This is for the state of Indiana. What exactly is the right of first refusal? (the additional parenting time) When the child is in your care, can they go over to other family members houses (like grandparents, aunts, etc) first before having to ask the other parent to watch them? Or does the right always go to the other parent first?

I live in Indiana as well and what the guidelines state is that if the custodial parent is in need of child care and does not have a family member that can care for the child, then the custodial parent must offer the non-custodial parent the option to "babysit" the child for that period of time. This may include the non-custodial's family as well...ex: the non-custodial cannot but his/her sister can...I am not positive on that last part though.

would the same apply for the non custodial? Say its their time with the kids and they have to work (like during summer vacation) is it ok for them to send them to their family first before offering to the other parent?

Okay...this is what I am gathering...the non-custodial parent has the children for their summer visitation and this person still has to work. The way that the guidelines read, the child care situation applies both ways. As long as the parent has family that can watch the child, they do not have to offer it to you. It is when it goes outside of family. Also, the clause in the guidelines that talks about this does not specify custodial or non-custodial...just the parent. Please see below:

3. Opportunity for Additional Parenting Time. When it becomes necessary that a child be cared for by a person other than a parent or a family member, the parent needing the child care shall first offer the other parent the opportunity for additional parenting time. The other parent is under no obligation to provide the child care. If the other parent elects to provide this care, it shall be done at no cost.

Here is the link to the Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines:

http://www.in.gov/judiciary/rules/parenting/

Ok--thats what I thought. My husband is the non custodial--he allowed the kids to go over to grandpas house for a few hrs one day while he was at work--his ex got mad and said she gets rights over all family members and filed contempt charges against my husband. We are going to court in one week for this.

Tell me your opinion on this: she wont allow me to pick the kids up--says she is advised by her attorney to only release them to my husband (she does leave the kids w/ her husband however)-so it caused us not to be able to pick the kids up on friday and dh missed some of his visitation time. (he works 2nds--however hes a police officer and can come home for dinner and to tuck the kids into bed--so he gets about 1.5 hrs in the evening w/ them) And this happened also the friday before and he had to take off work to pick them up. (i believe the guidelines state he can have someone else pick the kids up for him) But now that he has let them go to bible school w/ her this week--she is bringing them back and dropping them off to me (while my husband is still at work)--how will that look in court? We have a counter contempt filed because she didnt allow visitation for friday, noone to pick them up, and a few other things........Her attorney "advises" her not to let me have them while he is at work--so she denys visitation for friday, yet will bring them to me all week while he is still at work.........just doenst sound right....

If your husband is unable to pick them up on Friday but can have you, his wife, pick them up then I do not see any problem with that. It obviously sounds like she has a problem with you or is just trying to be difficult and throw her weight around...I am going through the same thing...and the judge should see right through that. Her attorney would never advise that. As far as I see, that is interference in parenting time which is also in the guidelines. If you look at the guidelines, there is also a clause for parent's who have non-traditional work schedules, which would apply to your husband. I have been told that the guidelines are just that, they are not set in stone and can be modified to meet the different schedules of all parties involved. I agree that what she is doing is not correct and should definately be brought up to your attorney. It is frustrating, I know, but hang in there. Just as long as you and your husband follow the rules then I would not worry too much. Please let me know what happens when you go to court next week. I will keep you all in my prayers.

Thank you very much for your words!! We are doing this w/out an attorney---we have a huge family vacation the week after court (disney) and just couldnt afford the extra $1000 to pay one. But we were pretty confident in answering the contempt charges w/ out one. It seems pretty black and white on paper.

She has an issue w/ control. She wants to control our home as well as hers. She calls to tell us what the kids can watch on tv, where they can or cant go, etc. We have several taped phone calls, even where she is planning on keeping the kids when we go on vacation--so we are asking the judge to put a restraining order on her to prohibit that. Once she started realizing she didnt have "control" (we let the kids spend the night w/ grandpa one night) then she came to the ball diamond and started in and kept pushing against me when I was holding my one yr old and her brother was trying to fight my husband when he was holding my child. She even yanked her son out of our van and tried to take him to hers. She is truly a basket case. But since she is under the advise of her attorney Im afraid that the courts wont find her in contempt. We have let previous contempt charges drop just to keep the peace. The problem is, she wants to follow the guidelines to a T for my husband, but wants to change them around for herself. She allows NO extra time for my husband to see the kids when she has them, but expects to be called anytime he wont be holding their hands, or to take them out to eat or shopping and has even planned vacation time on our time. We ended up letting them go since she agreed to let us have an extra day this week, but we just learned last night that she is planning on keeping the kids friday instead of letting us keep them till saturday like what was agreed. (her vac. is over, so she has nothing to lose) We are planning on just keeping the kids and not releasing them to her--we do have her on tape agreeeing to this--can we get in trouble for this?

The issue of not returning them can get a little hairy, especially since she is the custodial parent. I would say though, you should be covered if you have her taped agreement to that situation. I don't think that you could get into trouble since you have that and now she is trying to go back on her agreement. That will not look good in court either.

I totally understand how you feel. My husband's ex has not ALWAYS wanted to control the situation but for some reason now, after six years, she wants to fight us for full custody. She does not have her own place and just recently took him for visitation and did refuse to bring him back. In our case, our order from the court had been erroneously dismissed and we had to get an attorney and go back to the judge to get our case re-opened before we could get him back. Mind you, he has lived with us since he was 5 and he is now 11. She still does not have an attorney but continues to push all of the guidelines and tell my husband that he is going to lose. She has called him everything in the book. She had paperwork from the courts telling her that the child was in my husbands custody until the court hearing in November and still told him that he was wrong and informed the child that he would be with her until court. In the order that we have now, it clearly states that she is to be paying child support during this time and is refusing to do so. She says that she is not entitled to do so. I just have to say that you never know what will come out of left field in these situations. Make sure that you are documenting everything. Since you will be representing yourself, the documentation is going to be critical. You cannot "cya" enough. Being a woman, you know how vindictive other women can be.

As far as her controlling your household, she cannot do that. Now, if you and your husband were not being responsible adults while the child was with you, I could see her being that way. The children do need consistency in both households. I really feel that you will be fine in court. She sounds pretty typical and I am sure the judge will see right through her. If you have witnesses to the incident at the ballfield, I would ask that they come to court with you. If her reason for that was because the kids' stayed at grandpa's house for a night then she truly has issues. Grandparents need to spend time with the children as well. The best advice that I have for you is to document everything and become very familiar with the state guidelines and your husband's rights. It is unfortunate for the children that there has to be so much animosity. All you can do is what is right and be the better people. I know it is hard but that is the only way to ensure that the judge will see the truth. Good luck!

Thanks alot, I will be going through all our documentation tonight and getting it all in order (just in case). We do have about 7 witnesses statements and a police report for the ball diamond incident. But of course, her account is different than all of these.

i will say a prayer that everything turns out fine in your case. Seems like you are dealing w/ someone who has issues like who we are dealing with. :eek:

I thought I knew all my husbands rights and the guidelines inside out, however, her and her attorney seem to read them different and it confuses me. Yet, when I talk to others, they seem to have the same interpratation as I do, so they must just be trying to run us around on it and give in.

Thanks for your prayers. I totally believe in the power of prayer. Don't let them discourage you. You have to remember that the attorney is working for her and his/her goal is to discourage you and your husband. The attorney knows how to work the system and what can be said within the law to discourage you. As long as you know the guidelines and are abiding by them, that is all that you can do. The fact that you filed a police report on her for the incident at the ballgame and have several witnesses is a definate plus for you. That is not going to look good and when you add that to everything else, that judge will see right through her. All you can do is have your ducks in a row and pray. If you need to, you are more than welcome to email me directly. My email address is:


Good luck!