First time...

I am a 26 yr old father who is expecting another child in Oct. I have a stable career, make excellent money, have the freedom of working from home and being able to set my own hours, have experience from all ready raising a child, have a stable enviroment, have family within minutes to help that do not work, have recent experience, have a family that are nurses to help, etc etc...

The mother is deaf, has one previous child, has held three jobs in fives years each lasting less than two months, is attending part time school, lives soley off the govt with no motivation to work, lives with her parents, with very little room for the three of them in one room, her parents have openly admitted that they have raised her son because she was too immature to raise him although I feel she does a fair job.

We have no relationship other than friends. We can talk civily and I have spent the money to draft agreements with attys so we can come to a mutual agreement. I want her to have a relationship with this child and have set a visitation schedule that allows her the freedoms to finish school, pursue a career, and raise her son. I have been absolutley selfless because I feel my asking for custody of this child is the very best choice for not the child but for her. I even tried to work on a relationship with her and found out we are far to different and that it wouldnt not work and openly and honestly expressed that to her. She became bitter and is now challenging me. I dont want to get ugly nor do I want to take her away. I know that the courts compare and ultimately do whats best for the child and I really want to know if there is anything I should consider. I can provide all the necessary needs for this baby... please let me know what I should do.

Thank you...God Bless.

Concerned Father...

You seem to have it together. My only suggestion is to maybe try couples counseling with the mother even if you are not a couple to see about having a better relationship after the child is born.

I Have A Child I Never Wanted I Only Pay For The Ones I Wanted. I Could Not Have A Abortion Or Give It Up. A Man Should Have A Way Out Just Like A Women.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


You Go All Men!!!!! We Have Rights At Least We Tell Women To Get Rid Of Them. We Dont Leave Them In Garbage Cans!!!!!!!!

I Know In Wisconsin Thay Dont Care About Other Children Let Your Husband Know To Work More Jobs For Cash!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Have Two Children With My Wife Now And I Can Not Live With Out Them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Own A Horse Farm And Put Everything In My Wife Name Always A Way Out Just Study And Be A Investagater. My Wife Is A Lawyer

I Have A Child I Never Wanted I Only Pay For The Ones I Wanted. I Could Not Have A Abortion Or Give It Up. A Man Should Have A Way Out Just Like A Women.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


You Go All Men!!!!! We Have Rights At Least We Tell Women To Get Rid Of Them. We Dont Leave Them In Garbage Cans!!!!!!!!

I Know In Wisconsin Thay Dont Care About Other Children Let Your Husband Know To Work More Jobs For Cash!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Have Two Children With My Wife Now And I Can Not Live With Out Them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Own A Horse Farm And Put Everything In My Wife Name Always A Way Out Just Study And Be A Investagater. My Wife Is A Lawyer

I am the women who wrote this story about abortion and story about men getting out of childsupport just to show how one sided women seem to think.

Most of the comments came back from all you mad women. I understand you want to be treated fairly but what about men it really is not right we can have abortions or give up our children for adoption and men cannot.

Most of this story is about a man who felt this way about my little girl he wrote this letter to me. He still has not paid childsupport and is working for cash in oakcreek wisconsin. Last I heard he has the horse ranch i always wanted.

I support her on my own and i am proud of that. So always remember I you feel your not getting your fair support how lucky you are to have your child!!!!!!!!!!!

I have known so many women who trap men just for child support so they can
live on it. this is wrong very wrong.

Always remember men and women should have second chances to a life.

I am tsteberl who will not be one sided i have seen both ends.

I am the women who wrote this story about abortion and story about men getting out of childsupport just to show how one sided women seem to think.

Most of the comments came back from all you mad women. I understand you want to be treated fairly but what about men it really is not right we can have abortions or give up our children for adoption and men cannot.

Most of this story is about a man who felt this way about my little girl he wrote this letter to me. He still has not paid childsupport and is working for cash in oakcreek wisconsin. Last I heard he has the horse ranch i always wanted.

I support her on my own and i am proud of that. So always remember I you feel your not getting your fair support how lucky you are to have your child!!!!!!!!!!!

I have known so many women who trap men just for child support so they can
live on it. this is wrong very wrong.

Always remember men and women should have second chances to a life.

I am tsteberl who will not be one sided i have seen both ends.
You are a person who is in desperate need of mental health assistance. Please, get some help, you are an extremely sick and angry person.
Xena

Men should never have and will never have equal rights in pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting. I am sorry but one persons rights end where anothers beging. A fathers rights end where the mothers begin and the childs rights trump both of them.

A woman is the only person who can decide weather or not to continue a pregnancy or not. The woman is taking all of the risk, the woman is sick for months, has to be hospitialized, has to ensure tests, needles, ultrasounds, a ripped open vagina, internal scaring, c-sections, perminant body changes/scaring, and death during childbirth/abortion. It is easy for the man to say he want's equal rights because he will never have to endure 9 months of illness/bedrest/childbirth/or major surgery like a c-section. A man will never have equal rights until science can find a way to make a man go through prengnacy.

A woman is the only one who can decide weather or not to continue a pregnancy. A mans rights end at the bedroom door when he unzips his pants. He had the choice to obstain from sex, he had the choice to use protection, he had the choice to take risks, get drunk, and knock up a woman in a one night stand. Once semen has left the body of the man...it becomes the woman's to do with as she pleases....she doesent have to get plan b, she doesent have to get an abortion, she should have to be forced into child birth eather. For 9 months the result of the man's sperm is the woman's decision only as it is in her body....

No matter what the choices or mistakes of the parents....once that child is born and is a fully alive human person....his/her rights become more important that the rights of wants of either the mother or father. It is not about the man's rights or equal rights for the man....It is only about the child. The innocent person who has a birth right to be supported by both parents. It has nothing to do with the mother at that point.....that child is the most important thing and to blame a innocent child for the mistakes of it's parents is absurd.

in what way do posts 3 through 7 address the op's question???? can you please not highjack the threads with your drivel... :rolleyes:

of course I am not addressing you xena :)

And if you just can't restrain yourself (not directed to Z and X) please stop necroposting to preach from your soapbox.

First time...

I am a 26 yr old father who is expecting another child in Oct. I have a stable career, make excellent money, have the freedom of working from home and being able to set my own hours, have experience from all ready raising a child, have a stable enviroment, have family within minutes to help that do not work, have recent experience, have a family that are nurses to help, etc etc...

The mother is deaf, has one previous child, has held three jobs in fives years each lasting less than two months, is attending part time school, lives soley off the govt with no motivation to work, lives with her parents, with very little room for the three of them in one room, her parents have openly admitted that they have raised her son because she was too immature to raise him although I feel she does a fair job.

We have no relationship other than friends. We can talk civily and I have spent the money to draft agreements with attys so we can come to a mutual agreement. I want her to have a relationship with this child and have set a visitation schedule that allows her the freedoms to finish school, pursue a career, and raise her son. I have been absolutley selfless because I feel my asking for custody of this child is the very best choice for not the child but for her. I even tried to work on a relationship with her and found out we are far to different and that it wouldnt not work and openly and honestly expressed that to her. She became bitter and is now challenging me. I dont want to get ugly nor do I want to take her away. I know that the courts compare and ultimately do whats best for the child and I really want to know if there is anything I should consider. I can provide all the necessary needs for this baby... please let me know what I should do.

Thank you...God Bless.

Concerned Father...

the woman usually gets custody no matter how well off the father is.

You would have a few options available to you, if this is still an issue. This thread is old.

First, if you could get the BM's parents to testify on your behalf, that would be a big deal. It seems unlikely that they would, but if they did, that would impact the court greatly in your favor.

Second, if the BM doesn't have money & you do, you could simply drag the case out long enough to a point where she may be forced by circumstance to give the child to you. Yes, this sounds underhanded, & it is on some levels, but it's a common tactic I've seen many well-off BMs use. It's extremely expensive, not to mention emotionally taxing, & it would most likely negatively impact your relationship with the BM indefinitely, if not permanently. It could also backfire if the BM was able to convince the court that you should cover her legal fees. So it's not recommended, but it is possible.

Third, you can request that a home evaluation be done. The courts do consider how the child would live in each respective home. Courts are very sex-biased & most often side with the mother. However, the situation you described sounds less desirable than the child living in a home with you where he/she could have his/her own bedroom, etc. If you're committed to attaining sole custody, this is probably your best option.

Fourth, you could request that a mental health evaluation be done. You didn't raise any issues of mental health, but you might have the option if she is unwilling to work & living off the government. (Living off government welfare also harkens back to point 3, where living conditions are concerned.)

Fifth, the option of joint custody is very much a possibility. I'd also guess that it'd probably be your best bet, better than sole custody. If possible, see if you can work something out with the BM that would split the child's time equally between both homes. This works well long-term as well, b/c it will make sole custody easier in the future. By exercising your rights within a joint custody agreement, you can better establish to the court your position within the child's life & the appropriateness of sole custody being awarded to you.

The truth is that the courts are biased towards moms. However, the courts are slowly changing their tune. If you show your willingness to work with the BM on custody, parenting time, child support, etc., & the BM does not show the same willingness towards you, the courts will view you as a parent with the child's best interests in mind. Also please note that there are different terms regarding custody with very different meanings, such as joint legal custody, joint physical custody, sole legal custody, sole physical custody, & physical residence. For instance, one could have joint physical custody & not joint legal.

Finally, my personal opinion is that if your reason for gaining custody of the child is in the interest of BM & not the child, as you seemed to state in your post, then it's probably not the wisest move. The courts clearly state "best interest of the child", not "best interest of the parent(s)". Unless you truly believe that the child's best interests are better met in your care, then the whole point is moot. If the BM doesn't feel that giving up the child is in her own interest, then you really don't have anything to stand on. Unless the BM is a threat to the child, the court will not change custody for the BM's best interests, especially if the BM does not agree. Just some food for thought. I'm sure someone will disagree with something in this reply or be able to provide more insight.