My ex and I separated in June 2002 - he decided to leave me and live with a new girlfriend (of 4 months) - he left our children with me and didn't come back to see them for 2 weeks. At that time our children were 2,4 & 6 years old. Since then we got a divorce and our oldest, our son went to live with their father in Febuary or March 2003. Our son had the hardest time with being away from his dad and it started affecting everything, he refused to do school work, fought with his sisters and me over everything and even became more physical when fighting with his sisters. I tried taking him to counceling and the councelor said that his dad needed to come to some sessions with him to help our son work this anger that he has out, but my ex refused - he does not believe in counceling - and said our son was fine without it...I took him to a few more sessions and it really only helped for a very short time but then everything went back to the same...so with all this in consideration...I agreed to let our son go to stay with his dad, at first it was just a trial to see if it made any difference...and it did...so i let him stay there. Since then I continued to have physical custody of our daughters until Nov. 2004. Because of financial dificulties I lost my child care and apartment and at the time was staying within a few friends houses until I could get back on my feet. So I asked my ex if he could take our girls for the remainder of the school year this way I could get my finances in order. (By the way the child care I lost was due to my ex not paying his half of their chid care bill which was ordered in Oct 2004). During the time our daughters have been living there so much negative things have gone on - he has not complied with enforcing the fact that I am able to have phone visitation on M,W&F every week and am supposed to have my kids every weekend and holiday. There have been a couple instances where I have had to involve the local law enforcement. I could not get fully into everything that has happend or we would be here for a couple days, but I have kept detailed record of everything.
Since then I have paid bill off and gotten into a place w/my mom and sister and her 3 year old son. I have the opportunity to have an apartment manager who said she will put me into a unit of my own if I get my children back - I just don't make 3x the rent w/out the child support.
A couple days ago I received a response to the papers i filed from my ex - he has put in his response that i do not take my job as a parent seriously, he provides all medical, dental and childcare needs without any assistace from me, that he has kept me informed of everything and is now requesting the court to order me to pay support.
I never had a problem with paying support, he was made well aware of his right to collect it and said he did'nt need it and so never seeked it. So i find it unfair that he says he has provided all these things w/no help from me. I am almost always the one who takes the kids in to the doctors and what i mean by almost is that he has probably taken each child in a total of 2-3 times during their entire lives. And one time I had to argue with him to do it or our daughter would not have been able to start school. The same goes for all dentist appoitments. I will admit that he does provide the medical insurance and dental insurance for the children, so he has done that for them but to say that he has provided all their needs is completely untrue. As for child care - his fiance or her oldest adult daughter watch our kids - so he pays no one...and when they were with me my mom & sister watched them when we first separated but then they moved away and so I had to pay for child care and I have receipts for it, which he never helped pay for. He has kept alot of important information from me and still does - he lives with his fiance` and her 2 younger daughters and her grandson which she is raising and our 3 kids, in a 2 bedroom house. I have a 2 bedroom apartment and that is the same size that i will gain if the kids come back to live with me - my girls will be in one room, my son in the other & I sleep on the couch that has a fold out bed. Their dad is now saying they have 3 bedrooms - but after talking to my kids a little they said that the third bedroom is actually the garage which is not even attached to the house. Now I know people who have used garages as bedrooms for older kids, but It does not sound like it is legal to put children under 18 in it as a room when it is not attached to the main house.
I'm sorry that this is so long of an entry but I go to court on 8/9/05 and really want to know if there is anyone who may have any ideas or know any laws that might help me in my fight. I cannot afford an attorney or i would have one and now i'm sure i will be footin' the bill for his attorney. I know this could go either way...and i am preparing myself for the fact that i may not win custody this time around...which will be extremely hard for me...but I know it can happen and am doing my best to prepare for it...but I refuse to allow someone to say I do not take my parenting seriously. My children are and have been #1 on my list of priorities since the day they were born and during the 7 years of our marriage I know he knows that - but chooses to make me out to be otherwise. Any and all positive info and advice are welcome.

Have the Doctor and Dentist's office write a letter saying how often you took the kids in compared to him. Have the psychologist write a letter stating how important it was for the Dad to go for your son. Document how many times you phoned and he wouldn't let you talk to the kids. Everything you have said in this letter then document it. Make this an overwhelming case in your favor. Keep it simple and concise so the Judge can go over things quickly. Get a letter from the apartment manager stating you have an apartment ready for you to move into. Show how you have changed things financially. Also do you have something like Office of Recovery Services there? They will collect child support, alimony, child care expenses and medical expenses that he is responsible for. Then you don't have to wait for him to get around to paying you. That is for when you get the kids back. I think that since he has had the kids such a short time, you have had to have the police involved so you can see your children and the many other things you have said that it will be in your favor. Make sure that you say that since he has had the kids such a short time and has tried already to alienate you from your kids that you can only see it escalating in the future. Say that is not in the best interest of the children. Also state that it is very important for the kids to stay together and talk to the Psycologist and see what he suggests for your son as far as him leaving his Dad again. Have him write that down also. Put all this into catagories like visitation, Dr's letters etc. The Dr's office may not want to write a letter but they may just state on this date brought in by Mom etc.
I have been through a custody battle. It was hard. Praying helped a lot.I won, the kids won. Their Dad thinks kids are throwaway and he cannot understand that kids have feelings.
Let me know if there is anything else I can help with. Good luck. You will do great. Also in your divorce decree who was awarded custody? If it was you and you both agreed that him having the kids was temporary then maybe when you have visitation just keep the kids. I am not sure how legal this is but let me know what the Divorce decree says. Then if you have physical custody when you go to court it may go in your favor. But then it could backfire because the Judge may say it was stressful on the kids and you should not have done that. If you do have custody and you do keep them and he tries to keep them then you can involve the police again.

Thanks so much for your advice...i am going to try to get something from the kids doctors & dentist in respect of who has taken them in. My kids dad has made it very clear to see that the only reason or mabey i should say the most predominent reason for wanting to keep the kids with him is because he won't have to pay support for them....its definately not for the childrens best interest since he never puts them as priority on his list for anything...I don't want my kids to loose their dad, but he is bringing this all on himself...he has a daughter from a previous marriage who is 11, and I see her and do more with her than he does. He does not even call her, and he wont take any time to go pick her up and spend even a few hours with her. In fact...he & his fiance are getting married on 8/6 and they sent out invitations to everyone, family, friends, extended family ect... but never sent her one. He just assumes that she knows that she is invited. Our 3 children are supposed to be in the wedding - and he didn't even think to have his first born in it too....and I think that if the kids do get to come back and live with me that this will be the same way he will be with our kids. Before he had any of the kids he was already only getting them on some of his weekends and did not call them except for on the friday that he was picking them up for the weekend...so i think it will only get worse and i will feel so bad for my kids...because i know they love their father so much...As far as our divorce decree goes I was awarded physical custody by mutual agreement. We however did do paperwork with the courts when the kids went to live with their dad. I was told that nothing is ever permanent unless the judge orders it that way....but i am still kinda afraid that they will see it as i didn't want my kids with me anymore.

You keep coming up with good things to tell the Judge. Tell him how often he sees and talks to his oldest daughter and how he didn't even send her an invitation. keep a notebook and write these ideas down. It sounds like things could go either way because you never know but with all of this I think you do have a good chance.
Let me know.

Tell the court what you wrote. I suggest going to a free consultation wtih an attorney to get an idea about how to represent yourself, and also seeing if Legal Aid or Legal Services can represent you. The thing to focus on is why is it in the best interests of the children for you to have custody again. Can you show that you love them, have a home for them to go to, can provide for their needs? If you have stable family in the area who can help and be there as support, that is usually a plus too.