I have a 3 month old baby with a man who is abusive and alcoholic. Has a record of marijuana possession and DUIs. He has an eighteen year old daughter who he took his ex-wife to court over for 6 years and made it extremely difficult for them to move to out of state. About 4 years ago he stopped paying child support and contacting her for stupid egotistal reasons (didn't like her friends that he introduced her to)

He stopped drinking and using marijuana when I was 2 months pregnant but has remained very abusive. I got an order of protection against him when the baby was a few weeks old because he entered my home and wouldn't leave right away when asked to and was verbally abusive. He has been physically violent with my son in the past and I documented this with the court. He is trying to put an order of protection against me which I said I wanted a hearing on. The things he said I did to him are crazy (like coercing him to have sex and an unwanted pregnancy) and stalking him (I have a police order proving that it wasn't true). I love the idea of not having any contact. What happens to my record if I let his order of protection against me stand? I really don't want to see him again. We were never in a committed relationship together or living arrangement. If visitation is granted down the road I want to be present and a third party.

He has been very threatening about wanting DNA testing and custody of the new baby. I am afraid of the negative impact this might mean for my family. I would like to get married to this great guy and have his name on the birth certificate. Can I just put his name on the birth certificate? Does the marriage and name on the birth certificate help my case in any way? I don't have immediate plans to move but I want to be able to keep my options open. The man I would marry lives very far out of state. I live in Arizona he lives in New York and Florida.

The bio dad is living off of a wealthy woman right now and can afford via her an expensive attorney. I am a single mother of 3 children with no child support (one ordered but Dad hasn't been able to do) but I am very resourceful and would give up child support for no contact.

Do I need to run away and hide? I know once he files with the courts I can't leave.

Thank you for your response in advance.

You do not need to run and hide yet, but I strongly suggest going to court to get sole custody citing his record of abusive behavior and illegal activity, prior police interactions, etc... as well as his abandonment and mistreatment of the child. I also suggest, if you can do it, getting his parental rights terminated. In exchange, you can offer to let him off the hook for child support. I think this may be best if he is really that bad because as long as money is being paid, some states construe that as contact and you may be best off to be free of him period. I suggest consulting with a local attorney. If you are poor, Legal Services may be able to assist or Legal Aid. Some states' attorney offices have child support divisions who may assist you for free.