Hi everyone

Firstly thanks to everyone for the replies to my previous thread.

The situation has "improved" due to at least some communication, although it
will come as no surprise it is unsatisfactory.

The current correspodance is that it is obviously clear that she had always
expected the fairy tale romance, and to always feel it. It has transpired
that when the "honeymoon" period was over, rather than do what most couples
should do, she made herself unhappy.

What has basically been a few months of being unhappy with me was the result
of a year at least of being unhappy with herself, therefore the blame of
that was shifted to me causing her to be unhappy with me.

I felt her communication was all over the place, suggesting what most have
raised that there will never be a reason explained, as she has no idea what
it is herself, just that whatever it is must be big enough to make her feel
that way etc.

If she was planning this "ecsape", which she clearly was, then some common
sense would prevail that she would know what she wanted and escaped to get
it. This isn't the case, as she still doesn't know what she wants.

I know if I was planning an escape, i'd at least escape to something I
wanted.

As for the affair element, this is one very big load of rubbish. She denies
it and admits it at the same time. I'm kidding you not.

She claims she doesn't hate me any more or any less. She also claims she
doesn't love me any less, but she doesn't love me anyway either. She claims
she will always love me, but the love she has has disintegrated.

She claims that I will always be her family, but she never saw us as a
family.

She's making a mockery of the whole thing, and to be honest, It's making me
laugh. I don't know whether laughing at this is a good thing, but it is
certainly better than crying over it.

Anyway, the divorce aspect I have been asked not to rush...sounds like she
is buying time, possibly for some more gains over me, so therefore it is to
be "rushed". I'm sending the details to a lawyer friend who will advise and
it'll be taken from there.

This marriage should never have happened looking back at it. I wanted a wife
with common sense, not this load of stupidity.

As and when more developments occur, I shall post.

Thanks for the support, it's an all round consenus of facts.

Chris

Thanks for the update. Sorry that you choose this loon to marry.
If it makes you feel any better, many of us have gotten the same BS.
Please keep posting. Whether its just to vent, rant or whatever... =R=

"Chris P" <canadafusion@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:d32pod$ep$1@titan.btinternet.com... Hi everyone Firstly thanks to everyone for the replies to my previous thread. The situation has "improved" due to at least some communication, although it will come as no surprise it is unsatisfactory. The current correspodance is that it is obviously clear that she had always expected the fairy tale romance, and to always feel it. It has transpired that when the "honeymoon" period was over, rather than do what most couples should do, she made herself unhappy. What has basically been a few months of being unhappy with me was the result of a year at least of being unhappy with herself, therefore the blame of that was shifted to me causing her to be unhappy with me. I felt her communication was all over the place, suggesting what most have raised that there will never be a reason explained, as she has no idea what it is herself, just that whatever it is must be big enough to make her feel that way etc. If she was planning this "ecsape", which she clearly was, then some common sense would prevail that she would know what she wanted and escaped to get it. This isn't the case, as she still doesn't know what she wants. I know if I was planning an escape, i'd at least escape to something I wanted. As for the affair element, this is one very big load of rubbish. She denies it and admits it at the same time. I'm kidding you not. She claims she doesn't hate me any more or any less. She also claims she doesn't love me any less, but she doesn't love me anyway either. She claims she will always love me, but the love she has has disintegrated. She claims that I will always be her family, but she never saw us as a family. She's making a mockery of the whole thing, and to be honest, It's making me laugh. I don't know whether laughing at this is a good thing, but it is certainly better than crying over it. Anyway, the divorce aspect I have been asked not to rush...sounds like she is buying time, possibly for some more gains over me, so therefore it is to be "rushed". I'm sending the details to a lawyer friend who will advise and it'll be taken from there. This marriage should never have happened looking back at it. I wanted a wife with common sense, not this load of stupidity. As and when more developments occur, I shall post. Thanks for the support, it's an all round consenus of facts. Chris

"Chris P" <canadafusion@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:d32pod$ep$1@titan.btinternet.com...

She sounds like one mixed up puppy, Chris.

But you also seem to realize that that is her "choice" and her cross to
bear, not yours to carry for her.


She's making a mockery of the whole thing, and to be honest, It's making
me laugh. I don't know whether laughing at this is a good thing, but it is certainly better than crying over it.


Laughing is good, and crying is good - I sure did a lot of both. Here's
something someone in this NG told me when I was in the throes of all this;
"Relax, you're outta jail now. Some other guy is doing your time now."
It still makes me smile.

Anyway, the divorce aspect I have been asked not to rush...sounds like she is buying time, possibly for some more gains over me, so therefore it is
to be "rushed". I'm sending the details to a lawyer friend who will advise
and it'll be taken from there.


Great plan, She has schemed and lied to get your money, so there is no sense
thinking she would not do it again to gain some financial advantage in the
divorce.

It seems you have a chance to bring some equity back into the financial
picture when you dispose of her possessions and forward her the NET
proceeds of the disposition.


This marriage should never have happened looking back at it. I wanted a
wife with common sense, not this load of stupidity.


I hear ya, but that's beating yourself up a little. Marriages feel "right"
at the time and
20/20 revisionist thinking only makes you feel bad for not having "seen"
something.
Sure, maybe you blew through a couple of STOP signs along the way, but that
is love.

I know we were in love when we married, but things changed and certain
aspects
of our relationship never developed as our personalities reacted differently
to the
challenges of building a family, finances, etc.. She, on the other hand,
told the
custody assessor many years later, that she never loved me. Hey, I'm sure it
makes
her feel "right" about her decision ot have an affair and leave, and it's
her head she
has to live in, so..... que sera sera.

As and when more developments occur, I shall post.

Cool
Thanks for the support, it's an all round consenus of facts.

Be cool

"Claim Guy" <porthos_jbNOSPAM@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:HdSdnUPRzPY1vMjfRVn-gQ@rogers.com... "Chris P" <canadafusion@hotmail.com> wrote in message news:d32pod$ep$1@titan.btinternet.com... She sounds like one mixed up puppy, Chris. But you also seem to realize that that is her "choice" and her cross to bear, not yours to carry for her.

Where some things are concerned, they have to bear the weight of things
themselves. What she will (and is) trying to attempt is to shift some of
that onto me. I'm not taking any of it. Whatever she did, she did by
herself, for one reason or another.

The underlying mental question I have had however, is had she not been so
mixed up, would she actually be gone? Noone can answer that, not me, not
her, not anyone. It is what it is. The past can't be changed.


She's making a mockery of the whole thing, and to be honest, It's making me laugh. I don't know whether laughing at this is a good thing, but it is certainly better than crying over it. Laughing is good, and crying is good - I sure did a lot of both. Here's something someone in this NG told me when I was in the throes of all this; "Relax, you're outta jail now. Some other guy is doing your time now." It still makes me smile.

This is of course, 100% true. The major niggling detail is if she realises
her mistakes and rectifies them with new guy, then he's got it bloody made
for life. She'll be bowing to him forever so she doesn't end up on the
receiving end of OUR mess. Sore point, but not sore that it is gonna cause
me any emotional pain.
Anyway, the divorce aspect I have been asked not to rush...sounds like she is buying time, possibly for some more gains over me, so therefore it is to be "rushed". I'm sending the details to a lawyer friend who will advise and it'll be taken from there. Great plan, She has schemed and lied to get your money, so there is no sense thinking she would not do it again to gain some financial advantage in the divorce. It seems you have a chance to bring some equity back into the financial picture when you dispose of her possessions and forward her the NET proceeds of the disposition.

When her money runs out over there, that's when she'll scheme again. She
took enough to last a while!! (at least that's how it looks)
This marriage should never have happened looking back at it. I wanted a wife with common sense, not this load of stupidity. I hear ya, but that's beating yourself up a little. Marriages feel "right" at the time and 20/20 revisionist thinking only makes you feel bad for not having "seen" something. Sure, maybe you blew through a couple of STOP signs along the way, but that is love.

The way I see it is she can't be bothered telling me, then i was not wrong
to miss any signs.

How can you go around taking steps back when you are told "I'm happy" (when
she wasn't) and "you're the best thing" (when I wasn't), and this was
supposedley AFTER she'd had enough of me!

I guess love blindsides you, as do lies and deceit. If I could go back in
time, I still wouldnt know when and where to look. Not even she knows.
I know we were in love when we married, but things changed and certain aspects of our relationship never developed as our personalities reacted differently to the challenges of building a family, finances, etc.. She, on the other hand, told the custody assessor many years later, that she never loved me. Hey, I'm sure it makes her feel "right" about her decision ot have an affair and leave, and it's her head she has to live in, so..... que sera sera.

The irony in this, but perhaps ill perceived is that it seems when we had
nothing, we were safe. The point I obtained money (quite a bit of it)
co-incides with her year estimate of things going south. She could have took
the money and ran then. There was a hell of a lot more of it back then, and
i've not seen it go missing to unknown accounts.

I think what you said about her head she has to live in is extremelley well
put. She's convincing herself, almost deluding herself about this shambles.
Admitting/denying affair at the same time. I think she deluded herself about
her life, it sure seems that way to me.

I still have the conclusion that the affair(s) were on the back of her
feeling the honeymoon period was over. I say this because it is impossible
to feel the same love for someone that suppoedley disintegrated. Only way I
can describe that as the initial love changing into the bigger picture
love...probabaly got more than she bargained for.

Confused, yes she is. Do I need that in my life, hell no. I have too many
fingers in too many pies to lose focus!

Chris


As and when more developments occur, I shall post. Cool Thanks for the support, it's an all round consenus of facts. Be cool

"Rog'" <rcblinnNoSpam@bellsouth.net> wrote in message
news:rI85e.28550$UW6.2590@bignews5.bellsouth.net.. . Thanks for the update. Sorry that you choose this loon to marry. If it makes you feel any better, many of us have gotten the same BS. Please keep posting. Whether its just to vent, rant or whatever... =R=

That is exactly what it is, BS.

When someone is that far out of touch with reality, they'll say anything to
try and get some touch back. I read what she says and I just laugh at it.
For me, having known her for 5 years, I know what she is like. I know what
she says is total BS.

To sum her up:

"I had an affair though I didn't, and yes I left suddenly, but I will always
love you, even though I don't love you anymore. My love for you
disintegrated, but I still love you, as you will always be my family, the
family that I never felt I was part of. But for all I have put you through,
and the pain i've caused, I don't hate you for it."

It's a fruitcake in a nutshell. I'd like to know what goes through womens
minds when they talk out of their backsides like that?

The icing on the cake in the above is that I am not hated for all she did. -
That will definetley be remembered as being the ultimate quote.

I don't think she any grounds to hate me anyway, shouldn't it be vice
versa?!

I wonder if I had the affair, she'd be saying sorry?

I'll be posting again - as and when I have something else to contribute.
Thanks for allowing me freedom of posting. As of now, it's as it is. :-)

Chris



"Chris P" <canadafusion@hotmail.com> wrote in message news:d32pod$ep$1@titan.btinternet.com... Hi everyone Firstly thanks to everyone for the replies to my previous thread. The situation has "improved" due to at least some communication, although it will come as no surprise it is unsatisfactory. The current correspodance is that it is obviously clear that she had always expected the fairy tale romance, and to always feel it. It has transpired that when the "honeymoon" period was over, rather than do what most couples should do, she made herself unhappy. What has basically been a few months of being unhappy with me was the result of a year at least of being unhappy with herself, therefore the blame of that was shifted to me causing her to be unhappy with me. I felt her communication was all over the place, suggesting what most have raised that there will never be a reason explained, as she has no idea what it is herself, just that whatever it is must be big enough to make her feel that way etc. If she was planning this "ecsape", which she clearly was, then some common sense would prevail that she would know what she wanted and escaped to get it. This isn't the case, as she still doesn't know what she wants. I know if I was planning an escape, i'd at least escape to something I wanted. As for the affair element, this is one very big load of rubbish. She denies it and admits it at the same time. I'm kidding you not. She claims she doesn't hate me any more or any less. She also claims she doesn't love me any less, but she doesn't love me anyway either. She claims she will always love me, but the love she has has disintegrated. She claims that I will always be her family, but she never saw us as a family. She's making a mockery of the whole thing, and to be honest, It's making me laugh. I don't know whether laughing at this is a good thing, but it is certainly better than crying over it. Anyway, the divorce aspect I have been asked not to rush...sounds like she is buying time, possibly for some more gains over me, so therefore it is to be "rushed". I'm sending the details to a lawyer friend who will advise and it'll be taken from there. This marriage should never have happened looking back at it. I wanted a wife with common sense, not this load of stupidity. As and when more developments occur, I shall post. Thanks for the support, it's an all round consenus of facts. Chris

"Chris P" <canadafusion@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:d32pod$ep$1@titan.btinternet.com... Hi everyone Firstly thanks to everyone for the replies to my previous thread. The situation has "improved" due to at least some communication, although it will come as no surprise it is unsatisfactory. The current correspodance is that it is obviously clear that she had always expected the fairy tale romance, and to always feel it. It has transpired that when the "honeymoon" period was over, rather than do what most couples should do, she made herself unhappy. What has basically been a few months of being unhappy with me was the result of a year at least of being unhappy with herself, therefore the blame of that was shifted to me causing her to be unhappy with me. I felt her communication was all over the place, suggesting what most have raised that there will never be a reason explained, as she has no idea what it is herself, just that whatever it is must be big enough to make her feel that way etc. If she was planning this "ecsape", which she clearly was, then some common sense would prevail that she would know what she wanted and escaped to get it. This isn't the case, as she still doesn't know what she wants. I know if I was planning an escape, i'd at least escape to something I wanted. As for the affair element, this is one very big load of rubbish. She denies it and admits it at the same time. I'm kidding you not. She claims she doesn't hate me any more or any less. She also claims she doesn't love me any less, but she doesn't love me anyway either. She claims she will always love me, but the love she has has disintegrated. She claims that I will always be her family, but she never saw us as a family. She's making a mockery of the whole thing, and to be honest, It's making me laugh. I don't know whether laughing at this is a good thing, but it is certainly better than crying over it. Anyway, the divorce aspect I have been asked not to rush...sounds like she is buying time, possibly for some more gains over me, so therefore it is to be "rushed". I'm sending the details to a lawyer friend who will advise and it'll be taken from there. This marriage should never have happened looking back at it. I wanted a wife with common sense, not this load of stupidity. As and when more developments occur, I shall post. Thanks for the support, it's an all round consenus of facts. Chris

Chris
I know this doesn't mean much right now but studies show that the person who
spurns anothers love feels more pain and lingering regrets than the person
who was spurned for years longer.

"John Royer" <john.royer2@sympatico.ca> wrote in message
news:Ewb5e.21939$Fy3.1250505@news20.bellglobal.com ...
Chris I know this doesn't mean much right now but studies show that the person
who spurns anothers love feels more pain and lingering regrets than the person who was spurned for years longer.


That's interesting news - and in some sick and twisted way it has made me
feel really good.

I think, initially, the spurned partner feels agonizing pain that has no
equal, save the death of a loved one. However, I did "recover" from that
fairly quickly once I gained some understanding of the realities of the
breakup and a deeper understanding of myself and what I had done to bring
the relationship to the breaking point.

Guilt is certainly a heavy load to carry, and if the spurner can't find some
way to deal with it, I imagine it can affect them for a far longer period.
As long as they continue to disguise their motivations, or responsibility,
for the breakup, they will carry the emotional baggage. Along with recently
claiming that she never loved me to begin with, my ex claimed during a very
bref, counselling session - her only appearance on the couch with me - that
her role in bringing the relationship to this point was that she had failed
to leave me 8 years (and 3 children) earlier.

She still acts as if I left her and has never admitted having the affair of
which I have proof. Well, she did admit it once during a screaming tirade
when we were discussing the parenting schedule when she said "You think
you're a better parent than me just because I had an affair!" I had the
pleasure of smiling and responding "There we go, the word finally came out
of your mouth" Since then she has backtracked in court pleadings, etc.. No
matter, I never brought it up again, I just smile and look at her when it
has come up.