as the gift it is. This is supposing that a parent is being placed second to wether or not a child must miss the activity or not due to "time spent". Real life example: Is a mom a good mom or a bad mom if she says it's more important to spend an uninterupted amount of time with her vs. going back to the father's for swimming lessons mid-visit?

Also, what if the non-custodial parents want more time to enroll a child in some classes or activities?

To Rini,
I was on the end of a step mom thinking she knew what was best for the kids and wanted to 'win' at all costs. Well to start off with she did not have the best interest of the kids at all. He didn't either. It was all about power and control. I asked her once if it was about that and she finally admitted it. I hope you are not being that way. The things she did were aimed at me but it very much affected the kids. Their school grades suffered, they fought with each other and it affected the peacefullness in our home. Their self esteem suffered because of all the stress. I did not deny their Father ANY visitation, in fact because the kids kept asking when Dad was coming to get them I called him on numerous occasions. We found out through the his parents (we were still close) that he was moving out of state. He did not tell the kids and I had to find it out myself. The money I had to pay for the attorneys put us in major poverty. I am not saying that you are doing this to be mean but it kind of comes across that way.
Since you do know so much, my ex. is now $38,000 behind in child support. He is an independant contractor so has not been paying child support. He did pay $150 this month. That was the first in 4 months. I think he thinks it will keep him out of jail. He is trying to get child support lowered so we have a court date in October. The Judge did threaten him with jail time but because I didn't know this hearing was before a Judge I did not file contempt of court charges. The Judge was upset but his hands were tied. Can you help me file papers to suponea his pay records and file contempt of court papers? My sister was a legal secretary for many years but is not now and she has helped me quite a bit. I would rather have a substantial amount in back child support instead of jail time. I know he would have to get loans to do that but that is not my problem. I just want to force him to finally have to pay his obligations. He seems to be able to wiggle out of any punishments. Can you help me? I live in Utah. Thank you.

If you will look back to my my last two posts, you will see that I have already apologized for calling the BM a *****. I do not think I should have to keep apologizing for calling her that on this thread. I do not call her or refer to her as such around my stepson, nor do I say it to her face or to anyone else who may or may not know her.

Thank you to all who offered advice and suggestions and your information. We finally resolved the summer possession issues and are working on the child support ones now. Again, thank you.

To all in the distance of a keyboard listen and hold your keys, we all get caught up in this child money laundering business,I wish half the moms in the world would be truthful and not hold a mans kids hostage or should i say for ransom. All we both really want is for our kids to grow up and be law abiding and hard working men and women. We get the notion that our kids do not know what is going on, if they know about sex, drugs and video tapes, how to make a bomb, how to rob a bank then please dont think they do not know what mom and dad is up to in their little fights and custody battles. Half the women do notneed the money that is given to them because half of them have found someone else that is supporting them and the kids, not saying a father shouldnt help but i think the kid should get the money, either in a saving account or checking to put back for colledge or for all their needs when leaving home. The money should maybe be invested or put in a money market account. all the fuss is not really about money its about how you left or who you left me for. some are over abuse, but if you were abused then you might as well face it the money is not coming. I went through all this mess and had to pay child support for a eighteen year old, raised him all my life and he stayed with me for sixteen of those yrs, but just because he was a drop out and went back to school i had to pay arrears, even thou i had all the receipts for playstation, gameboys, clothes, weekends and other days he stayed with me. I paid out five thousand dollars, plus gave him money all the time because we all know the money we pay the child never sees it. new shoes, hairdo's, new clothes, painted toes, you know. but we have to stop the trend and try to make amends. it does not take five hundreds a month to raise a chid, i was raised on welfare and a box of powered milk, powered eggs, and my mom and dad was right there. stop and think what a child really want is two loving parents and to see them when they wake up and tuck them in at night. and to all stepmom and dads The Step is you steping into shoes you may not can fill, you are a stranger that child do not love you or know you, they may grow to but that will be a long and hard growth, but the Mom and dad part is the being there when they wake up and the tucking them in at night. Can we all just get along, later Happy Day Dallas tx

Can we please get out of the tit-for-tat discussion. Every single situation is different. To make generalizations of every situation because of the presence of the word STEP is just so ridiculous.

In my case, I do have my step daughter FULL TIME. She is the child of my EX husband, born after our divorce. Why? Because her mother is mentally ill and this child has been abused and neglected in EVERY way. Her father is on his way to prison for non support of dependents. (and no, the $14.000+ arrears amount he owes me is not the reason he is going.) If children's services hadn't removed her when they did, she would be dead. Literally. And if I did not step in, she would be put up for adoption as her brother has. (his prospective adoptive parents do not want her because she is biracial) My son is her half brother, so don't give me any grief about taking her away from her "family", that was not my choice. It was her "real" mother's choice to act in a way that got 4 children taken away over the course of 4 years. (all, by the way, by different fathers)

Since she came to live with me, I have been the one to take her to all the doctors....to all of her therapies....to the psychologists that try to help her...to buy all her clothes.....all her medicines.....I've been the one holding her while they perform painful tests and procedures....and the only one there to wipe her tears.

Am I not her mother? She seems to think so. It really doesn't matter to me if those that have problems with the word STEP don't like me. SHE loves me and I love her.

There should be more people like you in the world. Your story warms my soul, and please give YOUR little girl an extra hug! I'm smiling just thinking about YOUR little girl being so lucky to have a REAL mom like you there to be her mom.