I have been paying child support for my 2 daughters, as well as arrears that have accumulated due to the fact that I have been out of work with no viable income.
I am not a college graduate, though I have attended a business school which has allowed me to land jobs with reasonable pay, not great pay, but enough where I could survive based on the Cost Of Living here in NYC.

I recently started Working a second job part-time during the evenings at Wendy's (fast food) which pays me 6.25 per hour. I work in a fairly busy area so i always bump into people that I know. Well Last week I saw my x-wife's friend in the store where i work and saw me in uniform. Obviously once she saw that, she immediately told her, and now i have recieved a summons for me to come to court because she is demanding more money.

I have already come to the conclusion that due to my child support obligation, I will have to sacrifice all of my goals as far as finishing school etc. I have also come to the conclusion that i will have to work 2 jobs for at least the next 15 years because of this obligation, and I'm Okay with that..My problem is how can the system allow this to happened? I'm not working 2 jobs to obtain extra things...


I'M WORKING 2 JOBS BECAUSE THIS IS THE ONLY WAY THAT I WILL SURVIVE...I WORK 72 HOURS PER WEEK BETWEEN 2 JOBS AND I STILL CAN'T BRING HOME OVER $200.00..I FEEL LIKE IF THE HEARING EXAMINER/JUDGE AWARDS HER MORE MONEY, IT WILL JUST PUSH ME OVER THE EDGE AND I FEAR THAT I WILL DO SOMETHING STUPID AND IRRATIONAL.....SHE'S NOT DEMANDING MORE MONEY OUT OF NEED, SHE'S DOING IT BECAUSE SHE REALIZES THAT SHE CAN UTILIZE THE SYSTEM AS A WEAPON AGAINST ME..SHE MAKE'S $90,000 PER YEAR SHE HAS 2 MASTERS AND IS WORKING ON HER PHD...I HAVE NEVER MADE OVER $30,000 PER YEAR...

HELP ME....

Good grief! She is trying to do you in. She doenst need the money, shes doing it to be spiteful...which is a shame. I would consult legal aid in NYC if I were you. I would also contact CSE and see if what you are paying is in fact the correct amount...you could very well be dishing out more than what is required of you(although the arrearage would make it higher...you want the base as low as you can get it).

I hope it all works out for you....regardless of what happend in you alls relationship which is causing her to do this too you, its pretty messed up when she makes 3 times what you make...she's being a real ***** and the kids can see all of this, thats what is really a shame.

Good luck ..call legal aid!!!!!

i have contacted the legal aid society of New York City and they haven't given me any help at all. In fact they rarely handle any civil matters unless it involves domestic violence against women & children. When i contacted legal aid, all i was asking for was some advice on how to be able to pay my child support obligation and the arrears, and leave me with a reasonable amount to add to my second income to survive.

But i will contact SCU (support collection unit) and begin to ask questions about the arrears that i am paying to see if i can possibly get the lowest base possible, I have gotten to the point where im just ready to give up, I want to take care of my kids, and be a responsible father, but the stress of dealing with this situation is beginning to take its toll...

my x-wife realizes that she cannot hurt me mentally, emotionally, or physically so she is attacking my finances and hopes that struggling will create an environment where i start to suffer mentally & emotionally

AND IF SHE'S AWARDED MORE MONEY....I WILL GO BONKERS...

God's Son,
I Am In The Same Boat And Just Got A New Job. Just Wondered If You Have Found Any Help. I Am In Ky. And I Don't Have Enough Money To Feed Myself Or My Kids The Weekends I Have Them........am In The Same Boat As You..let Me Know If You Have Found An Organization To Help....... :( Thanks, Man

Well your in Kentucky and I'm in NYC so i don't not sure if the same laws are applied, what i do know is that the way the system is designed,

every man regardless of the relationship he has with his kids is treated like a deadbeat, regardless if he supported his children before Child Support created "the guidelines" that determine how much money a father should contribute for his child

I know that the legal aid society of New York City does not provide legal services for men that are involved in these types of disputes.

All that i can say is try to dedicate as much time as you can to figuring out how the Child Support Laws work in your paticular state, YOU MUST DO THE RESEARCH ON YOUR OWN!!!! i dealing with arrears, modifications etc. that's what i have done, and i can honestly say that i have learned alot more since my last court appearance, am 100% sure on how to deal with everything, No Not yet, but i can tell you the last court appearance i made I scraped and saved up money for an attorney paid $650 cash for a court appearance where i was in the court essentially for 2 hours, and the outcome was the same as if i went in their and represented myself, hiriing an attorney does not guarantee results, sure they may know more about the laws, but it isn't anything you can't learn on your own in your dedicated enough to learning it.
This isn't about denying your children, this is about taking care of your obligation and still being able to Live, not survive...

i realized that when you encounter problems whether its Child Support or Mechanical Problems with your car, the more knowledge that you have about the subject the better you can prepare yourself to deal with the problem.

sry to hear about your probs. i definately know how u feel eventhough i am not in the direct path. it is my husband who feels just like u. get a better paying job they take more. get a second job to survive they want that too. cant get a decent car to get u where u need to go, can't pay the rent cause all your money goes to support, cant afford to eat cause u gotta pay the rent. for a while we had to charge all our groceries on a cc to just b able to buy food to eat. then of course couldn't pay that bill cause could barely pay rent. i really feel for ya. this may cost a little but who knows may be worth it, i really haven't had the chance to check into it yet as i came across this website. www.fathersrightsinc.com
if u do check it out please let me know if it was worth it. thanks.
chains73

my husband has the same type of ex, so i know what you are going through. just pulled us in to court again to get more money when she found out he changed jobs even though she claimed in court she and her current husband earn $100,000 a year and take about 5 vacations a year. and we where left to live on $180 a week and i couldnt even buy my kids school clothes, xmas presents, or birthday gifts. and to top it off we dont even get to see the girl even though we have court ordered visitation. and she doesnt even contact her sisters anymore. she wasnt able to get the support raised. so i wish you luck.

I understand completly! My husbands ex went crazy when whe moved and bought our first house together! She tried to take him back to court saying that she needed more! More my foot! We are already paying the ordered amount of support (higher than required by law) also medical/ dental insurance (court ordered) but here is the kicker she claims she can't pay her phone bill so we pay it, the kids HAD to have a cell phone (per HER) and since her truck is in my husbands name we had to secure a loan to buy her truck out the lease, and pay for her insurance, oh ya and also her electric bill! But don't worry my friend and don't go bonkers either. I have had to let it go and have some peace with the fact that everyone has to meet their maker some day and the errors of her ways.

Peace
Stacy

I think you two should reevaluate what the two of you are doing becuase she's going to keep coming after you for money...she's got it made and she knows it.

Well take going to court as an opportunity to explain to the judge that you need subsistence to live and, which is why you had to get the second job, thus given your situation and need for subsistence to live in New York city and work, you request that child support remain as-is. I believe this is a winning argument for you and bring receipts to show what your rent is and regular living expenses are.
I think courts are receptive to responsible fathers being dumped on by greedy mothers, and explain you are trying to do your best given your changed circumstances but need to be left with enough money to live so you can work and provide support. If you cannot afford an attorney, just go to the court yourself with receipts in hand to prove your living expenses and sit down and right out your budget in terms of your pay, what is taken out in taxes, what is taken out in child support, then what is left over, then show what the leftover is spent on-- rent, food, etc....
I do not think you need a lawyer for this. I think you should get all this together and file a response to the action for more support and challenge it. Until you do, she is always going to keep trying to come after you and there is a certain point where you are going to have to fight it, if you cannot convince her to be reasonable and stop trying to always get more because you are entitled to subsistence to be able to live while you are supporting your child.

im in the same boat here in nh, my husbands ex has tried to get more money from him all the time. Even sends him bills for his half on the childrens cough syrup(2.50) we have been to court many times and she lives in mass and we live in nh and the kids haven't been here (living here) for 7 years i was wondering if theres a way we could move our case to massachusettes because thats were the kids live? its a never ending problem. shes even gone as far as trying to get the court to let her come into our home and take pictures of our rooms to see if its good enough for her sons to visit! she stopped visitation for a year and a half until the courts desicion. NO there wasn't a court order to stop visitation she just did it and then when we brought it up in court NOTHING happened.......Its just a mess to many issues to get into but if anyone has any ideas id love to hear ti something anything would help. :confused:

This issue always gets clouded. I sympathize with your situation, it's really tough I'm sure. But I will point out a few things that you may not want to accept. Child support is figured using a table and it is based on BOTH of your incomes. You and your ex-wife both are obligated to a certain amount of child support for the kids. The difference is that she send herself a check. If her income is $90K and yours is $30K, the state figures a combined child support amount, and then she will be responsible for the majority of that amount, and you responsible for a lesser percentage. But you are the one who has to send a check to her. You owe this child support. There are no excuses. It is the lifestyle you chose. If it's tough - you have to just live with it. The fact that she makes more money than you in NO WAY alleviates your responsibility to those kids. She can't take more than you owe. In my state, they can't figure any income above 1 fulltime job - so having 2nd jobs wouldn't matter anyway.

This issue always gets clouded. I sympathize with your situation, it's really tough I'm sure. But I will point out a few things that you may not want to accept. Child support is figured using a table and it is based on BOTH of your incomes. You and your ex-wife both are obligated to a certain amount of child support for the kids. The difference is that she send herself a check. If her income is $90K and yours is $30K, the state figures a combined child support amount, and then she will be responsible for the majority of that amount, and you responsible for a lesser percentage. But you are the one who has to send a check to her. You owe this child support. There are no excuses. It is the lifestyle you chose. If it's tough - you have to just live with it. The fact that she makes more money than you in NO WAY alleviates your responsibility to those kids. She can't take more than you owe. In my state, they can't figure any income above 1 fulltime job - so having 2nd jobs wouldn't matter anyway.




I UNDERSTAND EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE SAYING, AND IM NOT SURE WHAT STATE YOU RESIDE IN AND IF THE CS LAWS APPLIED THERE, ARE THE SAME IN NEW YORK, IM DON'T HAVE ANY PROBLEM WITH PAYING THE CHILD SUPPORT, I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH NOT BEING ABLE TO SURVIVE AND PROVIDE FOR MYSELF..

I UNDERSTAND EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE SAYING, AND IM NOT SURE WHAT STATE YOU RESIDE IN AND IF THE CS LAWS APPLIED THERE, ARE THE SAME IN NEW YORK, IM DON'T HAVE ANY PROBLEM WITH PAYING THE CHILD SUPPORT, I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH NOT BEING ABLE TO SURVIVE AND PROVIDE FOR MYSELF..

Yes I see that, but no state is going to create a child support burden that will cause people to become unable to provide for themselves. If you are struggling, try to rebudget your finances in all other areas without thinking child support is what is causing you to struggle. If the kids were living with you, you would be supporting them financially every day. I just don't like hearing people blame child support for thier financial struggles. Look at the overall picture of your situation it's not the children's fault that you are struggling. Be proud to be a father and proud of yourself that you are fulfilling your obligation, even if it means you have to budget your finances really tight.

i also live in ny and im on SSD for the longest time the court ruled being i only took home under 600.00 a month that i didnt have to pay susport but i asked the court to take 80.00 a month so she would stop taking me to court SSD was already paying her 185.00 a month already. one thing to remember the courts will stick up for the woman more than for the father. and ny state is well known for this. in ny you need to find hard evidence on x to get her to stop.

or heres an idea that worked for me get involved so much in the childs life to the point it drives the woman crazy. i love my kids but the x didnt want me to see them so i had to take her to court all the time to see them she even tried to tell the judge i was no good so before the judge and her could say it i asked for 6 months of superzived visits to inform the court and the judge gave me what i wanted now she couldnt stop the visits.. 2 yrs of that her husband finally adopted his kid oh i didnt tell u the child wasnt mine it was my best friends but in ny if u r married and youyr names on the birth then as a father u r screwed lol.....

basicly be so much in her life that she wants u out of it bet she will work with u then....